V IOLET TAPPED ON the computer keyboard with quick
fingers, headphones draped over her head to exclude
the world from her activities. Levi washed a pan at the
sink and looked over to her. He thought he saw
makeup on her eyes, but wasn’t sure. She’d been
increasingly withdrawn lately, as if someone had taken
over her personality and replaced it with a distracted,
hollow nineteen-year-old girl instead of the quirky
fireball who ate dinner at nine in the morning and
asked too many questions. He missed the old happy-
go-lucky Violet who had the kind of sparkle in her eyes
that makes you want to bare your soul to her. Yet he
knew she had taken the warehouse tragedy hard,
especially the loss of Johnny. They’d had a special kind
of bond and it could take years before she escaped that
night and the misery Dev had brought into her life.
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Levi set his gaze upon the window that overlooked
the main intersection, checking it every few minutes.
Jenny noticed that he was on-edge and took the spot
beside him, toweling off the dishes.
“Oh, no,” he said. “You don’t have to do that. The
cook never has to clean. My rule.”
“I don’t mind,” she said. Their hands touched
innocently in the sink and she pulled back. Levi
pretended not to notice, and she noticed him
pretending not to notice. His eyes flicked up to the
window again. He could handle confrontation or
threats, at least those against him. But he couldn’t
stand the thought of Jenny or Violet being harmed,
whether by anarchy in the streets or Dev dropping by
to pay them a visit. He remembered the note still inside
his pocket. The sun is always shining… Even in the
dead of night.
“Carl is so full of it,” she said. “I’m sure this time is
no different. Besides, imagine everyone taking to the
streets, going crazy. I could always build a campfire
from old tires and you can kill pigeons to roast. Violet
can…”
There was a lengthy pause. Levi flashed a smile and
stepped in with, “I’m sure there’s something she can
do.”
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“Oh, I know,” Jenny said jokingly, “Violet can hustle
strangers for spices. At least then our street pigeons
will have flavor.”
“I can hear you,” Violet said from under her
headphones with mock annoyance. “And for the
record, I can kill pigeons better than him.”
“I wouldn’t bet against you, Violet,” he conceded.
A sudden boom sounded from the street, causing all
of them to jump. Levi rushed to the window and saw a
bellow of smoke wafting from the tailpipe of an older
car that sputtered down the street. The car backfired
once more as it rounded the corner. Jenny placed a
hand to her chest and finished a long exhalation.
“What was that?” Violet asked, startled.
“Just a muffler backfiring,” he said. “Everybody settle
down. Show’s over.”
Jenny slapped his shoulder gently, a dubious
expression on her face. “Can we all just sit down and
enjoy this beautiful dinner now?”
The three of them gathered at the table and tried to
engage in a peaceful meal although it was obvious that
none of them could completely relax. It wasn’t just the
rumors of a public uprising or the expected violent
clashes. Everything felt more electric, the way you feel
energy in the air before a lightning storm. They ate in
silence, no one wanting to mention how bad things
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might actually get. Levi took a bite of quiche. With his
head down, his eyes scanned the table. Violet played
with her food, looking slightly nauseous. Jenny sipped
on red wine as she ate, her eyes darting up to the
window every so often. Levi sat up straight and cleared
his throat.
“Want to hear a joke?” he asked his dinner guests.
The girls looked up as a fork clanked against a plate.
“Lord help us,” Violet exclaimed.
“No, seriously. It’s a good one,” he said.
His eyes flashed over to Jenny, who was smiling. “So
this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says
‘Hey, you’ll never believe this but we have a drink
named after you.’ Then the grasshopper goes, ‘You
have a drink named Steve?’”
Violet cracked a grin before rolling her eyes.
Jenny set her glass down and began, “Knock,
knock.”
Levi smiled and obliged her with, “Who’s there?”
“Opportunity.”
Jenny and Levi shared a hearty laugh.
“Geez,” Violet said. “You guys are corny as hell.”
The mood lightened considerably. Violet picked up
her fork and finally took a bite. The smile on Jenny’s
face persisted, even as her attention was drawn back
to her plate. Around ten o’clock, Violet excused herself
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into the bedroom with Jenny’s laptop, leaving her
elders alone. They moved onto the couch where Levi
was quick to flip through the various news stations,
hoping to land on something less heavy; things were
tense enough already. Jenny curled up on one end
with a thin blanket and Levi changed into shorts and a
t-shirt before meeting her on the other end.
Jenny saw the lamp sitting in the kitchen, inside its
leather bag. She turned to Levi and asked, “Were you
ever scared? In the ring, I mean. Did the nerves ever
get to you?”
Levi exhaled a long sigh as he tried to think of a way
to explain it to her. “In the ring,” he said, “there’s no
fear at all. It’s like flying on autopilot: just doing the
thing you’ve done a million times in training. It’s the
lead-up that gets everybody. Me and every boxer I
know has trouble sleeping the night before a fight.
Your mind just starts asking all these “What if?”
questions. What if I miss the overhand right and he
counters like this, or if he circles to the power side and
changes his angle in an unpredictable way? What if I
run out of gas halfway through the fight and I’m
unable to raise my gloves and protect myself? And the
one that haunts us all… what if I don’t leave the ring?
What if my brain gets rocked in just the right way and
I go dark permanently? Plenty of boxers have died in
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there, and had no idea that when they stepped into the
ring, they were entering their final moments. There’s a
million of those questions, just circling your brain like
a toy train set. Round and round. But then you get
into the ring, they announce your name and the bell
sounds. At that moment all the worries fade away and
you just do your job. The instincts take over.”
Looking into his eyes, Jenny noticed a depth she had
not recognized before. “When you hear the first bell, do
you already know you’re going to win?”
“Always,” he said. “When it came to that moment, I
just knew.”
“And you were always right,” she said.
He seemed embarrassed by the subject matter and
diverted his eyes back to the television. Jenny noticed
that he was growing uncomfortable talking about it
and said, “So assuming all this blows over and nothing
happens, have you given any thought to what you
might want to do?”
“Not really, no,” he replied. “I don’t mind working
here in the building. Maybe I’ll break down and get a
phone though.”
Jenny didn’t laugh. Her face turned slightly more
serious. “Yeah, but you don’t want to keep fixing
toilets, right? I mean, not forever.”
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“Compared to what I’ve been doing the last seven
years, this job is a breeze. And I get to meet all sorts of
interesting people. Like Carl.”
He saw that she was searching for something, that
she wanted to speak her mind but not at the risk of
offending him. “You know, Levi, there are places in this
very city where you are worshipped. Even back then,
so many years ago, I still remember the sight of thirty
thousand people rising to their feet and chanting your
name as you walked out. The place was deafening.”
He knew what she meant, and he didn’t blame her
for bringing it up. It was painful to think about what
could have been, if only he hadn’t made that one
careless decision in a dim bar seven years ago. It’s the
reason he hadn’t broadcast the fact that he’d been
released from Hinnom Valley. The life he once knew no
longer existed. Asking those kinds of “What if?”
questions only made the pain more intolerable. He
didn’t want to think about such things. The life of a
handyman was uncomplicated, which he treasured.
“I can’t go back, Jenny.”
“No, I know,” she said softly. “It’s just hard for me
to… watch. To see everything that’s happened to you.
It makes me so sad to think about it.”
“Maybe some things happen for a reason,” he
countered.
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“Maybe,” she said. “But this? What possible reason
could there be for having everything taken away from
you? Your fiancé, your friends, your savings?”
“I didn’t say I knew the reason, I just think it’s
possible that there is a reason. But then again, I don’t
know; maybe not.” He gazed into her intense eyes and
she fell silent, looked down. “Well,” he said slowly,
“there is one thing I thought of. One thing that I
would’ve missed out on if I hadn’t gone away.”
“Really?” she asked. “What’s that?”
“I would have missed marrying you.”
His words took a moment to land. Jenny sat up a
little straighter, her face a mixture of emotions that he
couldn’t read. “Levi…” she said quietly. “I’m…”
He watched her reaction closely, thinking he
should’ve kept that one to himself. It was too bold, too
soon. They were not even a couple. He felt very exposed
having said it, and that both excited and terrified him.
Jenny stumbled over her words as she began to speak,
then changed direction and stopped.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m really sorry, Levi. My
husband never left me. I mean, I know he… left me…
but not intentionally. We were… we’re still…”
“In love,” he said, finishing her thought.
She turned away, her eyes welling with tears which
she fought to contain. “I still love him, yes. I will always
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love him. And even though you… and me… in another
life, I could see it. But that’s not our life. If we had met
under normal circumstances, if I hadn’t gone
through…”
Levi felt short of breath and he regretted opening up
so quickly. “It’s okay,” he said. “Just a crazy thing that
ran through my head. I didn’t really mean it the way it
sounded. I just meant, if me and you ever, you know…
that it would maybe explain or give some context to
things.”
The tears fell onto her cheeks and she bit down hard
on her lower lip, trying to control herself. “You’re a
stronger man than I’ve ever known, Levi. Truly, you’re
a humble and decent man. And I wish, I really do wish
I could let this go but I’ve tried. And I can’t. Ryan is my
husband and always will be. No matter how much I
want to move on, I just can’t let him go. I love him.”
“I understand,” he lied.
“This sounds crazy,” she said. “I know how it
sounds. It doesn’t even make sense in my own head.
But what I felt for him, it never faded, no matter how
much time passes. I still miss him so much, every day.
And you deserve someone better than that. Better than
a messed-up woman hanging onto a ghost.”
“No,” he said, “it’s not crazy. It’s… loyalty.”
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Levi turned away as he said that. The love of his life
couldn’t wait for him while he was in prison, yet here
was a woman who wouldn’t even let death separate her
from her husband. He knew that Jenny had feelings for
him. She’d revealed that on many occasions and in
many ways, but it wasn’t enough to overcome her
loyalty to Ryan. She was right: in another life it could
have worked out perfectly. But that wasn’t the life they
were living.
“I’m sorry, Jenny. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Don’t apologize to me. You’re the sane one.”
Jenny stood up, thinking it would be better to just
end the evening and head off to bed. Levi smiled and
nodded, the consummate gentleman.
“You know,” she said, “for what it’s worth, and it’s
probably not worth much, but… I think you would’ve
made a great husband. And in that fantasy world, we
would have been very happy.”
Jenny touched his shoulder to bid him good night
and left him sitting alone on the sofa. He heard her
door close in the distance and he sank into his seat,
not knowing if he was angry or confused or something
else. After a few moments, he fell onto his side in deep
sleep.
• • •
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Levi stood under the warm stage lights. He felt the
canvas under his feet and thick gloves bound to his
fists. The arena was silent and he couldn’t see out into
the darkness that stretched beyond the ring. Across
from him stood a man much larger than himself,
wearing a hooded black warm-up robe, bouncing in his
corner with his head hung low.
Levi tried to look into his eyes to intimidate the man
but he couldn’t see past the hood. Something dark,
something deadly stared back at him and he began to
question himself. Can I win this fight? Will I make it out
of here alive or is this it? Are these my final moments?
And then came a whisper from his corner man,
standing behind him; Levi felt the breath in his ear.
“Don’t give in to what you feel right now. Just ignore it
and fight on. I’m with you, son.” Levi knew, deep down,
that K.S. had spoken those encouraging words to him.
He took a deep breath and smashed his gloves together
a few times in rapid succession. He stared at his
dreadful opponent across the ring, psyching himself
up. Then the hooded man uncloaked and raised his
head to meet his gaze. Levi jumped in terror.
His eyes snapped open, searching the cold, dark
apartment. Able to relax after a moment, he heard a
horn in the distance. Then another. And another. He
got up and approached the window, which overlooked
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the intersection. A car alarm had been set off. A man in
a suit quickly ran over to the curb and disengaged the
alarm, before turning back and walking away. Levi
filled a glass with water and let the cool liquid slide
down his throat. His breathing became steady and he
heard another noise, stirring from the hallway. He
looked up and saw Violet poking her head out of the
bedroom. He whispered loudly enough for her to hear,
“Just a car alarm. Everything’s fine. Go back to sleep.”
She didn’t respond. Levi set his glass in the sink and
took a step closer. Her door opened wider and Violet
stepped out into the living room. She wore a silk robe
that looked like it was borrowed from Jenny. It took
him a moment to notice how inappropriate it was.
Maybe she was half-asleep. He took another step
forward and could now see her glistening eyes clearly.
Violet was smiling seductively at him. Whoa. What’s
going on here?
“Violet, are you okay? Are you having trouble falling
asleep?”
“No,” she answered in a soft voice. “But I want to
show you something. In here. It’s in my room. Can you
come take a look?”
“That’s really… that’s okay. Maybe in the morning.
Can it wait until the morning?”
“I don’t think so,” she said.
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“Did you see something out your window?” he asked.
“No,” she said plainly.
“Can you just tell me what it is?”
“I want to show you,” she said. “It’ll just take a sec.”
Something about her voice made him uneasy. He
noticed the scent of perfume drifting toward him.
“I’m really tired, Violet. I’m sorry.”
“Okay,” she said.
Violet then untied the silk belt around her waist and
let the robe cascade down her nude body and sink to
the floor. She stood before him, completely exposed.
“Violet!” he exclaimed, steering his eyes away. “What
are you doing?”
“It’s okay, Levi. I want you to look. Don’t you think
I’m pretty?”
Levi turned his back to her. “What are you doing?”
he repeated. “Put your robe back on.”
“You can have me, Levi. I won’t stop you. I won’t tell
Jenny either.”
“This is not right,” he said.
Something inside of him, something downright
sinister, urged and pleaded with him to turn around —
to gaze at her and explore her fully with his eyes. Do it!
She wants you to, idiot! It’s perfectly natural! Violet no longer seemed like a smart, happy-go-lucky teenager;
she was now a naked woman inviting him into her
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room. And he knew, even from that quick glimpse, that
she was attractive — as much so as any woman he’d
ever seen.
“Fight on,” said the voice in his head, the voice of his
corner man and ally.
“Violet,” he said, with his back still to her. “You are a
beautiful young woman. But that… it doesn’t make
this right. Please go back into your room. This isn’t
right. I’m sorry.”
Violet stared at the back of his head for a moment
and began to feel the coldness of the room. She felt the
shame of rejection. It was an out-of-body experience,
as though some foreign invader had snuck into her
head and made her act so out of character. This isn’t
me. She felt the sting of intense humiliation and
grabbed her robe, pulled it over her body and tied the
belt around her waist. She crossed her arms over her
clothed chest to guard her nakedness even further and
stepped back into the dark hallway. What have I done?
She was posing the question to herself. “What have I
done?” she repeated in a quiet whisper.
“It’s okay, Violet,” Levi said. “Don’t…”
He heard her door slam shut. Then the lock was
engaged. He turned back and felt a wave of sadness
crashing over him. He sensed her humiliation and
wanted nothing more than to comfort her. He
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approached her door and knocked lightly. He could
hear the girl crying deep, anguished sobs in the
stillness of night.
“Violet,” he whispered. “Look, I’m sorry. Don’t feel
like you’re a bad person. Please, don’t cry. It’s okay.
Nothing has changed. You hear me? Nothing has
changed.”
But everything had changed. It was painful for him
to listen as she struggled to suck in even the
shallowest breath as she wept bitterly. Levi flexed his
entire body, balling his hands into tight fists. He
squeezed until all of his muscles shook with tension.
He was pissed that this had happened. He wanted
everything, all the weirdness of the past few days, to
just go away so things could return to the way they
had been. Jenny had rejected him and he had, in turn,
rejected Violet.
Everything was spinning out of control and it seemed
as though everyone was miserable and out of sorts:
Levi telling Jenny that he was going to marry her,
Jenny crying over the dead husband she was still in
love with, and now a complete one-eighty from Violet —
the sweet kid he once knew had turned into a
poisonous flower. This was not what he needed on the
brink of what could be a very threatening situation.
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How could he even begin to protect those entrusted to
him? It seemed an impossible task.
“I was supposed to protect you,” he said in a
frustrated whisper as tears welled in his eyes. “I was
supposed to protect you.”
He heard Jenny’s door creak open. He turned and
saw her standing in the doorway with sleepy eyes.
“What’s going on?” she asked. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything is fine,” he said, widening his eyes to
force the fluids back in.
Levi suddenly realized he was standing in front of
Violet’s room with his hand on the doorknob. He
retracted it to his side.
“Is Violet sick again?”
“She was just having trouble sleeping. That’s all.”
Levi returned to the couch and sat. Jenny remained
in her doorway for a moment. “It’s already three-thirty
in the morning,” she mused. “I don’t think those
predictions are going to turn out, huh?”
“Seems that way,” he said. “Good night, Jenny.”
“Good night, Levi.”
Violet dried her eyes with a t-shirt as she listened to
Levi and Jenny “good night” one another. A savage
pain then gripped her and she fell back onto her side,
groaning in silence. The ache — that familiar ache —
had found her once more, and this time it was
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aggravated. Now the tears were fresh, but of a different
sort: this was the distress of infection, of a virus eating
at her stomach