We all possess a personal bubble of space around us. Because it is invisible, the boundaries of this owned area can often be disputed.
Our senses help delineate this invisible space, especially sight, touch, and smell.
You can observe the effects of this bubble at a gym. One person’s strong body odor may cause others to move on to more distant machines. Or if others are attracted to the person, they may desire to be closer to this person’s space.
A person often stands by the weights that he is using, having them within or nearby to his personal bubble. This helps communicate to others that the weights are his for the time being.
As you enter a stranger’s bubble, you may become aware of his scent. You will probably feel uncomfortable from being so close to his body. If he makes a comment such as, “I'm using those weights,” his words are more impactful psychologically from his scent and body already having claimed ownership over the space.
Not to be crude, but simply to elucidate the point—if you fart, you can watch people move away as you have unfairly expanded your personal bubble and colored it with a toxic smell.
The senses of sight and touch also help define this bubble. Stand an inch away from another person and observe what happens. Most likely, she will feel uncomfortable by the sight of your physical invasion. She observes you almost touching her. She sees your face too close to her own. She feels your breaths on her skin. She will either move away or try to get you to move.
However, if you observe a couple in a good relationship, they can be very close. This is because of an agreed upon, mutual type of ownership of each other. “You are my lover, and I am yours.” A shared space exists between them.
The top girl forced her adversary inside the bubble that she owns. As such, her adversary is in her territory. Most things here have been and are her possessions: her body, hair, smell, clothing, watches, bracelets, purses, phone, jewelry, etc. Even people who get this close to her are perceived with a type of ownership: her best friend or her boyfriend.
Being forced into her domain suggests the bottom girl being owned as well.
A visceral attitude of you are in my place leaks out from the top girl.
To compound this, the top girl has simultaneously invaded the bottom girl’s personal space, making it not so personal anymore. Because the bottom girl didn’t initiate and cannot change this, the top girl’s dominance is validated. She now occupies the bottom girl's space. Your space is mine is the attitude from the top girl.
Not only that, she occupies the bottom girl’s most prized possession in this space—her very body.
It is like taking possession of something valuable that the bottom girl owns, such as taking her car without her permission.
Another space invasion dynamic can be seen before a fight when one girl gets into the other’s face. She does this by standing so close to the other that their faces almost touch. If not as an attempt to show dominance, then please explain this action.
Because she is now in the other girl’s space, she is more dangerous. She can now hurt her enemy with punches, kicks, hair pulling, pokes to the eye, etc.
The personal bubble can also be observed from common exclamations, such as, “This is my spot in the line,” “I’m standing here,” “Don’t touch me,” “Back off!” and even feeling righteous about pushing other people away if they get too close.
But the bottom girl cannot push the top one away. She cannot stop the other from literally touching her body.
Imagine going to a nightclub and watching an attractive woman get as close to your boyfriend as possible, touching him and staying in that position. How would that make you feel? You would probably try to put a stop to this as soon as possible. If personal space has nothing to do with ownership, then why wouldn’t you allow this to occur? What difference would standing five feet from him or one inch from him mean?
What does it mean at a nightclub when a strange undesired man places his hand on your buttocks? Why do you feel righteous about slapping him or pushing him away?
Although he may be trying, he does not own that part of your body.
Why do we tell our children not to get into the personal space of a strange adult’s car? The answer is they may be owned by the larger stranger, meaning the stranger will have dominant control of them.
Being lower than your opponent is a psychological inferior position.
Imagine looking up at an angry person about three feet taller than yourself. So if your height was five feet, four inches, then you would be looking up at someone eight feet, four inches. That is what the bottom girl is essentially doing. She is looking up at an enraged head which looms three feet over hers.
And the crowd of people standing around is much higher than herself. This can be quite intimidating, given that some people may be unfriendly and aggressive.
Imagine lying on the sidewalk in a large city during a busy time for foot traffic. You could get accidently trampled upon. Your instinct would be to stand up immediately.
Lying on the ground is a vulnerable position.
Higher is a more strategic position.
Predators often seek elevated ground to gain advantage. You rarely see a lion or cat seek a lower place to start a fight (unless it offers the power of concealment). They even leap up or lift themselves on their hind legs during a fight to increase their threat. They prefer higher ground, even trees, when real danger is around. Higher is identified as safer.
Many animals—for example, bears, gorillas, and sea lions—raise themselves off the ground to appear taller, larger, and more threatening to their opponent.
When do you see a bear lay on its back to prepare for an attack? Never. When do you see a dog do this? A dog only takes this position when it feels safe or submissive.
The fact that the top girl forced the other to the ground is a primal psychological boost for her. The bottom girl’s position is instinctually weaker and submissive. Both girls necessarily feel this.
We sit on a tree branch, a floating log, or a raft to remain above waters which may contain dangerous predators, coldness, or potential drowning. Even if you know how to swim, you must stick your head above the water frequently to intake air to keep yourself alive.
This instinct of being above something to stay alive or safe is a potent psychological force.
After a fight, it is not uncommon for the bottom person to stay on the ground to show that she is submissive, has given up, is no longer a threat, and no longer desires to fight. Sometimes the standing opponent will even tell the supine girl not to get up, or she will be beaten down again.
People who are sick, tired, or injured lie down. It is the weaker position.
Just in regards to physics, if you are higher than another object and are as massive, you have a greater potential energy. You can stomp, jump or drop onto the other person, using your body weight as a weapon that pummels into them. And of course you can pin them down.
Royalty, dictators, and other people in positions of power have historically resided on higher seats to psychologically accentuate their position.
A prince or princess is called “your Highness.”
People kneel in prayer, lowering themselves on purpose to show respect and submissiveness to a god. Some people bow to others as a sign of respect or that they are not a threat. The bottom girl has been forced into this lower position.
Just in regards to words, synonyms for surrender include bow, buckle, cave, go down, go under, and submit. And words are powerful. They are how we think.
We tell our boss, “I’m on top of it,” “I got it under control,” “I’m on it,” to explain our power over the situation.
Many animals hold their head high and raise their tails to appear dominant and more threatening. A lowering of the head is usually submissive.
The top girl literally looks down at the bottom girl’s low head. She may even position her head directly over the bottom girl’s head. And the bottom girl looks up to the top girl.
These arrangements mirror certain attitudes in our society. One is of looking up to people we respect, admire, and want to follow. The other is of looking down at those people we don't respect, don't admire, and are seen as unworthy and lower than ourselves.
Think of the phrases people use such as, “You are beneath me,” “I am taking the high road,” “I would like to rise to her morals,” and “I am above that,” as potential examples.
On top often means “better than.” Our society has these types of long held beliefs driven into us throughout our lives. A top student with the highest grades, listed higher than others; a top team of the NBA with the highest record of wins; the best basketball player with the highest number of baskets; a top scientist better than all others; a quarterback player above the rest; being an Olympian gold medalist and standing on the highest platform when receiving the gold medal; on top of the world; on top of your job—all these portray that being above, higher than, or on top of others is better.
And below means “less than.” You scored below average on the test; you are on the bottom of the list; your wins in baseball is below everyone else's wins; your successful work with clients is too low to keep you employed; your intelligence is the lowest; you won the least amount of games in the tournament—all are further examples of this.
The hand gesture of thumbs up has a positive meaning versus thumbs down which has a negative meaning.
Even God and heaven are pictured above, and Satin and hell are pictured below in literary references and works of art.
The aggregation of all these attitudes cannot help but leak out when one girl sits atop another.
People raise their heads and hands high when victorious, sometimes jumping in the air for a greater effect. Sport teammates often raise the best player of the game on their shoulders to celebrate his or her greatness and dominance. Cheerleaders throw another member of their squad high into the air to raise the emotions of the crowd.
The top girl is already in this higher position.
She is identified as the winner. She may even do a little “winning dance” (more common in play fights), with her arms waving and her body jiggling on the bottom girl, accentuating the bottom girl’s defeat and adding a tease of humiliation.
There are entrenched beliefs in our society of winners being superior to losers, at least in the competition that was won. The label of loser is a psychological hit to the bottom girl. This nurtures her enemy’s confidence and decays hers.
We usually sit on things that are relatively unimportant (chairs, benches, couches, pillows, bikes, toilets). In fact, their only value is for our use. They exist to provide rest, support, comfort, transportation, or disposal of our waste.
As such, the bottom girl is in that same position of being used. She is taking the place of a mere object—something of low value. This is dehumanizing to her.
The bottom girl’s desires and feelings do not matter to her enemy. She is being treated without such human components, and is at the will of her enemy.
The person sitting is important, not the seat.
We are meant to sit in a seat for possibly hours at a time.
In fact, we often forget about our seats and focus on more important things, such as homework, a conversation, eating, driving, painting, watching television, surfing the internet, reading a book, etc.
The bottom girl’s function now is to support her enemy’s weight and provide her enemy with rest. This has been forced onto her. As she comes to this realization, she becomes demoralized.
Compared to a wooden stool, plastic chair, hard floor, or cement bench, she is a comfortable seat. Her body feels soft and spongy. Even if the top girl sits on her adversary’s rib cage, she is provided a seat with gentle give.
It is rare and brief when we sit on another human being. When it occurs, it cannot be isolated from the many thousands of hours of sitting on unimportant things.
Just count the number of hours you are sitting on objects in just one day. Then multiply that by 365, and then multiply that number by your age. If you are eighteen years old, this number is probably around 100,000 hours. This enormous history of our seats being less important than ourselves exacerbates the sense inferiority of the bottom girl.
The top girl’s anus and genitals—where solid and liquid wastes are excreted—rest on the bottom girl. Just because this is so disgusting that it is either denied or never publicly discussed does not reduce its profound psychological impact.
Besides being worthless, human waste is repulsive, disgusting, stinky, dirty, contaminated with germs dangerous to us, and to be avoided at all costs.
The gases from the bowels contain one of the most lethal gases: hydrogen sulfide, which is also flammable. Urine outside of the body releases the intense smell of ammonia. Menstruation creates blood and dead tissue, which mixes with bacteria, and not infrequently has an odor to it.
We are taught that the latter is a beautiful thing, and it is. But an arch enemy’s menstruation on top of you is not so beautiful.
Our own excrement is repulsive to us, but an enemy’s is exponentially worse. Yet the bottom girl is not merely forced near these orifices of her adversary, but is in contact with them, apart from one to two layers of clothing.
They are pressing against her body. She can feel their warmth.
It humiliates her to the extreme. There exist few situations more humiliating.
The top girl used the toilet probably several times in the previous eight hours, giving her the fresh mental association of the other girl in that same position: there to receive waste. This dynamic becomes even more intense if she had just defecated or urinated minutes before the fight.
Her area where gross and disgusting things just happened is now resting on her enemy.
There cannot help but be some association. If this association is not consciously done, it will be unconsciously achieved, with similar psychological impacts.
The bottom girl also makes this humiliating and degrading association as she observes, feels, and possibly smells her enemy’s areas of waste discharge. This drives her to feel inferior and owned.
She has been forced to remain in perhaps the most unwanted area. It unequivocally displays her enemy’s rule over her.
A subconscious or conscious fear may develop within her of being defecated, bled, or urinated on.
After all, it would be the ultimate humiliation for her. What if the top girl has diarrhea? The danger of a little coming out could be real. What if her menstruation cycle is irregular or a little off, and she is bleeding that day? What if the top girl has a full bladder? A little might come out. She might even be one of those girls who has poor bladder control.
Because of the awkward position of the bottom girl underneath her enemy’s private parts, onlookers sometimes yell, “That looks so wrong!”
Think of the verbal attack, “Kiss my ass.” Why do people say this? They don’t say, “Kiss my eye,” to hurt you. They don’t say, “Kiss my shoulder.” They say, “Kiss my ass.”
This is especially visceral due to the place of the body they are ordering the other to kiss. This is a most objectionable place for an enemy. It is a prime dirty spot. The comment attempts to gain power through degradation and humiliation of the other person.
But to truly place your ass on your adversary is not merely words, but reality. It is an intense demonstration of power.
A similar type of ownership through humiliation is exemplified in play fights when the top girl stuffs a dirty sock into the face of the bottom victim.
The top girl has not just forced her adversary into her personal bubble of space, but also into her private personal space.
This is very different from other parts of her body. (Notice how we offer our hands to strangers as a form of greeting, but never our bottoms. Why is that?)
This space contains the top girl’s private parts, which she has totally owned and has been her exclusive area for all of her life. This space is so much hers that no one else has been allowed to see it, touch it, smell it, taste it, or be within close proximity of it without her permission. She is the exclusive person who has the freedom to do these things or allow another person to do them. She is the total ruler over this domain.
This space is where very private actions occur on a regular basis. This is where she defecates, urinates, queefs, and farts. It is where she sheds dead tissue and bleeds, sweats to a greater degree, cultivates a high degree of bacteria, stinks, and creates smegma. She creates cleaning fluids, creates fluids of lubrication, becomes sexually aroused, masturbates, has intercourse, orgasms and ejaculates here. This is her innermost sanctum.
This is where she can give birth to life that she will identify as hers.
She has now forced her adversary into her completely owned territory. This cannot help but also convey stronger ownership over her adversary.
In fact, it is not uncommon to display banners at a high school or college sport game with a message similar or identical to, “This is our house.” This message is an attempt to mark territory, and convey ownership and dominance over the opposing team.
Knowing that her private space contains her enemy lifts the top girl’s confidence because it is her “house,” or owned area.
Tonight, if you dig into the soil on your land and find a gold coin, wouldn’t you believe you have rights to it because it was within your private property?
One of the definitions of private is belonging to some particular person.
The top girl’s private space is also charged with private emotions, increasing entitlement of this area.
Sensitive and emotional body parts of the top girl are fixed on the bottom girl. The genital area produces sexual feelings—perhaps the most private and personal of emotions—which the top girl identifies as intimately hers, which she no doubt owns because they are her feelings. These are intensely personal of which no one else feels but her.
The anus is similar with regards to powerful feelings, which occur during bowel movements or anal sex. Some people report great pleasure or orgasmic-like feelings during these activities. This may help explain the use of anal beads or fingering the anus during sexual activity.
Urination shivers or Post-Micturition Convulsion Syndrome also occur from this private area of the body.
The bottom girl is caged in enemy territory where her enemy’s exclusively owned, intimate, intense feelings originate. This territory also contains intensely owned physical parts of this hated person.
She feels inundated by her enemy.
Everything intimate of this person she detests has been pushed onto her.
Our bottoms are not simply another part of our body, but also very strong olfactory places.
In the ages when our ancestors didn’t have shavers for hair in the pubic and anus regions, showers, running water, soap, toilet paper, wet wipes, tampons or pads, and clothing—their scents, urine, blood, and feces were much more readily deposited onto the places they sat. This conveyed an aftereffect of ownership of those places, somewhat like leaving your jacket on a seat does nowadays.
To help understand this concept, imagine if a stinky stranger sat on your pillow. You would abandon it for another due to the stranger’s strong odor still emanating and claiming ownership over it. You would not want to put your head where that foul scent continues to reside.
Some people are even leery to sit in a chair that a homeless person who hadn’t showered for weeks just vacated.
Perhaps you have a memory of a very hot day in which you were discomforted by another person’s strong body odor who sat close to you.
Do you remember the time when you entered a bathroom stall and smelled the worst smell of your life? It didn’t feel like your space, did it? You wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, right? Someone else occupied that stall before you, and she could come back and have easy access to it again because everyone else abandons it for more congenial smelling stalls.
This long history of our worst stenches being deposited on our seats, comforted by our own smells and discomforted by strangers’ smells, has added to a psychological component of owning our seats. (More on this in the chapter of sensual dynamics.)
Apart from smell, a person relates ownership to anything she sits on. This is so ordinary and is done so frequently that people forget its significance until someone sits on another person.
Everything the top girl sat on for every second of every hour during her life was hers as she sat on it. This is my chair now because I’m sitting on it. This is my spot on the couch. This is my spot on the beach because I’m sitting here. I’m on this swing, so go find your own swing. This is my turn on the inflatable raft in the pool; I’m using it. This is my seat in the movie theater. This is my turn on the ride, so wait until I’m done. I’m sitting on the bike right now because it is my turn, so I get to use it until I’m done. This is my seat in the classroom because I’ve sat here all year long. I’m on this yoga mat, so go get your own. This is my office chair that I sit in every day. All of these are pervasive norms and attitudes she has adopted and experienced throughout her life. These are so entrenched and powerful that other people almost always move on to different spots that are not taken.
Try it out. Go to a movie theater, a park, a coffeehouse, or a library and have a seat.
Watch how many people walk by you to find another seat that they can claim. Every single person out of hundreds who passes by you identifies the seat as yours.
People do not even question your ownership of it.
But even in rare circumstances when someone demands your seat, that person would first have to move you to get it. Until then, it is yours, being used by you.
Now consider the effect of the top girl sitting on the other girl.
While the top girl sits on the other, this attitude of ownership translates not only to both girls, but also to bystanders. She is occupying the seat. No one else is or can at the moment.
The top girl may say things like, “You’re mine, bitch.”
The crowd may yell, “She’s your bitch,” or “You own her.” Or they may yell to the bottom girl, “You got owned!”
If you are still in doubt that sitting equals owning, you are pretty stubborn indeed, but go back to the coffee shop, library, or class.
Now try to get someone to move who is already sitting.
Go ahead, what’s stopping you? Societal norms? What norms? Just tell them to move. After all, they don’t own that spot, do they?
A frequent reply will be something like, “No, I’m sitting here right now. Go find your own seat.”
Back to the two girls fighting, who is doing the sitting? Psychologically, who owns that seat?
As a child, the top girl learned that when she sits on a small toy, book, or other object, it helps her keep ownership over it. Teachers and other adults were less likely to reach for it because it was hidden or underneath her private parts. Other children had more difficulty obtaining it, either because it was hidden or because they had to move her first to get to it. Due to her weight being on it, her position was the strongest way to hold onto it.
The bottom girl also learned these things as a child.
Picture another situation in which a family is visiting a hotel room with several beds within it. Perhaps you have seen a movie or had a personal experience like this. How did one of the children claim a bed they wanted? A common method is to run to the bed and sit on it, saying, “This one is mine!” concretely claiming ownership by putting herself on it and something else she owns such as her suitcase or jacket.
Or recall how children claim seats in the car. They rush inside and sit on the seat they want, saying, “I got here first!”
We even make games in our society demonstrating this type of ownership.
Recall the classic game of musical chairs. It is when a group of people walk around a circle of chairs while music is playing. There is one chair less than the number of people in the group. When the music stops, everyone attempts to gain possession of a chair by being the first to sit on it. The people who get seated have earned the chair and are safe. The standing people remaining must rush to find another seat to occupy. The last person standing is eliminated from the game and takes a chair with them so that on the next turn someone else will be eliminated. These turns continue until the person who acquires possession of the last seat is the winner.
The above conditions and many more like them create a consistent, expansive understanding that sitting equals owning.
Now go back to the top girl sitting on her enemy and imagine her thoughts.
Imagine the bottom girl’s thoughts of being sat on.
If you still doubt that sitting on someone creates a temporary ownership of her, picture going to the park on a Saturday afternoon, find someone who is relaxing on the grass, and sit on her. What do you think would happen next?
What would she say or do? Why?
Even though she was already desiring to rest on the grass for a while, chances are she will immediately begin communicating or struggling to reestablish the freedom and the ability to move whenever she so chooses, not when you choose for her.
So what is freedom to move your body? In part, it is ownership of your body.
Quadriplegic people who used to have complete control of their bodies have to mourn this loss of freedom and mastery of their bodies. They have to deal with the feelings of decreased ownership of their bodies. A common feeling is a loss of self. They cannot command their legs and arms as they once could. Eventually, they can come to an acceptance and sense of ownership once again, but this takes months, if not years to accomplish.
Definitions of ownership include to have power or mastery over something; to have or hold as property; or belonging to oneself.
Going back to the girl at the park, besides immobility, she has the additional dynamic of someone on top of her body.
People even claim ownership of places that their car is on top of. These places can be a rare parking space at a crowded mall or a position in line at a drive-through restaurant. Similar to the personal space of your body, a car has a personal bubble surrounding it. When someone tailgates you, it brings feelings of encroachment into your space. Or you may tailgate someone to show dominance to try to get them to move faster.
Even a mountain is not considered conquered until you climb and stand or sit on the top of it.
Hunters frequently put their foot on top of a deer after they’ve killed it, showing dominance, ownership, and conquering. Wrestlers sometimes do this to their opponent, calling it a victory pose.
People may leave their sweater or their jacket on top of a seat to show other people that the seat has been claimed already.
A person at the laundry mat will quickly begin putting her clothes in a cart or machine to claim temporary ownership of it so she can use it at her leisure.
Countries put their flags—something personal to that country—on new land they claim. The United States put a flag on the moon to show dominance in space travel, if not to claim that spot on the moon.
Israelites exercise ownership of particular religious land by continuing to reside on it, despite protests from Palestinians.
How many more examples do I need to give?
Why would we exercise all these claims of ownership unless they truly had meaning and power to others?
Even animals understand that they own what they are on top of.
For example, a dog lies on, sits on, and jumps on things sometimes simply to claim them as his territory. These can be people, other dogs, couches, bones, or whatever. It doesn’t matter. What is important is that it is ownership.
Try moving a dog off the couch. He will likely resist you in some way, unless he is very well behaved (submissive to the alpha—master). He might feel entitled enough to growl or snap at you because he has claimed this as his spot on the couch.
A lioness positions arm and paw over, body close to, and head over her prey not simply to make it easy to eat, but also to claim ownership over the food so unfamiliar animals don’t try to steal some. The powerful parts of the lion—teeth and mouth and claws—are over the meal, exercising greater ownership.
This ownership explains why some dominate dogs feel entitled to growl and snap at you if you invade their space during meal time. Their greatest powers are directly over the food—their teeth and mouth.
Notice they do not exercise this type of dominate behavior before they are