Dealing with Divorce 4 Part EBook Series: The Process (Part 1) by Galbraith Family Law - HTML preview

Chapter 1:

Do I Even Want a Divorce?

Closure. Freedom. Opportunity. New Beginnings.

These are just a few of the benefits you experience when you move forward and finalize your divorce. Frequently, clients tell us they feel like a dark cloud is hanging over their heads even after issues with their ex-spouses have been resolved.

Why? They continue to be married to their ex- spouse. They are not divorced. They have not attained closure.

Until you divorce, there is lingering legal and moral attachment to your spouse through marriage. Do you really want that attachment? Isn’t it time to gain your freedom?

When you finally meet Mister. or Miss Right, do you really want to still be married to your ex-spouse? That can be a real “turn off” for potential new dates. Potential dates may wonder if you’re really truly ready to move on or may feel strange about starting something with a married person.

Even if you are not looking for someone new in your life, attaining a divorce gives you a sense of finality and closure. It removes the dark cloud. It closes the door on the past relationship so that you can enjoy new opportunities in complete freedom.

Never the less, some people still wrestle with the decision. They ask if it’s really over, or wonder if they’ve done enough to work things out. Which is very natural.

Sue Cook is the owner and operator of Family TLC Family Therapy and Life Coaching Group. She recommends a 4-stage approach to honestly and objectively assess your marriage.

1. Ask yourself: Do I take my spouse for granted? Do I look for the good in my spouse? How do I support my spouse?
2. Examine the communication between you and your spouse.
3. Set some goals for the relationship.
4. Evaluate your progress by monitoring your relationship on an ongoing basis.

“Many people think they have a great memory and that they can see things objectively. In truth, most people have a poor memory for facts, and are better at remembering the subjective things that reinforce our beliefs,” wrote Cook in a great blog.

“If we believe the marriage is bad and we are unhappy, then we can easily remember the evidence that supports that. So write things down and keep a record. Use a checklist and track both the positives and the negatives.”

Please feel free to read the whole blog at http://www.familytlc.ca/how-do-i-decide-to-split-or-stay/