October, 2011
"Deny me and be doomed."
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
The topic of finding a lover is overlooked in our modern society. One now seeks only to find an anyone instead of a someone. The ideal of finding that perfect one is no longer sought and this encourages consumerism. Sit back and enjoy as we deconstruct the taboo topic of romantic love.
Societies mistake. Looking for another to share your life with has become a taboo topic in society, especially within professional structures such as workplaces and institutions. Even in social situations people tend to roll their eyes when speaking of such subjects. The dating scene has become something extra in life utilised for enjoyment. The only two people that seem to find it important are the parties involved. However, I know this practice to be in err, for the person that we are to spend the rest of our days with is in fact the most important thing in life. It will alter our life in such a dramatic way, for good and for bad. The most important subject in your life right now (and every following second experienced) is the people that are around you. To disagree would be to lose sight of one's life. People are the backbone of people. We are social creatures and all desire to love and be loved. To downplay the seriousness of the search for another is absurd. The cliché dating scene is then brought back into perspective: the most important thing you can do in your life. To have another to stand beside you who cares about your interests gives you the strength of ten individual people. Two individuals working together for a common purpose dramatically changes everything about your situation. To find the One becomes the thing in life that brings about all things. For in finding that one, the flower opens. Common purposes unite and we are not only no longer alone, but have an extra perspective as well as a set of hands. We become more when our soul mate is found. We transcend our selves and become godlike. The importance of this topic is taken out of its box and shown for what it is - the most important thing in your life. For when two are united one, all consequential seconds of your life are forever altered.
Its Greek origins. In The Symposium by Plato, Aristophanes mythologically related the conception of love by telling a parable. In a world where the human was united both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A being that possessed four arms and four legs, connected back to back with their other. Human kind became god-like having always have had their other with them. The gods became cautious of their potential and agreed that they needed to do something about it. Zeus made a decision to split them in half with his lightning. Like splitting a poached egg in half with a strand of hair, parting its pieces into two different locations. Their intentions accomplished, for now that we have been split we have lost our power. To work with another harmoniously has become a fictional tale. It is what everyone desires but has given up.
Our society then pressures us to share its own priorities, suppressing our ideals to search for that true love. Instead we are sucked into the capitalistic economy and we play out jobs, prioritising career, all the while forgetting life's true importance. To make up for the sorrow in our hearts, we settle. We make compromises against the self, in order to obtain company. We fill the abysmal void of our search with career and family, all the while forgetting (or trying to forget) the ideal life. That life that we truly desire now becomes the life that only took what it could get without disturbing its social responsibilities. Reproduction then creates the mediocre, and the divinity of what could of been is lost. The social inference of how to live life dominates, and creation becomes that of economic considerations. We act as sheep following the shepherds called the ways of society. Herd mentality follows the pointing fingers of whoever is in front of it.
What to search for? We are beings of biology. We are not given an instruction manual on how to live life. The question of what to look for in the soul mate lies within. One first needs to turn within before turning outside. To learn who it is that you are will give you an understanding of what you are looking for in another. To compromise is to go against the grain of who you are as a person. To trick yourself into believing that someone is your soul mate is the folly of so many of us. We are all on a journey, whether we realise it or not. To prematurely advance that journey will have its consequences. For it is courage that you need! Courage to stand through the trials and tribulations of loneliness and alienation, all the while observing the bigger picture. For it is the best possible life that you desire for yourself. To be beyond happy. To stand side by side with the one who is truly meant for you. To both "armour up" and battle each human condition in unison.
The lonely journey. This idea feels uneasy to us. One might feel as they are in a state of constant limbo. One's compatibility will be shown for what it is, and person after person will enter and leave their lives. Like seeing an enormous crowd, and shaking one's head at all. It will feel that what you desire is not out there, for it is an abyss. Life becomes a constant struggle directed towards finding something that appears to be nowhere. But one must realise what is at stake. For Arendt explains it well when she says, "it would be better for me that my lyre or a chorus I directed should be out of tune and loud with discord, and that multitudes of men should disagree with me rather than I, being one, should be out of harmony with myself and contradict me." (The Life of the Mind, p. 181) Our very being is on the line, and it is us that must suffer the consequences of our actions.
Faith as possibility. It becomes extremely tempting to give up this manhunt. When faced with the dark abyss of our odds, to continue the pursuit seems pointless. But if we give up, then what do our odds become? I have been told many times before to stop looking and the right person will come to me. I have thought about this statement a great deal and disagree with it. I guess that I could stop looking and the right person might come along and find me, but the chances of that are extremely slim. However, if I did not stop looking then I would still probably meet this person. If this one individual out there is looking as well, then our chances of finding each other increase. And I pray that this is the case. I hope that this one has not compromised and just obtained a someone, and I have faith that this is the case because I look at me and I have insight into that other. Like custom fit armour that has been tailored exactly to your body. For in faith, we bring possibilities. In spite of the absurd backfiring again and again, our hope must not dwindle, otherwise so do our possibilities. For when we act, we make tiny imprints on the universe. We leave bread crumbs specially tailored for that other to find us. By exercising our own faith (in all of its absurdity), we are directly and indirectly assisting our search for that special one that is out there. By putting ourselves out there again and again, our presence expands and we become more findable to that one.
The road. For it is about the journey. We must walk and walk. We are only ever given this moment, and this moment, and this moment. For it is this moment that we have and we must make use of. Along the way we will meet many interesting and wonderful people, many boring people, and many hurtful people. The lessons along the road will tell us where we should go and how we should be. In this journey we will find ourselves and become what we are. The path will give us insight into how we are to love all whom we encounter. It will show us how to treat each other and ourselves. To take each encounter as a wonderful gift that life has given to us is its results. We will learn how to appreciate people for what they give and who they are, and learn from them along the way. We will change the hearts of many and share our life lessons to those who have ears to hear.
Discipleship. Destined to be homeless, travelling from one place to another becomes tolerable. To exist as a wandering traveller searching for what is not seen. It was Jesus that said, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head”. (Matthew 8:20, NIV) One might enquire as to why I brought “religion” into it, but I did not. It was already there. We become warriors searching for the greatest love possible. Our search is a search for God. It is a search for the divinity of man to combine two of the like as one. To follow one’s heart into the thick and thin is discipleship. Thus our journey is not a search for the One, but a search for the Divine, with its intended result being one’s soul mate. It is a Holy journey that chases what is not seen, and that requires faith from the disciple.
Growth as a tool. And what are we to do with our time during this search? That one out there is someone incredibly special. In fact, the most special person in the world. Self development becomes our objective not only for ourselves but for that other. For when you finally do meet that other and give yourself over to them, you will be giving them a refined item. It is to give the Other the best You that you are able to give. The treasure of yourself, the self that you have built, becomes the most important gift that you could ever give. We make who we are in each "now" moment, and it is these "now" moments that must be utilised to achieve this refinement. It is the most special gift ever given, for it took your entire life to develop. It was built for that other and will mean the world to them, for it is a result of the search.
The Philosopher. Each becomes a philosopher, searching for wisdom, learning how to live the best life possible. The experiences that the world has gifted teach many lessons, and one learns well the differences between right and wrong. For along the road, one will see many hardships, both within social dysfunctions, families observed, and within the self. One will acquire the skills that they need to learn how to do the right thing in a diverse range of scenarios. One will be truly living life, refusing for it to live them. Society will act as an enemy, and at seemingly every direction one goes it will stand there shaking their heads. For its rules have been erased, and replaced with your own. For the seeker truly knows the folly's of society. It is for this reason that they will be able to help humanity more than anyone else.
Purity as proof. To demonstrate the seriousness of your dedication to the Other, one can choose the life of purity. To remove the possibilities of getting caught up with what one doesn't need, sexual abstinence offers a solution. It is in the material that we can get lost without perspective. To have control over that physical shows great passion and respect for the seriousness of the search and our ability to overcome our own urges. To rid oneself of the "list" that is made from sexual partner to sexual partner, and not fret over emotional attachments created as a result of those consequences. To live in purity becomes easy when the entire picture is seen in perspective. Every moment we are building towards some end or another. To build upon solid foundations with quality material is the best way to start a new relationship with that one when you find them. For they will be extremely appreciative for all of your efforts, to save yourself for specifically them. The gift of one's physical self will be seen as the greatest present to begin that divine relationship.
What of failure? What if the pursuer fails? This is the risk that they take. To strive for such an enormous task carries the possibility of failure. But let us look at it in perspective with the assumption of failure. To live this life is to live the best life that is possible. One will have acquired connections and friends wherever they have gone. One will be the best person that they can be and have led the best life that they could of lived, dedicated to the pursuit of their highest good. And how can you know unless you have tried? The possibilities do not arise unless they are strived for. I will not get fed unless food is acquired. The chances to become an actor do not manifest themselves until one acts. We do not live in a world where people stumble on opportunities all of the time, no matter how much movies or television shows tell us that we do. To see a return, one must enter. Our possibilities must be created.
The result - the product of a lifetime. And when we find that One our world changes. Two individuals with a similar purpose who would love to expand upon their own by acquiring the passions that the Other has that they do not yet possess. Four hands, two voices, and two well trained and conditioned minds who can take on the world together, not only loving each other, but also the world and the people in it - the best that they possibly can. Who not only put up with each other, but immerse themselves into the passion of their mirror. No longer confined by the limits that society places upon them, they are able to share a single life together. Vocation becomes their most passionate desires, and both are involved. Business as usual no longer confines them because they understand true value. Their lives will revolve around passion, compassion, self-improvement, and each other. Each will have a burning desire to show their lover how special they are, and will wish to make them as joyful as possible, while also encouraging equality and autonomy. For this is the divine result of the search. To be able to utilise two sets of hands in the poker game called life. Philosophy means nothing without the life backing up that meaning. This is the destiny for Seekers.