Chapter twelve
It was a cool evening in Mr. Peter’s living-room. The style of furnishing was rather that of urban household. Ifeoma and her old friend Adaobi were having a deep conversation while the kids were playing the game of ludo. Mr. Peter had just returned from work with an unusually long face.
“Honey, you look very hungry, can I bring you food immediately?” Ifeoma asked. “No”, Mr. Peter answered. Ifeoma was surprised. Her husband had never refused her food before! He was even a glutton who could gobble down within minutes a mountain of a very tasteless food.
“Honey, please, you have to eat something”. Ifeoma persuaded further with pure concern.
“Go away, you ugly and rotten woman.” He roared like one threatening fire, thunder and lightning. “And don’t you ever let me see you again. You don’t seem to know when one is not hungry, if you dare talk to me about food again, I will chop off your head and that of your useless children and give them to the dogs. I’m sure; they will like to eat them”.
Ifeoma was perturbed at her husband’s reaction. She became sad and left the living-room. Adaobi was very sad as she couldn’t figure out why men sometimes could be as thoughtless as a lark, even with the over-abundance of love rained on them. The women were yet to understand what was going on. It all started this morning when Mr. Peter spotted a very pretty lady just opposite his own house. Was it love, infatuation, charm, or just mere lust that caused this? Or was it simply madness? One cannot say precisely what brought about this incident on Mr. Peter, a mere factory worker with little educational background. It is no news that Ifeoma accepted his demand for marriage because he was generally acclaimed to be a disciplined, quiet and straightforward person. When Mr. Peter saw the lady, he was so overwhelmed by her extreme beauty and charisma that he stood like a statue in open-mouthed wonder at this very rare work of nature. Never in his life had he seen such a paragon of beauty! He sighed, smacked his lips and scratched his head, exclaiming: “My God! My God! You are indeed great! This is beauty! What an angel!” For fifteen complete minutes he gazed fixedly at this lady as she talked and gesticulated with some of her friends. Not until the lady stopped talking and left the spot did he regain consciousness. He had travelled far into “Fantasy Island.” Not even his bosom friend, Akpos could draw his attention. Immediately, the lady disappeared he started making enquiries about her: her name, working place, if she really lived in the house; if she was married or not and many other petty things. His interest was surprising.
Akpos was so taken aback by his frenzied inquisitiveness about the lady that he joked: “Peter, Peter…my friend…how many times I call you…Wetin dey do you self? You chop juju for this Lagos? Why you dey always dey fall my hand for women matter? You too like women. Because say, you see that Mami-water, you don forget say you get wife and two small pikin for house?”
“If I get wife for house nko?” replied Mr. Peter. You dis Akpos sef. You no know better thing sef. Chei! My beautiful…yellow pawpaw. I go die for you o! I go die for you. You hear, yellow pawpaw. I swear!”
Thereafter, Akpos told him the little he knew about the lady. Her name was Mma. She was still unmarried and she lived exactly opposite Peter’s house. She was very fond of friends and worked with a private company in Lagos. He learnt she loved dancing and good dancers too, particularly disco dancers, and that she was a very sentimental person. Mr. Peter who is a very good disco dancer was happy with the piece of information.
That night, when Mr. Peter retired to bed he dreamt about Mma. He dreamt he and her went arm-in-arm to a night party, that they were welcomed well. And they had fun together under the envious eyes of people. He dreamt again that they went to watch an Indian film after which they decided to marry each other. The marriage ceremony was extraordinary, for in the dream, the king of the sea, the king of the sky, his queen, the owner of the land and all the eminent leaders of the terrestrial and extraterrestrial world graced the occasion. He even dreamt that, Goodluck Ebere Jonathan and Barack Obama were among the prominent leaders that graced the memorable marriage ceremony. In the dream, they pledged never to leave each other even after death.
Mr. Peter was very happy. It was a very rosy and sweet dream. When he woke up the following morning, he sat on his bed ruminating about what happened in the sleep. He was really surprised. He thought what he dreamt about Mma was real. He believed she must have had the same experience. Ifeoma could not understand the unusual smile on his face. Adaobi could not understand it too. What is happening? The women kept wondering. What did he see in his sleep? The women could not fathom. The following morning, after the sweet dream, when Mr. Peter left for his work, he was full of thoughts about Mma and the marriage. His co-workers wondered what could have put such a brilliant joy on his face that is usually as hard as steel. One of his friends came to him:
“Peter, you win promo? You dey surprise me o. This smile we dey your face too much for one person. Wetin dey totori your face like this? Mr. Jonah asked expecting an immediate answer, but he ignored him and was in high spirits throughout the working hour. One could notice his unusual euphoria because of the smiles that brightened his brows every now and then.
That evening, a real conflict started when Mr. Peter came back from work. Immediately he saw Mma, his thoughts went into turmoil. He took a chair, sat down confidently and starred longingly at her. The gaze was somewhat fanatic and too sensuous. When she moved, he followed her and watched her every step. He watched her lips, her smiles, her backsides, and gesticulations, all these interested him. He was deeply infatuated by her beauty, lost in dreams but never summoning up the courage to speak to her for fear she might reject him or probably be annoyed by him.
Mma herself did not understand why Mr. Peter kept his eyes on her, and always gave her that long uninterrupted look. However; she was prepared to teach the old man a good lesson. Truly, she was an angel and a rare gem. She was tall and slim, not too slim though with a round and well-shaped forehead; moderate nose and a well-formed mouth. But her most notable feature was her eyes which were widely spaced, brilliant and of the deepest brown. She is light-skinned and possessed a very succulent body. Her lips were as fragrant and smooth as the softest floral. Her voice was as melodious as the sweetest opera singer. She always dressed elegantly. Truly, everything about her suggested moderation, beauty and excellence.
Mr. Peter was by now carried away by the violent tide of adoration. He fell in raptures if Mma ever smiled in his direction and was downcast if she failed to notice him. He was still basking in sweet thoughts about her when Ifeoma came to him and questioned:
“Honey, your son Uche was sent back from school today because of illness, you came back from work today and you didn’t even care to ask?” Mr. Peter became very angry at the words of his wife. She did not know she had troubled a sleeping dog. He burst out in annoyance: “May Amadioha pluck out your eyes Ifeoma and Sango, the Yoruba god of lightening strike you dead for disturbing my peace this afternoon! You’ve been too troublesome for me to handle these days. I’m fed up with you. Pack your load and leave my house immediately, before I open my closed eyes. Before, I come inside there and find you in my house with those two devils you call your children and commit murder with my cutlass!”
Ifeoma at first thought her husband was not serious about the matter, but at the mention of committing murder she became very afraid. She knew Satan had a hand in the matter. She started trembling and went inside in tears and started packing all their belonging. She had been a very loving and understanding wife. They had been together while they were both very young. She was a courteous and sympathetic woman who had helped her husband a lot, financially and morally. To Ifeoma, her husband was not a poor man. She believed he could still be rich. She believed that with the little money her husband earned they could still keep body and soul together. She never grumbled. She took things lightly and was full of optimism for a better tomorrow. But what her husband did to her was the greatest shock of her life. Her two sons, Uche and Ikechukwu cried continuously as their mother packed all her belongings and was about leaving the house. Mr. Peter was adamant to the pleadings of Adaobi. He did not show the least concern as Adaobi begged in tears. Adaobi, who had been sick over the agonizing and very painful experience of her friend, looked thin and gaunt. She looked like someone who needed to spend a fortune on a myriad of health problems.
“Oh death, come and snatch me away from this debilitating and consuming pains!” The pregnant young woman prayed in her heart as Mr. Peter continued gazing hopefully in a prayerful manner at Mma who was having a conversation in front of their house.
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As the ugly drama was playing out, Akpos, Mr. Peter’s bosom friend was also having a hard time at his home almost at the same time.
“Why are you leaving me Iyabo?” Akpos asked in tears. He moved closer to his wife and tried fruitlessly to change her mind.
“Leave my bag and let me go! I can’t die in poverty!” The woman replied adamantly as she headed for the door.
“Mummy, please don’t go now…” Her three children uttered in unison, with tears streaming down their skeletal brows.
“Don’t leave Papa in this condition…your presence gives him strength and joy…” The eldest child begged, mopping his face with the tip of his ragged and torn shirt.
That Wednesday morning, Akpos watched helplessly as his wife packed her belongings and left for an unknown destination. Akpos was a cheap Laborer working as a digger in Pammaz Construction Company, Lagos. He could be called “Mr. Poverty” if ever there were such a title. He was so poor that one could say that church rats were richer than him. He had only a tattered shirt and trouser. He lived in a very poor hotel in a notorious slum. He oozed poverty. His dilapidated room lacked all the little things that put smiles on the faces of people-radio, television set, refrigerator etc. He was so poor that he couldn’t afford a single chair in his room. His three children and his wife always sat on a torn mat whenever they had the opportunity of drinking garri and groundnuts.
His take home pay was nothing to write home about. Before he collected his paltry wages, he had already borrowed money far above it from kind-hearted neighbours. At the last count, he owed only Mr. Peter the sum of thirty thousand naira. So the next thing he did when he collected his peanuts was to settle his debts leaving him with nothing at the end of the day. He even owed his Landlord two years’ rent. And the Man had threatened to throw him out in three weeks time. Akpos stood at about 5ft tall, was dark-skinned and round-faced. The three children he had through his estranged wife were two girls and a boy. Despite his problems and travails, he had a faint courage in his heart that there was a flickering light at the end of the dark tunnel. His late parents had no money to send him to secondary school. That was the main reason he resigned himself to fate and became a cheap laborer, saying what he couldn’t get with his brain he would get with his brawn. All the same, he eked out a living with his strength. The life of a digger is tough and difficult. It takes more than guts to be a digger because the digging tool is not friendly at all.
Most times when working on a site, he never forgot to take along his Bible. When he had worked for many hours and felt like resting, he would find a quiet place, lie down and read his Bible, praying to Almighty God to change his fortune and destiny for good. He wasn’t so educated but he could read his bible without anybody’s assistance. He attended the primary school. He was about entering the secondary school when his parents died of food poisoning and he was left alone to face the challenges of life.
Before Akpos got the casual job as a digger in Pammaz Company, he had worked with almost five different companies, doing menial jobs. They always sacked him mainly for the reason of reading Bible at work, which had never changed his love for the Holy Book. At present, a fat and tall Asian supervisor had threatened to sack him if he should ever leave his duty post to read Bible again. This actually left a gaping hole in his heart but whenever he picked the Bible to read, his troubled soul was always at a mysterious peace and he was ready to sacrifice anything to preserve it. In the past, his wife had tried in vain to convince him to always keep his precious Book at home when going to work but failed abysmally. At times; tears would stream down his face when he read some powerful psalms. He wouldn’t know when he would doze off into the comfort of dreams. The dewy hands of sleep would take him away temporarily from the painful, hard and harsh realities of life.
As Akpos was about going out, his eldest child Chijioke was also preparing to go to school, along with the young ones. Chijioke asked: “Now that Mummy has left us, how do we go on? You know that she always supports you!”
Akpos was startled, confused and dumbfounded on hearing the question his eldest child threw at him.
“Em…em…em...I just don’t know what to do now Chijioke.” He said as he fought back the tears streaming from his swollen eyes. “I will go and see my friend Peter immediately. He may lend me some money for a petty business”. He left his children and trudged up the road laden with hunger and sorrow for the next fifty minutes. .Coincidentally, he arrived at the height of Mr. Peter’s madness. He was shocked at the unfolding drama in front of him.
“Peter! Peter!!” He shouted. “What is happening to you? Where do you want Ifeoma to go with the children and her belongings? My wife just left me this morning because she is fed up with poverty. You should be grateful to have such a good wife. What is her fault?”
“Don’t ask me, Akpos, let her go”, he answered. That crazy woman must go for God’s sake. She’s giving me headache”, he retorted. “Ah…My yellow pawpaw, I will do anything to have you as my wife. You are the only true woman in this world. Oh...I love you. I swear that I will save every kobo I have to get you my yellow pawpaw!” Akpos was convinced that he had gone out of his mind. He simply went and took back Ifeoma’s belongings into the house. Mr. Peter left them and went into the parlour and started writing poem after poem about Mma. In these highly romantic poems, Mma appeared as the goddess of love; the embodiment of grace and beauty. She rode a dazzling white horse over flowing meadows, her honey-coloured hair flowing in the wind, a gold-coloured mantle falling to her feet in majestic elegance. The skies sang, the moon bowed, the oceans sighed, the sun danced and joy accompanied her beautiful body everywhere. Mr. Peter was so infatuated with her that he lost his sense of reality and was dangerously compromised in his dreams even though he never spoke to her, never made any moves towards her, yet he believed she was aware of his most intimate thoughts. He had convinced himself that he would meet her soon and everything would become clear without a single word being exchanged between them. He was quite sure that she knew what he was thinking and shared his immense enthusiasm for the ideas he expressed.
When Akpos had been able to calm down Ifeoma, Adaobi and the children, he came to Mr. Peter and interrupted his romantic line of thoughts. “It is quite possible Mma is not the least concerned about your mad ideas or thoughts, because you have not even spoken to her about them!” Mr. Peter became furious and screamed: “You are very stupid! How could you say such a thing? You understand nothing! You have not the slightest comprehension of what is called extraordinary love!” Akpos was confused and questioned whether it was possible to communicate complicated ideas to a girl by merely exchanging long glances and uninterrupted stares.
“Let me teach you something Akpos. You see, I am the best teacher of love in the world. I am the Maradona of love. It is possible, Akpos. No one can explain these things. All that is in me is also in Mma. Exceptional people understand one another by intuition. There is absolutely no need for the usual form of spoken communication when two exceptional beings are in love. Today, Mma, I repeat, today, I will meet you and then we can recount all that we have shared together in our love experiences”. He taught with authority.
Mr. Peter was very determined to confront Mma and then make his feelings known. She was at the centre of all his hopes, his ideas, and his thoughts and within the structure of his fantasies she reigned supreme. If she smiled, it meant she approved of what he was doing and of his very existence, and if she failed to see him, preferring to look in the eyes of another young man living in her house, he believed what she was saying to the guy was: “You have done wrong and must be punished. I have my own secret lover, who is looking at me and watching everything I do and every movement I make.
As Mr. Peter’s dreams and fantasies with his invisible seraph increased, he summoned courage to meet her. He left Akpos, who had been standing hands akimbo watching him from his room. He carefully looked himself in the mirror, studying how handsome he was in the eyes of his love. Though, he wasn’t very handsome, he believed he was extraordinarily and perfectly handsome. He changed his outdated and already worn-out clothes, changed his aged oblong shoes because that shoe was a sore sight. Completely transformed from his erstwhile clownish and poverty-stricken funny attire, he started contriving plans to “hook her”, but truly, he was not handsome at all. He had a bump protruding on his forehead and a wide mouth. He was short with a rather big head and fleshy lips that obstructed his rather thick tongue, and a scrubby nose at the top. But he was confident and determined to woo her because they had been married in his dreams, gone to places and shared love experiences through long glances.
“Please, Peter run away from that Mammy-water…but instead think about Ifeoma and your children!” Akpos tried to persuade. Mr. Peter hushed him instantly: “You want me to forget about my life? I’m sorry; you don’t know how much she means to me.” He could not bear it any longer; he left for the mirror and combed his hair. He was certain that he had changed into a complete lover boy now. He left the room while Akpos continued to watch the funny movie of the century. Mr. Peter stood in front of his house, inserted a disco rhythm and blues CD into his music player and started shaking and twisting his waist seductively to impress Mma who was standing opposite the house. Ifeoma came out only to see the strange creature dancing. She could hardly recognize her husband in his new attire and romantic dancing steps. Even Uche and Ikechukwu could not have believed that their father was such a good dancer. What of Adaobi? The house is crazier today. In fact, if anyone thinks he is crazy, let him come here now. He will see someone crazier than he is. The house will thrill you and if you are not careful, the house will kill and bury you with laughter. If you think, you are a dance star; I invite you to meet the new super star in town. If you think you are handsome, your handsomeness will turn to ashes with Mr. Peter in his perfection of beauty now. Mr. Peter had been doing the romantic dance of all ages for about fifteen minutes now. He was very happy, not even noticing his wife, children, Akpos and Adaobi. Akpos thought he was mad and admonished: “Peter, why are you making a fool of yourself? You won’t get her, you are a joker.”
“Sharrap! You jealous little brat! Don’t you know she has fallen for me already? You will see what happens next! Heaven knows that she has fallen already!”
Being enthralled in sublime ecstasy, he left Akpos immediately and headed for Mma’s direction who, all the while Mr. Peter had been dancing, was actually having a conversation outside her house with a friend. Her friend, who had just returned from USA, visited to share her experiences especially that of the Nigerian Airport. When she landed at the Murtala Muhammed international airport, the signs of hell were visible everywhere. First, the lift and the escalator were both not functioning. Passengers with heavy hand luggage had to either carry them on their heads or dragged them through the narrow staircase to the ground floor. The arriving hall had no working air conditioner. Those of them coming from the freezing weather in New York with over coats on had to strip themselves virtually bare, because the whole place had turned into a steamy oven. The lights in the airport, unlike those at J.F. Kennedy’s Airport were very dull. She could hardly see her feet. And it took her two hours of baking in the suffocating hall before she retrieved her luggage. Mma, who had been listening with rapt attention contributed rather reluctantly: “I hope that the government will do something about the aviation sector. The stories are always the same; a rehearsal of hell. I must be on my way now for the shopping at Shoprite. I will visit you in the evening to collect my gifts”.
Mr. Peter moved delicately towards her in well-rehearsed steps. He started memorizing some sweet words he would tell her on getting nearer to her. Mma was startled on seeing him coming her way. She composed herself, waiting for what would happen. When he moved closer, he cleared his frog-like throat and began: “You see, darling, I know all you are thinking. I know how much you love me; there is no need to talk too much. I’m just requesting that you come with me. You are the sugar in my tea, the rose of my heart, the moon of my night, sun of my day and the one that makes me truly happy. Because of you, I have not taken food for three days from my stupid wife. I’m prepared to send her away. You are truly my missing rib. I love you with everything in me. In heaven, on earth and under the earth, you are the only reality I have. Only you exist; everything else is dead. My darling, my love…will you come with me now?”
Mma was disturbed and confused. Her amazement gave way to anger because of the manner he addressed her. She thundered: “Are you normal at all, Mister Man? I think you should better go to a psychiatric hospital to seek a cure for your mental disease. Who do you think I am? A Lagos prostitute? If you don’t leave me alone and leave here, I will deal with you! Darling! Darling ko, darling ni, you have not seen your darling and the sugar in your tea! Keep fooling around, stupid old man, instead of taking care of your wife and children”.
Mr. Peter was shocked. “Ah…! Ah…! But darling, why are you treating me so? What have I done wrong? Is it a crime to love such an angel like you?” he asked.
“I repeat…leave me alone, you shameless and senseless man!” She snapped.
“Did you call me a shameless and senseless man?” But…we are married, isn’t it?” Mma gave him a pitiable gaze and left while giving more attention to her cat-like steps to mesmerize. His eyes turned red instantly and his face became pale in the face of the insult. He was shocked, surprised, dejected and disillusioned, nay really embarrassed. Instantly, he started sweating profusely and couldn’t believe his eyes and ears. Then, it dawned on him that all these days, he had been in a dream world.
“Didn’t I tell you not to go? Didn’t I tell you to think instead about your beloved wife and forget that beauty queen? See…how you made a fool of yourself in the presence of your wife and her friend and your little children? I hope, you will learn from this experience. I will be on my way now. I will see you tomorrow.” Akpos advised hiding his joy.