100 Quick Essays: From @TheDevoutHumorist by Kyle Woodruff - HTML preview

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FRUITS AND FLOWERS

The Master said,

“There are shoots that never come to flower,

and there are flowers that never bear fruit.”

—Analects of Confucius - Book 9, Chapter 22

How does this play out long term? I wondered this as I observed three girls and a boy playing under the half-assed supervision of one of their fathers, who was preoccupied with fishing.

Here’s what happened:

Girl A threw seaweed at the boy, and the boy started crying.
Girl A ran away to play with girl B, pretending like she had nothing to do with the tears.
The boy ran to his father, and while being half-ass comforted, girl C shared her toy with the boy, and the tears immediately vanished.

What kind of stories and habits were being reinforced for the long haul here?

For example:

Girl A learns that she can escape responsibility if she runs away from things that might get her in trouble.
The boy learns that if he cries over little things, others will give him stuff to make him feel better.
Girl C learns that if she gives things to people who are upset, they’ll like her.

I fear that fatherhood, if it’s ever in the cards, may one day short-circuit my over-analytical brain. All I could wonder was, Will these shoots come to flower? Or will they wither on the vine before they bear fruit? (I guess in this metaphor, they’re toxic flowers or poison berries, but perhaps I’m stretching here.)

Anyway, can you think of any patterns like this that you may have learned back when the memories are a bit fuzzy?