CHAPTER 23 - PENNSYLVANIA
Clare couldn't sleep. She had made up her mind to ask to be received as a novice into the Salesian Monastery. Her heart was full of joy, but somehow this little community always brought with it a dose of danger as well. Her intuition was in high gear. Brother Francis was in danger--she was certain of it.
Maybe I can share my thoughts with Sister Jane, but then again Madam Wu is a Christian psychic. Either or both of them might think me deranged. Raving about the danger our Abbot is in a half a world away and based on no factual evidence is not the way to seek admission into monastic life. Yet one of our vows, which I hope to take one day, is obedience. I've learned that it is not a militaristic response to commands that are barked at you, but rather a constant seeking for the will of God in one's own life. As best I can tell, it is God's will that I share this information with others. After I've done that, I will try to live peacefully with the fallout.
A psalm at Night Prayer that evening spoke about angels guarding God's people. The closing prayer at the end of Compline every night invited the angels to surround and protect the community members as they slept. Clare thought about these words and asked God to protect her Abbot. Soon she drifted off into a quasi-sleep.
The next day Clare and Brother Matthew walked along the windy road during recreation time. "You seem concerned about something Clare. Is there anything I can do to be helpful?"
"You are the youngest member of the community and it was not that long ago that you took your solemn vows."
"Right you are, as Sister Jane often says, and it was a rocky road getting there," the young monk said with a smile and a sense of triumph.
Clare had to look at Brother Matthew when he was speaking because her primary way of communicating was through lip reading. When a car drove by Brother Matthew couldn't hear Clare, but the cars didn't bother her because she listened with her eyes and with her heart. She explained the struggles of her soul and ended with a question. "Do I speak up about my strange feelings or keep my mouth prudently shut?” Clare was momentarily captivated by the thought that she was seeking admission to a community that was co-founded by the patron of the hearing-impaired, St. Francis de Sales. It was not her main reason for entering but certainly felt like a confirmation of her desire for monastic life.
Brother Matthew was wise beyond his thirty-something years and was also in the process of taking some training in spiritual direction through distance learning and on site in summers at St. Meinrad School of Theology in Indiana. He believed that spiritual direction was one of the most sacred ministries in the Church--one that couldn't be “tamed” by academics or even by canon law. He saw it as a gift of the Holy Spirit that one is given and which can be developed through on the job training and experience and mentoring, or more formally. He longed to do spiritual direction and retreat work as part of his ministry. The young monk was, in fact, beginning to help at some retreat houses and had a limited number of spiritual directees with whom he worked. "I'm pretty certain that the answer to that question lies in your heart. You probably already know what you are going to do but just need a little push."
Clare responded with a small laugh mingled with a tear or two of relief. "One of the most attractive things about community life is that there always seems to be someone around who has what is needed at any given moment."
"One of the most unattractive things about community life," the monk said with an outright laugh, "is that there always seems to be somebody around. It's like any kind of life I suppose, the good and the bad, lightness and darkness dance and mingle, and we simply try to navigate our way through."
Clare was thinking out loud now. "Although I think Madam Wu would have a better sense of what I'm talking about, Sister Jane is the prioress and presently my religious superior, and so I think that she would be the most appropriate person to speak with."
"What kind of danger do you think Brother Francis might be in?” Brother Matthew asked gravely.
"I think someone wants to kill him."