28
I wrote the diary after had neglected it for a long time.
Dad often said that I used to be very smart but now that talent disappeared. I had to suffice my short-life memory with this diary.
After the police found Max’s body, Dad and I had to answer so many questions. I chose to tell the truth but kept what happened in the past and what Bill’d done with myself.
His death wouldn’t be worthless.
I told the police that Bill was killed because he tried to help me. The knife in Max’s chest was the knife I carried with myself for protection. The police investigated the case a bit more before concluded that I’d genially tried to defend myself.
This case was silently closed.
But everything was like Dad said. I could no longer live in this house.
Dad looked at the house we lived for three years. He bid it farewell before drove away. I looked in the back mirror, seeing the house became smaller and faded away like fading memory.
Even though our new home was far away from people, I was happy with what I had. I wasn’t ready to face anyone who knew about my past. The terrible things might not happen again, but my heart was far from whole as it used to be. The only thing I could do was to wait, waiting for the wound from the past completely healed.
However, I would never forget about everything that had happened no matter what it was.
It had been two years since but I could remember everything like it was just yesterday. The only difference was that the pain was so much duller now.
I often visited Bill’s and Ton’s graves. The ashes were kept alongside each other as if they had finally made up.
I looked at their photos when they were alive with deep emotion. For Ton, he was the one who fulfilled my life. For Bill, even though he had hurt me a lot, even though his good deeds couldn’t erase his sins, I chose to look only at his bright side.
I placed the photo of me in the academic gown in front of their urns, praying for them to be in the place they wanted to be. I could repay them only this much.
For Max… I really wanted to look at the good things he’d done for me. I really couldn’t tell if they were just his acts, but I wanted to believe that what he had done for me were genial. I wanted to keep him as a good memory, not a rotten wound.
Because everything ended now… There was no reason for me to be tormented like that again.
Because I was me…
Sign. Dream.
After I had finished writing, Dad opened the door and came in with some drink and snack. He placed the brown tray on the low table, poured the tea pleasantly and headed to me with a curious look.
“What are you doing?” He asked. “Writing the diary? Why Ton’s name was more highlighted than the others’?”
“N- n- nothing, Dad.” My face was bright red.
Dad laughed. He grabbed my head and pressed it on his chest. His other hand rubbed my hair that was turning black.
“Come here.” He said while dragging me to sit beside him. “No matter how long the time passed, you’re still my little girl. Let me play with your hair a bit more.”
I struggled from embarrassment before turned to hug him. He smiled while rubbed my head gently.
“I’m glad.” He said. “I’d thought you might be depressed after something like that happened, but my girl keeps smiling and laughing. I’m really glad.”
I was silent, letting his words to sink into my heart.
He looked at me with adoration before whispered something. I couldn’t hear what he said, but it didn’t matter. Because I had him, I could be here now.
I pressed my face on his chest. Both arms wrapped around him tightly as if it was a promise that I wouldn’t make him sad again. He smiled and was humming a song he used to sing for me when I was young.
I didn’t have to be painful with my life again. I received the peaceful life I’d always wanted. Everything terrible made me stronger. Every good memory taught me to be gentle. Everything made me here and now.
I would never forget what happened or the people that had safe my life.
I would never forget…