Father Dick’s Religiosity Comes to the Fore
Chapter 20
The snatch and grab went well thanks to Frank and two of his trusted buddies. Alain Beauchamp sat before us in a dimly lit room somewhere in the city. He was a top lieutenant in The Family, one who took his orders directly from Desmond. We’d also learned he was a lapsed Catholic, someone raised in the teachings of the church. His parents had disowned him after he turned to the dark side. Voodoo was anathema and a blasphemous religion to devout Catholics such as his parents.
Ecclesiastical music, a looped Gregorian chant, blared from the boom box in the far corner and smoke from the censer wafted through the air. The props added to the general atmospherics we sought to create. We’d staged the room as best we could for desired purpose and effect. Alain was about to undergo an exorcism performed by the unrepentant agnostic named Father Dick. It was to be a one act melodrama that would make him come to Jesus and forsake The Family. And one meant to instill fear in his likeminded brethren.
Frank had chosen Alain with great care, vetting his background and current activities until he was satisfied he knew the young man well. He’d grown up poor which wasn’t the least bit remarkable. His parents had scrimped to pay his tuition at Saint Benedict’s, a Catholic academy for boys. He dropped out of school in the 10th grade and now worked as a day laborer cutting and bundling cane at a large farm outside the city. He barely made enough money to support himself, much less the wife and family he dreamed of when he became rich. It was merely a boy’s fantasy and escape from reality, but it kept him going during the hours of brain-dulling, backbreaking work in the fields. He was determined to succeed despite the odds and that one thought kept him motivated to achieve a better life. The one thought that kept him sane.
And then his dream came true. He was befriended by someone who appreciated his work ethic and modest intelligence. Soon his best new friend was buying him drinks and women, things he’d never experienced before in his strict Catholic upbringing. His parents would have been appalled by his behavior, if they’d known. So Alain continued his wicked ways until his friend pitched him about an opportunity to better himself. And Alain jumped at the offer and was introduced to his new family. It had been his employer and life since.
***
I dramatically entered the room incognito, although we were still in Port-au-Prince. I was wearing a white cassock of a Roman Catholic priest. My face was covered with a Guy Fawkes mask, the one popularized by the underground group, Anonymous. I probably scared the bejesus out of Alain. Of course, that was the intent of the exercise, or exorcise, about to unfold.
Frank chose a Mickey Mouse mask and I hoped he wasn’t suggesting our little charade befitted the cartoon character. Regardless, I didn’t waste any time starting Alain’s conversion.
“You have turned your back on the one true God, my son. Why have you done so? You were raised in the holy Catholic faith, yet you’ve renounced the church and its teachings. And to what end? Perhaps you are a follower of that reprehensible cult? Where is the altar boy who once existed inside you? What happened to the purity of your soul? I know the answers. You’ve sullied it with the false beliefs of voodoo. You must repent your sins to save your immortal soul from the fires of Hell and eternal damnation!”
Using two fingers, I sorta made the sign of the cross. Maybe I was the one going to Hell instead given my sacrilegious performance for an audience of one. I was using my best basso profundo voice and Frank was interpreting my words into Creole for Alain’s benefit. Frank was more than welcome to ad lib since I didn’t really know what I was saying or doing, but the act would hopefully scare and fool Alain.
“He says he doesn’t believe in the church anymore. It’s just a bunch of white man’s crap. Voodoo is the religion of the black man,” Frank mentioned, as Alain defiantly stared at me. He might be more difficult to convert than I first thought.
“No you are wrong. Christianity is a universal religion that believes in the good of man, black or white. It makes no difference to our Lord Jesus. It’s what lies in one’s heart and soul that matters, not skin color, or economic status or birthright or the other things which separate us in this life. We have a loving God and not a god we must make sacrificial offerings to satisfy its ego. Yours is also a vindictive god where the so-called powers of voodoo are used for evil doings. Black magic is at its core and you know what I say is true!”
Alain’s eyes bulged and he began shaking. He’d been taken aback even though he was facing his accuser. The only thing worse was being beside his self, although that was physically impossible. And he didn’t expect such vehemence from a member of the clergy. Then again, the priest standing before him was no ordinary parish priest. Of that much he was certain, but little else. He also didn’t believe anyone would have the temerity to openly challenge Bondye. He actually thought balls instead of temerity, but no matter, the meanings were similar in this instance.
Alain’s wrists and ankles had been secured with nylon zip ties so he had no room to maneuver or a chance to wiggle out of the situation or his chair. No, he was held stationary and incommunicado, dreading what might come next. And what came next would rock his world. The zombie no longer would take anything for granted again, especially religion. Christ, it was all too damn confusing, he thought!
Father Dick slowly and dramatically raised the book in front of Alain. It wasn’t the Bible, but supposedly a copy of the Catholic Rites of Exorcism. It was really a copy of the airline magazine he’d read during his flight, but the front and back were covered in parchment cut from a brown, paper bag. Its pages contained cue cards so Dick could crib some text. He thought it looked somewhat authentic, especially given the dimness. It was nothing more than psychological nonsense, but perhaps not to Alain. Frank explained to him what was going to happen, an exorcism to rid his soul of voodoo demons.
Alain had seen the ritual several times on the tube, but never thought he’d be subject to such a thing. However, he knew the Holy Church believed in the practice so, in his mind, it was powerful juju. His many protests fell on deaf ears.
"God, whose nature is ever merciful and forgiving, accept our prayer that this servant of yours, bound by the fetters of sin and plastic ties, may be pardoned by your loving kindness," Father Dick began. He then bowed his head and silently prayed, crossing himself as he finished.
“Alain Beauchamp, you have sinned against almighty God,” Dick boomed in a commanding voice. You must repent and beg for His forgiveness, my child!”
“You are fortunate though. You are not possessed by the Devil, but oppressed by his demons. We can rid you of their influences if you come back to the everlasting light of our Lord, Jesus Christ.”
Alain was profusely sweating. He’d stopped squirming in the chair and was now completely mesmerized by the odd priest.
Dick knew the ritual of exorcism was mostly a series of prayers, statements and appeals, so he’d ad lib the rest. It was all hokey theatrics for the gullible.
“Deus ex machina, E pluribus unum, day-o, de say day-o, daylight come and I wanna go home. Come Mr. Tallyman, tally me bananas.”
He knew from Frank that Alain didn’t understand a word of English, Latin or gobbledygook. He sang it in a falsetto voice for greater effect.
One of Frank’s masked acolytes brought the censer close and swung it in an arc above Alain’s head. He was getting disoriented with the strange sights and smells. He was beginning to come back to Jesus.
“Cast out the demons and deliver this child into the hands of God!”
Father Dick withdrew a flask from his cassock, kissed and blessed it and walked to Alain. He flicked a portion on his face and chanted as he did it. The holy water was a mild carbolic acid further diluted with toilet water. It would sting and burn Alain’s face, but cause no serious damage.
Alain immediately felt the burning and itching, but could do nothing to stop the discomfort. He was now panicky and distraught, and realized he needed to be saved from the demons inhabiting his troubled mind and body.
"Depart, then, impious one, depart, accursed one, depart with all your deceits, for God has willed that man should be His temple."
With that, Alain began coughing. As if on cue, Frank started vigorously patting his back. As he did so, he placed his other hand over Alain’s mouth. When he opened it, Alain saw the bile and gore and began screaming. Sometimes a little bit of raw minced meat worked wonders to behold.
He was now sobbing, his tears soothing his burning face. He then had his epiphany.
“Forgive me Father for I have badly sinned in the eyes of God! I’ve been a wicked man and have taken the Lord’s name in vain many times. I can no longer live this evil life I’ve led. Please tell me what I must do to redeem myself!”
“Alain, you’ve been a lost lamb for a very long time and must return to the flock. You must renounce voodoo forever. Your very soul is at stake. Come back to the Holy Church and, if truly repentant, you will be absolved of your sins. It is as simple as that my son. Come back to your original faith and all shall be forgiven.”
“Do you truly repent your sins and the wickedness you have done?”
“I do Father with all my heart, I sincerely do,” blubbering as he spoke the words.
“Then in the name of the father, son and holiest of holies, I hereby accept your repentance. Your soul has been cleansed this night, but you still have much to do to fully redeem yourself in the eyes of the Lord. You must follow the ways of Jesus Christ and return to the church. You must pray for forgiveness. Start on the path of righteousness and stay on it for your sake. Make amends with your parents. They are good people who can show you the love you badly need. Respect and honor them. Most importantly, return to Sunday mass and worship our Lord with all your heart. Some generous tithing might count for something too. Alain, you need all the help you can get!”
“I will father, I promise.” Snot was now trickling down his face, but he didn’t care. He’d been saved from eternal torment!
Father Dick blessed Alain and kissed his forehead, speaking some mumbo jumbo neither he nor Alain understood. But he thought it was the rite thing to do. Regardless, Alain had been converted and subverted all in the same evening. A twofer and win for our team.
***
Frank blindfolded Alain once again and, with the help of his muscle, ceremoniously carried him out the door. Father Dick watched the procession and was pleased with a good night’s work. And they’d been busy. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop, he mused, as he began collecting all the props.
Alain was dropped off unharmed, but badly shaken by the experience. He vowed to leave The Family as promised and return to his true faith. In fact, he couldn’t go back to The Family since he was now tainted and they’d smell Catholicism all over him. He would suffer a painful and probably lethal lesson from Desmond for betraying them.
He also couldn’t stay with his parents since he wasn’t a welcome guest. Perhaps if he attended their church, he might return to their good graces and those of God. He would try and hoped for the best. He briefly considered suicide, but quickly dismissed the thought. That was a mortal sin and he was in enough trouble already with the Big Guy upstairs!