Pointing out or paying attention to nothing but the negative things a child does or the wrong decision that they make can be very damaging to their self-image. This can put a child at danger for losing their morals and values and developing new ones that are negative instead of positive. Children naturally seek their parents approval so continuously focusing on a child’s wrong doings can make the child feel as if they are not a good person or are not good enough for you. You do not want your child to feel this way as it will almost surely destroy their future.
You need to reinforce every positive decision your child makes with their life, no matter how small of a decision it is. Positively reinforcing a behavior is an almost guaranteed way to keep that behavior continuing. Whether it be that your child got straight A’s on their report card or decided to do their homework before playing video games, you need to make sure that you acknowledge it and make sure that they know that you know what they have done.
You may want to set up a reward system that is designed around building the moral character of your child. For their smaller achievements along their journey you may offer them a small reward. When your child achieves a larger goal they should be treated to a larger reward. Remember, their rewards do not always have to be material objects. As a matter of fact, you may want to steer clear of rewarding your child with material objects as much as possible. Using material objects can make a child develop a habit of expecting a reward every time they do something. Instead offer rewards such as later bed times, friends staying over, or allowing them to spend more time on their video game system that day.
The most difficult part in all of this is most likely the fact that you have to learn how to be balanced. Just as you cannot only focus on the negatives of a child, you cannot only focus on the positives either. Children are after all, just children.
They need guidance and will make wrong decisions from time to time. It is important that you hold your child accountable for their actions and not make excuses for them if you want them to have a good set of morals and values. When your child does something wrong you need to point it out.
Not only will it be beneficial for the morals of your child it will also be appreciated by your child.
Children want to feel structure. Structure is how children know that you care for them. The fact that you do not let them do whatever they like shows them that you love them, even if they do not act like it at the time.
The most important fact to remember while trying to build your child’s moral standards is that you are the parent. You will have to have difficult conversations and do difficult things, but it is all for the benefit of your child.