DIANE D (the Musical Drama) by Doris Miller - HTML preview

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“That’s good.  I heard y’all want to work things out.”

“Yeah we‘re trying to work things out.”

“That’s good.  I hope you and Michael can work things out so the three of us and the guys can be the six muskateers again.”

“Michael and I have to take it one step at a time Teresa.  We can‘t rush it.”

“I understand.” 

Diane D goes around the table and sits down on the chair right next to Dana.  She takes another drink and looks at the computer screen with Dana.  She starts clicking on the mouse. 

Teresa then says, “Well Diane at least that guy Jonathan and his girlfriend Candis decided to work out their relationship and get back together also.”

Diane D turns her head and angrily looks at Teresa.  She then says, “What, you wanna rub it in my damn face Teresa?”

Teresa becomes nervous and puts her hand over her mouth and says, “Oh I’m sorry Diane.  I didn’t mean to say that.”

Diane D angrily looks back at the computer screen and starts clicking on the mouse as she says, “For all I care Jonathan and Candis can work out their relationship all they want because frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.  Congratulations to them, more power to them and I hope they have a wonderful life together.”

“I’m sorry Diane.  I shouldn’t have mentioned his name.”

Diane D turns back to Teresa and says, “I’m sorry you mentioned his name too Teresa.  All I want to do is try to get Jonathan out of my mind.”

“You haven’t gotten him out of your mind yet Diane?”

“No I haven’t!  But if you let me, I’m gonna damn sure try!”

“Hey, I know how you can get your mind off him.  Let’s go bowling, just the three of us.  Maybe that will help keep your mind off you know who.”

“Diane’s not allowed to go anywhere Teresa,” Dana says.

“No?” Teresa asks.  “Diane your parents and grandparents aren’t letting you out of their sight?”  Diane D sighs as she and Dana annoyingly look at Teresa.  Teresa then says, “They don’t trust you?”

“No they don‘t trust me Teresa,” Diane D says.  “Now are you finish interrogating me?”

“I didn’t mean to make it sound that way Diane.”

“Well you did make it sound that way Teresa.  You did.”

“Sorry.”

Diane and Dana angrily look back at the computer screen. 

“I notice you two keep looking at the laptop screen,” Teresa says.  “Is there anything interesting on the internet?”

“No Teresa,” Diane D says.  “It’s just the same ole shit.”

“Oh yeah?  Like what?”

“You wouldn’t want to know.”

“I do want to know Diane.  What’s so interesting on the computer screen?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I do want to know.  What is so interesting on the computer screen?”

“Nothing Teresa!” Diane D shouts as she and Dana angrily look at Teresa.

“Sorry.”

“Now can I get back to my anger management assignment before my parents and grandparents have a fit that I didn’t complete it, if you don’t mind?!”

“Sure Diane.  Go right ahead, go back to your assignment.  I‘ll just wait right here.”

“Thank you!”  Diane D and Dana angrily turn back to the computer screen as Diane D clicks on the mouse.

“Hey,” Teresa says.  Diane D and Dana look back at Teresa.  Teresa then asks, “Is it alright if I have some nuts Diane?”

Diane D looks to her right.  She reaches to her right and takes a plate of mixed nuts off the table.  She brings the plate of mixed nuts to her left and hands it to Dana.  Dana takes the plate of mixed nuts and hands it to Teresa.  Teresa reaches for the plate of mixed nuts and takes it.  Diane D and Dana angrily look back at the computer screen again as Teresa stands to the side eating the mixed nuts.

 

The next day, Dana, Teresa, Tony and Joseph are walking and talking as they each carry bags of food and drinks.  They reach the front door of the Diaz-Davidson Dominican Hair Salon.  Dana turns to Tony and says, “Can you pull my bottle out Tony?”

“Hold your horses Dana,” Tony says.  “Wait till we get inside.”

Dana turns back forward and rings the bell.

 

Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam are inside the salon.  They look at the front door.  They then look towards the back office door.  They puzzled look at the front door again.  They hear the buzzard sound go off.  The door opens.  Dana comes in the front door followed by Teresa, Tony and Joseph.  Dana, Teresa and Tony walk further into the salon and look at Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam as Joseph closes the door behind himself.  “Hello,” Gladys says.

“Hi,” Teresa says.

“Hello,” Miriam says.

“Hi,” Bonnie says.

“How y‘all doing?” Tony says.

“Okay,” Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam say.

Joseph walks further into the salon.  He looks at Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam and says, “Hi ladies.”

“Hi,” Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam and say.

“Diane is in the back, right?” Tony asks.

“Yes she‘s in the office with Michael,” Miriam says.

“Okay thanks.”  Tony, Dana, Teresa and Joseph walk towards the back office with the bags of food and drinks. 

Tony, Dana, Teresa and Joseph reach the back office.  Dana knocks on the back office door.  The buzzard sound of the back office door goes off.  Dana opens the back office door and goes inside the back office as Teresa, Tony and Joseph follow her in.  “What‘s up Diane, Michael?!” Joseph shouts.

“What‘s going on?!” Tony shouts.  Joseph closes the door behind himself.

Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam look towards the back office door.  Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam turn back to their business and continue working in the salon.  They suddenly hear laughter coming from the back office.  They look towards the back office door then hear music playing.  They turn to each other as Rosa says, “It seems like another party is about to be thrown back there.”

“It does,” Miriam says. The doorbell suddenly rings.  Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam look at the front door.  They then look towards the back office door.  They puzzled look at the front door again.  The doorbell rings again.  Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam look at the front door again.  They then look towards the back office door again.  “Is Diane going to answer the doorbell?” Gladys asks.

“I don’t know if she’s able to hear the doorbell with that music going on back there,” Rosa says.

“Well I better go tell her,” Gladys says.  Gladys goes to the back office door as she looks back at the front door.

Gladys approaches outside the back office door.  She hears loud talking and music from inside the back office.  She knocks on the back office door.  No one answers the back door.  Gladys knocks on the back office door again.  The back office door opens.  Teresa stands behind the back office door holding the door open for Gladys and says, “Hi.”

“Hi,” says Gladys.  Gladys sees several liquor bottles on the desk.  She sees Diane D surrounded by Michael, Dana, Tony and Joseph with several liquor bottles on the table as they all talk. Teresa turns her head to Diane D as Diane D points and hollers at Tony and Joseph with a liquor bottle in her hand and shouts, “You guys, I don’t want to hear that shit aright!”

“But Diane,” Joseph shouts.

“But nothing Joseph!”

“Yes Ma’am!”  Joseph, Tony and Michael laugh.

Diane D drinks from the liquor bottle then turns to Dana and says, “Have some more Dana.”  Diane D pours some extra liquor into Dana’s glass.

“Uh Diane,” Teresa says.  Diane D looks at Teresa and sees Gladys at the door.

“There’s someone at the front door Diane,” Gladys says.

Diane D gets up from her chair as she turns to Dana and the guys and says, “I’ll be back.”

“Okay Diane,” the guys say.  Diane D heads to the back office door as Gladys turns around and walks away. Diane D comes out the back office as the door closes behind her. 

Diane D walks through the salon to the front door.  She opens the front door.  A Hispanic delivery guy comes in with a gurney of heavy boxes and says, “Hello Miss Diane D.  Where would you like these boxes?”

“Just put them on the side sir,” Diane D says. 

“Okay.”  The delivery guy puts the gurney of boxes to the side.  He slides the boxes off the gurney onto the floor.  He turns back to Diane D and hands Diane D a clipboard with a slip on it.  Diane D goes to the side and signs the slip.  She hands the guy back the clipboard and slip.  “Thanks,” the delivery guys says.  The delivery guy heads back to the front door.  He walks out the front door as Diane D closes the front door behind him and locks it.  Diane D turns back around and looks towards Bonnie.  She then shouts, “Bonnie!”  Bonnie turns to Diane D as Diane D says to her, “Come stack these boxes in the closet.”  Bonnie goes toward the boxes as Diane D looks at Miriam and says, “And Miriam, clean the downstairs bathroom.”  Diane D is about to head to the back office.

“What?”  Miriam days.  Diane D stops and turns to Miriam as Miriam says, “Clean the downstairs bathroom?  Isn’t Hector the janitor?  Isn’t he suppose to do that?”

“Hector is not in today,” Diane D says.  “He called in sick. You’re going to be the janitor today.”

“What?  Me?  But Diane the bathroom downstairs is not even dirty. It doesn’t need cleaning, it’s already clean. Hector scrubbed and cleaned it yesterday.”

“The bathroom has to be scrubbed and cleaned everyday.”

“But that’s not really my job.  Your parents and grandparents didn’t hire me to be a janitor, they hired me to be a hair dresser.”

“Look, my parents and grandparents aren’t here, I’m here and I’m making janitor your job today.”

“But I’m about to work on a client’s hair.”

“Reeaally.  What client?  There’s nobody sitting in your chair right now.”

“There will be.  My client should be here any minute.”  The doorbell suddenly rings.  Diane D and Miriam look towards the front door.

“Can you let the person in Bonnie!” Diane D shouts.  Bonnie stops stacking the boxes and goes to the front door.  She unlocks and opens the front door.  A middle-aged black female client walks in the door.  “That’s my client right there,” Miriam says.  The client walks into the salon.  She sees Diane D.  She becomes excited and shouts, “Oh my god it’s Diane D!  Hi Diane D!  It’s so nice to see you here!” 

“Thanks,” Diane D says.  The woman excitingly looks at Diane D then goes to Miriam’s chair.  Diane D then turns to Rosa and shouts, “Rosa!”  Rosa turns around to Diane D as Diane D says, “Clean the downstairs bathroom!”  Diane D turns back around and starts to head to the back door.

“What?” Rosa says.  “But Diane…”

Diane D stops and angrily turns to Rosa and shouts, “Ah ah ah but nothing I don’t want to hear it!  No me importa si ya esta limpio el bano de abajo y no me importa si estas a punto de tener un cliente entra, vas a ir al bano y limpiar ahora!  You’re going to scrub the sink, scrub the toilet, scrub the walls and mop the floor, get it?!  Got it?!  Good!”  Diane D angrily turns from Rosa and continues to head to the back office as Rosa looks at her. 

Diane D reaches the back office door.  She enters the back office, looks inside it and yells, “Godammit y’all drank all my shit!”

“But Diane!” Tony’s voice shouts.

“I can’t leave this office for one freaken minute!”  Diane D slams the office door behind herself.

Rosa, Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam stare at the back office door still hearing Diane D yelling.  Rosa turns to Gladys, Bonnie and Miriam and says, “I should call in sick too to get away from her.”  Rosa walks a little and angrily stares at the back door very upset.  She then turns to Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie and says, “Y’all come here for a minute.”  Rosa walks near the front door as Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie leave from their clients and follow her.  Rosa stops and turns to Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie and whispers, “I just want to tell you all that I don’t think I can take Diane anymore.  I’m going to call Miss Margarita.”

“You are?” Gladys says.  “What are you going to say to her?  You know if you complain to Miss Margarita about Diane, Diane is going to flip.  She’s going to go ballistic on you.”

“Oh I’m not going to complain to Miss Margarita about Diane at all.  I’m going to complain to Miss Margarita about myself.  I’m going to play sick.”

“You’re going to play sick?” Miriam asks.  “What do you mean?”

“I’m going to call Miss Margarita tomorrow and tell her that I don’t feel too well and that I can’t make it to the salon.”

“You’re going to tell her that?” Gladys asks.

“Yeah I’m going to tell her that.”

“Hey,” Miriam says.  “We should all call in sick tomorrow and tell Miss Margarita that we can’t make it to the salon.”

“Miriam if we all do that, wouldn’t that look strange or suspicious to Miss Margarita?” Bonnie says.

“That’s the point Bonnie.  It’s going to look so strange and suspicious to Miss Margarita that she’ll pick up on something is wrong, and maybe she’ll get the message.”

“So in other words, if none of us are here tomorrow, it’s like a so called walk out,” Gladys says.

“If you want to put it that way, yeah.  If we put it that way, at least we won’t be officially complaining about Diane to Miss Margarita, because we’ll be actually complaining about ourselves that we’re sick.  Diane can’t get mad or go ballistic on any us if we’re complaining about ourselves, especially about our health.  I’m in.  Who’s in with me?”

“I’m in,” Rosa says.

“I’m in too,” Gladys says.

“So am I,” says Bonnie.

“Good,” Miriam says.  “Now Hector probably called in sick to get away from Diane too.  He just didn’t let us in on it.”

“You’re probably right,” Rosa says.  “Why does she want the downstairs bathroom scrubbed and cleaned again anyway.”

“She says it has to be scrubbed and cleaned everyday,” Bonnie says.

“That bathroom is spic and span down there, I don’t think it’s necessary to clean it every single day.”

“Obviously Diane is going through some sort of emotional turmoil and we’re caught right in the middle of it,” Gladys says.  “I notice she‘s drinking more.”

“I notice that too.  Either way, I want to stay far away from her until her emotional turmoil is over.”

“The only way Diane’s emotional turmoil can really be over is if Miss Margarita and them lift the ban off her and let her perform again because as long as she’s banned from performing and in charge of here, her emotional turmoil is going to continue and we’re the ones catching hell with her because she doesn‘t really want to be here,” Miriam says.  “She‘s only here because Miss Margarita and Miss Mary are making her be here.”

“I know.  Let’s just do what we planned to do and call in sick tomorrow for all of our sakes, okay?  Hopefully Miss Margarita and Miss Mary will get the message.”

“Okay,” Gladys says.  “So what are you going to do about the downstairs bathroom Rosa?  Are you going to clean it?”

“No I’m just gonna pretend to clean it,” Rosa says.  “I’m going to go downstairs and just chill out down there for an hour or so.  If Diane happens to come downstairs to check on me, I‘m gonna act like I’m cleaning the bathroom, that way she can’t accuse me of not cleaning it.”

“Why don’t you just tell Diane that it’s not necessary to clean the downstairs bathroom every single day,” Bonnie says.

“No Bonnie I don’t want to say anything else to Diane.  I rather just stay out of her way.  She’s been grumpy ever since her family banned her from performing.”

“She sure has,” Miriam says.  “She doesn’t even talk to us, say hi to us or chit chat with us like she usually does at the organization.”

“She doesn’t.  I’m gonna go downstairs to the bathroom and start pretending now.  Let’s get to work before Diane catches us on the monitor.  See y’all in an hour.”

“Okay.”  Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie walk back to their booth. 

Rosa, Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie suddenly hear Diane D’s voice yelling from inside the back office again shouting, “You drank the whole damn thing Joseph!  That did it!  That, did it!”  Rosa, Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie suddenly hear a bang coming from the back office.  They then hear Joseph’s voice shouting, “My God chill Diane!” 

Rosa, Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie puzzled look at each other as Rosa says, “Damn, did she just do a kung fu kick or something?  Sounds like she’s about to go ballistic in there.”

“Maybe she’s drunk,” Gladys says.  “I did see her drinking from a liquor bottle after I knocked on the door.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, there were liquor bottles all over the place.”

“She probably is drunk.  Either way, the rest of them should all run out of that room real fast.”  Rosa, Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie suddenly hear laughter coming from the back office.  They look at each other again as Rosa says, “See you all later.”

“Okay Rosa,” Miriam says.  Rosa waves to Miriam, Gladys and Bonnie as she heads to the staircase in the back.

 

Across town, Jonathan is walking on the sidewalk.  He looks at the picture of Diane D he is holding in his hand.  He walks to a pay phone.  He stops at the pay phone and nervously looks around.  He sees a few people on the sidewalk.  He quickly approaches a young black woman and stops her.  He says to her, “Excuse me miss.”

The young woman turns around to Jonathan and says, “Yes?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“A favor?  What favor?”

“I’m gonna dial a number on the pay phone.  When I hear a ring on the other end of the phone, I’m gonna hand you the phone.  When you hear someone on the other end answer the phone, could you ask for someone for me?”

“Ask for someone for you?”

“Yes.  Ask for Diane for me please?”

“Ask for Diane?”

“Yes.”

“Who’s Diane?”

“Um, an old friend of mine.”

“An old friend?  Well why can’t you ask for this Diane yourself?”

“Because I want whoever picks up the phone at the other end to hear a woman’s voice instead of my voice.  If they hear my voice, they’ll get kind of suspicious.”

“They’ll get kind of suspicious?”

“Yeah.”

“So you prefer a woman’s voice to ask for this Diane?”

“Yeah.”

“Can’t you just call this Diane’s cell phone number.”

“I tried but she’s not picking it up for some reason.   I just need you to ask for Diane for me.  I’ll pay you ten dollars if you do that for me.  If you don’t want to do that, I’ll just have to ask another woman that’s all.”

“Okay I’ll do it.”

“You will?”

“Yeah, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you so much.  All you have to do is ask for Diane.  If the person on the other end goes to get Diane and she comes to the phone, you just hand the phone to me real quick.  If the person on the other end says Diane is not there, just tell them that you’re an old school friend who called, that’s all you have to do, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Thanks.  Come this way.”  Jonathan turns around and leads the woman to the pay phone.

Jonathan and the woman approach the pay phone.  Jonathan tells the woman, “I’m going to dial the number now.”  Jonathan puts a coin in the pay phone.  He looks at a business card and dials the number on the business card.  He listens for a ring.  He quickly hands the woman the phone and tells her, “It‘s ringing.” 

The woman takes the phone and puts it to her ear.  She listens.  She suddenly looks puzzled then speaks into the phone and asks, “What organization name did you say you are? …… Oh. Well can I speak to Diane? ……… She’s not there right now? ……… Oh I’m an old friend who went to school with her ……… Yeah.  Just tell Diane an old friend called an I’ll try to call there later. ……… Thank you.”  The woman puzzled hangs up the phone.  She puzzled looks at Jonathan and says, “A man picked up the phone on the other end and said ‘Hello Diaz-Davidson Organization’.  Does this Diane you want me to ask for happen to be the Diane D of the Diaz-Davidson Organization?”

“No,” Jonathan nervously laughs.  “Of course not.  Why would I ask for Diane D anyway, I don’t even know her.  I was asking for another person name Diane who works there.”

“Another person name Diane who works there?”

“Yeah.  Why, what’s wrong with that?”

“Because I heard Diane D cheated on her husband and had an affair with some Jamaican guy name Jonathan and then she threatened Jonat