Indeed what is to come
will be better for you than what has gone by.
—The Qur’an 93:4
My left hip has always felt kind of stiff, and I wondered if it was a case similar to my plantar fasciitis while discussing it with a friend at the gym. I didn’t consciously intend to find out, but last night I woke up from a dream of getting into a fight with my dad over something trivial.
It wasn’t a real memory, but the feelings it stirred in me led me to reflect on actual memories. Like the time on the boat when my cousins were allowed to have fun catching lots of sunfish with my uncle while my dad made me join him on the other side of the boat to pursue some less fruitful bass fishing. They went on giggling, catching many “silly” fish, while the joy was sucked right out of that trip when I had to pursue this more elusive and “serious” fish.
I also relived a night after my parents’ divorce when my father scolded me for fooling around at the dinner table, and I was forced to embody this sense that I needed to take life a little more seriously. The fun was sucked right out of me there too.
In fact, both of my parents’ reactions to the divorce seeped into my newly-formed belief system that life wasn’t fun, and that you had to be serious to survive. This “serious” attitude has permeated every aspect of my life. Even my seemingly ironic pursuits of improv and stand-up comedy have become “serious” studies of silly art forms, while their very essence is about letting go and having fun.
All this reflection occurred as the tension in my hip unwound in a way I hope will provide the kind of lasting relief I’ve experienced with my feet.
Bada-boom. All aboard the midnight train to trauma town! Next stop, fun town ;)