Studies in the psychology of sex, volume 2 by Havelock Ellis. - HTML preview

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repugnant to her. I was at one time, a few years since, much

discouraged and almost hopeless of being able to overcome my

appetite, and I decided that we could not associate unless I

succeeded. At present, with help, I have very largely succeeded

in living with my friend on a basis of normal, though

affectionate and tender, companionship. I have been helped more,

and have learned more, through this companionship, than through

anything else. The keen pleasure that I have felt when in

responsive contact I never experienced in masturbation. So far as

I remember it never took place till I was well along in my 'teens

and was never an habitual practice, except the first summer I was

separated from a school friend whom I loved.

Thoughts of her

aroused feelings which I attempted to satisfy in this way, but

the entire sensuality of the act soon led me to refrain and to

see that that was not what I wanted.

"A peculiar incident that might have some significance occurred

to me about five years ago. I was sitting in a small room where a

seminar was being conducted. The leader of the discussion was a

man about 50, whom I looked up to on account of his attainments

and respected as a man, though I knew him socially very slightly.

I had lost a night's sleep from toothache and was feeling

nervous. I was giving my entire attention to the subject in hand,

when suddenly I felt a very strong physical compulsion toward

that man. I did not know what I was going to do, but I felt on

the point of losing all control of myself. I was afraid to leave,

for fear the slightest movement would throw me into a panic. The

attraction was entirely physical and like nothing I had felt

before. And I had a strange feeling that its cause was in the man

himself; that he was willing it; I was like a spectator. It was

some moments before the assemblage broke up, when my

'possession'

completely disappeared and never recurred.

"Regarding dreams, I will say that not until the past year or two

have I been conscious of having clear-cut dreams with definite

happenings. They seemed usually to leave only vague impressions,

such as a feeling that I had been riding horseback, or trying to

perform some hard task. Sexual dreams I do not recall having had

for several years, except that occasionally I am awakened by a

feeling of uncomfortable sexual desire, which seems usually

caused by a need to urinate. Between the ages of 17

and 22,

approximately, I frequently, perhaps several times a month, would

have vague sexual dreams. These always, I think, occurred when I

happened to be sleeping with someone whom, in my dream, I would

mistake for my intimate friend, and would awaken myself by

embracing my bedfellow with sometimes a slight, sometimes

considerable degree of passion. I have finally arrived at some

understanding of my own temperament, and am no longer miserable

and melancholy. I regret that I am not a man, because I could

then have a home and children."

HISTORY XXXIX.--Miss D., actively engaged in the practice of her

profession, aged 40. Heredity good, nervous system sound, general

health on the whole satisfactory. Development feminine but manner

and movements somewhat boyish. Menstruation scanty and painless.

Hips normal, nates small, sexual organs showing some approximation toward infantile type with large labia minora and

probably small vagina. Tendency to development of hair on body

and especially lower limbs. The narrative is given in her own

words:--

"Ever since I can remember anything at all I could never think of

myself as a girl and I was in perpetual trouble, with this as the

real reason. When I was 5 or 6 years old I began to say to myself

that, whatever anyone said, if I was not a boy at any rate I was

not a girl. This has been my unchanged conviction all through my

life.

"When I was little, nothing ever made me doubt it, in spite of

external appearance. I regarded the conformation of my body as a

mysterious accident. I could not see why it should have anything

to do with the matter. The things that really affected the

question were my own likes and dislikes, and the fact that I was

not allowed to follow them. I was to like the things which

belonged to me as a girl,--frocks and toys and games which I did

not like at all. I fancy I was more strongly

'boyish' than the

ordinary little boy. When I could only crawl my absorbing

interest was hammers and carpet-nails. Before I could walk I

begged to be put on horses' backs, so that I seem to have been

born with the love of tools and animals which has never left me.

"I did not play with dolls, though my little sister did. I was

often reproached for not playing her games. I always chose boys'

toys,--tops and guns and horses; I hated being kept indoors and

was always longing to go out. By the time I was 7 it seemed to me

that everything I liked was called wrong for a girl.

I left off

telling my elders what I did like. They confused and wearied me

by their talk of boys and girls. I did not believe them and could

hardly imagine that they believed themselves. By the time I was 8

or 9 I used to wonder whether they were dupes, or liars, or

hypocrites, or all three. I never believed or trusted a grown

person in consequence. I led my younger brothers in everything. I

was not at all a happy little child and often cried and was made

irritable; I was so confused by the talk, about boys and girls. I

was held up as an evil example to other little girls who

virtuously despised me.

"When I was about 9 years old I went to a day school and began to

have a better time. From 9 to 13 I practically shaped my own

life. I learned very little at school, and openly hated it, but I

read a great deal at home and got plenty of ideas. I lived,

however, mainly out of doors whenever I could get out. I spent

all my pocket money on tools, rabbits, pigeons and many other

animals. I became an ardent pigeon-catcher, not to say thief,

though I did not knowingly steal.

"My brothers were as devoted to the animals as I was. The men

were supposed to look after them, but we alone did so. We

observed, mated, separated, and bred them with considerable

skill. We had no language to express ourselves, but one of our

own. We were absolutely innocent, and sweetly sympathetic with

every beast. I don't think we ever connected their affairs with

those of human beings, but as I do not remember the time when I

did not know all about the actual facts of sex and reproduction,

I presume I learned it all in that way, and life never had any

surprises for me in that direction. Though I saw many sights that

a child should not have seen, while running about wild, I never

gave them a thought; all animals great and small from rabbits to

men had the same customs, all natural and right. My initiation

here was, in my eyes, as nearly perfect as a child's should be. I

never asked grown people questions. I thought all those in charge

of me coarse and untruthful and I disliked all ugly things and

suggestions.

"Every half-holiday I went out with the boys from my brothers'

school. They always liked me to play with them, and, though not

pleasant-tongued boys, were always civil and polite to me. I

organized games and fortifications that they would never have

imagined for themselves, led storming parties, and instituted

some rather dangerous games of a fighting kind. I taught my

brothers; to throw stones. Sometimes I led adventures such as

breaking into empty houses. I liked being out after dark.

"In the winter I made and rigged boats and went sailing them, and

I went rafting and pole-leaping. I became a very good jumper and

climber, could go up a rope, bowl overhand, throw like a boy, and

whistle three different ways. I collected beetles and butterflies

and went shrimping and learned to fish. I had very little money

to spend, but I picked things up and I made all traps, nets,

cages, etc., myself. I learned from every working-man, I could

get hold of the use of all ordinary carpenters'

tools, and how to

weld hot iron, pave, lay bricks and turf, and so on.

"When I was about 11 my parents got more mortified at my behavior

and perpetually threatened me with a boarding-school. I was told

for months how it would take the nonsense out of me-

-'shape me,'

'turn me into a young lady.' My going was finally announced to me

as a punishment to me for being what I was.

"Certainly, the horror of going to this school and the cruel and

unsympathetic way that I was sent there gave me a shock that I

never got over. The only thing that reconciled me to going was my

intense indignation with those who sent me. I appealed to be

allowed to learn Latin and boys' subjects, but was laughed at.

"I was so helpless that I knew I could not run away without being

caught, or I would have run away anywhere from home and school. I

never cried or fretted, but burnt with anger and went like a

trapped rabbit.

"In no words can I describe the severity of the nervous shock, or

the suffering of my first year at school. The school was noted

for its severity and I heard that at one period the elder girls

ran away so often that they wore a uniform dress. I knew two who

had run away. The teachers in my time were ignorant, self-indulgent women who cared nothing for the girls or their

education and made much money out of them. There was a suspicious

reformatory atmosphere, and my money was taken from me and my

letters read.

"I was intensely shy. I hated the other girls. There were no

refinements anywhere; I had no privacy in my room, which was

always overcrowded; we had no hot water, no baths, improper food,

and no education. We were not allowed to wear enough clean linen,

and for five years I never felt clean.

"I never had one moment to myself, was not allowed to read

anything, had even not enough lesson books, was taught nothing to

speak of except a little inferior music and drawing.

I never got

enough exercise, and was always tired and dull, and could not

keep my digestion in order. My pride and selfrespect were

degraded in innumerable ways, I suffered agonies of disgust, and

the whole thing was a dreary penal servitude.

"I did not complain. I made friends with a few of the girls. Some

of the older girls were attracted to me. Some talked of men and

love affairs to me, but I was not greatly interested. No one ever

spoke of any other matters of sex to me or in my hearing, but

most of the girls were shy with me and I with them.

"In about two years' time the teachers got to like me and thought

me one of their nicest girls. I certainly influenced them and got

them to allow the girls more privileges.

"I lay great stress upon the physical privations and disgust that

I felt during these years. The mental starvation was not quite so

great because it was impossible for them to crush my mind as they

did my body. That it all materially aided to arrest the

development of my body I am certain.

"It is difficult to estimate sexual influences of which as a

child I was practically unaware. I certainly admired the

liveliest and cleverest girls and made friends with them and

disliked the common, lumpy, uneducated type that made two-thirds

of my companions. The lively girls liked me, and I made several

nice friends whom I have kept ever since. One girl of about 15

took a violent liking for me and figuratively speaking licked the

dust from my shoes. I would never take any notice of her. When I

was nearly 16 one of my teachers began to notice me and be very

kind to me. She was twenty years older than I was.

She seemed to

pity my loneliness and took me out for walks and sketching, and

encouraged me to talk and think. It was the first time in my life

that anyone had ever sympathized with me or tried to understand

me and it was a most beautiful thing to me. I felt like an orphan

child who had suddenly acquired a mother, and through her I began

to feel less antagonistic to grown people and to feel the first

respect I had ever felt for what they said. She petted me into a

state of comparative docility and made the other teachers like

and trust me. My love for her was perfectly pure, and I thought

of her's as simply maternal. She never roused the least feeling

in me that I can think of as sexual. I liked her to touch me and

she sometimes held me in her arms or let me sit on her lap. At

bedtime she used to come and say good-night and kiss me upon the

mouth. I think now that what she did was injudicious to a degree,

and I wish I could believe it was as purely unselfish and kind as

it seemed to me then. After I had left school I wrote to her and

visited her during a few years. Once she wrote to me that if I

could give her employment she would come and live with me. Once

when she was ill with neurasthenia her friends asked me to go to

the seaside with her, which I did. Here she behaved in an

extraordinary way, becoming violently jealous over me with

another elderly friend of mine who was there. I could hardly

believe my senses and was so astonished and disgusted that I

never went near her again. She also accused me of not being

'loyal' to her; to this day I have no idea what she meant. She

then wrote and asked me what was wrong between us, and I replied

that after the words she had had with me my confidence in her was

at an end. It gave me no particular pang as I had by this time

outgrown the simple gratitude of my childish days and not

replaced it by any stronger feeling. All my life I have had the

profoundest repugnance to having any 'words' with other women.

"I was much less interested in sex matters than other children of

my age. I was altogether less precocious, though I knew more, I

imagine, than other girls. Nevertheless, by the time I was 15

social matters had begun to interest me greatly. It is difficult

to say how this happened, as I was forbidden all books and

newspapers (except in my holidays when I had generally a reading

orgy, though not the books I needed or wanted). I had abundant

opportunities for speculation, but no materials for any

profitable thinking.

"Dreaming was forced upon me. I dreamed fairy-tales by night and

social dreams by day. In the nightdreams, sometimes in the

day-dreams, I was always the prince or the pirate, rescuing

beauty in distress, or killing the unworthy. I had one dream

which I dreamed over and over again and enjoyed and still

sometimes dream. In this I was always hunting and fighting, often

in the dark; there was usually a woman or a princess, whom I

admired, somewhere in the background, but I have never really

seen her. Sometimes I was a stowaway on board ship or an Indian

hunter or a backwoodsman making a log-cabin for my wife or rather

some companion. My daythoughts were not about the women round

about me, or even about the one who was so kind to me; they were

almost impersonal. I went on, at any rate, from myself to what I

thought the really ideal and built up a very beautiful vision of

solid human friendship in which there was everything that was

strong and wholesome on either side, but very little of sex. To

imagine this in its fullness I had to imagine all social, family,

and educational conditions vastly different from anything I had

come across. From this my thoughts ran largely on social matters.

In whatever direction my thoughts ran I always surveyed them from

the point of view of a boy. I was trying to wait patiently till I

could escape from slavery and starvation, and trying to keep the

open mind I have spoken of, though I never opened a book of

poetry, or a novel, or a history, but I slipped naturally back

into my non-girl's attitude and read it through my own eyes. All

my surface-life was a sham, and only through books, which were

few, did I ever see the world naturally. A consideration of

social matters led me to feel very sorry for women, whom I

regarded as made by a deliberate process of manufacture into the

fools I thought they were, and by the same process that I myself

was being made one. I felt more and more that men were to be

envied and women pitied. I lay stress on this for it started in

me a deliberate interest in women as women. I began to feel

protective and kindly toward women and children and to excuse

women from their responsibility for calamities such as my

school-career. I never imagined that men required, or would have

thanked me for, any sort of sympathy. But it came about in these

ways, and without the least help that I can trace, that by the

time I was 19 years of age I was keenly interested in all kinds

of questions: pity for downtrodden women, suffrage questions,

marriage laws, questions of liberty, freedom of thought, care of

the poor, views of Nature and Man and God. All these things

filled my mind to the exclusion of individual men and women. As

soon as I left school I made a headlong plunge into books where

these things were treated; I had the answers to everything to

find after a long period of enforced starvation. I had to work

for my knowledge. No books or ideas came near me but what I went

in search of. Another thing that helped me to take an expansive

view of life at this time was my intense love of Nature. All

birds and animals affected me by their beauty and grace, and I

have always kept a profound sympathy with them as well as some

subtle understanding which enables me to tame them, at times

remarkably. I not only loved all other creatures, but I believed

that men and women were the most beautiful things in the universe

and I would rather look at them (unclothed) than on any other

thing, as my greatest pleasure. I was prepared to like them

because they were beautiful. When the time came for me to leave

school I rather dreaded it, chiefly because I dreaded my life at

home. I had a great longing at this time to run away and try my

fortune anywhere; possibly if I had been stronger I might have

done so. But I was in very poor health through the physical

crushing I had had, and in very poor spirits through this and my

mental repression. I still knew myself a prisoner and I was

bitterly disappointed and ashamed at having no education. I

afterward had myself taught arithmetic and other things.

"The next period of my life which covered about six years was not

less important to my development, and was a time of extreme

misery to me. It found me, on leaving school, almost a child.

This time between 18 and 24 should, I think, count as my proper

period of puberty, which probably in most children occupies the

end years of their school-life.

"It was at this time that I began to make a good many friends of

my own and to become aware of psychical and sexual attractions. I

had never come across any theories on the subject, but I decided

that I must belong to a third sex of some kind. I used to wonder

if I was like the neuter bees! I knew physical and psychical sex

feeling and yet I seemed to know it quite otherwise from other

men and women. I asked myself if I could endure living a woman's

life, bearing children and doing my duty by them. I asked myself

what hiatus there could be between my bodily structure and my

feelings, and also what was the meaning of the strong physical

feelings which had me in their grip without choice of my own.

[Experience of physical sex sensations first began about 16 in

sleep; masturbation was accidentally discovered at the age of 19,

abandoned at 28, and then at 34 deliberately resumed as a method

of purely physical relief.] These three things simply would not

be reconciled and I said to myself that I must find a way of

living in which there was as little sex of any kind as possible.

There was something that I simply lacked; that I never doubted.

Curiously enough, I thought that the ultimate explanation might

be that there were men's minds in women's bodies, but I was more

concerned in finding a way of life than in asking riddles without

answers.

"I thought that one day when I had money and opportunity I would

dress in men's clothes and go to another country, in order that I

might be unhampered by sex considerations and conventions. I

determined to live an honorable, upright, but simple life.

"I had no idea at first that homosexual attractions in women

existed; afterward observations on the lower animals put the idea

into my head. I made no preparation in my mind for any sexual

life, though I thought it would be a dreary business repressing

my body all my days.

"My relations with other women were entirely pure.

My attitude

toward my sexual physical feelings was one of reserve and

repression, and I think the growing conviction of my radical

deficiency somewhere, would have made intimate affection for

anyone, with any demonstration in it, a kind of impropriety for

which I had no taste.

"However, between 21 and 24 other things happened to me.

"During these few years I saw plenty of men and plenty of women.

As regards the men I liked them very well, but I never thought

the man would turn up with whom I should care to live. Several

men were very friendly with me and three in particular used to

write me letters and give me much of their confidence. I invited

two of them to visit at my house. All these men talked to me with

freedom and even told me about their sexual ideas and doings. One

asked me to believe that he was leading a good life; the other

two owned that they were not. One discussed the question of

homosexuality with me; he has never married. I liked one of them

a good deal, being attracted by his softness and gentleness and

almost feminine voice. It was hoped that I would take to him and

he very cautiously made love to me. I allowed him to kiss me a

few times and wrote him a few responsive letters, wondering what

I liked in him. Someone then commented on the acquaintance and

said 'marriage,' and I woke up to the fact that I did not really

want him at all. I think he found the friendship too insipid and

was glad to be out of it. All these men were a trifle feminine in

characteristics, and two played no games. I thought it odd that

they should all express admiration for the very boyish qualities

in me that other people disliked. A fourth man, something of the

same type, told another friend that he always felt surprised at

how freely he was able to talk to me, but that he never could

feel that I was a woman. Two of these were brilliantly clever

men; two were artists.

"At the same period, or earlier, I made a number of women

friends, and of course saw more of them. I chose out some