When you look at me, what do You see?
The same old broken mess, a shell of my former self
A never ending cycle of darkness, despair and suffering
An unsolvable puzzle
A person for who there is no quick fix, no short cut, no possible resolution
My life is like a disordered thread
So knotted, twisted and tangled that it just has no use
No way to unpick the mess, for untangling actually leads to further knotting
The start of the knot seems forgotten and lost as the cycle continues again and again
Will there be an end to it? The end seems distant, unreachable, unattainable
Or do these knots make this fragile thread stronger?
Maybe You are weaving something that looks different to what I see
Is the further knotting necessary to free this thread again?
Amongst the bigger backdrop of life maybe this knotted mess has purpose
Maybe unravelling is not the aim, not the goal
Is it through this mess that my true self is revealed?
Is there healing in the entangling, in the mess?
Did I have to go through this to find the real me?
For it was this that made me draw near to You, this that made me feel You closer than my skin
Made me welcome You in, let You stare into the deepest hidden depths of me
For it is only You that can see the true me
When you look at me, what do You see?
Do You instead see a masterpiece?
A work of art in the making
Beauty in amongst the pain and despair, for You reside there
You alone can see the radiance in the pain
Like a baby after childbirth, the suffering has a purpose and a name
Jesus; my hope and my saviour
Immovable, unshakeable, unbreakable
A victor who is for me and beside me
Who created me and died for me
Ever-present despite how I feel
Someone who understands me better than myself
Who knows me completely yet loves me anyway
A forgiving healer who I can stand before unashamed
In his presence, brokenness is made whole, restoration is begun
They say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder
Then in his eyes I am truly beautiful, inside and out