Have Fun, Be Good, Be Happy by Peter Hoult - HTML preview

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Building the foundations

 

Once your personality is formed, it is much more difficult to change it than it was to create it the first time around. It is like building the foundations of a house; you don't want to have to change the concrete foundations once the house is built.

The fundamental personal attribute that a person must have if they want to lead a happy and successful life is self esteem. You have to be happy with yourself as a person.

I think a lot of people confuse self esteem with self confidence. Self esteem is your value of yourself as a person; that is literally what it means. It doesn't depend on whether or not you are good at doing anything. Self confidence, on the other hand, is your belief in yourself that you will, or will not be able to do something. You can have a high level of self esteem but a very low level of self confidence that you could pilot an aeroplane, if you are not a pilot.

One of the best goals a parent can have is to see their children grow up with a high level of self esteem. That means your children must believe they are worthwhile individuals regardless of what they do. Genuinely loving them and letting them know that they are loved is going to make this easy. Open and frequent displays of affection in the form of hugs, pats on the head, and other positive physical contact will continually reaffirm that they are loved.

You should always praise all of the things that they do well, and always look for something positive in everything they do, so you can praise them for that as well.

Praise them for effort. Let them know that is the willingness to have a go at doing something they really want to do that is more important than the outcome.

Have realistic expectations for them in everything they do and don't put any undue pressure on them. By all means show them the correct way to do something but then let them learn how to do it themselves. They are not you.

Be very careful with any criticism. Try and make it as positive as possible. Pick out something specific that they did well, regardless of how small it was and give them praise for that.

 

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