The Gift of Defenses
Now is the time to know that all that you do is sacred.… Now is the time for you to deeply compute the impossibility that there is anything but grace.
—Hafiz
Many years ago, I gave a book titled How To Love Yourself by Gay Hendricks to a client to read. When the client returned the following week, she said, “I don’t get it! How do you love your self for hating your self?” To love your self for each and every emotion you feel is to understand that, if that feeling exists within you, it has, or once had, a loving purpose. Our defensiveness, even in the form of hatred, leads us back to our self-loving intentions and to our true identity as a loving person.
Because of the truism “Consciousness is the first step to change,” it is important to slow down and listen to how we talk to ourselves and how we behave toward ourselves because, if we so choose, we can change our beliefs, our feelings and our behaviors. Television psychologist Dr. Phil often says, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” Therefore, we must listen to our inner dialogue and acknowledge the beliefs that keep us from creating the changes we desire. The first step is to become conscious.
I saw an interesting quote from George Bernard Shaw posted on a 3" x 5" card in a store window several years back and copied it down. It said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”13 Though very true, creating your self cannot happen until you understand that every emotion has a purpose—and a positive one, at that. It’s in finding ourselves that we gain the power to create ourselves.
I’ve heard many people, even psychiatrists, psychologists and other psychotherapists; explain that some feelings a