A smile they couldn’t have while alive, so death stole it for them.
And that is the story of “her”.
~ 55 ~
How Are You?
The basic question everyone tends to ask at meetings and small chats.
But have you ever, really answered honestly?
I strongly doubt it.
For we always say “fine”, the automatic answer everyone gives, without even thinking of what they really are feeling.
We reply fine, even if the world around us collapsed and took everything we ever loved with it.
We say fine, even if we have seen all we ever dreamed for fall and turn into ash, even if all the worst possible scenarios have happened to us, even if we had our bones ripped off and our souls burnt.
We say fine, even if we no longer know what’s fine and what’s not. Even if we no longer can remember the last time we smiled or laughed.
We say fine, even if overthinking is slowly killing us, breaking everything in our minds and destroying everything around us.
We say fine, even if we have lost every bit of hope we once kept in our gardens, even if we have lost every battle. Even if we no longer know who we are, no longer know what to feel.
We say fine, even if we’re being swallowed into the black hole of depression, losing every ray of faith and hope.
So, I’m asking again “How are you?”
Oh, long night, thou who carries my broken heart, along the dark valleys of death, making it feel what it never felt, making it see what it never saw.
Oh, long night, you who has brought my past, on a melting plate of fire, to make my mind get darker and remember the hurt I got.
Oh, long night, why can’t I sleep, nor can I hide my tears. I’ve had enough of this life, only knew some cold and rough places wherever I went.
Oh, long night! May you be merciful for once, and save my falling soul from the ice that’s freezing the empathy I still have.
Oh long night, it’s been long since your start. I do miss the rays of my sun, or at least let me see that silver smile, on my dear lonely friend the moon that you’ve hidden far. Please, let some light get in my heart before it’s too late.
Oh, long night, my pain is only getting bigger, my injuries only losing much blood, I may not make it until the aurora, so I beg of you to let me see some brightness again before my eyes close forever; before my life gets to its end.
Oh, long night, I can’t wait more than that, nor can I bear to suffer any longer, I’m leaving you now, I’m leaving this weak and pale body of mine, that you carried all this time by your cold dark winds.
Oh, long night, may you never last, but I’m afraid I have to go, my death is calling from above and this time I can only do what I was always meant for.