That afternoon, Shelly walked into an exam room to find eight- year-old Mary Tompkins and her mom, who reeked of stale smoke. “She’s just not feeling well,” Mrs. Tompkins explained with a heavy Southern accent. “Same kind of symptoms as before. Really tired.” She stroked her daughter’s hair. Mary attempted to move
away.
Mary was recovering from leukemia. Shelly looked at her and was reminded her of herself at St. Theresa’s, about the same age, feeling tired all the time. The difference, though, was heartbreaking. Shelly’s mom never drank or smoked and didn’t see color the way Mary’s mom did.
“Has she been taking the medication that was prescribed for
her?” Shelly asked.
“Oh yes, ma’am, she’s been taking it right along the whole time.” “But not all the time, Mom,” Mary interjected. “Sometimes,
well…”
“Oh, don’t be silly,” her mother interrupted. “She takes it every day like she’s supposed to. The poor child is confused.”
“Well, Mary,” said Shelly with a smile, “we’ll let you know what we find out, and we’ll get you all better. Okay? Is that all right with you?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Mary politely answered. Shelly gave her a pat on the knee and left to continue her rounds. Her stomach ached for Mary because of Mrs. Tomkins and the realization that the past never goes away. Forgiveness. That’s what Shelly need. Not to be forgiven but to forgive. To forgive God for what happened to her. Even more, to forgive God for what happened to Kristen. Maybe she was seeking revenge, as Nick had said. Shelly’s mother was fond of saying, “Forgiveness is being able to realize you can’t change the past.” It just wasn’t that easy.
As a doctor who took the Hippocratic Oath, it hurt her deeply every time she lost a patient. Each time, a little piece of her died with them. These were children, the world’s future. Each time a little girl or boy was lost, she felt she was failing God and failing society, letting this disease strip the world of the next Einstein or Gandhi.
Before returning to her office at three p.m. from a full day of mentally exhausting rounds, Shelly stepped into the back of the