Introduction
Within each one of us lies an instinct which can be the center of one of the most important parts of many people’s lives, being a parent. Unfortunately many of us have become disconnected with this natural and intuitive part of ourselves. The result is that we raise our children in the same disconnected manner as is common in Western society.
This booklet is a summary of concepts, which are based on the Parenting Instinct. While the details of the booklet may not be exactly accurate, or may not be exactly true for you, they serve as a close reminder, and refresher that will point you towards and support you in reclaiming your inner instincts.
“It takes courage to trust your intuition because people around you are not doing it. The benefits of trusting your intuition are; a sense of strength, feeling connected with all of life, feeling peace, and embodying true success.”
True success is a feeling of fulfillment and completion that perhaps only you feel. The outer world may not acknowledge it, or may even shun it. In our culture, we typically identify success as someone who as made a lot of money, is famous, or is recognized in the world. In following these practices your joy and fulfillment can increase because you are more aligned with natural principles.
This booklet is mostly a collection of information from a variety of sources. The links to the sources are included so that you can further your own research. I have chosen sources which convey ways of life that support our natural instincts.
Parenting, The Center of Our Longing
Parenting is an act of selfless service. Parenting, lies at the center of your longing. It is a core and fundamental truth and experience, it is meaningful, and vital. You might experience this feeling of longing, of hope, and of potential in your body in a general place above your heart, and below your color bones. This is called the post birth tan dien, it is a metaphor for your life's purpose.
Moving Towards Union
The instinct to nurture our children is a movement towards unity. It seeks union. It is an energy set in motion which seeks to stay connected and feel unified. It is an energy which seeks and desires to reproduce. It longs for and seeks safety, it knows truth, and protects its children at all costs. The instinct at best can be described as a feeling of connection within your body, that is accessed when the mind is quiet and at rest.
The Loss of Our Innonence and of Our Desire to Parent
The Western world is inundated and is based upon a diseased way of living. Rather than work with Nature, and her principals, we fight them. We do not walk on and feel the earth beneath our feet, we feel carpet and concrete, and hardwood floors. When we where children, and now as adults, we experienced acute pain because our parents did not love us as we needed to be loved. Many children feel alienated from their parents, or disconnected and so seek to move away from them during adulthood. When we grow up, and seek to have our own children, we may, without thought, habitually follow the old habits of our parents, or we may look outside of ourselves to our culture to decide what to do. What if what our culture does with our children is wrong?
We see children screaming, children in day cares not with their mothers at even 6 months old, children strapped into restraints, children being wheeled around in strollers. Many times children our forced against their will and comfort to be strapped down in car seats and strollers. Parents then make up mental excuses for confining their child instead of feeling the pain and discomfort they are causing their children. There are many things we do not see, women suffering in childbirth, over 250,000 babies are born with birth defects yearly, over 27,000 babies die in their first year of life in the United States.
As these infants grow, the preference of our culture is to abandon them in many ways; rather than feed them breast milk from their mother, we fed them chemically laden milk made from a factory and drunk from a plastic bottle. Children who are breastfed, usually are for a short length of time. We let our children cry without consoling them, we send them off to daycare at a young age, as if we would prefer someone else to be their parents. Many of us were raised in a manner such as this, and after many years of being treated like an object, as if our feelings were not important, we reacted to this catastrophic defeat. We numbed out and became disconnected from the feeling of aliveness in our bodies, and we lost touch with our true essence, and thus to our parental instincts. As adults we raise our children in the same manner as we were raised, or how society suggests.
Your Return!
For thousands of years, our ancestors have followed a very specific formula for creating and raising children. This formula was not created from the mind or by science, it is a formula encoded in our genetics created by the mysterious force that created all life, and that perpetuates all life to allows the universe to exist. All we need to do is listen to it. And you listen to it by noticing the feelings in your body. Do you feel pain, love, numbness excitement? These feelings help guide you and direct you to a more truthful and harmonious way of parenting.
Community and Relationships
Even though I created most of this booklet, without my partner fulfilling her role as Mother, I would not have had time to work on the book. What is here is based on personal experience as a parent. Our daughter is now 3.5 years old, she is vibrant and happy. Parenting is not easy, daily there are stresses and difficulties, and our daughter finds upset and frustration frequently. While I am powerless to prevent her feelings towards life, I am powerful at honoring her for who she is. I can be there for her, I can share in her feelings, and I can work together with my partner to create a healthy and harmonious environment for our daughter.
Michelle and I are praying that you find truth in your heart.
The Natural Instinct Will Create Fulfillment & Give Life
The instinct to learn, live, love, grow and parent will fulfill itself and help give you life. There is a great need in the Western world to start raising children humanely. When we raised our daughter, mirroring our parenting after the style of parenting found in many Indigenous cultures, we found that we had nosupport. People mostly, even our families, were in complete disbelief of our child raising habits, and at times they fiercly reacted to what we were doing. Meanwhile, we are in disbelief about how anybody can raise their child the “normal” way. We find it to be a type of unconscious way of living which denies the extreme pain and suffering your child faces when you are angry at them, or ignore them. The purpose of this paper is to educate you about how we raised our daughter, and to dispel the common notions of child raising, in an effort to bring a new more loving presence to the process. This not only will DRAMATICALLY change your child, it is the key to finding deep fulfillment as a parent.
These practices, are life giving. Many things written here you will probably never even hear about even from a majority of alternative minded doctors or midwifes. Yet these ideas constitute the re-emergence, for those of you who wish it, of a way of child raising that fosters a deep connection and sense of belonging with your child. What can be more important than that?
In raising children in this manner, we begin bring people onto Earth who feel connected to life. When they are connected to life, they care about Nature, about other people and the planet. Living in a disconnected manner is an unconscious way of living because nobody is or can be separate from life, and yet many of our child raising practices are done in a manner which assumes a separated existence and a world in which life is paralleled with suffering.
Inner Wisdom and Listening to Your Instincts
What each individual needs is different. All too often we are easily influenced by what the outer world is doing. We do not listen to the quiet, delicate, and strong voice that comes from within. Everything in this booklet, is meant to be a reminder of what that voice might be telling you. Wisdom is like a babbling brook, it flows from within, and all it needs is an ear to listen to it. Take a moment now, a pause and break from your normal stream of thoughts. Feel your breath coming into and out of your nose. Inhale… Exhale… As you take deep breathes, you not only expel toxins that are from the cellular metabolic process, you may also notice a deep sense of peace, tranquility and inner knowing.
Pre-Pregnancy
Avoid Birth Control Pills
”In The Breast Cancer Prevention Program, Sam Epstein, MD, writes, ‘more than 20 well-controlled studies have demonstrated the clear risk of premenopausal breast cancer with the use of oral contraceptives. These estimates indicate that a young woman who uses oral contraceptives has up to ten times the risk for developing breast cancer as does a non-user, particularly if she uses the Pill during her teens or early twenties; if she uses the Pill for two years or more; if she uses the Pill before her first full-term pregnancy; if she has a family history of breast cancer.’”
Source: http://www.westonaprice.org/women/reprod-health.html, Katie Singer
Fertility, Infertility and the Natural Birth Control Pill Alternative
“Fertility Awareness (FA), a natural method for preventing or achieving pregnancy based on a woman's daily charting of her waking temperature, cervical fluid and cervix changes. According to numerous studies, the method is virtually as effective as the contraceptive pill in preventing pregnancy, if its rules are [strictly] followed.”
Fertility is also likely related to a Woman’s diet. Geraldine Matus, a Canadian midwife states : “I rarely see women with normal charts. I think this reflects the use of hormonal birth control—by today's women and their mothers… And the typical North American diet (which includes hormonally treated animal products, fast foods, and a deficit of fresh, non-processed foods) also interferes with the normal functioning of male and female reproductive systems."
Source: http://www.westonaprice.org/women/fertility.html Katie Singer
If a Woman is infertile and cannot conceive, one place to begin looking for a solution is towards her diet. A deficiency in nutrients, or an excessive accumulation of toxins in the body can create infertility.
Preconception Health
Creating healthy children begins before the time of conception!
The health of your child-to-be is a direct factor of the health of the mother and the father prior to the time of conception.
Approximately 3 months before conception, ovum that will become your child go through a ripening process, and sperm are generated.
The ecosystem of your body determines the vitality of the seeds that then set the stage for your pregnancy, birth, and the entire life of your offspring.
One cannot put a value on the joy of having a healthy and vibrant child. And equally one cannot give solace to the tragedy that befalls too many parents, who have children who are deformed or who die before the age of one, who have miscarriages, and who are infertile.
These conditions are a result not of a damaged genetic map, but of a map whose criteria has not been fulfilled.
Due to our wrong way of living, out of harmony with Nature and her divine plan, the seeds of life we produce are incomplete, and out of balance. For many, the results of these imbalances are less obvious; a difficult birth, an uncomfortable pregnancy, or a child who is frequently ill, for others, the results are more severe.
The mainstream health establishments, the media, and the government refuse to be aware; that birth defects, miscarriages, early infant mortality, and infertility arise significantly from imperfect seeds for life; and that these conditions can be substantially reduced, and even over a period of one generation, virtually eliminated.
Through their preconception health program; eliminating toxic food and drink, healing allergies, mineral balancing, cleansing, and natural family planning, Foresight, the preconception health organization in the UK, in higher risk couples achieves a 1276% reduction in birth defects to the national average, a 714% reduction in miscarriages, a 400% reduction in pre-mature births, and a 78% success rate in healing infertility.
The plan that I offer is not their plan, but rather an adaptation based on my personal experience.
Prior to conception, both the mother, and father need to significantly change their health.
A Preconception Health Plan
It is never too late to begin preconception health. Every little bit of effort you make prior to conception, will blossom with a several fold reward towards health improvement. Ideally preconception health should begin 2-5 years before conception for the father and mother. 3-6 months before conception is less ideal, but important progress can be made. Below is an overview of the preconception health plan.
Creating health for ourselves begins with an internal felt belief of, "I want to take care of and honor myself." You need to believe that you are really important and deserving enough, to take the time, effort, and energy required to look and listen within, to attune to your bodies true health needs.
Create Physical Preconception Health
Build nutrient stores in the body, particularly fat-soluble vitamins using highly assailable foods, and avoiding modern nutrient devoid foods.
Recover from drug and contraceptive use (Birth Control Pills and IUD) recovering lost minerals and vitamins, and using Fertility Awareness instead of drugs.
Cleansing and healing is done by removing toxic build up, and identifying and eliminating allergies. At the same time you can balance blood chemistry.
Maintain health through avoiding environmental toxins and by practicing holistic exercise like; yoga, tai chi, chi gong, swimming or walking.
Create Emotional Preconception Health
Taking time to breathe, notice and feel your feelings. Journal and engage in nurturing relationships.
Create Mental Preconception Health
Clarify you thoughts and feelings, especially around your intentions around parenting, family and community; through meditation, journaling, talking to friends, and through reading spiritual or other harmonious texts.
Create Spiritual Preconception Health
Align with your life’s purpose as a parent. Parenting lies at the center of our longing.
Engage in spiritual practice such as prayer, meditation, reading religious or spiritual texts, yoga, selfless service, and communication with spirits or your higher self.
Source: http://www.preconceptionhealth.org/preconception_health_diet_nutrition.htm Rami Nagel
Cleansing and Purification Before Pregnancy
“The body can be overwhelmed by toxic accumulations as a consequence of fatigue, poor circulation, or improper diet. When we undertake to detoxify the body, we must take care of those things in particular to avoid simply spinning our wheels. I want to emphasize that an under active body burdened with toxic wastes does not have the capability to throw off toxins.”
Source: Dr. Jensen’s Guide to Better Bowel Care, Page 18-19
“I believe that the number-one source of the misery and decay we are witnessing in our society today is autointoxication – self-poisoning caused by microorganisms, metabolic waste, and other toxins in the body.”
Source: Dr. Jensen’s Guide to Better Bowel Care, Page 10
Cleansing, offers some of the most divine and pleasurable feelings that I have experienced. After toxic accumulations were out of my body, a sense of harmony with life and nature came over me. If you are taking prescription medications, or have a diseased condition, please cleanse under guidance of a licensed health care provider. Many toxins will be moved into the bloodstream for elimination.
For cleansing the bowel use a fast that combines the use of herbs, apple juice, psyllium husks, flax seeds, and vinegar. The cleanse I used is available in Dr. Jensen’s Guide to Better Bowel Care, and similar cleanses are offered by Arise and Shine, and Blessed Herbs. Please consult your inner wisdom, and a professional who has experience doing cleanses such as a naturopathic doctor, or a nutritionist.
Special Note:
Cleansing while pregnant or breastfeeding is not advised. The toxic wastes thrown into the bloodstream of the mother can affect the child through the bloodstream, or through breast milk. Also fasting does not seem wise during pregnancy because of the bodies heightened need for nutrients.
More information about Dr. Jensen’s Cleanse,
http://www.yourreturn.org/Inertia/Bowel_Cleansing.htm
Proper Nutrition (Before Pregnancy, During Pregnancy, and During
Lactation)
Nutrition Introduction
The importance of proper nutrition during pregnancy has been greatly underestimated in the West. Many of the conditions that are of deep concern for Mother’s, such as ensuring for a safe and healthy birth, preventing birth defects, having a healthy child, are all significantly influenced by nutrition. Significantly is probably not a strong enough word, if you do not take an extra effort to ensure that you are eating well, than you are setting yourself up to suffer, and for you child to suffer as well. Unfortunately our culture sadly lacks the ability to share this information with Mothers. Take action and research your diet and nutritional needs!
Many people tell me, with so many diets and so on out in the world, how do you know what is right and whom to trust? You can only trust yourself really. This particular dietary advice may not be exactly right for everybody. Some people may have a sensitivity towards digesting and assimilating certain types of proteins, carbohydrates and fats from years of eating unhealthy commercial proteins, carbohydrates and fast. For short or long periods, you may need to abstain from certain types of foods. Only you know what is right for you. There are a few dietary laws which are essentially universal and irrefutable. If you feel conflicted by anything that is written, please take that as an opportunity to do your own research on the subject. How rare it is for a Mother to research about the nutrition which she needs in a serious manner.
Before reviewing the diet recommendations. It is important for you to have a conceptual understanding about why nutrition is important, and how common false nutritional beliefs in our culture actually create illness.
Universal Food Laws
Dark Leafy Green Vegetables are almost always excellent for your health Animal Foods contain essential fat-soluble vitamins that are absolutely NOT ATTAINABLE from plant sources The foods and substances on the avoid list are foods that are essentially poisonous, and you should absolutely avoid them at all costs all the time!
Modern Foods Lead to Decay and Disease
Dr. Weston Price was a dentist who traveled around the world in the 1930’s studying the diet’s of primitive peoples isolated from the modern world who did not consume any modern foods. One of the isolated groups of people Dr. Priced studied was the Australia Aborigines. He wrote:
“Wherever the primitive Aborigines have been placed in reservations and fed on the white man's foods of commerce dental caries has become rampant. This destroys their beauty, prevents mastication, and provides infection for seriously injuring their bodies.”1
The disparity of the near perfect teeth from the Aborigines eating their natural fair, and the severely decay teeth from Aborigines eating the white man’s food is due largely to a deficiency in nutrients. Dr. Price found that primitive people’s on average enjoyed 4-10 times more nutrients in their foods than what the United States government recommends its citizens to eat.2 In eating sub-standard foods, a vast majority of the American population is far below the inferior US recommended daily allowance (RDA) for nutrients.3 Not only did eating “white man’s foods” decay the teeth of indigenous people’s, it also over time made them infertile, made giving birth severely long and painful, created birth defects, and led to many people suffering a wide variety of diseases, which when eating their primitive diet, they where immune to. Dr. Price also noted that
“It should be a matter not only of concern but deep alarm that human beings can degenerate physically so rapidly by the use of a certain type of nutrition..”
1 Price, Weston. Nutrition and Physical Degeneration. Los Angeles: Keats Publishing, 1939. Page 173
2 http://www.westonaprice.org/nutritiongreats/price.html
The Importance of Proper Nutrition During Pre-Pregnancy through Lactation
“The importance of good nutrition for mothers during pregnancy has long been recognized, but Dr. Price's investigation showed that primitives understood and practiced preconception nutritional programs for BOTH parents. Many tribes required a period of premarital nutrition, and children were spaced to permit the mother to maintain her full health and strength, thus assuring physical excellence to subsequent offspring.
Special foods were often given to pregnant and lactating women, as well as to the maturing boys and girls, in preparation for future parenthood. Dr. Price found these foods to be very rich in fat soluble vitamins A, vitamin D and Activator X —nutrients found only in animal fats.”
“These primitives with their fine bodies, homogeneous reproduction, emotional stability and freedom from degenerative ills stand forth in sharp contrast to those subsisting on the impoverished foods of civilization —sugar, white flour, pasteurized lowfat milk and convenience foods filled with extenders and additives.”
Source: http://www.realmilk.com/price.html
3 USDA website, http://www.ars.usda.gov/Services/docs.htm?docid=7716#food%20and%20nutrient%20intakes