Starting to Pack Up My Troubles in the Old Kit-Bag
Chapter 3
I was smiling as I picked up Jersey’s phone call after the meeting. He informed me he’d drafted a memo to his superiors outlining Boris’s pitch for a joint venture. No surprise there and my smile quickly faded. He instructed me to drop off Vlad’s CV at the Language Services Division in the department to have it translated. I didn’t bother to ask him which language he preferred since it’d be mostly Greek to him in any case.
Lastly, he told me to start warming up in the DSS bullpen and ready myself for a trip to God-only-knows-where. I didn’t recognize the name among the world’s capitals so I was puzzled about my destination. No matter, I’d eventually find out the where part when it was too late to change my mind about accepting the dangerous assignment. That’s how Jersey operated with his subordinates or the little people as he liked to say.
Jersey was a sports junkie at heart and enjoyed the lingo that went along to describe things he’d have difficulty explaining otherwise. So, it looked like I might be the starting pitcher for the home team after all, staying with his sporting theme.
Even though he was my replacement when I retired, I still had to tolerate his supercilious attitude since my checkbook was overdrawn again. As a reemployed annuitant, I was an overly ripe apple at the bottom of the outfit’s barrel in his eyes.
***
Jimbo Rainwater was a full-blooded Sioux, but, more importantly, a savvy, senior intelligence analyst in the DSS Threat Assessment Group. Although we were of different tribes, we had gotten along well over the years. “What do you mean ‘we’ white man” was one of his favorite lines. I’d joke that I didn’t understand how we’d befriended one another since he didn’t know Dick about anything. But he was my go-to guy for the latest and best skinny on world terrorism and he never disappointed. He knew his stuff like no one else and I sorely needed his insights and wisdom to prepare for my assignment to wherever the hell I was going.
“Well, well Richard, good to see you back on the old reservation,” he said without the slightest hint of reserve. He was a clever wordsmith when it came to Amerindian humor and sarcasm and not too shabby with the Anglo brand as well. He could out pun me any day of the week, so I had to be careful, especially when mentioning anything involving the disparaging word injun. It was a hot-button topic for him that would send him off on a never-ending talking jag about the injustices Indians had endured at the white man’s hand. I’d already read the history books so I wasn’t up for another lecture about the white man’s onerous burden. Moreover, redskins were simply potatoes and peanuts in my persistently vegetative state of mind. I didn’t enjoy watching football either.
“So what brings you to my wigwam on this inauspicious day? I’m guessing Jersey Briggs has thrown you another bone. Maybe this time it has some meat left on it for a change. I know he’s been the cash cow you’ve been milking since you retired,” he shamelessly uttered. “Am I right?”
However, he didn’t cow me one bit with his smarmy wordplay.
“Information, just the facts ma’am” I replied, using my best Jack Webb voice from the old Dragnet series. Jimbo detected the obvious reference and chuckled at the lame line.
“Ugh, facts are easy kemosabe, but truth less so,” he responded, applying his best Tonto accent from the old Lone Ranger series.
It seemed we were both addicted to the oldies on the tube and speaking in less than convincing sotto voce.
“I need a primer on Islamic terrorism for an upcoming assignment.” I purposely didn’t share the details of what I was up to and Jimbo didn’t bother to ask. He knew the old need to know dictum by heart.
“Well, I don’t have one handy on the shelf, but I still can relate it to you by the book, if you wish.”
“I wish, go ahead and give me your canned spiel. I suspect you’ve given it many times before and one more time won’t hurt your sketchy credibility around here,” I joked.
“Okay, but I’ll spare you all the religiosity that’s inherent in the Islamic crusade for hearts and minds. That aspect of the issue should be readily apparent, even to you,” he chided.
We were always trying to one-up each other with puns, nit-witticisms, wordplay and the like. And I invariably came out the loser in our verbal jousts. However, we both enjoyed the back-and-forth banter and trying to one-up the other.
“I’ll limit my remarks to Al-Qaeda and the ISIS, if you don’t mind. There are many other players engaged in jihad, but they’re bit actors by comparison.”
“The first point to understand is that the ISIS started as an off-shoot, a splinter group, of Al-Qaeda in Syria and its aim is to seize territory to create a Muslim caliphate and govern under a reactionary form of Sunni Islam and sharia law.”
“Now let’s move to the ISIS name game since it’s a bit confusing: IS (Islamic State), Daesh (In Arabic; Dawlat Al-Islaiyah F’al-Iraq was al Sham), ISIL (The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant) and ISIS (The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria). Basically, they are all one and the same litter, so take your pick. In the intelligence community, the ISIS, or simply ISIS, is usually the nom de guerre we use these days.”
“In the Arabic-speaking world, where the use of acronyms is otherwise uncommon, Daesh is used widely, but has pejorative overtones. The label has gained currency despite or perhaps as a direct consequence of the irritation it causes the group, and is now used widely across the world by politicians and in the media.”
“So for whatever reason, we ended up choosing ISIS. Don’t fight the word nerds, so go ahead and use it too.”
“Think of the ISIS as the Starbucks coffee chain to get a sense of its organizational structure. It has both owned and franchised stores. Its corporate headquarters is located in Raqqa, Syria, at least for now, and fighting to establish an Islamic caliphate in the country as well as Iraq. But it’s suffered setbacks on the ground and has lost territory it once held there. It’s been funded by illegal oil revenue, smuggling, the sale of artifacts and donations by sympathetic individuals and nations friendly to its cause of promoting an extremist form of Islam within the region.”
“Now consider the other terrorist groups that have aligned themselves with the ISIS; its mostly autonomous franchisees and brethren such as Boko Haram in Nigeria, al Shabaab in Somalia, Islamic State in the Maghreb in North Africa and smaller, allied terrorist groups now operating in Yemen and the Philippines. All have sworn allegiance to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi the leader of the ISIS.”
“ISIS and its affiliates is not a top-down, monolithic organization. However, the dispirit groups all have the same goal: carve out a caliphate in their respective regions and instill a fundamentalist version of Islam on the populace. Yet, they don’t take orders from one another as a rule. In other words, there’s no centralized command and control structure in place as best we can tell. God help us if that should happen.”
I didn’t disabuse Jimbo of his assertion on his last point because I couldn’t reveal what we’d learned from Boris.
“Do you have any questions for the Obi-Wan at this juncture before I move onto Al- Qaeda?”
“Yeah, what’s the Kurds role in this Middle East goat rope?” I politely asked just to get his goat and opinion.
“Simply put, the curds are getting in the whey,” laughing as he kidded me with his reply.
“Okay Little Miss Muffett, how about a serious answer this time? It’s not time for reservation my chief, so get off your tuffet and answer my question!”
I was a bit miffed at his wiseass response as we might vehemently say in some closeted circles in the Foreign Service. Truthfully, I wished I’d thought it up first to pimp him.
He’d actually gotten my goat instead of the other way around. I had to be damn careful around Jimbo with his quick mind and sharper tongue. I’d avoid mentioning farm animals in the future. Husbandry had never been one of my strong suits---either the animal or marriage varieties.
“Okay, okay, Richard, but I thought it a funny retort. The Kurds are fighting both the ISIS and Al-Qaeda in Iraq and Syria. They are our ally and partner in the war and are reputed to be tough fighters. The Kurdish Liberation Army is considered a terrorist organization by Turkey since the Kurds want to create a homeland, a Kurdistan, carved out of portions of far eastern Turkey, along with slices of Iraq and Syria. They’re the good guys in this battle, at least for the moment,” he mentioned while still snickering at his earlier bon mot.
“Richard, it’s time to move to Al-Qaeda. I’m on the clock and you can’t afford my fees, even though they’re offered pro bono to you, sonny.”
Jimbo was well aware of my financial circumstances so I didn’t argue. Jersey could never keep a secret, especially when it involved someone else’s misfortunes.
“Al-Qaeda is a horse of a different color,” continuing his monologue.
Oh God, here we go again with farm animals, I silently groaned, but didn’t interrupt his expected horseplay with the English language.
“It’s a much more cohesive, disciplined organization then the ISIS in my opinion. It has a well-defined chain of command at the very top and is more politically adroit and media savvy too.”
“Al-Qaeda or "The Base" is a militant Islamist multinational organization founded in 1988 by Osama bin Laden and several other Arab volunteers who fought against the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in the 1980s. It adheres to the teachings of an extremist brand of Sunni Islam and, like the ISIS, aims to establish sharia law for the peoples it controls. In that respect, the two groups are identical in purpose.”
“It operates as a network of Islamic extremists, jihadists and, not surprisingly, has been designated as a terrorist group by numerous international bodies and nations. Al-Qaeda has mounted attacks on civilian and military targets in various countries, including the 1998 U.S. embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania, the September 11 attacks in the U.S. and the 2002 Bali bombings. It’s the terrorist organization that has inflicted the most harm on us throughout the world by bombing our embassies and attacking our military assets, not to mention the Twin Towers and Pentagon bombings on our own soil.”
“It doesn’t seek to claim land and hold it like the ISIS, but rather to destabilize weak Muslim countries and bring them under its sphere of influence. In other words, it’s not a military occupation force per se, although many of its members are serving as mujahedeen warriors on the frontlines of Syria and Iraq.
“With the loss of key leaders, culminating in the death of Osama bin Laden, Al-Qaeda's operations have devolved from tightly orchestrated actions that were controlled from the top down, to actions by loosely associated groups and lone-wolf operators. The techniques employed by them include suicide attacks and the simultaneous bombing of different targets. Activities ascribed to it may involve members of the movement who have made a pledge of loyalty to bin Laden and who have undergone training in one of its camps in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iraq or Sudan. Al-Qaeda ideologues envision a complete break from all foreign influences in the heavily populated Muslim countries and the creation of a new caliphate ruling over the entire Muslim world. But through insinuating itself into weak Muslim dominated countries and undermining legitimate governments, allowing like-minded fellow travelers to create an Islamic homeland rather than themselves.”
“So that’s a short and not-so sweet abridged version of Islamic terrorism as we know it today. Tune in tomorrow and it’ll probably change, but not for the better. So, do you have any questions, my friend?”
“Yeah, I do, just one. Have you ever heard of an ex-KGB officer nicknamed Vlad the Impaler?” It was a long shot, but I decided to take the free-throw anyway.
“No I don’t, not offhand, at least in your context. Historically, of course, Vlad the Impaler or Vlad Tepes was a Romanian prince who defended Transylvania against the invading soldiers of the Ottoman Empire in the fifteenth century. Reportedly, in one battle alone, he ordered the decapitation of thousands of his enemy and placed their heads on pikes to warn his foe to stop the invasion of his homeland. He was considered a hero by his subjects. Now, he’s remembered as a bloodthirsty Dracula, a vampire and ghoul, by westerners who’ve read Bram Stoker’s novel of the same name.”
Well, that bit of knowledgeable trivia didn’t bring me any closer to getting a fix on Vladimir’s persona, intentions or skill set. Maybe his dossier would fill in some of the blanks or so I hoped.
I thanked Jimbo for his time and excellent overview of the Islamic terrorism phenomenon. He warned not to let the door hit my pale face on the way out. In turn, I reminded him the only good Indian was one born on the Asian subcontinent. I quickly departed before he could start his ranting and raving on that sensitive topic. That’s how close colleagues and good friends bonded in the decidedly undiplomatic Diplomatic Security Service. Honest Injun! That’s what friends were for, right?