LADY SUSAN TO MRS. JOHNSON
Churchhill.
I call on you, dear Alicia, for congratulations: I am my own self, gay
and triumphant! When I wrote to you the other day I was, in truth, in high
irritation, and with ample cause. Nay, I know not whether I ought to be
quite tranquil now, for I have had more trouble in restoring peace than I
ever intended to submit to-‐-‐a spirit, too, resulting from a fancied sense
of superior integrity, which is peculiarly insolent! I shall not easily
forgive him, I assure you. He was actually on the point of leaving
Churchhill! I had scarcely concluded my last, when Wilson brought me word
of it. I found, therefore, that something must be done; for I did not
choose to leave my character at the mercy of a man whose passions are so
violent and so revengeful. It would have been trifling with my reputation
to allow of his departing with such an impression in my disfavour; in this
light, condescension was necessary. I sent Wilson to say that I desired to
speak with him before he went; he came immediately. The angry emotions
which had marked every feature when we last parted were partially subdued.
He seemed astonished at the summons, and looked as if half wishing and half
fearing to be softened by what I might say. If my countenance expressed
what I aimed at, it was composed and dignified; and yet, with a degree of
pensiveness which might convince him that I was not quite happy. "I beg
your pardon, sir, for the liberty I have taken in sending for you," said I;
"but as I have just learnt your intention of leaving this place to-‐day, I
feel it my duty to entreat that you will not on my account shorten your
visit here even an hour. I am perfectly aware that after what has passed
between us it would ill suit the feelings of either to remain longer in the
same house: so very great, so total a change from the intimacy of
friendship must render any future intercourse the severest punishment; and
your resolution of quitting Churchhill is undoubtedly in unison with our
situation, and with those lively feelings which I know you to possess. But,
at the same time, it is not for me to suffer such a sacrifice as it must be
to leave relations to whom you are so much attached, and are so dear. My
remaining here cannot give that pleasure to Mr. and Mrs. Vernon which your
society must; and my visit has already perhaps been too long. My removal,
therefore, which must, at any rate, take place soon, may, with perfect
convenience, be hastened; and I make it my particular request that I may
not in any way be instrumental in separating a family so affectionately
attached to each other. Where I go is of no consequence to anyone; of very
little to myself; but you are of importance to all your connections." Here
I concluded, and I hope you will be satisfied with my speech. Its effect on
Reginald justifies some portion of vanity, for it was no less favourable
than instantaneous. Oh, how delightful it was to watch the variations of
his countenance while I spoke! to see the struggle between returning
tenderness and the remains of displeasure. There is something agreeable in
feelings so easily worked on; not that I envy him their possession, nor
would, for the world, have such myself; but they are very convenient when
one wishes to influence the passions of another. And yet this Reginald,
whom a very few words from me softened at once into the utmost submission,
and rendered more tractable, more attached, more devoted than ever, would
have left me in the first angry swelling of his proud heart without
deigning to seek an explanation. Humbled as he now is, I cannot forgive him
such an instance of pride, and am doubtful whether I ought not to punish
him by dismissing him at once after this reconciliation, or by marrying and
teazing him for ever. But these measures are each too violent to be adopted
without some deliberation; at present my thoughts are fluctuating between
various schemes. I have many things to compass: I must punish Frederica,
and pretty severely too, for her application to Reginald; I must punish
him for receiving it so favourably, and for the rest of his conduct. I must
torment my sister-‐in-‐law for the insolent triumph of her look and manner
since Sir James has been dismissed; for, in reconciling Reginald to me, I
was not able to save that ill-‐fated young man; and I must make myself
amends for the humiliation to which I have stooped within these few days.
To effect all this I have various plans. I have also an idea of being soon
in town; and whatever may be my determination as to the rest, I shall
probably put THAT project in execution; for London will be always the
fairest field of action, however my views may be directed; and at any rate
I shall there be rewarded by your society, and a little dissipation, for a
ten weeks' penance at Churchhill. I believe I owe it to my character to
complete the match between my daughter and Sir James after having so long
intended it. Let me know your opinion on this point. Flexibility of mind, a
disposition easily biassed by others, is an attribute which you know I am
not very desirous of obtaining; nor has Frederica any claim to the
indulgence of her notions at the expense of her mother's inclinations. Her
idle love for Reginald, too! It is surely my duty to discourage such
romantic nonsense. All things considered, therefore, it seems incumbent on
me to take her to town and marry her immediately to Sir James. When my own
will is effected contrary to his, I shall have some credit in being on good
terms with Reginald, which at present, in fact, I have not; for though he
is still in my power, I have given up the very article by which our quarrel
was produced, and at best the honour of victory is doubtful. Send me your
opinion on all these matters, my dear Alicia, and let me know whether you
can get lodgings to suit me within a short distance of you.
Your most attached
S. VERNON.