WORDS

AN END TO ANGER & CONFLICT

by

David Samuel

2

Understanding Words

An End to Anger & Conflict

By

David Samuel

Copyright © David Samuel, 2008

This book is freely distributed, please pass it on to

anyone you wish.

I only request that you give credit to the author and

maintain the link to my web site.

www.davidsamuel.net

David Samuel has asserted his right to be identified as the

author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs

and Patents act 1988.

Copyright David Samuel

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3

Introduction

I have presented this material numerous times to

groups in several countries. The participants feedback

was consistent. A reduction of anger by approximately

50% to 70% within a couple of weeks.

That may sound unbelievable, but really it is not.

The basis of such a large reduction is that there are two

kinds of anger. Anger for and anger at something.

Anger can be either destructive or constructive,

depending on whether it is at or for something. Anger at

is destructive and serves no useful purpose. It is the

emotion we express toward drivers who cut us off, for

example. This type of anger robs you of vital energy and

can become addictive, like misery. A friend and teacher

once told me, “Some people love their suffering so much

I don’t have the heart to take it away from them.”

.

Anger at is consuming. Like a wildfire with more

and more forest to decimate, it continually replenishes its

force, rarely burning itself out. If it is not dissolved, it

simmers down, laying in wait for yet another reason to

control your mind and have you blow up at a mere trifle.

Anger for, on the other hand, is a positive force

that many highly successful people use to significant

advantage, directing it rather than letting it consume

them. Anger for is the type of anger we have about

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injustice, poverty, or educational, socioeconomic, health,

or racial inequities—phenomena beyond our control that

limit people from expressing their full potential. It makes

us want to constructively change the way things are.

Anger for the improvement of life often provides

the passion that fuels success, like the fire that heats the

water for running a steam engine.

Mahatma Gandhi, feeling anger for the British

injustices toward the people of India, once said, “I have

learnt through bitter experience the one supreme lesson:

to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is

transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled

[focused] can be transmuted into a power which can

move the world.” And move the world he did! Gandhi’s

passion was so fervent that 250 million people supported

his cause, ultimately returning the control of India to

Indians.

Always question whether you are angry at o r

angry for. If you do not know, look for physical cues:

anger at feels like your body is tensing up, or like you

can’t breathe, or like a gremlin is eating you from the

inside, whereas anger for feels more like you are being

propelled from the inside. Once you have identified the

type of anger you are feeling, recognize that anger at

someone must be dissolved and anger for an injustice

must be expressed, then take the appropriate measures.

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An average persons anger is 95% anger at. And

so, to eliminate the majority of this in a few weeks with

the proper understanding is actually quite reasonable. In

time, you can eliminate it entirely. But first you must

know its source and then how to disarm it.

Although I have attempted to detail as much

information as possible to give an in-depth explanation of

the principle, the written word cannot fully express the

finest points that come up in conversation.

However due to the limitations of time and

location, I hope that this book in combination with the

extensive collection of my other writings on my web site

will give you enough information to make significant

progress in mastering your Mind and life. In time,

perhaps, these principles will be absorbed and give you

more than you perceive at the moment.

I suggest that you forget everything you know,

anything you have read or learnt, and read this book with

an open mind that sincerely wants to eliminate anger

from your life.

I offer you this true story to make you smile next

time you are angry at.

When I was in India, I quickly learned that getting

a train ticket there is an experience unlike any in the

West. The normal procedure is to push your way to the

ticket booth, along with twenty or more other travelers, all

clutching their money and attempting to thrust it at the

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ticket seller. Whoever's money he takes gets the next

ticket. This is not the place for a polite, wait-your-turn

type of person.

Aware of the chaos, I went a day early to buy

a ticket to Alleppy and was delighted to find the

station relatively un-crowded.

"Is there a train going to Alleppy tomorrow

morning?" I asked the attendant.

"Yes sir, there is a train going there every day."

"Are you sure there is a train going tomorrow?"

"Yes sir, certainly. There is a train going tomorrow

morning—nine o'clock."

"Good, can I reserve a seat for that train?"

"No sir, there is no reserved seating. You come

tomorrow and get ticket."

"I would like to be sure of getting a seat. Can I

please have a ticket?"

"No sir, no need to reserve. There are many seats

every day on this train."

After a few more pointless attempts to secure a seat

for myself, I finally gave up and left, hoping for the

best.

The next morning the same attendant was at the

ticket booth. When I requested a ticket to Alleppy,

he replied, "Sorry, sir, there is no train going there

today."

"What do you mean there is no train. Yesterday you

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said there would be a train today."

"Yes sir, I said there would be a train today."

"Well then, I'd like a ticket."

"No sir, there is never a train going there this day."

"But you said there is a train every day."

"Yes, I said there is a train every day, but there is no

train today. There is never a train this day."

With steam rising through me, I screamed, "If there is

no train going today, why did you tell me there would

be one?".

The attendant looked me straight in the eyes and

said, "I did not want to get you upset.".

I wish you great success at getting a good seat

on the ride through life.

www.davidsamuel.net

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8

Understanding Words,

An End To Conflicts

Ink is only ink.

Letters form words from ink,

But the ink is still just ink.

Ink makes all the different words,

See the lines, one by one that form a letter.

If you dissect it,

It just comes down to a bowl of ink.

We speak with words and listen to them, but what are

words? They are sounds that convey ideas. If I say the

word horse, it may immediately conjure up in your mind

an image of the animal you have come to know as a

horse, or without any context or spelling, perhaps you

may think I am talking about the sound of my voice. But

to someone who does not speak English the word will

fail to bring any image to mind. Hence while either

speaking or listening, it is of no use to get lost in words

themselves; instead, we need to focus on the meanings

behind them, on the ideas they are conveying.

Words are among the most dangerous powers a

person can wield. When what you hear is not what the

other person is trying to say—and conversely, when

what you want to say is not what the other person is

hearing—a conversation can quickly turn into a

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confrontation. The best precautions are first, not to take

the words we hear literally, and second, not to trust your

own interpretation of others’ statements. If you are in a

bad mood and looking for trouble, you may interpret a

comment negatively, whereas if you are in a peaceful

state of mind, your interpretation may be the opposite,

resulting in an altogether different conversation. You

cannot enter into anyone else’s mind and know exactly

how they are thinking at the moment, nor can you expect

anyone else to know what is going on in the maze of

your mind. You alone are responsible for your reactions

to the words of others. Words are like a knife placed on

the table, you can pick it up and stick it in your own heart

or you can leave it on the table—the choice is yours.

My grandfather told me a story that illustrates how

easy it is to misinterpret words and respond

inappropriately.

When he got off the ship on his first visit to Morocco in

1920, a local who made his living helping tourists

approached him. The man asked my grandfather if he

needed a hotel. He did not, he replied. “Perhaps a nice

woman?” the man continued. Being married he replied:

“Definitely not!” Then the man asked, “You want

couscous?” My grandfather, being ignorant of Moroccan

cuisine, thought he was being cursed and replied, “You

go to hell!”

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The moral is this: Don’t get lost in your interpretation

of the words you hear, especially if you are not certain of

their meaning or intent. Even if you are certain, you may

be mistaken. Many arguments erupt because we

interpret words according to what they mean to us rather

than to the speaker. However, once you understand that

words are nothing more than concepts with a meaning

understood individually by each person and not

necessarily identically by everyone, your perspective will

quickly expand. You will discover that words are only the

beginning—a means of opening the mind to receive a

thought. To bring this expanded perspective to the

messages you convey, imagine that every word in your

vocabulary has a hundred meanings. Accepting that your

words will have different meanings to different people will

greatly improve your ability to communicate without

conflict because that concept will force you to choose

your words carefully. Conversely, remember that when

you listen, you have that many meanings combined with

the same amount that the speaker has. The potential for

misunderstanding is infinite. It is only by chance that we

can communicate without problems.

A monologue is; ‘One person talking to themselves.’

A dialogue is; ‘Two persons,

talking to themselves.’

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11

Problems can arise when you make the false

assumption that since we speak the same language, all

words have the same meaning to each of us. Illusions

like this are the cause of conflicts.

Objective

acceptance that things are not as clear as they appear

and that the rest of the world does not necessarily think

the same way you do will solve many problems before

they begin. There is nothing new or profound about this.

Ask three people to recount the same event that they all

saw standing side by side, and you will get three

different stories.

Exercise 1

When you are in a coffee shop, or some other place

that people are within earshot, listen to conversations

and note how often two people are talking and neither

one is hearing what the other is saying, each really

having their own conversation, especially if they are

arguing.

Are You so Sure?

You can never be 100% certain that we understand to

perfection the thoughts behind what another person is

saying. Psychological hang-ups and hesitancy to say

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what we feel often makes us say the wrong thing. Once

we have blurted out words that we realize are not what

we meant, but a confrontation has started, our ego takes

over and defends what we know as our mistake in order

not to admit our error. Before you know it, a fight has

started and the deeper it gets, the harsher the words. All

this because our ego is hanging on to words that have

not conveyed the sincerity of our sensitive heart that

does not want to admit or see that it has inadvertently

insulted someone due to its ignorance or lack of selfmastery.

As an example, two speakers say the same words,

one is inspiring and uplifting, and the other is flat and

doesn’t do anything for the listener. The same words

have opposite effects. This proves that the words

themselves are empty but it is the speaker who gives

them life, power and meaning. Another example, two

listeners to the same speaker, one is captivated and the

other is bored. The words have no power, our

interpretation alone has the power to build or destroy.

This is equally true both in speaking as well as listening.

Become a wise speaker and a wise listener, both will

develop simultaneously by developing each one.

If you would develop an immunity to words by using

presence of mind to examine all words for their validity

and objective power, you could not possibly get insulted,

hurt or upset by anyone's words. This is a simple quality

that is developed with the exercises taught here.

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The objective reality of words is their inability to have

any effect on their own. They are not solid objects that

have power over anyone. If one were deaf, words are

absolutely harmless to them; words to a deaf person do

not exist, if they did not read lips of course. Therefore

since words can only affect some people and not others

proves that in themselves they have no real existence. If

something had an existence of its own it would have an

effect on everyone, as does a stone dropped on your

foot. If a stone is thrown at someone regardless of who

they are, it will have an effect. The power of words lies in

the listener, not the speaker or the words themselves.

Words are our main form of communication. Words

have the greatest power to make us happy or sad,

aggravated or elated. How can something that has no

actual material reality have such a powerful effect over

us emotionally and physically?

If someone gives you a gift,

And you do not accept it,

Who does it belong to?

The strength of words is entirely subjective

and personal,

They are a knife that you pick up and stick directly

into your own heart,

Through your mind.

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14

If someone threw a pillow at you, and you did not

react to catch it, it would bounce right off your body and

fall away. However, instinctively you will react to catch it.

How you interpret the meaning of words is based on

your own interpretation, which is your subjective view of

the world. Your subjective opinions are a veil, which

hangs between you and the world. Every word, sound,

smell, sight and interaction that reach your mind and

intellect pass through this subjective veil of

interpretation. Directly behind that lies your imagination.

Your imagination is the chef to your mind,

Feeding it the right food to get certain reactions.

This subjective veil forms from your first breath until

you stop learning about the subject in question. You

stop learning as soon as you are certain you understand

something. Once your mind is satisfied that it

understands any item, including the definition of a word,

then it closes down the learning function and places that

in a box labelled ‘understood’. That is a subjective mind,

it knows something and is satisfied that its opinion is

correct, and then pulls out that definition any time the

item appears. If your mind is objective, then it is open to

questioning all things in context of the current situation,

including words. The subjective person lives looking

through boxes, the objective person has no boxes to

carry around. A subjective person is a prisoner to their

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thoughts and opinions, an objective person is free to

choose what they think and adjust or adapt

spontaneously.

This veil is basically our personality, who we are, who

lives each day and determines our experiences in this

life, good or bad, filled with conflict or harmony. This

personality can change and grow, or it can stay the

same. It is a matter of understanding how it works, and

putting in the effort to refine it.

Words are the weapon of insults and emotional

manipulation. We are constantly manipulated by other

peoples words, whether we know it or not, whether they

intend to do it or not, all due to the interpretation your

subjective veil places on them. This is the nature of the

reactive mind that is the default state of consciousness

when you are not fully present. This is the basis of how

your moods are so easily changed without your noticing

what happened to make it change. This handicap can

easily be changed.

One, who has found the power of words and,

Ease by which we are manipulated so subtly,

By the words and events of every moment,

And has disarmed their power,

Cannot be insulted or hurt.

Being hurt by spoken words leads to getting angry

which leads to an argument or walking away.

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16

Misunderstood words or words that are interpreted

subjectively through the veil of personality are the cause

of many conflicts.

A conversation is nothing more than an

exchange of subjective opinions.

Your subjective interpretation of a word is the real

cause of conflict and arguments because you interpret

what you hear based on your pre-formed opinion rather

than what is relevant to the situation or speaker. There

are so many factors, which affect the true meaning

behind a spoken word or the tone used, getting lost in

the translation from one subjective mind to another

subjective mind. There are many possible causes for

harsh sounds that come with harmless words.

If a tree was about to fall and you move out of the

way, you cannot get hurt. Your subjective view of the

world, your fixed opinions, in a way a touch of arrogance,

is the you that must move out of the way. At the same

time, it is your own ego that gives air the power of stone.

Words are nothing more than air that the speaker

projects. Air cannot hurt you on its own; you have to put

in the effort. That is the cultivation of true humility,

knowing you do not know and not reacting to what you

think you know. Humility and objectivity are always close

together.

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17

Are you the cause of conflicts?

There is an interesting point that we are very often

unaware of that causes us to incite conflicts. We get

very excited by others people’s reactions. The more we

can get someone to react, the more we enjoy it. This is