CHAPTER 8 - FRANCE
“My very dear daughter,
“Your God-given vocations, first as a wife and mother, and now as a widow, enrich us all. You have wisdom and experience from those roles that many others in the Church do not possess. Perhaps there will come a day when this wisdom will be more widely shared, but for now I encourage you to continue on with your desire for patience and courage. You are already exercising these virtues well and, when we respond mindfully to what life presents us with, we continue to grow in the life of virtue.
“You asked several most important questions in last week's letter. I think it would be helpful if we could meet to discuss the questions you presented to me. It is possible that the vows your spiritual director encouraged you to make can be dispensed. It may be that they were never even really valid in the first place, given the state of your soul at the time they were taken, and a possible lack of inner freedom to make healthy choices.
“Yes, I do engage in the ministry of spiritual direction, but life does not present me with much time, so sessions with people are necessarily infrequent. Much of my spiritual direction is done by letter. In a sense, we have already created a spiritual direction relationship through our letters.
“There is a popular custom, which I consider spiritually unhealthy, wherein people do excessive fasting or even whip their bodies to the point of bleeding. This kind of physical pain has somehow become associated with loving God. The God I have come to know does not want us to be in pain. The age-old question as to why pain exists at all is still something I struggle with. I am sure of one thing, however, that life presents us with enough pain. We do not need to seek out any additional pain.
“I am not suggesting that occasional fasting or the mortification of our willfulness is not a good thing. I believe these practices have their place in the spiritual life, but that they need to be utilized sparingly, and with accountability to a trusted friend or spiritual director. I would like to talk about your view of such practices, given that the spiritual direction you have received of late may have been harsher than necessary. Dare I say it, unhealthy?
“My suggestion regarding mortification is that you eat what is presented to you with a grateful heart. If something is likely to make you sick do not eat it. If the smallest piece is closest to you as the plate is being passed take that gratefully. If a larger piece is closest to you as the plate comes your way, accept that gratefully. The less of our willfulness there is in these small matters, the more God's permissive will can reign freely in our lives. Let us focus upon being people of inner strength, even if our physical bodies may be weak.
“Your letters are filled with anxious thoughts. This is quite understandable given your circumstances. Unfortunately, anxiety can be the biggest obstacle to a spiritual life. Jesus invites us to have confidence in all matters – admittedly not always an easy thing to do. He promises to be with us in everything, and even showed us this by living out a very human life himself. Joseph and Mary did much the same. The holy family listened for the will of God and lived it out in a family unit as have you. Sadly, many people believe that it is only monastics and the clergy who are truly close to God. This is not theologically sound. God comes to us as we live out the duties of our state in life, be it married, single, clergy, or monastic life.
“You have been gifted, my dear daughter, with a very fine mind. Unfortunately, the evil one can turn our gifts against us. That mind of yours seems to be looking for a reason as to why your husband was killed--even to the point of suspecting foul play. I have no way of knowing whether the Baron was intentionally or unintentionally shot. I encourage you to limit the amount of time you ruminate about this topic to perhaps a quarter of an hour a day. If you find your mind going back to that topic later in the day, and you most likely will, remind yourself that you have already thought about the matter and move on to another topic. Admittedly, this takes a great deal of self-discipline, but I'm sure you have it.
“Our spiritual and intellectual gifts are given to us to build up other people, and not primarily for our own benefit. Using your fine mind to create strategies for you to grow beyond your present circumstances is a much more productive thing to do. The evil one wants to snare you with all sorts of anxious and depressing thoughts and feelings through the use of the gift of your mind in an inappropriate way. We often picture the evil one as a devil with a pitchfork and horns, but it is a much more subtle experience than that. We often don't see the evil one standing right in front of us or whispering into our ears. He sometimes gets to us through our very gifts!
“My wish is to empower you, not to treat you like an empty-headed person who, because she is a woman, is not to be respected. Think about the way Jesus interacted with women in the Gospel stories. He did so with respect and warmth. I hope that I can follow him in this way. I also hope that we will meet again before very long. Penned with grateful affection from,
+ Francis de Sales, Bishop of Geneva”