The first memory I have as a student at GBA was the overwhelming positivity and welcoming that everyone showed me my first couple days here. There wasn’t a moment that I was left alone. All the girls really went out of their way to make me feel welcome and part of the community. But even with all of this positive energy flowing around, my first couple of months here were really hard.
I missed my family, but I missed my friends and the life I used to have even more. I viewed this school as a punishment for all the drinking and partying I had been caught doing, all the sneaking out and sneaky behaviors, the horrible and basically non-existent relationship I had with my mom, etc. I could go on with all the reasons I had been sent here, but you probably get the picture.
Before I got sent away, I never really had girlfriends. My “best friend” at home was my best friend because we snuck out together, we skipped school together, we got drunk together, we did everything that we considered “fun” and “important” together. Our relationship was based on such superficial and immature things.
As I continued to get settled into Greenbrier, it became much harder for me to make and sustain friendships among the girls because a healthy relationship was something I never had experienced before. I had more than my fair share of drama and tension and since I was giving off such negative vibes, that’s exactly what I was attracting. I sought out external validation from everyone and I wouldn’t do things unless I knew it would be externally validated. My group of friends was anything but supportive and I didn’t seem to understand the concept of “guilty by association” because even if I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I was still associated with those who were and I was therefore just as guilty.
I had little to no trust within the community and my reputation was pretty bad, too. Things weren’t much better between me and my mom either. We had some pretty rough and intense phone calls and there was a lot of hurt feelings and broken trust that would take time to fix.
Our first parent program was in October and we were all really anxious about how that would go. Every family is affected by parent program differently and some families benefit from it more than others. My mom really gained the most from this experience because it offered her insight and perspective on how other families are going through very similar things. It helped her realize that she isn’t some “terrible mom who has failed at raising her child”. She gained more confidence in herself, which as a result, helped me gain more confidence as well.
Soon after our first parent program was an upcoming intercession, Thanksgiving/November break. Between me, my mom, and my therapist; we decided that I could go home for four days if I promised to abide by the rules and conditions that would be put into place. I promised I would follow them and I went home for my first time in five months. It isn’t hard to guess what happened next.
Obviously, I wasn’t ready to go home for a break. I knew how to act just fine and say all the right things, but to be honest, nothing was different, and I was still the same person I was when I got sent away. I didn’t follow any of the rules that we had agreed upon and I snuck out, saw people I was not supposed to be seeing, stole my mom’s phone one night when I went out, abused my computer privileges, and lied to my mom countless times. I had gone against my word and the tiny amount of trust that I had earned back with my mom was now gone, and there was very small hope that I would ever get it back.
I could continue and write about each and every step of the way along my challenging journey at Greenbrier. Instead, I’m going to focus on the most important things to me, the things that really impacted me the most and helped me get to the place where I am today.