CHAPTER SIX
THE ODD ONE OUT
When the German theorist Karl Marx in 1848 published The Communist Manifesto, he overlooked a critically vital error in his theories: personal boundaries. The simple fact is that humanity always consists of people who will feel the need to be liberated, people who feel the need for absolute independence and individuality. It is absolutely necessary to suppress this freedom of thought—the essential conversion of individualism’s healthy personal boundaries into collectivism’s bad boundaries—if collectivism is to succeed in creating an equilibrated human organism. Unless all citizens voluntarily participate, collectivism is tyranny. Full non-manipulated participation would create utopia. It is therefore a necessity for Marxists and fascists to take these despicable mental manipulation techniques into practice or use them for direct physical control of society, or both, as seen in former Nazi Germany, former USSR, Cuba, China, North Korea, and several countries in South America. In these countries, thousands of individuals, the nonconformists, are forced to flee to avoid being imprisoned or murdered in honor of collectivism. And we must not forget the nonviolent Tibetans and their Dalai Lama, who are either prisoners of, or fugitives from, Marxists.
It is true that some modern-age Marxists (e.g., Fabian socialists), portray themselves as in favor of democracy. Thus when individuality is first completely replaced with a collective identity (bad boundaries), and therefore under complete societal control, the person is yet another link in the col ective human organism. When society gets closer to its objective, communism (totalitarianism), the organism decides and not the human being.
Bad boundaries, precisely the severely narcissistic trait in which the very principles of collectivism have their origin, are responsible for the collective unity holding society’s members accountable for one another. Yet this does not take into consideration that one has no right to evade personal responsibility by holding others accountable for oneself. Bad boundaries can be seen in contrast to the indisputable personal right of claiming independence. Of course the latest excuse for oppression is fictitious solidarity and democracy. However, in large part, the democratic process is sooner or later determined by deprived, parasitical voters with no interest in politics except for what can be personally gained. They not only determine the fate and limit the rights of others, while not contributing to society themselves, but also decide the country’s future economy and consequently the country’s economic destruction as well. Although narcissism is malignant self-love—the need to control one’s surroundings, bad boundaries, and a continuous search for narcissistic supply (mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all), adulation, attention, or affirmation attained from one’s surrounding community— this is quite the opposite of the individualist, the independent thinker resting within oneself. Thus, collectivists often go as far as to misinterpret (e.g., normative egoism), the need for independence and individualism as narcissism.
The collectivist believes oneself to be so right, driven by a grandiose sense of self-importance—a sense of entitlement so strong that one’s beliefs should be forced upon others—without any deviation, which is always the result of severe pathological narcissism. In contrast, the confident individualist believes in personal independence: that one’s ideals are personal and therefore do not apply to others, no matter how strong one’s personal sense of entitlement.
Society, being the mere extension of the collectivist’s identity as a result of bad boundaries, creates the perfect pathological narcissistic sphere. Observed from the collectivist’s state of altered reality, anyone who in any way appears confident or superior to their grandiose ego and anyone who does not meet their needs, share their views, comply with their plans, or willingly provide narcissistic supply—all traits of the confident individualist—is viewed as the odd one out and as having an inconsiderate, self-absorbed, and egocentric personality. A twisted reality, endorsed by grandiose feelings of collective unity (make-believe empathy), allows the collectivist to twist self-interests into a pathological illusion of generosity and unselfishness. Bad boundaries (magical thinking) perfectly engender the need for independence to be viewed as egotistical. Fantasies of excessive moral superiority create the perfect pathological narcissistic sphere that perfectly empowers the collective human organism through adulation, attention, or affirmation: narcissistic supply.
AN EVERYDAY STORY
I was once at the ticket office at Denmark’s State Railways purchasing a train ticket to Sweden for a business meeting, when the female cashier handling my order started belittling the Swedish Public Railways in an attempt to attain narcissistic supply from me, through national affirmation. I looked at her and started to explain, “If you want to throw stones, I sincerely hope you can take reverse criticism, so let me enlighten you about your own employer.” I went on to explain that I had once been kicked off a train, though I had an absolutely valid ticket, simply because the female ticket inspector wasn’t informed about the new ticket type I was carrying. The ticket inspector issued me a fine, which didn’t worry me as it would, of course, be canceled as soon as the issue was resolved. The female inspector asked for my Danish Identification Card, which I then handed her. She looked at the ID for a moment, then handed me a paper form for writing up the fine. She demanded that I write my personal details. I declared that if she wanted to give me a fine, I could deal with that, but I was certain the issue would be cleared up once she found out about my ticket type. I said, “If you want to give me a fine, you write it.” The female inspector looked at me angrily and said, “If you don’t do as I ask of you, I will kick you off the train at the next station.” I denied her demand to fill out the form and was kicked off the train. Now finished telling my story to the cashier, I further explained to her, “Having lived for many years abroad, I can tell you that services in Denmark are not the greatest in the world. And if you wish to hear more awful stories about your own employer, I’ll be happy to inform you.” The cashier looked angrily at me and started telling me off, while handing me the ticket that I had just bought. She ended her words the exact same predictable way as all Danes in general, “If you are not satisfied, then move away!”
In collectivism’s pathological mind game, mental coercion is beyond calculated. As mentioned before, this is because it is generally disguised even though it is inevitably constant. The game always takes a negative approach. The humor of the weak mind is sarcasm, and it is used constantly to disguise denigration. I recently engaged in a pleasant conversation with a waitress in a café, when her unaffiliated boss, for no apparent reason, approached me and said, “I wish you were a radio, so I could turn you off.” Similarly, every time I would proudly announce that I had met a new girl, my brother would instantly say, “Is she blind?”
Just like seemingly harmless sarcasm is used to disguise contemptuousness, so is reverse psychology. Instead of making the usual direct attack such as, “You have some personal issues!” a collectivist narcissist will generally use the reverse-psychology approach, “You have some personal issues, don’t you?” This, Svengali technique, is truly effective on the frail mind. This approach allows the narcissist to slowly enter and manipulate the selected victim’s mind, thus creating coercion by utilizing the weapon of guilt.
A simple, commonly used remark like, “Don’t think you are anything!” is not always noticed consciously, especially when it is expressed sarcastically and habitually delivered all through life. However, subconsciously, the story is very different. When I started writing this book I considered naming it You Can’t! This seemingly innocent comment, a compulsive response, always as a result of low self-esteem, is one of the most common expressions used in collectivism’s pathological mind game. Because after hearing, “You can’t!” enough times, seemingly innocent comments like these quickly become powerful, detrimental psychological undermining. This is especially effective when used on the frail mind.
In an attempt to undermine the confident individualist, any cruel extreme is used. Personally, I have been accused of many things, ranging from being told, “You should be on medication!” to “You must be borderline!” As well, I’ve been subject to the creepy reverse-psychological approach with questions like, “Do you take medication?” or “Do you have ADHD?” Some have even gone as far as calling me a psychopath, and the list goes on.
Quite definitely, these typical collectivist allegations meant to stir humiliation, intimidation, and belittlement, did hurt me. As a result, they made me question myself. Fortunately nature’s gift to me was the ability to always be truly observant; therefore, I always strive for a better self-understanding. For that reason, I had already sought counseling for the first time in my mid-twenties. In counseling, the first pieces of the puzzle were placed into position. So except for the clear signs of schizoid disorder (a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, thus, the signs ironically only occur around collectivists), and although these ruthless souls attempted to achieve otherwise, there was absolutely nothing abnormal about my personality. Yet the emotional iron grip of collectivism, which subjected me to years of tormenting, would prove to have an additionally powerful stronghold and prove to be not easily broken.
All of these attacks directed toward me represent examples of truly effective, calculated, detrimental narcissistic coercion used to keep the individualist in line. You are as you are persuaded. Having been undermined and made to feel inferior when I was in my teens, I often felt like the odd one out. I would have been convinced by every word I was told, and my self-esteem would be no better than that of all other Danes, if it were not for the fact that I moved to the United States, where people acted like individuals, behaved confidently, and spoke openly, exactly like me.
For the last twenty years, I have gone on seven-mile runs about three to four times a week. And while living abroad I began to sing along to music while running because singing allows me to detach and feel unaffected by my surroundings. However, in Denmark things are different. In Denmark, hostile bystanders persistently intimidate me by staring, laughing, and yelling at me. Therefore, in combination with almost three years of therapy and the intent to finish this book, I have just about succeeded in completely liberating myself from any collectivist intimidation. In this time I have been able to observe and analyze the therapist, eventually reaching the conclusion that she as well was driven by pathological narcissism.
In fact, this is when the collectivist’s predictable mental narcissistic defense cheats them by altering reality and thinking of this behavior as odd. “Why would I want to run and sing?” they ask or think. However, this behavior is odd only to people with low self-esteem. Deprived egos keep them from feeling comfortable with running and singing. I can kindly suggest that one stops lying to oneself. The point here is not whether one likes or wants to run and sing, but if one actually can.
The frequent misuse of terminology, like “You’re arrogant!” amongst other condemnations, is a major part of collectivism’s pathological mind game. The collectivist’s intent is dominance, to coerce and force guilt upon any individual who expresses oneself assured. This imaginary reinvention of terminological definitions is caused by magical thinking (omniscient illusion), simultaneously making the collectivists who use the terminology stand out to the uneducated as well educated. Although, collectivists actually use attacking terminology, being deeply and ignorantly arrogant, they can seldom clarify a simple term like “arrogance.” Most interestingly, if confronting collectivists with their arrogant behavior, they will in fact react with arrogance.
The inferior mind alters reality, thus it is truly important to understand the difference between unhealthy narcissism and the freedom of expressing confidence in oneself and one’s achievements in healthy ways. Arrogance, which is expressing pride for the purpose of feeling superior to others, is quite different from a healthy ability to express self-assurance. Self-encouragement and self-recognition are exceptionally important psychological needs to build individuality and personal endeavor. These traits are significantly important for opposing unhealthy narcissism by combating those who denigrate others for expressing themselves as self-assured. Always keep in mind that only the inferior mind has the need to debase others, which in turn subordinates society.
Narcissists are drug addicts in need of their daily fix, and their drug is narcissistic supply. Demeaning or humiliating others makes narcissists aroused and creates a subconscious high that makes them feel better about themselves. This malignant self-love allows the narcissist to obtain adulation, attention, or affirmation: narcissistic supply. Being admired, feared, or affirmed by others is like a drug for the narcissist. This is especially effective when encouraged collectively. Like an instant drug, demeaning others gives the narcissist a momentary strong self-regard. This fix briefly provides forged confidence to persons who are otherwise truly neurotic.
As well as having been in a long-term relationship with a partner who was driven by severe pathological narcissism, which initially spiked my interest and research in narcissism, I once went on a few dates with a narcissist. This relationship was very short term though, as once she explained her often-used technique for seeking joy by irritating her former partner. She purposely irritated him and created arguments to make herself more sexually aroused for intercourse later.
I once heard a wise and appealing story concerning the topic of the oppressive collectivist mentality. It goes like this: A Dane was describing how, while in the United States, he felt inspired by the American attitude. While in the process of elaborating on this, the collectivist noticed the American nodding oddly, seemingly agreeing with the topic. When the man finished explaining, the American smiled and said, “Great, good for you!” Surprised by the comment, the Dane asked, “What do you mean by that?” The American then replied, “If everyone in your country is so preoccupied with not believing in themselves, then there is just so much more room for your success.”
The gap between being self-assured and worshiping oneself—severe pathological narcissism—is not immense. However, the example above of the uplifting, uninhibited liberated behavior (benign envy) and the right to be self-assured and express oneself freely is a vital psychological tool for all of society to employ to create self-esteem and individualism. Many Americans have no clue that this encouraging mindset is the mentality that is the actual force behind anyone who has success. The belief in the American Dream is the motivation that drives Americans to succeed, and their positive striving is the world’s strongest economic force and influence on success. Liberated mentality, self-assured behavior endorsing strong self-acceptance—individuality—is the weapon against collectivism.
Liberated Mentality
Embrace disapproval; question society, its citizens, and society’s structure!
Embrace uniqueness!
Embrace individuality!
Embrace strength!
Embrace self-assurance!
Embrace curiosity!
The fact is that the oppressive collectivist mentality drives people to live a dependent life of envy. Amongst some collectivists, envy is so predominant that one can have a feeling that the collectivist knows what is in one’s bank account before oneself does. The liberated mentality is very different; it encourages the individual to turn one’s envy into being observing, outgoing, questioning, and encouraging (benign envy) by gathering inspiration and motivation in individuals of a better intellect and standing. These successful individuals are those who believe in themselves and encourage others who strive to reach the same level of accomplishments. This contrasts greatly with the oppressive collectivist mentality. Individualism creates a positive psychological cycle. This is what I refer to as America’s Social Security, the shoulder clap of encouragement that raises the levels of self-esteem for all of humanity.
As a consequence of this constant support, the nation of the United States, which is built on benign envy—the shoulder clap of encouragement—in combination with market freedom, has not only shaped the world’s largest Gross National Product (GNP) but also the most millionaires, and in fact billionaires, in the world. Most importantly, this upper-class wealth has placed the American middle class in the world’s top five. So even though the American middle class is not ranked the first—with the scarcely high income taxes, sales taxes, and generally hidden duties and fees applied in all top-ranked countries—the American middle class is among the world’s most prosperous.
China, the country that has the world’s second largest Gross National Product (GNP), which averages US 5 trillion dollars, accomplishes their position as an economic power with a population of approximately 1.3 billion people, versus the United States’ GNP averaging over US 14 trillion dollars, which is accomplished by a population of only just over 300 million people. The United States has nearly triple the GNP with a billion fewer people creating that wealth. This offers more than enough prosperity for even the slightest opportunist willing enough to take part in the climb to accomplish the American Dream, and in addition this offers clear proof that absolute liberty, capitalism, and non-government intervention is the only true source of success.
Weapons against collectivism to teach your children and others:
How others see you is beyond any doubt insightful. Though, the true importance is how you see yourself. Avoid comparing yourself to others.
Approval from others is beyond any doubt positive. Yet, to find individual approval within is always of the highest priority. Never compromise your individual self.
Always listen and be curious and observant. Use benign envy to find inspiration in self-assured individuals who believe in themselves and lift their surroundings through encouragement.
Regardless what is said or done, no one can put you down. Only you can put yourself down. Avoid debasing yourself by referring to or thinking of yourself with denigrating statements.
Always encourage and express confidence in others. Especially embrace others in expressing self-encouragement and self-assurance in themselves.
Our mistakes do not define how bad we are, but merely how much better we can become. Anything in life can be turned into a positive.
By no means ever underestimate the manipulative strength of the narcissist. They are stronger than you anticipate. Psychopathic self-love knows no bounds. To protect their ego-boundaries, the narcissist will manipulate, cheat, lie, steal, and even kill. In short, they will use any means available within their reach to protect their frail egos from exposure.
Feelings of guilt are often closely connected to tools of the narcissist. Therefore, always examine your feelings carefully for false pretenses.
Keep your distance from people who are compulsively judgmental and opinionated and from those who express excessive foul language, negative attitude, and envy, especially people who deny responsibility for personal actions and lack the ability to take criticism.
Furthermore, it is important to understand that Marxists are truly hypnotized by the belief that they are doing good with what they stand for—all smoke and mirrors. This is perfectly disguised by their magical thinking, “I am a selfless person who cares for others.” These ideals create the perfect facility for self-deception—deceit from self-interests. One would easily argue that a selfless person is not someone who takes from others by force and thereafter shares it around—the description of a tyrant—but that a selfless person is someone who personally makes and voluntarily shares one’s own private assets and time.
To care for others is without any doubt an indisputably beautiful philosophy. Yet self-deception from a narcissistic ego can be somewhat easily identified. Socialism would in fact not work democratically were it not for personal gain. This blinds Marxists to the fact that everything refers back to their personal co-dependence, their lack of personal initiative and self-pity. As a result, Marxists try to bring down their environment to their level of achievement—feelings of inferiority, unmet needs, and fear—which then drive them to turn their envy, and often their feelings of communal neglect, into resentment and anger directed toward those who are better off. In other words, envy sets up a pattern of using people of a better psychological and economical standing as their scapegoats.
It is most important that one understands the two-rule remedy of economics (non-bureaucratic involvement and the free market), and of equal importance, to understand the significance of upholding liberated mentality. Then, in any way you can, stand up against these ruthless souls and their constant attempts to denigrate, twist, and project the weapon of guilt upon the independent thinker by preventing the individualist from expressing individuality and self-encouragement, the truly liberated way. Hence, rather stand out from the flock as a black sheep than follow suit in the crowd as a tiny lamb.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression
or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not,
in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
—STEVEN WINTERBURN