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TOMATO OR TENNIS BALL? TIPS FOR COPING WITH CORONA RESILIENTLY AND HELPING OTHERS PSYCHOLOGICALLY
DR. B. J. PRASHANTHAM
Professor of Counselling Psychology and
Director, Institute for Human Relations, Vellore
Introduction
I am happy to share three ideas in this chapter which I was invited to write by Dr. Sam Manickam, the Editor of this monograph, whose initiative is very timely and important. Looking forward to reading the entire contents when the book comes out. Yes, indeed psychologists have a very important responsibility in helping themselves and others cope resiliently with the current Corona situation. I would like to especially address the coping challenges we are all facing due to the global pandemic, Corona (COVID-19), which has called for very drastic measures of discipline, confinement, containment, social distancing, reviewing of hygiene etc., to avoid a catastrophic loss of people – and by these steps, slowing down the process of infection and resultant difficulties related to economy and livelihoods. No doubt it is a very difficult time, a time when our lives are disrupted. I am reminded of the book recently written by Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, who said, ‘Hit Refresh’, and that's what we have to do. This Chapter is divided into 3 parts. 1. Survey findings, 2. Tips for resilience and 3. Some things Psychologists can do. As a result of following them even partially, it is hoped people can” bounce like a tennis ball rather than splash, and disintegrate like a tomato on impact of the fall”, a term I coined when working with large number of the survivors of Tsunami in 2004-05 in India and Sri Lanka.
I. Survey Findings
I have surveyed a few weeks ago over a hundred of our alumni friends from all over India, from Kashmir to Kanyakumari who have willingly indicated their views on four questions associated with their experience of the Corona Crisis.
- The first question was: What are your feelings in these times? They reported feeling like: overwhelmed, scared, panicky, paranoid, frustrated, confined helpless, struggling facing difficulties, challenges, and fear of the unknown.
- The second question was: What difficulties did you actually face? Answers included: “… difficulties of meeting people, difficulties of buying things, difficulties of not being able to have direct person-to-person communication, finding emergencies really difficult to handle, not being able to meet classmates and friends, play outside as I used to, face stigma by others and my own family for working as a delivery staff”.
- Then I asked them: What insights are you getting from this? One person said, “I realize for the first time, I'm in a rat race of life not paying attention to relationships”. People who are socially minded are finding it very difficult to have limited contact. But they are also discovering that there are ways in which they can actually connect with people through technology, refocus on their life, and review their values and priorities.
- Finally, I asked them: What message would you like to give to others? And, they said we want to give the message that, “…let us be realistic, go through this pain, and get over this. We shall overcome. We have overcome many challenges before like, smallpox, polio, famines, tsunami and others.
II. Tips for Resilience
Next, I would like to deal with five ways for us to become resilient in this difficult time. The following have been found to be helpful not only to me but many others and are principles in simple language which have much support in the psychological literature.
- Relate. The first is ‘relate’. This means sharing your thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions, and choices of how you cope, with someone near you, like a family member or a friend. If for some reason that is not easily possible, write it down in great detail. Research has found that writing generally can also help us to express. Do it daily for the next one month, expressing real feelings freely, and see how you will feel. Possibly better. Many found it to be so.
- Relax. The second point is ‘relax’. As you start relating, you'll also relax. Relaxation is very important, because when we are not relaxed, we are tense and anxious. When we are relaxed, our anxiety comes down. And there are varieties of means to relax. All the way from taking deep breaths for even five minutes with a simple formula 4-4-4: breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds. Pranayama, yogic asanas and other methods have also been found useful. By doing something different, also you can relax, which is enjoyable like, seeing a movie, talking to somebody by phone, listening to music or playing. Thereby, you activate your parasympathetic nervous system which helps you calm down. And that's what is needed. Other techniques like neuromuscular relaxation, and visualization have helped as well.
- Review. The third point is ‘review’. That is, look at your thoughts, feelings, actions. You can be aware of and then accept it is OK to have these feelings. Ask yourself, “Am I thinking negatively, catastrophically fearing too much?” Because in the midst of all the bad news we are getting, there is a lot of good news. Our thinking needs to be based on facts. The good news is most people can survive, if you follow the rules. The rules are: wearing a mask, washing your hands frequently, not touching your face, keeping a reasonable distance till the curfew is lifted. Accepting what cannot be changed will also release us to think realistically and feel and act appropriately. This will not go on. The pandemic will end. In the meantime, “How can you spend time usefully, doing things that you wanted to but did not have time so far? How about developing a hobby, or a new skill? How about being involved with causes bigger than yourself and helping the severely hit persons like guest workers and any others in need of basic requirements of daily life?”
- Routinize. The fourth one is ‘routinize’. Your routine is disturbed. But our mind requires an orderly life, a routine of doing physical, mental, social, spiritual things that are meaningful to you. Some people have found, for example, sleeping and getting up at the same time every day, eating the right diet at the right times, having a new routine to follow, doing their prayers and devotions, etc. Helpful new behaviour is what we're all about. Wearing a mask, washing hands, not touching our face, are some of the behaviors that have been changing. Please continue to practice these new behaviors.
- Rebound. The fifth and last word is 'rebound'. Rebound is to be like a tennis ball bouncing back. We can bounce back by the efforts we take, the help we receive, counting blessings we receive from the Almighty. And by experiencing our successes incrementally, in whatever way we are doing, we can also learn to be concerned, to be cooperative. And at the same time, to rebound, because there is light at the end of the time. We can overcome.
Scientists say that we are going to go through some very rough patches, some more economic difficulties are expected. But we will be able to save a large number of our dear fellow human beings. And in the meantime, we'll also protect them, especially the many care providers. Even if the recession leads to depression, as in the past century, we will bounce back with proper bio-psycho-social and spiritual values and measures. As psychologists we should not underestimate the impact of socioeconomic difficulties on mental health of all ages with anxiety and depression which are clearly expected to increase much post lockdown also.
III. What psychologists can do
In the context of the COVID-19 crisis, there is a great epidemic of anxiety and panic. People of all age groups are struggling with painful changes and limitations to their freedom to enjoy life. There are reports of domestic violence, incidents of suicide, the sheer pain of economic despair due to layoffs, and no work and wages. Individuals, NGOs and governments are doing many positive things. Along with all these, psychologists can use their competencies to help along with equipping themselves with skills that will help support others to bounce back like a tennis ball with hardiness, self-efficacy, and a changed mindset.
In addition to the 5 R’s pointed above I found useful the approaches noted below:
1. Telecounselling and use of other digital media like video.
2. Psychosocial education in coping with stress.
3. Referrals to specialists of those needing medication or other interventions.
4. Mobilization of group and community support.
5. Use of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) where appropriate.
6. Learn and use EMDR ((Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
7. Mindfulness approaches.
8. “Learned Optimism” by Seligman is a useful book for Psychologists and helpless to read in this context of Corona
9. Any other evidence-informed methods that the psychologists are trained in, and are comfortable with, as well with helpees who are equally OK with them. My main approach is eclectic and I adjust the approach to the need and comfort of the helpee to feel comfortable as well as grow in resilience and bounce back like a tennis ball.
