At Greenbrier, we are really challenged to be honest with ourselves and look into what our core belief is that has been holding us back. For example, my core belief was that I was never going to be good enough, that I was broken and could not be fixed, that I was impossible to be loved, and that I was different from others and that wasn’t ok. Because in my core I believed this about myself, no wonder I had been doing the things I was. You act in a way based off of how you feel. I felt worthless and broken, and therefore I subconsciously did things that reinforced that belief.
It wasn’t until I traced back to the origin of those beliefs and figured out how they were formed and developed over time, that I was able to start changing them.
Looking back, there wasn’t one specific moment that was a turning point for me, rather a collection of experiences and realizations. I’ve always been pretty stubborn, and most times I learn things the hard way. It took me having to lose absolutely everything in order for me to really turn myself around, where inside of me and since I was giving off positive energy; I was now attracting positive people. I became really close with girls who I wasn’t really close to at all before, but now that I had gotten over myself and all the immature and petty crap I used to be so involved in, I was able to create and sustain friendships with girls who are still my close friends to this day.
After everything that happened over my November break, me and my mom didn’t speak for a long time. She told me I was never allowed home again and I was basically on my own from that point on. I had lost almost everything, but the one thing that neither me nor my mom lost was hope.
Every time we had a scheduled phone call, both of us showed up. It didn’t matter how hard it was or how angry we were at each other, we pushed through and that’s because we love each other and we both had hope that things could one day be better.
As time went by, things started to get better. It started with changes Imade within myself. I finally realized that my image in the community was not how I wanted it to be, nor how I really am on the inside. If I wanted to change my image, I was going to have to work hard to show everyone what my true colors really were and that I’m better than the way I had been acting thus far. I can’t recall the specific moment in time when I started changing my ways, but I started giving off positive energy.
There was a shift that happened somewhere inside of me and since I was giving off positive energy; I was now attracting positive people. I became really close with girls who I wasn’t really close to at all before, but now that I had gotten over myself and all the immature and petty crap I used to be so involved in, I was able to create and sustain friendships with girls who are still my close friends to this day.