Have Harmony With Women - Heinsian Western Swing by Gary Heins - HTML preview

Acknowledgements

Special Thanks to:

Mary Alosio, Ernie & Martha Anderson, Dianne Baker, Bobby Bear, Carl Bear, Lee Beebe, Michael Becker, Darrel Berger, Barb Boals, Joe Borque, Donna Brummer, Renny & Tracy Burke, Barbara Burrows, Barbara Burton, Regina Clark, Bill & Chelle Coroccia & the Sweet-Grass Ranch, Jennie Crandall, Laurie Urban, Tari Esposito, Patrea Faulk-ner, Susan Federspeil, Nora's Fish Creek Inn, Kathie Gal-lardo, Alan & Marsha Garber, Jamie Gardner, Jessica Green, Elizabeth Hickman, Teri Hodges-Jones, Jesse Johnson, Barbara Kaplan, Joan Kaufmann, Janette Langdon, Kip & Dara Laughlin, Anne Laughlin, Elton Lee, Shawna Lockhart, Maria Lo Galbo, James Madden, Meg Maddox, Bob & Claire McConaughy & the R Lazy S Ranch, Glenda & Gene Miller, Matt Merritt, Tammy Meyer & Glenn Currie, Roy Meyers, Dan Mortensen, Barb & Mark Mortier, Debra Nelson, Kay & Gary Owen, Hillary Pack, Anne Pattee, Barb Peila, Molly Place, Mark Reed, Laura Rising, Rowdy & Amanda, Debbie Schell, Shelley & Kelly, Joe Sidonio, Larry Simmons, Jeff Socha, Lynn Steinmentz, Howard & Cara Stirn, Kelly & Nancy Stirn, Heather Stone, Susie's Cafe & Bar, Larry Thornton, Jill Tower, Paul Trout, Cory Vellinga, Watson Land Company, Lucy Weiss, Albie & Susan Wells, Stuart Wilde, George Willett, Frank Wright, Jeff Zell, Jim Zell, Jane Dantz, Agnes & Matilda.

And Extra Special Thanks . . . to

GARY HEINS'S ROUGH READERS

(you know who you are)

184 --

-- 185

GARY HEINS

U.S. DANCE TEACHER

(circa 2010)

---Enforcing better dancing throughout the Western Territories

186 --

Heinsian

WESTERN

SWING

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Certificate says:

YOUR NAME HERE

is a Dance-Abiding Citizen . . . and

has taken umpteen hours of dance instruction . . . and is now . . . duly CERTIFIED to Dance With Strangers.

Presented this Saturday the 22nd day of December 2012

somewhere in the Jurisdiction of the HeinsQuarters of the SWINGIN' G RANCH

Gary Lee Heins

GARY HEINS

U.S. DANCE TEACHER

SAMPLE

CERTIFICATE

-- 187

BLANK CERTIFICATE

Once you have read this book,

go ahead and photocopy this blank certificate print your name in the space, fill in the date, get it Notarized if you want,

and pin it proudly on your wall.

Heinsian

WESTERN

SWING

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Certificate says:

is a Dance-Abiding Citizen . . . and

has taken umpteen hours of dance instruction . . . and is now . . . duly CERTIFIED to Dance With Strangers.

Presented this

day of

somewhere in the Jurisdiction of the HeinsQuarters of the SWINGIN' G RANCH

Gary Lee Heins

GARY HEINS

U.S. DANCE TEACHER

188 --

BEWARE

&

CAUTION:

That certificate only suggests that you've taken the class or read the book about Heinsian WESTERN SWING---and that certificate does expire if you don't dance for a whole year. You'll know you've mastered the techniques and philosophy of this book when you find yourself dancing with everybody's wife and girl-friend, everybody's sister, daughter, and mother-in-law---for a time, you worry about the danger of dancing with jealous husbands, but you eventually realize most men just see you as some friendly freak to amuse the wife with while he sits and has another beer.

You'll find yourself being treated as a dance object by all those people who should have read this book, taking little time out to care for yourself, dancing for free all night, sometimes for beer, and sleeping in all day when you should be out bringing home the bacon in a real job; and you'll be overwhelmed by the most simple tasks of everyday life. ---If only you had the strength to say "You dance with her! she's your wife!" When you wake up to the fact that it's hard to keep your shirts polished and your boots ironed, because you're homeless and living out of your truck, which the bank could repossess any day now, that's when you'll need the little slip of paper Gary Heins himself needed before he could ever climb out of his hole and get his business in order to hit the big time---hold it up for some rich under-danced female as you pace the board-walk just outside your favorite dance hall, or wear it on the back of your shirt as you sit at the bar: " WILL DANCE FOR DINNER." . . . After you've been through all that real-life experience, then Gary Heins might consider swearing you in as a Deputy U.S. Dance Teacher.

-- 189

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190 --

And now . . . A Word From Our Sponsor:

-- 191

192 --

Hear what others might have said about

Heinsian WESTERN SWING

By GARY HEINS---U.S. DANCE TEACHER

"Heins does quite a job of comparing people to horses---that's a quite a compliment, to people."

---Buck Brannaman

"The lady follows the cowboy on the country dance floor; and I suspect that Heins is following his bliss---in fact, he's dancing with the spheres."

---Joseph Campbell

"Heinsian Western Swing means dancing with a win/win/win attitude, between the cowboy and the lady and the band.'

---Stephen Covey

"Dancing with one of Heins's main partners is like riding a really light well-trained horse."

---Fred Crane

"There will come a man with a backwards name (Heins), and it will be his purpose in life to turn the dance industry around, and he will do well."

---Nostradamus

"Heinsian Western Swing is what I call dance-floor 'woomanship.'"

---Jane Dantz

"What Heins's book has done for me---I wish I could put it into words."

---Tom Dorrance

"My, my, a dance manual that teaches men to lead woman---what will they think of next?"

---Miriam

"We must each follow someone or something for a time; and, if we follow the right leaders in a spirit of harmony, we eventually become leaders ourselves like Heins. With his swing manual, now a guy can think and go dancing."

---Napoleon Hill

"Horses are easy; humans are what scare me. With his in-depth study of the man/woman relationship on the dance floor, Heins's done something much more risky than anything I've ever done."

---Ray Hunt

"Sometimes you've got to dance . . . like you don't need the money---and I believe Gary can do just that, or this book might never have been published."

---Kathy Mattea

"In the business of western swing, you either lead, follow or succumb to the

-- 193

line-dancing epidemic. If you want a financial expert, cal old Ross here; if you want a dance expert, call the HeinsQuarters of the Swingin' G. Ya follow me?"

---Ross Perot

"Dancing is difficult, especially if you haven't read Heins's book."

---Scott Peck

"I wonder if Gary has a mane partner yet."

---Pretty Little Fillies Everywhere

"Heins really means it. The fact that this book is in your hands right now is proof."

---Ayn Rand

"Those women who comment that dancing with Gary is 'better than having sex'---I wonder who they've been having sex with."

---Dr Ruth

"A country song is a tool, Miriam, no better and no worse than any other tool---a country song is only as bad or as good as the man dancing to it.

This book is a tool too---and a darn good on if you know how to use it."

---Shane

"Looking at that picture of Gary playing a guitar at age 3 or 4, he looks like a candidate for my cutaway guitar, so he can hit the high notes."

---Estaban

"I wonder if I could get Heins up here to sing a couple while I get down on the floor and dance."

---George Strait

"Western What?"

---Raymond G. Swing

"Ah-haaa--- Gary Who?"

---Bob Wills

"Say, that Jane Dantz is quite a writer too. She must have learned from Gary Heins---their styles are remarkably similar."

---Mark Twain

Heins is right: with the proliferation of Line-Dancing, and the earlier flashes in the pan like Ball-room and Disco, and now Dancing With the Stars, this is War, . . . and it's a mistake to think you can choreograph war.

---Sun Tzu

194 --

Watch for SWINGIN' G BOOKS n videos

by GARY HEINS:

HAVE HARMONY WITH WOMEN

---Heinsian WESTERN SWING

ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER

---Heinsian DOWNHILL SKIING

SIT DEEP IN THE SADDLE

---Heinsian WESTERN RIDING

poetry and song:

RIMES OF AN ANCIENT SKI TEACHER

--Heinsian SKI-BOY POETRY

MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'

--Heinsian SKIBOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC

friction:

THE GREATEST SKI INSTRUCTOR

IN THE WEST

THE PROHIBITION

OF SNOW-BOARDING

--THE ENFORCEMENT OF TRUE DOWNHILL SKIING

By GH--USST

Here are some bonus books:

-- 195

THE GREATEST SCHOOL-BUS

DRIVER EVER

ESCAPE ON TWO WHEELS

---Heinsian BIKE-PACKING

And watch for these columns:

RIDING WITH HEINS-SIGHT

(TWELVE READS)

SKIING WITH HEINS-SIGHT

(FIFTEEN UPRIGHT COLUMNS)

GOLFING WITH HEINS-SIGHT

(---NINE WHOLE COLUMNS)

"BUTT-FIRST" WRITING

---THE HEINSIAN WAY

(TWELVE INSTILLMENTS)

To send a Letter, or . . .

To bring a GARY HEINS WESTERN SWING Lesson to your area, . . . or to find out his other services, call the HeinsQuarters of the:

SWINGIN' G RANCH

PO Box 784

Saint Johns, Arizona 85936

(928) 205-7756

Thanks.

www.wrangler-skier.com

E-mail: GARYHEINS@Gmail.com

196 --

GARY HEINS

circa 1990

at the HeinsQuarters of the

SWINGIN' G RANCH

---when most of his writings were conceived and planned-out as he followed the candles along the way