"see as little, hear as little, and ask as few questions as possible."
He was not content that his young wife should simply know the ordinary
household duties of spinning and weaving, and directing her maid, but he
wished to educate her so that she might have larger conceptions of her
sphere as well as the ability to understand what was desirable for the
happiness of both. The account which the model husband, Ischomachus,
gives in his dialogue with Socrates of his experience in wife training
throws many sidelights on the marriage relations of the Athenians and
the philosophy of their system. As soon as the child-wife was properly
domesticated, so that she dared to converse freely, her husband began to
talk to her of their mutual responsibilities and to inculcate those
lessons which would be to their mutual advantage. She was now, he goes
on, the mistress of his house; henceforth everything should be theirs in
common--the caring for their fortune, as well as the education of the
children whom the gods might grant them. He will never question which of
them has done the more to increase their common store, but each shall
strive to contribute largely to that fortune.
The young wife, in her astonishment at such words, asks:
"How can I help
you in this, or wherein can the little power I have do you any good? For
my mother told me that both my fortune as well as yours was wholly at
your command, and that it must be my chief care to live virtuously and
soberly."
ISCHOMACHUS.--This is true, good wife; but it is the part of a sober
husband and virtuous wife not only to preserve the fortune they are
possessed of, but to contribute equally to improve it.
WIFE.--And what do you see in me that you believe me capable of
assisting in the improvement of your fortune?
ISCHOMACHUS.--Use your
endeavor, good wife, to do those things which are acceptable to the gods
and are appointed by the law for you to do.
WIFE.--And what are those things, dear husband?
Ischomachus then enumerates the things which are acceptable to the gods
and appointed by the law, and determines the limits which separate the
duties of man from those of woman. He says: "The wisdom of the divinity
has prepared the union of the two sexes, and has made of marriage an
association useful to each one,--a union which will secure for them, in
their children, support in their old age.
"It is man's duty to acquire food, to be busied with field work, to care
for flocks, and to defend himself against enemies.
Therefore the god has
given him strength and courage. The woman must care for and prepare the
food, weave garments, and rear the children. Therefore the god has given
her a delicate physique which will keep her in the home, an exquisite
tenderness of heart which brings about her maternal care and love and a
watchful vigilance for the safety of her little ones.
"Since they are united for their common advantage, they are endowed with
the same faculties of memory and diligence. Both are endowed with the
same force of soul to refrain from things harmful, and the one who
practises this virtue the more has, by the grace of the divinity, the
better recompense. However," he adds, "as they are not equally perfect,
they have the more occasion for each other's assistance; for when man
and woman are thus united, what the one has occasion for is supplied by
the other."
Ischomachus then shows that in well performing their respective
functions husband and wife conform themselves to the rules of the good
and the beautiful. If the wife leave the home, or the husband remain
there, he or she is violating the laws of nature. He compares the duties
of the wife to those of the queen bee, which, without leaving the hive,
extends her activity around her, sends others to the field, receives and
stores away provisions as they are brought, watches over the
construction of cells, and brings up the little bees.
There is one duty of which he tells her with hesitation-
-the caring for
the slaves when they may be ill. But to his great joy she responds:
"That is surely an act of charity, and becoming every good-natured
mistress, for we cannot oblige people more than by helping them when
they are sick. This will surely engage the love of our servants to us
and make them doubly diligent to us on every occasion."
He answers: "By reason of the good care and tenderness of the queen bee,
all the rest of the hive are so affectionate to her, that whenever she
is disposed to go abroad the whole colony belonging to her accompany and
attend upon their queen."
The thought of being queen startles the young girl, whose education has
taught her that passive obedience is the first duty of a wife. Her
husband has placed in her hands a sceptre which she thinks herself
unable to wield. She therefore says:
"Dear Ischomachus, tell me, is not the business of the mistress bee what
you ought to do rather than myself? or have you not a share in it? For
my keeping at home and directing my servants will be of little account,
unless you send home such provisions as are necessary to employ us."
ISCHOMACHUS.--And my providence would be of little use, unless there is
one at home who is ready to receive and take care of those goods that I
send home. Have you not observed what pity people show to those who are
punished by being sentenced to pour water into sieves until they are
full? The occasion of pity is because those people labor in vain.
WIFE.--I esteem those people to be truly miserable who have no benefit
from their labors.
[Illustration 176 _THE GRECIAN TOILETTE From an antique vase The Greek
women took great care of their bodies. It was their habit after bathing
to anoint themselves with perfume, pastes or liquids, pomades, and oils.
Nos. 1, 2 and 6 exhibits the basin, supplied with perfumed water. The
figure at No. 6 is washing from her hair the color of powder which had
been applied the evening before. The colors used might be black, red,
silver, gold, or any other tint, according to taste. The eyebrows were
tinted to harmonize. Nos. 9 and 10 represent the application of oil,
which followed completion of the coiffure. Nos. 3 and 4
exhibit the
slave's simple dress and the rich transparent costume of the lady. The
mirrors, Nos. 4, 5, and 11, were framed in ivory or chiselled silver,
ornamented with precious stones. One of the fetes in honor of Minerva
was that of the Parasols, which were often made of silk, see No. 7._]
ISCHOMACHUS.--Suppose, dear wife, you take into your service one who can
neither card nor spin, and you teach her to do those things, will it not
be an honor to you? Or if you take a servant who is negligent and does
not understand how to do her business, or has been given to pilfering,
and you make her diligent and instruct her in the manners of a good
servant, and teach her honesty, will you not rejoice in your success,
and will you not be pleased with your action? So, when you see your
servants sober and discreet, you should encourage and show them favor.
But those who are incorrigible and will not follow your directions you
must punish. Consider how laudable it will be for you to excel others in
the well-ordering of your house. Be therefore diligent, virtuous, and
modest, and give your necessary attendance on me, your children, and
your house, and your name shall be honorably esteemed, even after your
death; for it is not the beauty of your face and form, but your virtue
and goodness, which will bring you honor and esteem that will last
forever."
Thus does he conclude his first discourse with his wife on the subject
of her duties, and she is diligent to learn and to practise what has
been taught her. When, a little later, he asks her to find him a parcel
which he had brought home, and she, with flushed cheeks and troubled
look, has to confess that she is unable to find it, he takes this
occasion to talk to her on order and harmony in all things. He tells her
not to be grieved over her failure to find the parcel, as it is his
fault for not having assigned a definite place for each thing. He shows
her how everything is perfectly arranged in a chorus, in a large army,
and in the crew of a vessel, that all may be done harmoniously and in
order. "Let us therefore fix upon a proper place where our stores may be
laid up, not only in security, but where they may be so disposed that we
may know where to look for every particular thing. By this means, we
shall know what we gain and what we lose; and in surveying our
storehouses, we shall be able to judge what is necessary to be brought
in or what may want repairing and what will be impaired by keeping."
With the simplicity natural to men of high intelligence, he does not
hesitate to confess that he finds beauty even in kitchen utensils
orderly arranged.
The young wife is enchanted at his idea, and they go through the house
assigning a place for each thing; they distribute duties to the slaves,
and give them other instructions, with the endeavor to win their
affections and elevate their characters. Ischomachus then tells her that
all care will be useless if the mistress of the house do not watch to
see that the established order is not disturbed.
Comparing her to
magistrates who make the laws of a city respected, he adds: "This, dear
wife, I chiefly commend to you, that you may look upon yourself as chief
overseer of the laws within our house."
He tells her that it is within her jurisdiction to oversee everything in
the house, as a garrison commander inspects his soldiers; that she has
as great power in her own home as a queen, to distribute rewards to the
virtuous and diligent and to punish those who deserve it. He desires her
not to be displeased that he has intrusted more to her than to any of
the servants, for they have not the same incentive to preserve those
things which are not their own but hers.
Up to this time, it is the loving and inexperienced child who has been
conversing with her husband. Now, it is the woman, the mistress of the
house, who says:
"It would have been a great grief to me if, instead of those good rules
you instruct me in for the welfare of our house, you had directed me to
have no regard to the possessions I am endowed with; for as it is
natural for a good woman to be careful and diligent about her own
children rather than to have a disregard for them, so it is no less
agreeable and pleasant to a woman, who has any share of sense, to look
after the affairs of her family rather than to neglect them."
The great Socrates admires much the wisdom of his friend's wife, and
adds, asking Ischomachus to continue the narrative: "It is far more
delightful to hear the virtuous woman described than if the famous
painter Zeuxis were to show me the portrait of the fairest woman in the
world."
This dialogue between husband and wife is doubtless typical of the
relations between married couples in the Athenian household, and in the
girl-wife one may recognize the innocence and ingenuousness of the
average maiden of fifteen transferred from the seclusion of her girlhood
life at home to the seclusion of married life in her husband's house. It
is noticeable that in the training provided by Ischomachus no provision
whatever is made for intellectual discipline, or for social obligations,
which leaves the reader to infer that the career of the wife was to be a
purely domestic one, and that her aspirations must be confined within
the walls of her house.
While such implicit obedience was the rule, however, there were notable
exceptions to such ingenuousness on the part of the wife, and there were
doubtless many instances where the wife was the ruling power of the
household because of mental superiority, domineering disposition, or
amount of dower. Human nature is much the same the world over, and
strong personality in women demanded expression in ancient as well as in
modern times. It is also true that there were instances of beautiful
affection between husband and wife, though the fact that such were much
talked of proves that conjugal love was the exception, not the rule.
It is a pity that we do not know more of the wives and sisters and
mothers of great Athenians, as the few of whom we know are of unusual
interest. Many wives enjoyed the hearty admiration and companionship of
their husbands. Cimon, in spite of occasional lapses on his part, had an
unusually passionate affection for his wife, Isodice, and was filled
with bitterest grief at her death. Socrates mentions Niceratus as "one
who was in love with his wife and loved by her." There is a pleasing
anecdote of Themistocles, told us by Plutarch, which shows where in his
household lay the seat of authority. "Laughing at his own son, who got
his mother, and, through his mother, his father also, to indulge him, he
told him he had the most power of anyone in Greece, 'for the Athenians
command the rest of Greece, I command the Athenians, your mother
commands me, and you command your mother.'"
Plutarch also relates of the great statesman that of two who made love
to his daughter, he preferred the man of worth to the one who was rich,
saying that he desired a man without riches rather than riches without a
man! The most pleasing, however, among the wives of great Athenians is
the wife of Phocion, the incorruptible, as she is presented to us in the
pages of Plutarch. The latter describes Phocion's simple way of living,
and speaks of his wife as employed in kneading bread with her own
hands. "She was," he continues, "renowned no less among the Athenians
for her virtues and simple living than was Phocion for his probity." It
happened once when the people were entertained with a new tragedy, that
the actor, as he was about to enter the stage to perform the part of a
queen, demanded to have a number of attendants, sumptuously dressed, to
follow in his train; and when they were not provided, he became sullen
and refused to act, keeping the audience waiting, till at last
Melanthius, who had to furnish the chorus, pushed him on the stage,
crying out: "What! don't you know that Phocion's wife is never attended
by more than a single waiting-woman, but you must needs be grand, and
fill our women's heads with vanity?" This speech, spoken loud enough to
be heard, was received with great applause. Phocion's wife herself once
said to a visitor from Ionia, who showed her all her rich ornaments made
of gold and set with jewels, her wreaths, necklaces, and the like: "For
my part, all my ornament is my husband Phocion, now for the twentieth
year in office as general at Athens."
Aristotle said many things which are quoted as suggesting his low
estimate of the weaker sex, but he loved with great tenderness his wife
Pythias, niece and adopted daughter of his friend Hermias, ruler of
Atarneus and Assos in Mysia. When she died after a few brief years of
wedded life, Aristotle gave directions that at his own death the two
bodies should be placed side by side in the same tomb.
When his own
death came, he left behind a second wife, Herpyllis, whose virtues he
esteemed, and he besought his friends to care for her, and to provide
her with another husband should she wish to marry again.
These instances of domestic affection dissolve the cold logic of rigid
theory, and prove how, in spite of legislation and convention, love is
lord of all, and that among the Athenians happy married life was not
unknown.
Nor was the strong-minded woman altogether lacking in Athens, for there
was Elpinice, sister of Cimon, who, taking the Spartan women as her
model, went about alone, and did many other things which shocked the
staid Athenian matrons. Unpleasant remarks were made about her--as in
the case of every woman who defies convention: among them, that she was
over intimate with Polygnotus the painter, who portrayed her as Laodice
in his fresco of the Trojan women in the Stoa Poikile.
But the essence
of this scandal may have been merely that she served the painter as a
model, at a time when few women would have dared to visit an artist's
studio. To her brother Cimon she proved a devoted sister. Once, when he
was on trial for his life, she pleaded with Pericles so earnestly that
acquittal was the result; and later she arranged with this great rival
the negotiations that led to Cimon's return from banishment. So lovable
was she that Callias, one of the richest men in Athens, fell violently
in love with her, and offered to pay the fine to which her father was
condemned, if he could obtain the daughter in marriage; and with
Elpinice's own consent, Cimon betrothed her to Callias.
We have reserved a brief consideration of the best known of all Athenian
women, one who defies all out notions regarding the prevailing
conventions--Xanthippe, wife of the philosopher Socrates. From all
accounts, it seems likely that she was an aristocratic lady, in reduced
circumstances, who had married Socrates when advanced in life, she
herself being beyond the years at which women usually marry, yet a score
of years younger than her husband. Socrates once said he married her for
the excitement of conquest, just as one would enjoy the breaking of a
high-spirited horse; but, at any rate, the philosopher was worsted, and
Xanthippe ruled the household. Xanthippe has acquired the reputation of
being the typical scold of antiquity. Doubtless this reputation is not
without foundation, yet she should have our sympathy, for the strangest
and most difficult of husbands fell to her lot. Her naturally infirm
temper must have been tried beyond endurance by the calm unconcern of
her husband toward the domestic problem of "making both ends meet."
Ugly, careless of dress, keeping bad company, given to trances, utterly
neglectful of his family--can one be surprised that the wife of such a
man should lose all patience with him, and through repeated failures to
improve him should by degrees become an arch termagant?
Yet the stories
of Xanthippe's temper rest on uncertain authority, and her reputation
may be due largely to the fact that it was necessary for the
story mongers to provide a foil for the always serene and placid
philosopher. Plato, the most reliable authority, tells us nothing
disparaging of Xanthippe, and the violent grief he attributes to her at
the last parting suggests a high degree of affection for her phlegmatic
spouse. Socrates preferred philosophical discussions with his friends to
the society of his wife in his last hours of life, but he committed her
and her children tenderly to their care. Thus parted the ill-assorted
pair, each of whom has attained world-wide celebrity--
the one as the
world's philosopher, the other as the proverbial shrew.
In the early days of the Athenian democracy, women were powerful
influences in civic matters, as is instanced in the case of Cylon and
his conspirators, all of whom were ruthlessly slain except those who
fell at the feet of the archons' wives, who in pity saved them.
Herodotus tells a story which shows the intense interest of the
Athenian women in public affairs in early times. There was always great
rivalry between Athens and the neighboring island of AEgina. At one time,
the Athenians demanded of the AEginetans the fulfilment of certain
conditions regarding the statues of Attic olive wood which the latter
had stolen from the Epidaurians. "The people of AEgina refused; and the
members of an expedition sent against them, attempting to drag away the
sacred statues with ropes, were seized with madness and destroyed, one
after another, so that only one man returned alive to Athens. This man,
recounting the disasters, was surrounded by the women whose husbands had
been killed, and each one pierced him with the bodkin that fastened her
garment; so that he died under their hands. The conduct of these women
filled the Athenians with horror, and, as a punishment, they obliged all
the women of Athens to give up the Dorian dress which they wore, and
instead to clothe themselves with the Ionian tunic, which had no need of
any pin to fasten it."
Under the tyrants, the women of aristocratic families throughout Hellas
possessed an influence which was lost under the levelling process of
democracy. Pisistratus, after his first banishment, furthered the
reestablishment of his tyranny by wedding the daughter of Megacles, and
thus winning for himself the influence of the powerful Alcmaeonidae. He
worshipped Athena as his patron goddess, and, to give proper religious
sanction to his return, arranged a singular ceremony, which Herodotus
regards as "the most ridiculous that was ever imagined,"
but which
introduces to us the most beautiful Athenian maiden of the times:
"In the Paeanian tribe, there was a woman named Phya, four cubits tall,
and in other respects handsome. Having dressed this woman in a complete
suit of armor, and placed her in a chariot, and instructed her how to
assume a becoming demeanor, the followers of Pisistratus drove her to
the city, having sent heralds before to proclaim: 'O
Athenians, welcome
back Pisistratus, whom Athena herself, honoring above all men, now
conducts back to her own citadel!' Thus the report was spread about that
the goddess Athena was bringing back Pisistratus; and the people,
believing it to be true, paid worship to the woman, and allowed
Pisistratus to return." The return was most happily effected, and, soon
after, the usurper celebrated the marriage of this
"counterfeit
presentment" of the goddess to one of his sons.
Woman was to continue to play a fateful part in the history of the
usurped power of Pisistratus. The tyrant ill-treated his young wife, and
this threw her father, Megacles, again into the party of the opposition.
Pisistratus was once more driven from Athens, and this time from Attica
as well. But he returned a third time, and established his power so
firmly that at his death he bequeathed it to his sons unimpaired.
Hippias and Hipparchus ruled wisely at first, and carried on the many
public works in which Pisistratus had engaged; but their downfall
finally came through an insult to a highborn Athenian maiden, and the
story as told by Thucydides shows how highly a sister's honor was
cherished at Athens.
Harmodius, an aristocratic young Athenian, had rejected the friendship
of Hipparchus, preferring that of Aristogiton, a citizen of modest
station. The tyrant basely avenged himself. After summoning a sister of
Harmodius to come to take part in a certain procession as bearer of one
of the sacred vessels, Hippias and Hipparchus publicly rejected the
maiden when she presented herself in her festal dress, asserting that
they had not invited her to participate, as she was unworthy of the
honor.
Harmodius was very indignant at this insult, and with his friend, who
was equally incensed, formed a plot which led to the death of
Hipparchu