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PSYCHOLOGIST’S MIND ON MISSING BEATS OF AN EXPATRIATE LIFE
REENA THOMAS
Clinical Psychologist, Medeor, Burdubai, Dubai, UAE
“I would cast a spell on you”!!! Now one would wonder how I am going to do this. Yes, by taking them through dreams to conquer deserts, realities, masks, miseries, loneliness, and the magic of this beautiful city of Dubai, sprung up from a barren desert.. Here is the brief account of an experience of a psychologist during COVID 19.
We were all immersed in the wild chase of building our dreams that came to a standstill when the world clock stopped in front of a tiny organism. The journey begins with a multitasking outlook to the incredible realities of life, COVID-19. I see faces striving to thrive, burdensome shoulders, suppressed hearts, unwritten unbelievable stories in the desert land, intricacies of the human mind and its futile attempts to connect with others.
As the nation grapples with the spread of COVID-19, the majority of the people all over the world are being told to go home and stay there, for their safety and everyone else’s. Sadly, there comes an alarming rise in the number of child abuse and domestic violence when people see each other, but don’t see eye to eye. And, for victims and survivors of domestic violence, including children exposed to it, being home may not be a safe option- and the unprecedented stress of the pandemic could breed unsafe conditions in homes where violence may not have been an issue before. With this pandemic, people are more at risk for violence due to unfamiliar circumstances compounded with reduced access to resources, forced change of lifestyle, increased stress due to losing one’s job or strained finances, and disconnection from widely presumed coping sources of social support systems when we live far away from our native place. There are many who are fighting it alone, living far away from their native lands, all alone, trying to hide their COVID-19 stories from their loved ones in an attempt to project glory and hide the reality, so as to keep loved ones always happy. No matter what anguish they are in!
STORIES:
Here we are struck by some experiences where one is bound by the law and four walls, out of sheer helplessness and not able to bid farewell to blood ties or the umbilical cord. The agony smacks and spanks the deaf walls and doors, and pours out into my heart which can only take a deep sigh! Similar ones with all the fruits of a same tree hit hard by COVID-19 except for a small bud taken away into unknown hands not knowing whether it will ever unite back with its mother tree. What is more to come, is a newborn watching masks all around it, not letting it breathe in and the helpless, COVID-19 affected father expressing his pain on seeing his partner almost dead and two young girls left behind. Imagine the plight of an infant not able to see the beauty of its mother's smile, or sense its mother's touch, the first social connections out of the security of the mother’s womb. The soreness continues! So cry out for help.
Alas, I have heard more stories of devastation, despair, fear, anxiety, panic, helplessness and hopelessness! Needless to say, the media terrifies. People are flooded with information and the free gift is a crippling worry. Sleep is far away in sky heights and the escape is alcohol/smoking or gaming ‘the new companion’’ of mankind. The unforeseen evil which is going to wipe out the human resources before one recognizes it. Young or old, get hooked by veiled peace and a pseudo sense of connectedness.
STOPS:
I have never seen or experienced the state of “stuck” in life with all forms of transportation coming to a halt as curfews are declared in different places. The world is so immobile and we crave to be in our motherland but the very realization that she cannot fit all of us in, forces many of us to remain stranded here. We are caught in double pain as we watch our home country struggle to balance the economy and contain COVID-19. The uncertainties of incomplete higher studies, a sinking economy throwing many jobless, unable to meet the ends of life, structural and functional changes of various organizations, tends to move people into a collective agony and a state of worry.
RISE:
Every cloud has a silver lining! A ray of hope comes in with the reports of how this foreign land and its highly respectable leaders are trying to embrace us in times of need, regardless of caste and creed. A glimpse of happiness prevails as we notice the function of the government of the State of Kerala, not to leave behind the organized efforts of Smt. Shailaja teacher, Minister for Health and the team which glorified my motherland into the limelight in the world. A sense of responsibility steps into the minds of people to save themselves and others from the virus. Nevertheless, eyebrows go up if I don’t mention that there are flaws everywhere.
This seems to be the turning point of life where one realizes the need to have a lot of presence of mind so as to not to get crushed. Yes, readjustment into life is the only key in such an adversity in life. The age of positive psychology and its concepts are flowing all over the world in different forms. WHO and other organizations along with other professionals are competing and/ or complementing each other to bring the world into well being. The survival of the fittest comes in the forms of webinars/ online sessions. That’s what pumped in so much energy to move to an online platform and continue to provide psychological help to mankind. Here we see the richness of the world with different faces, races, motives. Some benefactors are so genuine that you feel for them, some belong to a utilitarian culture, as these services are provided free. The month of Ramadan helped to buy time to settle down with the new trend in life.
SHINING STAR:
Hey, I found a glittering star in the sky! The happy moments dropped in when the initial proposal came to form a team of mental health professionals to extend help to a COVID-19 affected population. Quite overwhelming, but I cherish those proud moments that I could be a tool for a noble cause. Several nights of meetings, discussion, team building, classes, paperwork brought the best out of us. It unfolded into a charity organization – HEALING MINDS -- with plenty of multilingual professionals catering to the needs of an affected/ isolated, quarantined, and panic stricken public. I am sure we will make this country feel proud of having us. To my surprise, I have seen selfless commitments from many professionals as they volunteer in an afflicted population. Nonetheless, some people with vested interest are expected or seen everywhere.
REVAMP:
Like COVID-19 refurbished the earth and its habitations, investing in self-care, which might revamp our nature, is the need of the hour. A much discussed, easily forgotten area of life that got several reminders in the form of aches and pains. I could find time for myself, for catching up with long cherished activities, to balance home and work, though Corona demanded that the love life come to a standstill. An unseen, unacknowledged pain is hidden in the darkness of the night. But I am thankful I got the best moments of my life with my little one and parents. I saw COVID-19 digging the best out of me, unveiling the shells.
We still keep the hope and faith to roll on to be resilient, despite uncertainties. As Robert Frost says, there are miles to go before I sleep. I am, amongst many others, relentlessly waiting for the COVID-19 to unveil the realities in 2021 to which we will all be forced to walk into. Never ending stories, just preparing the mind to be strong enough to give shoulders to the suffering end.
Here comes the bell to resume functioning, to catch up to the race again, amidst a deep recognition of the unsettled fears and rising COVID-19. Who wins the battle, ME, YOU or CORONA! Whatever, it decided my next destiny… the journey continues.