100 Quick Essays: From @TheDevoutHumorist by Kyle Woodruff - HTML preview

PLEASE NOTE: This is an HTML preview only and some elements such as links or page numbers may be incorrect.
Download the book in PDF, ePub, Kindle for a complete version.

FLOWING TO THE DENTIST

The highest good is like water.

Water gives life to ten thousand things and doesn’t strive.

It flows in places men reject and so is like the Tao.

—Tao Te Ching - Verse 8

“May I help you?”

This is how the short-tempered receptionist at the nearest dental office answered the phone when I called to set up an appointment. When I asked how she was doing today, there was a pause and a sigh before she more impatiently said, “May I help you?

When I asked how soon I could get in, she told me she could pencil me in in about three months. “Let me get back to you.” Click.

I called a second office, less conveniently located twenty minutes away. An angel was the receptionist there. They could even see me today.

During pleasant conversation amidst hooks being jabbed into my gums, the hygienist told me she’d read the entire Bible on her own by the age of fourteen. Hashtag motivating (although I question how much rape, incest, murder, and deceit a young gal should be exposed to).

Upon final inspection, the doctor said, “Boy, you’re a boring patient. Nancy, can you write this guy a script to start abusing more candy so we can get some real work out of him?”

He also had a killer mustache. I doubt the doctor at the first office had a killer mustache.

At first, I questioned why the more convenient location couldn’t see me sooner. From this, I learned that the most convenient option may not always be the best option.

Note to self: Stop questioning the universe and flow with life like water.