Consider yourself lucky if you don’t know what night terrors are. The condition usually affects children, who wake up in the night in a half-conscious state, screaming in abject terror. It often takes two or three hours to shake them out of their disorientation and get them back to sleep. It’s upsetting for everyone but especially for the child, who experiences enormous fear.
I knew that Alden's trust issues were at the root of his problems, and I wanted to reassure him that he’d never need to worry about those problems again. I knew that if he could understand he was safe and consequently regain trust for the adults in his life, he'd get better.
But how do you explain that to a kid? I wanted to just tell him, but I knew that kids respond to our actions more than our words. Saying the words too soon, or in the wrong context, wouldn't work like I wanted them to. He had to feel trust, not just hear about it.
This is why we always tell parents that the very act of going on a Board Meeting is the most powerful thing they can do for their relationships with their kids; words can never convey what time and consistency can.
Not long after Jamie and I got together, I began having Board Meetings with Alden and Leland.
I followed the exact process discussed in this book, and I can pinpoint the moment Alden began trusting me—the exact moment which set off a chain reaction of change within him.
True change takes place during special moments of connection because breakthroughs happen when we're open, trusting, and connected. This was exactly what happened with Alden.
The moment occurred at the end of a Board Meeting. We'd just had a fun day together, and by giving him my whole attention without interruption, he saw my commitment, which started to build trust. In that state of true connection, I simply told Alden that he'd never have to worry about the problems he’d had before.
That’s when a beautiful thing happened.
I saw a shift in his eyes. It was a small shift, but it was a start, and from that day on, as we continually made deposits to our relationship, Alden began to change, day by day. Jamie and I both spent a lot of time with him, but as we maximized quality time, we saw steady improvement as our connection deepened and he trusted more.
Every parent knows when their child goes through a positive change. We don't need external evidence to prove this; we know it. In Alden's case, however, we happened to have external benchmarks—his autism diagnosis, his falling grades, his extreme night terrors.
Within one year of applying the Board Meetings strategy, we saw stunning changes. Jamie and I began to notice shifts in every aspect of his personal life. He was more relaxed, carefree, creative, and confident. He participated more in sports and friendships. He got along better with his brother.
At school, his transformation was remarkable. From near failure in his grades, Alden went on to make the honor roll and was awarded the most improved student for the entire third grade. In an extremely rare move, the school psychologist even retracted the autism diagnosis, admitting it to be a mistake.
We were extremely proud of his improvements at school, but they were a small deal compared to the biggest change of all: to everyone’s enormous relief, the night terrors had stopped.
What had changed to make all of this happen? Just the implementation of Board Meetings. There was no medication, no therapy. What Alden needed was focused and fun quality time that would make him feel appreciated and safe.
I don't think I'd recognize the old Alden if I saw him now. Today, he's a strong, capable, intelligent, and athletic young man. He's a voracious reader and is already helping me with my real estate business. He's well-liked, well adjusted, and one of my heroes. When something needs to be assembled, fixed, or altered around the house, Mom and Leland go to Alden for help before me!