CHAPTER 5 - FRANCE
It can take weeks to receive mail, often much longer. The widow was grateful that the housekeeper or her father-in-law did not censor or steal her mail. Perhaps they simply couldn't be bothered with looking at it
Jane de Chantal recorded the amount of food stuffs available in the pantry. She would next look at the finances and try to make an accurate accounting of them. The housekeeper did not appear to be happy with anything she was doing, but Jane de Chantal was trying to keep her focus more on the attitude with which she did her tasks than on what other people thought of her. She was gradually moving into a new spiritual direction relationship with Francis de Sales but first had to extricate herself from a very unhealthy relationship with her present spiritual director. The letters from the Bishop of Geneva greatly encouraged her and provided strategies for her to think about the way she was living. She still held great resentment for the man who killed her husband but was trying, at least in the higher part of her soul as Bishop Francis would say, to choose to forgive what may have been an accident.
"My dear Bishop Francis de Sales,
"Your letters fill me with joy. I feel like at last I have someone to whom I can open my heart freely. As I mentioned briefly when we met at the cathedral during your Lenten talks, I have been receiving spiritual direction from a local priest who had me so tied up in knots in the name of holiness that I was worse than before going to him for spiritual direction. I will speak more about that later.
"Please allow me to share a story of my spiritual vision in response to the vision you spoke about. Like you, my spirituality has a very practical bent to it. I am drawn to the sick and the poor and a simple life, but my state as a baroness pulls me in an opposite direction many times. For this reason I have never really sought out visions or other kinds of what might be thought of as mystical experiences. When I had my vision I didn't know how to respond to it. What I saw before me was a bearded man dressed as a bishop. He had a very slight cast in one eye and a gentle smile. I was not so much frightened by the vision as confused by it. In my heart I knew that this man would play a significant role in my life. How could this be? I didn't know him and my circumstances would not incline me in the direction of interacting with bishops even though my brother is one.
"I went to the cavernous cathedral about a half-hour early in order to have some quiet time to pray. My spiritual director insisted that I recite a long list of prayers, both in the morning and the evening. The prayers are verbal and, might I say, boring and discouraging. My director left no room in my life to talk simply to the God that I am searching for. Not only that, my director insisted that I make a vow never to discuss my spiritual life with anyone else. He did allow a little latitude in that area when he was out of town. Then I might briefly talk about what was in my heart to another. That permissible latitude is how I had the courage to approach you after your first Lenten talk here, and to share a very little bit about myself with you.
"Like you, I became disoriented when I looked up at the pulpit in the cathedral and saw you enter it. You have the spiritual energy of a very ordinary person who is dressed in the robes of a bishop. It was difficult to see because of the darkness of the cathedral and your distance from me, but I knew in my heart exactly who you were. Because of this recognition of the person I had seen in my vision years before, I had additional courage to speak with you.
"I don't know how to discern such things, but I believe that our good God may be inviting me to transition from my present spiritual director to you as my spiritual director. You are a bishop and busy about many things--trying to run a diocese during a time of religious wars and persecution. I'm not completely sure that you even do the ministry of spiritual direction. I have learned from my brother that just because someone is a priest does not make him a spiritual director automatically. He said that spiritual direction is a ministry given by the Holy Spirit to a variety of men and women. I was told that many times devout monastics, monks and nuns, are often excellent spiritual directors. My brother, whom I believe you may have met, longs for the day when men and women may more and more do spiritual direction freely. Spiritual direction is a gift in the Church, he tells me, to build everyone up. Somehow it has been relegated to the clergy primarily, and they are often not well trained or gifted in this area.
"It is clear to me, Bishop Francis, that you are a kind, gifted, and compassionate person. Do you do spiritual direction? If so, may I speak with you about seeing you for spiritual direction? My present painful situation has been made worse by my present spiritual director, I fear. My feelings of anxiety, guilt, resentment, and oppression have increased. I am afraid to make a transition from him to you. What about the vows he insisted that I take? Do these prohibit me from speaking with you freely? Must I continue to rattle off prayer after prayer twice daily? Who can dispense me from these vows?
"Speaking of rattling, I hear the rattle of keys in the hallway. That means that the mistress of this house--and of my father-in-law--is locking up for the night. In a castle like this it is hard to lock everything up, but the most important rooms, such as the storeroom and great hall, are locked nightly. I must see about banking the fire for the night. My children are asleep and I will be soon as well.
“Awaiting your next letter, grateful for your time, and making at least an attempt to be patient and abandoned to life's slow processes, I remain your spiritual daughter,
Baroness Jane de Chantal”