We exit the Library and get back into the SUV. From the directions on the GPS, even with our detour to the Library we are still 45 minutes to an hour from SNL. It is still only 9 AM so we will need to waste some time before we head to the West Gate and can get in when visiting hours start.
“NS, check the GPS to see if there is anything like a park nearby where we can eat our nutritious lunch of military surplus peanut butter, stale donuts, left over lukewarm coffee and bottled water.”
“Steve, while that sounds wonderful, how about we just find a McDonald’s or some other fast food.”
“Yeah that does sound better. What is near SNL?”
“Looks like there is a McDonald’s just off the interstate on the same exit we take for SNL.”
“Let’s lock it in and head for the Golden Arches.”
“Way ahead of you Steve, already done.”
“Let’s check the radio, maybe we can find the weather this time.”
Instead we find some sort of informational programming about what you should not put into the blender. We join two old English ladies, renowned blenderologist Dr Matilda Bannapants and famed contrarian Ernestine Krautcabin, with the show already in progress. The old english ladies sound somewhat like Dan Akroyd doing Julia Child on Saturday Night Live; coincidentally also referred to by the initials SNL. I am sure that won’t make things confusing at all.
“Ernestine now, you can never put my keys in the blender, but if you want to put your keys in the blender, then I don’t care. You’ll ruin your blender and your keys will be all messed up and you won’t be able to drive anywhere”
“But suppose, I lost my keys and then wanted to put them in the blender?”
“Well, that would be ok too, except you would have to find your keys before you could un lose them in the blender.”
“But suppose, I found my keys and then dipped them in chocolate first?”
“You know why you lost your keys, because I hid them in the blender.”
“But suppose, I had your keys?”
“You can’t have my keys, I don’t have a car or a house or anything that has keys.”
“But suppose, I took your piano keys.”
“Did you just say something about my nose? I’m pretty sure you are talking about my nose. I think I have a very nice nose.”
“But suppose I took your piano keys and I dipped it in cheese and then put it in the blender.”
“I don’t even know what a key is.”
“But suppose, I bought you a piano.”
“You bought me a piano?”
“And I dipped the piano in cheese and then I put the whole piano in the blender.”
“You know what you can do with a piano, you can not put it in a blender.”
“Well, I never.”
The announcer goes on with, “For more revolutionary ideas for what not to put in a blender, find Matilda and Ernestine on you tube, search for Ffredend.”
Turning off the radio once again, “Steve, that is five more minutes you owe me. I will never get those back. What exactly is a blenderologist and why would you dip your keys in chocolate before putting them in the blender?”
“Well, I never.”
“Steve, there is our exit, I guess the one good thing about the radio is it seems to have made time travel possible since we seem to have traveled 45 minutes down the highway in five minutes of that nonsense.”
“NS, I try not to ask too many questions when these sort of things happen.”
“Look McDonalds, do you want to go inside or go through the drive through?”
“Let’s go inside, I want to see what the toy in the Happy Meal is; I hope it is something good, like spy glasses or a secret decoder ring.”
“Steve, what are you 7?”
“I have amnesia and don’t remember how old I am, thank you for bringing that up again, I was just starting to forget that I forgot everything.”
“Sorry, I’ll buy lunch and get you whatever Happy Meal you want.”
“Thank you, but how are you going to pay for lunch?”
“I have a credit card my parents gave me for emergencies and this looks like a hunger emergency to me.”
“Does it have your real name on it?”
“Of course it does, so tell me what you want so I can order the food without you trying to get a peek at the my name on the card.”
We get out of the SUV and head inside. Looking at the Happy Meal display I see that they do have spy gear for the toys and sure enough a secret decoder ring is one of the options.
“Sally, please get me the 6 McNugget Happy Meal with the secret decoder ring and a large Coke.”
“Seriously, ok.”
Sally orders the Happy Meal and a Big Mac value meal and we find a place to sit while we wait for our order to come up.
A few minutes later we hear “Nancy, order up Happy Meal and Big Mac Value meal.”
“Nancy, is that your real name?”
“Yes, fine, my real name is Nancy, let’s go pick up our food, I’m starving.
We get our food and I did get the secret decoder ring, though it is pretty basic, it just does a simple transposition cypher, A-1, B-2, C-3 etc.
“So, Nancy, is that a family name?”
“Yes, it came from my great grandmother Nancy Nickerson, but I am pretty sure her maiden name started with a D or something. Let’s finish eating, it is almost noon and SNL will be opening soon.”
We finish up the last of our food, bus our trash into the receptacle and head back to the SUV. Sally puts the SNL coordinates back in and we are on our way.