All I remember is looking up from the wheel
and seeing him racing out the ARRIVALS door
like Lazarus escaping from the tomb,
and then I’m watching his head
bobbing up and down
in the crowd and then he’s
suddenly sitting next to me, rolling
a doobie and we're both laughing and I'm
telling him it's a miracle, I thought he was dead,
but it's hard understanding him because
he’s sputtering and jumping around, telling me everything that's ever happened to him but in no particular sequence and I’m thinking, The drugs must have damaged him, but he doesn't know how badly, and then I don't want to think about it anymore, because all I can think about is myself,
how people will sometimes look at me
like they know something's broken, something
that's not going to get fixed anymore,
and then I hear him telling me
he's on a program now, that he's OK, except
he's still living with his parents
so he’s not so sure, and it’s so funny
both of us start laughing again,
and I say, Why don't we hit Oeschlaeger's,
maybe Valerie’ll be at the opening,
(Con’t.)
but I can tell by this funny,
kind of helpless look on his face
he doesn't really know if he knows her
or not, so I tell him he hasn't met
this particular Valerie, and for a moment
he looks relieved and then he looks worried
and then he's going down
too many tunnels
to follow, and then I look up
from wherever I am and I see him
standing next to Valerie like he
knows who she is and I’m trying
to wave her away before she starts
chatting him up with all her stuff
about art because he’ll be all over her
about that PBS Special on Arizona and how he hates that yellow shirt his father wears, but it’s too late, she’s already bolting for the door, and he’s gasping and looking around everywhere like he’s
about to go under and I’m trying to
get to him but everything’s moving so slow
and then he's right in my face screaming This
always happens but I never know why,
and then all I remember is holding him
and kissing him and whispering
to him over and over, It’s Ok, Rick, It’s OK,
except it wasn’t OK, and both of us knew it.