Research says that a proven path to creating happiness is to plan a vacation. Notice I didn't say taking the vacation; it’s planning that’s key. Planning the vacation contributes to happiness because anticipation is so pleasurable.
Anticipation works even better with a bit of time to build. Waiting 90 days is long enough to build anticipation without losing a child's attention. Kids disengage if they’re separated from the event for too long, and you’ll lose momentum in building your relationship if you wait longer than three months between Board Meetings. Re- member, our goal is to maximize quality time, and part of that is creating the right amount of anticipation.
Likewise, having Board Meetings too often doesn't work, either. We don't want our children to take these experiences for granted, and if they happen too regularly, the experience becomes mundane. Just as a birthday would lose significance if it were every week, so does a Board Meeting if it's held too often. To maintain the mood of a very special time between parent and child, 90 days is the magic number.
The principle of reflection works in tandem with the principle of anticipation. Just as it's powerful to have something to look forward to, it’s also powerful to have memories to look back on. Having a Board Meeting every 90 days is like having a pipeline of fresh memories and lessons to draw upon while building a relationship.
In our professional lives, we reflect on the successes of the past for inspiration, to learn lessons, and to craft a strategy for going forward. It's important to reflect on previous Board Meetings for the same reasons. Reflection makes sure the lessons stick, the feeling is imprinted, and the anticipation builds. Again, 90 days is the perfect stretch of time to allow for powerful and ongoing reflection.
What does it mean to decompress? The dictionary says decompression is “relieving pressure or compression.” In other words, it means relaxing and unwinding. This is the entire point of having at least four hours of uninterrupted time for a Board Meeting.
Relationship building happens when people are de- compressed. If you don't believe me, try to think of all those wonderful relationship-building moments you've had with your kids while on the phone, rushing them to and from school. There aren’t any.
Most parents hurry their quality time with their children, fitting it in between a text and an email while hovering over the kitchen table for a quick breakfast. It doesn’t work. Both the parent and the child need time to decompress.
Decompression doesn't happen immediately—in our work, four hours seems to be a magic interval. Any shorter, and you don’t quite reach the level of relaxation you need to truly engage with your child. Any longer, and attention starts to wander, or people begin to avoid Board Meetings because the time commitment is harder to make.