Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters.
[…]
What right do you have to judge your neighbor?
—James 4:11-12
There’s a neighbor in my apartment complex who likes to feed the wildlife: ducks, geese, the occasional squirrel. One morning, I went out to the mailbox, and there she was, walking her dog with a fanny pack full of peanuts and breadcrumbs. Surrounding her was this gaggle of Egyptian geese that I truly, utterly despise.
It was kind of cute when two adults were raising six peeping goslings, but now that they’re fully grown, it’s just honk, honk, honk all the damn time. I wouldn’t have it in me to stomp on a nest full of eggs myself, but if we wound back the clock knowing what they’d turn into and I heard a rumor of some who did? Well...
Before you get all judgy, look up a video of what these wretched monsters sound like and loop that on repeat from now until you go insane. Maybe you’ll get a taste of what it’s like to have it seeping through your windows all day.
To validate my feelings further, Florida Fish & Wildlife puts no limit on how many of these invasive creatures you can blast into oblivion. Just pow, pow, pow, and no one bats an eye. Meanwhile, kill one too many of the native ducks here, and they’ll slap a big fine on your behind. So, take that into perspective.
“I hope you weren’t trying to sleep!” said Duck Woman, tossing breadcrumbs directly below my bedroom window.
In my head, I thought some R-rated version of, I really wish you wouldn’t do that. But out loud, I said, “Nooo. Who needs sleep anyway?”
“Trying to get a peanut to a squirrel is like trying to thread a needle!” she told me, tossing a wildly thrown shell in the general vicinity of the furry varmint. It bounced off the hood of some car with a clunk as one of the geese chased the squirrel away and gobbled it up.
“I see what you mean,” I told her, faking whatever sympathy I could muster.
After collecting my mail, I went back inside and looked up foods that are toxic to geese. Turns out, peanuts are at the top of the list. I think I’ll keep that bit of information to myself for now.
The truth is, I try not to judge others, I really do. But some people just plain deserve judgment. I mean, who in their right mind wears a fanny pack?