The Tortoise and the Crab: Part 1
Was the crab slow?
Who knows?
I don’t
But the tortoise certainly was
After getting almost beat by that dumb hare
Who stopped while he could have
Just kept going
The tortoise
Decided
To challenge the crab
The crab was a show-off
Smoking a million blunts
Before the race
With a wrinkled, tired
Old face
His sleep bags under his eyes
So big and deep
That they formed multiple skin flaps
And deep,
Black lines
That looked like crevices
They flapped over on each other slightly
Just loose, flappy
Skin
Each individual fold
Drooping over into
And folding into the one before
The crab’s eyes looked like
They sunk into the back of its skull
Too tired to want to pop out
And show their small, beady
Pitch-black colour
To the tortoise
When the race started,
The tortoise had,
Of course,
Drank his morning coffee
And looked alive and well,
Energetic and ready
To “run” the race
Filled with the healthy essence
Of a nice,
Big morning cup o’ Joe
When the race started,
The crab pinched the turtle violently
“What the fuck!?”
This was the tortoise’s reaction to that fact
The crab desperately tried to pinch
The tortoise to death
Thinking that was the sure-fire way to win
Oh, that dumbass
The crab’s breath smelled like smoke
And it disguised the tortoise
Who almost threw up
Both his morning coffee
And breakfast
When the stench hit him full-force
“Get that stupid crab out of here!”
A referee of the race called,
A moose in a striped black and white uniform
With a black collar on top
“ But I just want to beat that damn tortoise!”
“No! Get this crab way from me! His breathe is actually suffocating the air around me!”
This was what the tortoise said
“Stupid tortoise! After you beat him, Mr. Hare started abusing alcohol and got really, really drunk off of it!, affecting his rabbit health!”
“Hey, that’s not my problem, buddy! Maybe he shouldn’t have stopped in the middle of the damn race and let me go past him!!”
Eventually, the moose referee picked
The crab up
With his giant antlers
And threw him out of the race
LITERALLY, INDEED