CHAPTER 9 - FRANCE
“My dear Bishop Francis de Sales,
“How our recent meeting strengthened my heart! The experience here at my father-in-law's castle, especially within the context of any civil lack of status in terms of finance, has been very disempowering. Your words, in association with the Gospel, the Good News of Jesus, are life-giving to me. I have never been exposed to a spirituality that has been presented so simply, practically, and joyfully.
“What a wonderful relief to be released from my vow of secrecy concerning my spiritual life. I can now speak with you with increasing freedom of heart and mind. It has also been extremely freeing to be released from the vow to pray so very many prayers both in the morning and evening, with little or no concern for the true and spontaneous prayer my heart might utter were it given half a chance.
“My four children are growing well despite the circumstances. Yes, they would probably be happier in the home of other relatives than in this dreary and negative place. My oldest is now a young man and I keep trying to shift him away from his fascination with dueling. The girls are more and more interested in pretty clothing and ribbons for their hair. That is fine as far as it goes, but I hope that they can see value in the more important things of life, such as one’s interior life.
“I know that I belong to God, yet family members and friends keep pushing me towards the arms of one suitor or another. From a worldly point of view it is foolhardy for me not to remarry. My children and I would be far more financially secure and we would be able to move to a place where there would not be so much animosity or intolerance toward us. You have made it clear, my dear Bishop, that God loves us all intensely and that one is not closer to God in religious life than in marriage. I'm beginning to understand that it is more a matter of discerning where God may be inviting us to than where we ourselves would like to go. I remain extremely conflicted about my future. Where is it that God would like me to go when my children are no longer in need of my care – when they are off at school somewhere, or living with relatives, or even out on their own?
“If I marry again I fear my heart would not really be in the marriage, and that would be a lack of kindness toward my new spouse. It would also not be very honest, as I believe that I would be using him to make my life a bit more comfortable. That does not seem to me to be an honorable thing to do, but the people who surround me think otherwise. I already belong to God and, thanks to Your Excellency's guidance, I am beginning to understand the healthier aspects of spirituality. If I were to live out this relationship with God as a vowed religious, I am not certain that this would be a good choice either. Many of the religious orders in existence today emphasize corporal penances, fasting, various mortifications, the wearing of hair shirts, and the like.
“I have been trying to live in accord with God's permissive will, and the things that come along from day to day in life. I no longer seek out penances, nor do I reject unpleasant things that come along. I simply try to do what I can to deal with the matters which I like as well as those which I don't like. I am becoming more and more interested in what God wants than in what I want. I see people constantly trying to rearrange life. They do this in small ways--by being very fussy about what they eat, rearranging furniture, demanding only certain styles of clothing, and so forth. What do these things really matter in the long run? In the end, such people tend to be very easily frustrated and unhappy. Life never seems to give them just exactly what they want. What a surprise!
“Life is unfair. That doesn't mean that we need to be morose about it. There is a lot of joy in life if we can be content with what we have and do not spend our time trying to adjust and rearrange everything.
“I love the beauty of Lake Annecy, and can picture the ducks gliding along the water so peacefully there. I rejoice in the melting glaciers that formed that lake as one of the largest bodies of water in France so long ago. It seems to me, dear Bishop, that I am taking to your spiritual suggestion the way these ducks take to the water on that beautiful lake. May I never waste your time or effort.
“Until we speak again, I remain your grateful daughter,
Baroness Jane de Chantal”