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SOCIO-EMOTIONAL RESPONSES WITHIN AND OUTSIDE FAMILY BOUNDARIES DURING COVID-19
DR. ANAGHA LAVALEKAR
Jnana Prabodhini’s Institute of Psychology, Pune.
Scenario 1:
An Indian metro city during the first three COVID-19 lockdowns. Empty streets, tall building complexes, tiny zuggis in slums, families ‘forced’ to stay together 24/7, all activities outside home almost frozen, adults busy in cooking, feeding, doing daily chores, worrying how to procure food/ grocery/ veggies for next few days, children in holiday mood: no studies, glued to television or mobiles smuggled from mom or dad’s pocket.
Scenario 2:
A countryside village, people confused why they are not allowed out on roads, every service provider’s shutter down, mothers checking the food stock at home, fathers loitering around, children trying to understand suddenly shut schools, being asked to look after the cattle/ farming duties, can sense the clear anxiety of livelihood on parents faces.
Scenario 3:
Big, fat and wide roads joining the metro cities to middle and smaller ones, flocks of barefoot people with minimum luggage walking along the roads under the scorching sun, women in saris and salwar suits with young kids clutching their fingers or resting on their shoulders. Their eyes filled with hopeless pursuit of food/ water and some rest if allowed by ‘Time’.
An unwarranted challenge:
We have been experiencing these scenarios around us in the last two months. This was completely unwarranted, unexpected until a few months back. Life was flowing with its usual zest, wants and disappointments, love and anger, hope and worries with much familiar manageable boundaries. However, a very tiny, microscopic entity has toppled everything upside down. It has withered the way we loved and mingled with each other, converting us into silkworms trapped in our own cocoons, struggling to see through the midst of contradicting and sensational information pouring from all sides.
Changing perceptions:
The COVID -19 pandemic has not only created paradigm shifts in our health care needs and economic postulates but has evoked a deep change in the social and emotional response sets among us as people are living together as a society. It has been perceived by every country as almost equal to a third World War between nature and human race. The response patterns are being shaped in that manner. Many people who were a part of the ‘survival running race’ in the fast track metro cities, initially took it as some sort of a ‘time off’ from their usual tight schedules, keeping a little low to rest back, but slowly the other side of the coin showed up. The enjoyment of being with each other for a ‘LOT’ of time was enjoyed for the first few days. Then, as the numbers of infected people started rising, with household helpers no more in the picture (burdening the ‘home-maker’ with triple the usual load), news clippings portraying coffins all over the roads in some European countries and Facebook- WhatsApp getting flooded with all sorts of true/ half true/propagandized/factual bits of happenings, - the emotional turmoil stepped in and started affecting the socio-emotional fabric within and outside the family boundaries.
Needs and grievances across groups:
With the huge complexity of family patterns in Indian society, the impact of this challenging situation also varies across groups. Within different age groups, the children slowly started experiencing boredom with innumerable questions in their minds about the situation around, to which their parents can hardly provide satisfactory answers. Youth, who are used to freedom and peer involvement, cannot meet and see friends, have to be confined within four walls, are confused and irritated due to uncertainty about the exams and future career opportunities. The adult population is burdened with work-life balance issues due to limited resources and assistance at both places while the elderly, being most vulnerable, are having the fear clock of getting infected ticking at the back of their minds.
The emotional turmoil:
More than the immediate physical safety issues, the socio-emotional conditions of people are becoming grave and need long term attention. The constant calls to available helplines and news flashes representing the psychological comorbidities are going to pose a serious threat to our future as a society.
How long will the pandemic continue? What if I get infected? Will I be in the ‘mild’ category or the ‘ventilator’ one? What if I never recover? What will happen to my job after the lockdown is over? What if I spread the disease to my own family members? Will I be able to feed my family enough in these circumstances? Will my relatives help me if I catch COVID? What will happen to my family if I succumb to the infection? Will I not be able to see my loved ones again once I am admitted to the hospital? So many haunting questions...most of them not having any predictable, definite answer, and it is prevalent across all socio-economic groups.
Crumbling of the so called civilized humanity:
Whenever there is ambiguity beyond a level that a person can tolerate, withdrawal or aggression (flight/ fight) is the obvious emotionally driven (evolutionary) response unless mediated by a rational mindset. People committing suicide due to fear of catching COVID-19, or confining themselves to rooms with ‘covido-phobic’ or ‘corona phobic’ perceptions are examples of such withdrawal. On the other hand, increasing incidences of domestic violence towards women and children indicate poor but desperate attempts to exercise power over that part of life (relationships) which will give a false sense of some control over the situation. The superficiality of so-called social bonds is evident through incidents of refusal to claim the dead bodies of COVID-19 patients, refusing the years-old neighbors to either stay quarantined or re-enter their own homes after release from hospitals, attacking saviors like doctors-nurses and police persons in blind confusion. The issues faced by the people in the countryside are even more complex. They are experiencing high levels of anxiety and suspicion due to the reverse migration taking place. The transiting population has been forced to distance itself from local villagers by not allowing them entry in the localities. A sense of humiliation, distrust and shame has filled their minds with no outlet in the present circumstances, posing a serious threat to social cohesion.
Humans are known for their ability to communicate through structured language. However, often what talks more than words is the ‘touch’! COVID-19 has attacked this very spontaneous and obvious expression of emotional connect. People have started feeling insecure, threatened by thinking of getting touched even by their near and dear ones. A powerful remedy on negativity itself is getting negative valence –a real concern for all of us.
Generating ‘Dialogue’- the only way out:
The only known elixir which can help us overcome all this unforeseen, shattering emotional burden as individuals and as a society is through consciously increasing our ‘will and ability’ to generate positive dialogue with the social ecosystem and our own self by focusing on the good things happening around us. In spite of all these negativities the medical fraternity is steadfastly serving at the cost of their own lives. There are thousands of volunteers gathering and distributing help to the needy and deprived sections. Forced household duties as well as the huge reverse migration has made people recognize the dignity of labor, people are finding out ways to adjust with each other in forced coexistence under a roof, trying to use the available virtual platforms to keep alive our social and emotional bonds with the outside world to the best!
A dialogue which balances the style and clarity of objective can both help us remain grounded and responsive to the circumstances as individuals and as society. The blending of ‘My ego’ and ‘Your ego’, understanding the thin line between expectations and demand, selfishness and submission, misunderstanding and manipulation are the components of this elixir called ‘dialogue’.
‘Upasana’ / daily prayers / meditation are also practices that help us keep our faces above the water in such circumstances. It has nothing to do with practicing a specific religion. Atheists can have their own ways of ‘worship’. It is mostly turning inward and gathering enough strength by diving into the realms of the philosophy of life. Trigger intrapersonal dialogue. Psychologists very well understand its unique place in healing and combating emotional challenges.
Helping people understand human limitations in terms of the factors within and outside our control reinforcing internal locus is required. How to multiply small but happy moments and subtract the stress triggering moments has to be a part of our therapeutic intervention. This is an opportunity for us as individuals and professionals of psychology to facilitate such ‘dialogue’ within and outside the family boundaries, to make our community psychologically strong and immune enough to ride above such waves.