Anatomy of Doom by Tėvas Bor - HTML preview

The First Week Haze

I really cannot remember any specifics during the first week. It was like a looping scene from Apocalypse Now where the boat goes around the river again and again and again, in the fog. But I do remember it helps to yes, cry. There is no shame in crying. That was the mourning/discover stage rolled into one. Funny but without a word said, I was told that it would take mountains and high water or a platoon of gay marines for me to see my boys. That was my harsh reality. The greatest cruelty one can ever give to a father.

Everybody had been in fights before. Even the world had World War 1 and 2! But what really puzzles me is what comes after. In my case torture. Jack Nicolson couldn’t have made it more crystal clear that my wife did not want me to see my children. I asked for a reason. Nothing. Previously on X-files, I stormed my in-laws headquarters with nothing but my deep love for my children and ask if Albert can spend the night with me. Daddy will be lonely. Albert is 10 and in his 3,640 days on existence, we slept side by side at least 3,600. Yes. I would hug him and touch his hair and whisper how lucky we were to have him as our son. How proud I was of him.

Just a year or two ago, I was driving him to school and in our early morning brief before the agenda on what he was having for lunch, I looked at him and said “You look awful! Are you Ok?”

And my beloved son answered “I did not sleep well last night.”

“PSP again?” I tolerated this. He was and is first and second in his class.

“No. You were snoring right next to my ear and I did not want to wake you because were late again and I know you were tired.” That was Albert. Far more mature for his age. The center of our universe until he was 6 and Billy came.

“Next time, wake me up OK? Or I can sleep in your room.” The boys had their own room right next to us which they only use during the day. All 4 of us slept together in one bed for 10 years… the boys in the middle (sometimes known as the great wall of china).

And Albert goes, “No, daddy. I like sleeping with you..” I was literally in tears as I drove home. Thanking God how lucky I am. And yes, it doesn’t take much to make me cry but I can really hold it together. Back when I was with the team downrange, for some reason, the Navy discouraged any public display of emotions. That in itself is another story. When I would tell kids that I was part of the Navy Seal team that captured Saddam Hussein and Barrack Obama. Yep, I got away with that. ;)

Life was good then.

Were were we? Oh yes, the stealth attack at the in-laws headquarters. Ok, I was upstairs doing recon and found the package. Then I say to my wife. “Can I please have Albert sleep with me tonight?”

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“I don’t trust you.” Have I gone deaf of was this from a Walking Dead episode?

“Trust me with Albert? What could I possibly do to him? Please give me a logical reason behind this.”

Here we go again. Exploring the place of the unknown at the planet that doesn’t makes sense.

“Bert, would you like to with Daddy?” My son was crying and I was standing getting no answer from him. And reinforcements came in. An elderly very religious lady whom I have grown to respect over the years.

“What are you doing in my house? Can’t you see that you are wounding your son? They stay here. Mothers and children are supposed to be together!” the elderly lady said.

And I say, “Bert, would like to keep daddy company tonight? I will be all alone and will be very sad.”

Like a bolt of lightning that hits me over and over again, I saw my son giving the “no” signal with his head. Ouch papa!! I found out the next day that Albert will be spending a couple of nights in a cousin’s cabin.

“You can visit him in the cabin. Ask Joey (the cousin’s dad) if it will be OK with him.” That is what my wife said in her infinite wisdom that I could never understand.

WTF! As sure as I am not a Navy Seal and I was never in a submarine attacked by 500 octopus, I will never ask permission from anyone to visit my child! There was a mention of “TOGETHER” yesterday. Is this guy an astronaut? I have searched and searched for him between the in-law’s HQ and the cabin. He is nowhere to be found! Let’s alert Gary Sinese, there is a possible abduction of the American word “TOGETHER”!

God, a really strong earthquake would be good just right about now. Epicenter where I am and let the earth swallow me. Honest, I will not resist.

I remember walking away stunned. Going down. Into the car. Driving back home.

Did that just happen? Let’s rewind a bit. It did. I have never felt so alone in my life.

And it did not stop there. Here I was downloading all my photos from Facebook and one of the cousins (divorced) with whom I have the highest regard to, tells me “THE FAMILY” wants me to cut cleanly and severe all ties because my wife would like an annulment and would have nothing to do with me. Please, don’t “THE FAMILY” me. Last time I checked, I was married to only one of you. She blew her top and said something I absolutely did not care to read. How would she feel if the tables were turned? Boy, this is going to be very serious. The usual serious. Me against 54. Oh well, I have dealt with people like this before and no reason I cannot deal with them now. I am all for family but this is simply too much.

A few minutes later, my wife sent me a message that she did not want an annulment and will not remarry. Good for her! If given a chance and I will remarry, I say find an orphan with two children aged 4 and 10! Preferably boys! It’s really very funny how people stick themselves into other people’s business and not know they are making a fool of themselves! In hindsight, maybe she wanted a threesome? That’ll be a blast!

Present day. All alone in the house, dumped and right back were I came from. Alone. This really sucks, all I wanted was to belong. In a group, in any club, I can even settle with a school of fish! And here I am. Nice going Sherlock… it appears that you were moving around in circles.

I grew up with guns. Small guns, long guns, big, medium, large, you name it. And over the years, kept this elevator gun, a Llama .380. Just right there and then, the idea seemed pleasing. Head was too messy, heart was the way to go. Instantaneous. Then I remembered Sister Lourdes from the third grade who taught us something about this thing about eternal damnation….

*****

And that is it folks! I hope you enjoyed my first installment. For those who liked this, I am still working on the second and will be out in a couple of days. For those who didn’t then, you will know what not to download next time.. ;)