STRONG HOLDS
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CHARACTERISTICS OF
STRONG HOLDS
Since strong holds according to our key Bible text in second Corinthians are non-physical, it would require a certain level of knowledge and skillful conscious effort to be able to identify the strong hold(s) in a person’s life. But the verses that follow our key text in second Corinthians have provided us with insight on how to identify strong holds.
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 - KJV
3. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4. (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
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6. And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
Verses 5 & 6 give us insight into what was referred to as strong holds in verse 4.
Verse 5 expands by starting with “casting down imaginations” as part of the actions in this warfare against strong holds. The next form of action identified in verse 5 is “bringing into captivity every thought”. These two action plans point out the first thing to know about strong holds; they are imaginations and thoughts.
But not every imagination and thought classify as a strong hold, so the way to identify which imaginations and thoughts classify as strong holds is to look at the qualifiers that are present in verse 5.
The first one comes after the mention of imagination, and this is that these specific imaginations that become strong holds act as high things that “exalt themselves against the knowledge of God”. The second qualifier for strong holds is that they are thoughts that lead to disobeying Christ. This is why the concluding part of verse 5 talks about “bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ”. And verse 6 talks about overcoming this disobedience.
It would be very difficult to argue that this writer wasn’t referring to Jesus when he spoke about Christ. Thus, he was saying that strong holds cause us to disobey the instructions and teachings of Jesus.
Thus, for us to fully understand strong holds, we will need to understand the concept of obeying Christ as the Bible really intended, and we would also need to understand the knowledge of God and how anything can exalt itself above the knowledge of God.
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THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD
Knowledge by definition is information or awareness gained through experience or education. Therefore, the knowledge of God is information or awareness about the plans and opinions of God gained through experience or education. Most times this knowledge is about man; what God thinks about us, what he wants for us, what he has done and said about us, and what he has planned for us.
Especially when we are talking about our battles with strong holds, then this verse has to be talking about knowledge of God concerning us as man.
Since we have seen that strong holds try to exalt themselves against the knowledge/opinion of God concerning us, then we need to first be able to narrow down God's true knowledge about us to be able to single out thoughts that challenge this knowledge.
To effectively get a proper view of God’s view on man, we will need to go back to the very beginning of man, when God first conceived the idea of man and created man.
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Genesis 1:26 - KJV
26. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
This is the very beginning of any information/knowledge from God about man. We can see the way God sees man; this should be the summary of any knowledge from God about man or any knowledge of God concerning his plans and opinions on man. The next verse sums up the beginning of God’s knowledge on man.
Genesis 1:27 - KJV
27. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
So, what we know now is that man is meant to be a replica of God
“created in his image”, man was created to have dominion in this physical realm and not to be dominated (especially by strong holds).
The next verse goes further to show that man is blessed and given a responsibility to be in charge.
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Genesis 1:28 - KJV
28. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
The blessings in verse 28 of Genesis chapter 1 can be interpreted as gifts. This means that God gives man gifts before instructing man what to do with the gifts. So, God did not just tell man to have dominion, he also gifted him with the capacity (you might also say talent) to have this dominion.
The three verses above should form the foundation of any knowledge we get from God. Let’s take a look at these three verses together so that we can get a full picture of the beginning of any knowledge of God concerning man.
Genesis 1:26-28 - KJV
26.
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth..
27.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. So God created man in his own 21
image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
28.
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Every knowledge that comes from God will be subject to the knowledge in these three verses that talk about God’s view of man and intentions for man. For example, knowledge about sin and evils to avoid is subject to these verses because sin and evil do not allow us to live in dominion as God had intended. Any knowledge on health is subject to these verses because good health means we can fulfill our purpose and destiny effectively. Any knowledge on the natural resources on earth or science is put here by God for man to use in having dominion. Thus, the summary of all knowledge from God is that you and I are created to be his representatives in this physical world. We are amazing creatures designed to be able to live in dominion like God. This is the summary of all knowledge God wants us to have. This means that if we could gather all the knowledge that God can reveal to us, it would point back to these three verses that reveal that we are created in his image to have dominion here on earth.
Since we have seen that strong holds are information and knowledge that try to rival the knowledge of God, then strong holds are thoughts that try to give us an alternative view of ourselves than God had given us. Strong holds make us see ourselves as less than how God sees us, strong holds tell us that we are not good enough or we are not of value. So, the primary way to single out strong holds 22
is that they kill our self-esteem and self-valuation, making us look down on ourselves.
A typical example of such information or thought pattern is the one that was sold by the serpent to the first man and his wife in the Bible.
If we analyze the conversation that led to Eve eating a fruit that she was instructed not to eat, we would see that all the serpent did was to make her think less of herself than how God sees her.
For those who do not know the story, I will do a summary and also put the Bible verses for you to be able to understand what I am talking about. But I will recommend reading the book of Genesis, chapters 2 and 3 for you to be fully conversant with this story.
After God had created man, he put the first man Adam and his wife Eve in a garden and then told man that there is a particular fruit from a particular tree that the man and his wife must not eat.
Genesis 2:17 - KJV
17. But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die But the woman was approached by a serpent who convinced her to eat the fruit that they were forbidden to eat.
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Genesis 3:1-7 - KJV
1.
Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
2.
And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3.
But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
4.
And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
5.
For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
6.
And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
7.
And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
If you take a closer look at the conversation between the serpent and the woman, you would see that all the serpent did was carefully 24
get her to look down on herself and see herself as someone without value.
In verse 5, what the serpent did was to make the woman feel like she wasn’t good enough and that she needed to eat the forbidden fruit to become good enough. The serpent indirectly made her believe that she was not yet a god and she needed the forbidden fruit to become one but she was created in the image of the almighty God which means she was already a god.
The effect was that Adam and Eve became ashamed of themselves for the first time in verse 7. Take note that this was the first time that they had a problem with their nakedness. The truth was that they knew that they had been naked but they did not feel ashamed of it.
If you go back to verse 25 of chapter 2 of the book of Genesis, you would see that Adam and his wife knew they were naked but were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:25 - KJV
25. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
You can see that they had known before the encounter with the serpent that they were naked, but the difference is that they were not ashamed but in verse 7 of chapter 3, they became ashamed because they had listened to the serpent. They began to see fault in themselves where they never saw faults before. It got so bad that they even began to hide from God, feeling unworthy of their maker who created them in his image.
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Genesis 3:8-10 - KJV
8.
And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.
9.
And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?
10.
And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.
Have it in mind that God never told them that he would drive them away from his presence, or that they would not be worthy of being in his presence if they ate from the tree they were forbidden to eat from. But it was Adam and his wife who by themselves now felt not good enough to be in the presence of God. They now started to view themselves as unworthy of the presence and love of the same God who created them in his image. This is the kind of thing that strong holds will do to you; make you see yourself contrary to the knowledge that God has made available about you. Every knowledge from God is designed to remind you and reveal to you how valuable and amazing you are to God and how much he loves you, but strong holds try to exalt themselves above the knowledge of God by trying to tell you something contrary to what God has said and done concerning you.
So, in summary, strong holds are thoughts that take hold of your mind and make you feel, less than worthy of God’s presence and love, making you have low esteem and a low view of yourself. This 26
is one of the ways to sniff out a strong hold. So, any time you begin to feel low esteemed, unworthy, or undeserving of God’s love and presence, whatever caused that chain of thought, is most likely a strong hold in your life. The more frequent these kinds of negative feelings and thoughts, the more evident that there is a strong hold(s) at work in your life.
The result is usually that one would end up doing something offensive to God and self-destructive just like Adam and Eve did in Genesis.
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OBEDIENCE TO CHRIST
Going by the use of the word Christ in second Corinthians 10 verses 5 and 6, the writer must have been referring to Jesus. Thus, the writer was saying that strong holds make it difficult for us to obey Jesus.
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 - KJV
3. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4. (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
6. And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
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To this end, we will need to analyze what it means to obey Jesus.
For us to do this we will need to split the words of Jesus into two; his teachings and his instructions. This is because for one to fully obey Jesus, he/she will need to obey not just Jesus’s instructions, but his teachings also. Let us start with the instructions (laws) of Jesus.
The Law of Jesus.
In the Bible, there are many laws laid down for man to keep; many laws by the prophet Moses alone as well as many other laws by other prophets. But when it came to Jesus, he summarized all the laws into just one law. Jesus summarized all the laws into one law; LOVE.
In the book of Mathew in chapter 22, Jesus was asked what he thought the greatest commandment was and his response was love.
Matthew 22:35-40 - KJV
35.
Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, 36.
Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37.
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38. This is the first and great commandment.
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39.
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt
love thy neighbour as thyself.
40.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to love God. But he goes further by saying that the next law he was about to mention is the same thing as the first which means they mean the same thing.
The second law he was talking about was to “love thy neighbor as thyself”.
There are also other verses in the Bible that agree with this assertion that loving one’s neighbor is the same as loving God.
1 John 4:20-21 - KJV
20.
If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
21.
And this commandment have we from him, That
he who loveth God love his brother also.
Here John who is believed to be a disciple of Jesus supports the statement that one cannot love God without loving others.
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Jesus also explains in another chapter that to love your neighbor is the same thing as loving God. To better put it, the way to love God is to love your neighbor.
Matthew 25:34-46 - KJV
34.
Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
35.
For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36.
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
37.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee?
or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
38.
When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
39.
Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
40.
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
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41.
Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: 42.
For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: 43.
I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.
44.
Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?
45.
Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.
46.
And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.
Here Jesus was simply saying that the way to love God is by loving others.
Some other verses of the Bible also show that this is the one commandment that Jesus gave his followers.
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John 13:34 - KJV
34. A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
John 15:12 - KJV
12. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
John 15:17 - KJV
17. These things I command you, that ye love one another.
1 John 3:11 - KJV
11. For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.
1 John 3:23 - KJV
23. And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.
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2 John 1:5 - KJV
5. And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another.
All the above verses by John the disciple of Jesus, point to the fact that Jesus had summed up all the laws into one law which is to love one another.
The author of the book of Romans goes further to explain that every other law is inside this one law. And by keeping this one law, you will automatically keep every other law.
Romans 13:8-10 - KJV
8.
Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.
9.
For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
10.
Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
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But if we go back to Mathew 22:39 Jesus adds a clause that makes things interesting. Jesus says “love thy neighbor as thyself”. This is because no one can love others if he/she doesn’t love his/herself.
This is bound by the principle that no one can give what they don’t have.
To put Mathew 22:35-40 in perspective, Jesus was simply saying that to love God you must love your neighbor, and to love your neighbor, you must love yourself. Therefore, to love God, you must love yourself.
The most intriguing part is in verse 40 where Jesus says that every other law is subject to this law. Thus, every law is under the law that one must love his/her self.
This means that to obey Christ, you must first learn to love yourself.
This is the fundamental for obeying the law of Christ. Therefore, if strong holds are thoughts that make you disobey Christ, then they are thoughts that cause you not to love yourself and consequently others and God. This is why we said earlier that strong holds lead to self-destructive tendencies.
The teachings of Jesus.
Apart from the above instruction/law given by Jesus, most of his ministry was characterized by teaching. There are many teachings by Jesus in the Bible, but if you are very familiar with the Bible, you would have realized that he was only teaching about one thing; the kingdom of God. In most if not all of his parables, he was busily likening the kingdom of God to one good virtue or the other. Jesus is recorded as saying that he was sent specifically to teach about the kingdom of God.
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Luke 4:43 - KJV
43. And he said unto them, I must preach the kingdom of God to other cities also: for therefore am I sent.
Thus, Jesus specifically states that this is his assignment: to preach the gospel of the kingdom of God. But before we proceed in this chapter, I would like to let you take note that there is no difference between the kingdom of God and the kingdom of heaven. The only thing is that in the book of Mathew, the kingdom of heaven is used while the other three gospels make use of the kingdom of God to mean the same thing. This is evident in the fact that the same story that is told in Mathew would say the kingdom of heaven while the other gospels would say the kingdom of God while narrating the same story.
Matthew 4:17 - KJV
17. From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Mark 1:14-15 - KJV
14.
Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the
kingdom of God,
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The verses above, do not only show that the kingdom of God and the kingdom of heaven are used interchangeably, but they also show the gospel preached by Jesus. However, the dispute or the confusion about the gospel of Jesus comes mostly from Luke 17:21.
Luke 17:20-21 - KJV
20.
And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation:
21.
Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there!
for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
The problem or confusion here is that Jesus said that the kingdom of God was inside a person. This has led to a big argument about the kingdom of God. Many Christians believe that the kingdom of God is a place where true Christians go after they die. But some other Christians and theologians argue that it is not a place. I am on the side of the latter. I believe that those who think that Jesus was talking about a place are wrong.
If you look at the gospel preached by Jesus in Matthew 4:17 and Mark 1:14-15, you would observe that Jesus also says that the kingdom of God is at hand. If you say something is at hand, you mean that the thing is in one’s possession. To put it literally, you are saying that the person has it in his/her hands. This correlates with the statement that the kingdom of God is within You. If the kingdom 38
of God was a place, how can it be within a person and how can it be in someone’s hands or possession?
The answer is simple, the kingdom of God that Jesus was talking about isn’t a place. If the kingdom of God isn’t a place, then what is it?
After asking God this same question for a long time, I got my answer one morning in the most unlikely of manners. God simply reminded me of my biology class in secondary school. When living organisms were divided based on their character and nature, they were divided into kingdoms. According to biologists, the five kingdom categories of living organisms are Protista (the single-celled eukaryotes); Fungi (fungus and related organisms); Plantae (the plants); Animalia (the animals); Monera (the prokaryotes). This means the word kingdom could have been used to describe characteristics or way of life or nature at some time in history.
I decided to put this interpretation into the Bible and then I finally got the understanding I was looking for. If the word kingdom means characteristics/way of life/nature, then let us use this new understanding to interpret the teachings of Jesus and see if they explain things better.
Matthew 6:33 - KJV
33. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
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This verse could mean, seek ye first the character/nature/way of life of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Luke 4:43 - KJV
43. And he said unto them, I must preach the kingdom of God to other cities also: for therefore am I sent.
This verse therefore means, I must preach the character/way of life/
behavior of God to other cities also: for therefore am I sent.
Matthew 4:17 - KJV
17. From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Mark 1:14-15 - KJV
14.
Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God,
15.
And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the
kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.
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These verses will therefore mean that Jesus was saying repent for the nature/character/way of life/behavior of God is in your possession. This begins to make a lot of sense when you consider Luke 17:20-21.
Luke 17:20-21 - KJV
20.
And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation:
21.
Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there!
for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
These
verses
mean
that
Jesus
was saying
that
the
nature/character/way of life/behavior of God is within you. This also gets interesting when you observe that Jesus wasn’t even talking to his disciples in this verse, he was talking to Pharisees. How could he have told the Pharisees that the kingdom of God was within them? This means that the kingdom of God is in everyone, both his disciples and all others.
Another writer in the Bible that seems to share this understanding of the kingdom of God is the author of the book of Romans.
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Romans 14:17 - KJV
17. For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
This verse will therefore mean that the nature of God is not in meat and drink (a place of merriment as commonly misunderstood), but in righteousness peace, and joy. This means that the kingdom/nature of God can be described as righteousness, peace, and joy.
Unfortunately, many people think that Jesus was talking about a place when he was talking about the kingdom of God/Heaven. In reality, he was talking about the nature/way of life of God.
Considering that he said the kingdom of God is at hand and within a person, Jesus was just preaching the same thing as Moses (when Moses said that we are created in the image of God): every man has the nature of God deep inside of him. In other words, Jesus was simply passing across the knowledge of God as we have discussed in our previous chapter. But to fully understand the teachings of Jesus, we will need to understand the other key word in his message; which is “repent”.
We generally have a good idea of what repent means, especially from a religious point of view.
To repent means to feel or express sincere regret about one’s wrongdoing or sin.
However, there is a broader, ancient and non-religious use of the word repent which is still similar in a way to the religious use of the word.
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Repent can also be used to mean a change of heart/mind towards an idea or something or a decision. This means a person can repent from a choice or a belief system. Repentance is just changing one’s mind about something. Let me show you a broader use of the word repent in the early books of the Bible.
Exodus 13:17 - KJV
17. And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people
repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt:
This is the first use of the word repent in the Bible. Notice how it is used slightly differently from modern-day use. In this story, God led the children of Israel through a longer route when they left Egypt because the shorter route might lead them into the paths of other nations who might decide to fight them. God knew that they were mentally not ready for any war and that if they were faced with war, they would most likely change their mind (repent) and go back to Egypt. God did not want them to change their mind (repent) and go back to Egypt. Take note that the word repent in this verse is even used to indicate a negative decision that the children of Israel would have made if they were faced with war too early. This shows that they could repent into going back to bondage.
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The word repent simply means to change one’s mind/perception/
thinking, whether it's from sin or any other thing, it is dependent on the situation.
To bring this understanding back to the gospel of Jesus, we can safely say Jesus was simply saying that a change of mind is needed.
Therefore, Jesus knew that the problem of man is a mental one, one that needs man to change the way he thinks.
But in the case of the gospel of Jesus, man needs to change the way he thinks concerning the kingdom of God and himself(man).
In other words, Jesus was simply saying to the people that they have the kingdom of God/nature of God/character of God/life of God/ in their possession (at hand), therefore they should change the way they think about themselves. They should stop seeing the kingdom (character/nature) of God as something far from them or impossible for them. He was just letting them know that they had the capacity to live and function like God.
Matthew 4:17 - KJV
17. From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Mark 1:14-15 - KJV
14.
Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God,
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15.
And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.
Jesus was simply saying the same thing that Moses was saying in Genesis chapter 1; that we have the ability to live and function like God. Moses said we are created in the image of God, while Jesus said we have the Kingdom/nature of God at hand (in our possession/within us).
Therefore, to obey the teaching of Jesus is to see yourself as a person carrying the kingdom/nature of God and worthy of his image and likeness. On the other hand, to disobey Jesus’s teachings means that you do not yet see yourself as having the capacity/kingdom of God inside of you.
If you have noticed, to disobey the law of Jesus is to first and foremost lack self-love and then consequently lack love for others and then God, this is the same thing as disobeying Jesus’s teaching because if you obeyed his teaching and begin to see yourself as one with the kingdom of God, your love for yourself will grow and consequently your love for others and God. This is the same thing as exalting the knowledge of God; because just as we discussed in our previous chapter, every knowledge from God is designed to tell you how valuable and important you are to God’s wil on this earth.
Thus, every knowledge from God will ultimately boost your self-love.
If we go back to our key text for this book; in second Corinthians chapter 10 verses 3 to 6, we will now realize that the ultimate goal of every strong hold is to kill our self-love and self-evaluation. This is why strong holds are said to exalt themselves above the 45
knowledge of God and push an individual to disobey the law and teaching of Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 - KJV
3. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4. (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
6. And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
The next question is how do strong holds get us to lose our self-love, exalt themselves above the knowledge of God, and get us to disobey Christ? The answer is FEAR/ANXIETY. This is what we will be examining in our next chapter.
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FEAR
Every knowledge from God is designed to increase your love for yourself, for others, and for God. We can say that every knowledge of God (the law and teaching of Jesus inclusive) is designed to make you function like God and God is love according to the Bible thus every knowledge of God is trying to fill you up with love (God). If we say that strong holds try to exalt themselves above the knowledge of God, then we are saying that strong holds try to drain us of every drop of love; love for ourselves, love for others, or love for God. And strong holds do this by feeding you with the one thing that cannot co-exist with love; which is fear.
I have adopted this understanding from John the apostle.
1 John 4:18 - KJV
18. There is no fear in love; but perfect love
casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
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According to the apostle John, fear and love are opposite of one another in the sense that they cannot co-exist. The more love exists in a person or place, the less fear exists. Also, the more fear grows in a person or place, the less love is present in that person or place.
This is the truth, the more your fear for a person, the less you would love that person. And the more you love a person, the less you would fear that person.
This applies to our daily relationships. If a parent is feared by his/her kids, the fear would hinder the expression of love from the kids. If a spouse fears the other, slowly the love will die.
Another way to look at it from the point of view of the Bible is that God is love and even God is said to be able to hate certain things.
God can hate something you do but yet he loves you. But there is absolutely something God cannot do; which is to fear.
1 John 4:8 - KJV
8. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is
love.
Also, if God is love, and man was created in the image of God, then man was created in the image of love. Man’s original nature is that of love. And since love casteth out fear, our original nature is not friendly to fear. The spirit that we have isn’t friendly to fear.
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2 Timothy 1:7 - KJV
7. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
So, in other words, we were not created to function properly with fear; and this is what strong holds do to us; fill us up with fear so that we cannot function in love. This means the more the fear in a person’s life, the lesser their capacity for love even for themselves.
This is something that happens simultaneously; as fear increases, love reduces or as love increases, fear reduces. A typical example will still be the example of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
If you take a closer look at the conversation between Eve and the serpent in Genesis Chapter 3, you would see that the serpent cleverly got Eve to lose her self-love and self-evaluation by feeding her with the fear that if she didn’t eat from the tree they were prohibited from eating, she was going to miss out on something (being as a god). And the moment Eve bought into this fear, she also began to think of herself as incomplete or unworthy (she began to lose her love for herself).
Genesis 3:1-7 - KJV
1. Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
2. And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 49
3. But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
4. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
5. For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
6. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
7. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
This is how a strong hold works; it creeps fear into our minds and slowly begins to drain us of our self-love and self-esteem. Then when our self-love and self-esteem are low, we are now capable of doing all sorts of self-degrading and self-destructive acts. Soon we are capable of doing these same things to others and even God. I have come to understand that fear is the foundation for every evil act taken by man.
Those who cheat to win are so scared of losing to the point that they think their value is tied to winning or losing.
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Those who lie are scared that the truth may not be interesting enough or would not give them their desired result.
Those who commit crimes for wealth are scared that without wealth, they will be worthless in life.
If we deeply analyze every evil act, we will find out that one fear or multiple fears have motivated every evil action.
One day when I was a child, I came across a verse of the Bible that got me puzzled, it listed people who are fearful as those who God will punish. I was saying to myself, what kind of God will punish someone for being fearful?
Revelation 21:8 - KJV
8.
But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Seeing that this book is believed to be written by John who also wrote that love and fear do not co-exist, I began to understand why he listed the fearful as the first set of people worthy of God’s punishment. The other categories of evil-doers listed in the above verse are that way because they are first fearful. The abominable, the murderers, the whoremongers, the sorcerers, idolaters, and liars are all fearful in a practical sense. Any person controlled by fear will end up doing evil to his/herself and others or to put it in other words, will end up lacking love for his/herself and others.
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And this is the end goal of strong holds; to get us to act without love for ourselves and others by putting fear in us.
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ADDICTION
Before we discuss practical examples of strong holds, I would like us to briefly talk about one of the telling signs or symptoms of strong holds; which is addiction.
Addictions are negative dependence on substances or activities. An addict can even be said to be a slave to that substance or activity to which he/she is addicted. In almost every case, the addiction is very self-destructive. This is a classic case of a lack of self-love.
But to fully understand addiction, we need to ask one important question which is; why does the addict feel that they need to depend on that substance or activity? For an individual to feel that he/she needs a particular substance or action, they must have a reason.
The reason in most cases isn’t legitimate but there must always be a reason.
For most addicts, the reason why they feel dependent on any particular substance or activity is fear and anxiety. Most people who are addicts do not realize that they are just using their addiction to cope with anxiety and fear. Whenever that feeling of anxiety and fear creeps into their mind, they run to their addiction as a form of medication which gives temporary relief from the said anxiety.
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It would have started one day when they felt overwhelmed by the fear and anxiety, and coincidentally for some reason, they had used that substance or engaged in that activity, and felt relief from their anxiety. As a result of this, their brain started to recommend that substance or activity as relief from fear and anxiety. The more the fear or anxiety came back, the more they ran to that substance or activity and that is how it became a dependence. They now feel dependent on that substance or activity to be able to cope with the reoccurring fear and anxiety.
Let me use the Bible to explain further.
2 Timothy 1:7 - KJV
7. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
What the above verse is telling us is that our spirit and mind weren’t built to be comfortable with fear, it was built to be comfortable with love. This means that anytime fear tries to take over, we are not ourselves, we wil always desire to get rid of it because it doesn’t allow us to feel loved, especially by ourselves. This inability to coexist with fear is partly responsible for addictions. Most addicts have a sort of temporary solace in their addiction anytime they become overwhelmed by this fear or anxiety. And most often than not, their fear and anxiety are caused by a strong hold in their life.
This is a very straightforward equation; strong holds are thoughts that take hold of our minds and use fear and anxiety to make us lose our self-love and self-worth. They make us feel unworthy and 54
anxious about not feeling good enough and in trying to overcome this feeling of unworthiness and anxiety, many people have become addicted to one substance or the other or one activity or the other.
Many people do not even realize that they can be clinically described as addicts. Some people are even addicted to controlling others, some people are addicted to lying. Many are using these actions as ways to run away from the fear and anxiety that has taken control over their lives as a result of the strong hold(s) in their lives.
Whichever way you look at it, every action that comes as a result of the strong hold(s) in a person’s life will always be self-destructive.
For example, those who are addicted to having control will ruin a lot of relationships. Those who are addicted to lying will damage relationships and their reputation. This self-sabotage isn’t only for those who are addicted to substances. Some people are addicted to sex and risk ruining their emotional balance, or in some cases their health. Some people are addicted to actions like masturbation which also comes with pornography addiction, and as a result, they risk ruining their health and relationship with others (especially the opposite sex).
What many who have tried and failed to quit whatever addiction they have, have not realized is that it is not about the substance or activity that they are addicted to, but about the strong hold(s) in their minds that keeps causing the anxiety and fear that they use their addiction to escape from. They have not realized that their battle is not with the addiction itself but with the strong hold(s) that is causing them to be anxious and as a result find solace in their addiction.
The strong hold in their mind is ultimately causing them to discredit the knowledge of God (by not allowing them to see themselves the way God sees them), it is also causing them to disobey the law of 55
Jesus (by not loving themselves), and also causing them to disobey the teachings of Jesus (by not allowing them to see themselves as people carrying the kingdom of God within them or having it at hand).
This is what our primary text for this book was talking about; our warfare or battle in life is not a physical one but a battle against these strong holds.
Someone who is addicted to cocaine doesn’t have their battle against cocaine in itself, but against the strong hold in the person’s mind that constantly causes anxiety which prompts the person to seek cocaine as a way to escape that fear/anxiety. Therefore, for that person to beat that addiction, they would need to beat that strong hold in their mind.
Many people have been able to overcome their addictions even without reading this book, but I can assure you that for them to have done that, they had to beat that voice in their head that always killed their self-evaluation and self-love; thereby feeding them with fear and anxiety which they were using their addiction to escape from.
This is why when people are recovering from addiction, you would see that they don’t just reduce their dependence on the substance or action to which they are addicted, but there is always an improvement in their whole outlook on life.
Even those who have self-sabotaging habits that they need to shed would need to figure out the strong hold in their mind that is feeding them with fear and anxiety that pushes them to self-sabotage.
To this end, I would try to show you some practical examples of strong holds at work in a person’s life. Take note that two people may be addicted to the same thing but it is motivated by two different thought processes (strong holds) even though the different thought 56
processes will still end up feeding them with fear and lack of self-love.
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STRONG HOLDS
In this chapter, we will look at some examples of people who engaged in repetitive self-sabotaging acts (including addictions) and we will try to figure out what their fears were, and what strong holds were holding onto their minds. We would work our way from the self-sabotaging habit, to the fear the person must have been experiencing, to the strong hold in the person’s mind.
EXAMPLE 1
First, let us start with a guy who couldn’t help but smoke several packs of cigarettes every evening. When he was done, he would move to marijuana and then alcohol. His daily routine became very predictable. One day I asked him why he lived this way and he replied that he needed it to calm down saying “you know life is not easy”. He said these substances were a way to not think too much about the way his life was going. Yes, he wasn’t so financially buoyant and he was squatting with a friend yet a sizeable amount of the little money he made went into these substances. From his statement, you would see that he felt dependent on these things as 59
a way to escape the thoughts in his head. So, the problem wasn’t the substances he was indulging in but the thoughts in his head.
He often spoke about how dissatisfied he was with himself and his financial condition. From most of his statements, you could tell that he wasn’t so confident in his chances of making his life better. One day we talked about his past relationship and how it ended, he felt that he was discarded because of financial reasons and it hurt him.
It was at this point I came to understand what his fear was at the end of each day and what his strong hold was.
He was always anxious and scared about his chances of making it anytime something didn’t go as planned or anytime he reflected on his life. The truth is that many people were doing worse than him financially or just as bad, but were not as scared and anxious as he was to the point of running to alcohol and other substances for solace. The fear and anxiety were triggered by a strong hold in his mind which was that “without money, he had no value or wasn’t worth being loved”. This statement can be described a strong hold in a person’s life.
In his case, it was this belief that his value is in money that made him so anxious and fearful about his situation. This could have come from his experience in his previous relationship or some other experiences but it was certainly having a strong hold of his self-evaluation.
Let’s be honest who doesn’t want to be loved and valued? No one.
So, when someone is convinced that their value is in money and they seem to be lacking it, they can get very scared and anxious.
This is how tricky strong holds are. A simple line like “if you don’t have money, you wouldn’t be loved and respected” can become a strong hold in someone’s life and start manufacturing fear and 60
anxiety. Even those who have money can still be filled with fear and anxiety of losing that money if they believe that their value or self-worth is in that money.
This single mindset when it becomes a strong hold, can translate into several self-sabotaging lifestyles and addictions even in the same individual as well as in different individuals.
Some other people will go into fraud to try and overcome the fear of not being lovable or respectable due to a lack of money. Some other people would because of this mindset, become toxic partners in their relationships. If they do not have money, they wouldn’t just believe that their partner loves them. They will be insecure, unappreciative, and manipulative simply because they believe that their partner is faking their love for them as a result of their belief that they can’t be loved without having wealth.
The scary part is that all the self-destructive lifestyles that I have mentioned in the above story can be present in an individual at the same time as a result of this belief that has taken a strong hold of their life. As a result of the mindset that “without money, a person has no value” an individual can become dependent on harmful substances to cope with the anxiety of not having much money, and at the same time sabotaging his/her relationship due to insecurity, and at the same time get into fraudulent activities to get money at all means.
The idea that without wealth a person has no value has the potential to be a strong hold because it can challenge the knowledge of God which seeks to let man understand that he by himself is valuable simply because he was created in the image of God. It also can make a person disobey the law of Christ by making the person not love his/her self because they do not have wealth. It can also make 61
a person forget that they carry the kingdom of God within them thereby disobeying the teaching of Christ. This is what our text in Corinthians was pointing out.
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 - KJV
3. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4. (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
6. And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
This idea that a person is not valuable because they do not have wealth is similar to what the serpent told Eve in the garden of Eden; that if she doesn’t eat the forbidden fruit, she would not be a god.
This was indirectly saying that she wasn’t yet valuable until she eats from the forbidden tree.
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Genesis 3:1-5 - KJV
1. Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
2. And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3. But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
4. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
5. For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye
shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
This is what a strong hold does; make you feel unworthy, undesirable, scared, and anxious.
Let us take a look at other stories and highlight other examples of strong holds.
EXAMPLES 2&3
I once knew a lady who was having a terrible time in her relationship and it was beginning to affect her state of mind. Her attitude to work dropped, her appearance declined and she was becoming hostile to 63
those around her. One day we got talking about her relationship and she told me some honestly terrible things she had experienced at the hand of the guy. They met while they were in the university and she was hooked. He was at least two levels ahead of her while she was in her first year at the university. According to her, throughout their time in school, he cheated on her several times and on one occasion with a close friend of hers. she said they broke up as a result of that and she would even see him going into her friend’s room once in a while and he didn’t even bother to patch things up.
Her story became worrisome when she said she was the one that went back to beg him to take her back. She said she was at it for months before they got back together and a few years on, she was done with school and now working when we met.
I asked why she wouldn’t just leave him especially when I was aware of some other guys who were extremely interested but she just didn’t seem to want to leave the relationship. It would have even been easy for her to call it off as they were not in the same state at that time but she didn’t seem interested in ending what was a hurting relationship.
We had all given up on the idea of her leaving him for any other interested suitor until all of a sudden, she ran into a guy at an airport and she was suddenly carried away emotionally.
The speed and urgency with which she fell for this new guy were surprising. But we soon became worried again at how much she was ready to sacrifice for someone she had barely known for a week. So, one day I asked for the guy’s social media name so I can check him up, and when I did, I was stunned at the striking resemblance between this new guy and the boyfriend she was reluctant to leave.
I questioned her about it but she was a bit defensive so I let the issue go.
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I was puzzled at the sudden change in her willingness to leave her boyfriend for a new guy. I was more puzzled at the resemblance in physic and outlook of the two guys, especially on their social media handles. This was someone who had rubbished other guys who showed her love and affection now suddenly falling for someone.
One day, I finally understood the strong hold in her mind that made her willing to risk her happiness and peace of mind just to be with that type of guy. That day, her elder sister came around and I made a statement to her “wow your sister is beautiful”. I could see the reaction she gave; she was offended by my statement. Over the coming week I carefully asked some questions and discover that while growing up as a kid, she felt that her sister was treated much better than her because people felt her sister was better looking than her and this must have made her feel undervalued as well as unattractive. She would have concluded that in life “without a certain look or appearance, you have little value” and to compensate for this, she was stuck chasing after guys of a certain look even if it was killing her peace of mind.
Don’t get it wrong, there is nothing wrong with having a certain type of look that attracts you (I think everyone has their preference), but it can become a strong hold when you attach your value and self-esteem to it. At this point, you will be willing to self-sabotage just to be in a relationship with someone that looks that way. This is what I believed was going on with the lady in question. To make matters worse, she, her sister, and the boyfriend all attended the same university and the guy was in the same level as her elder sister. She could have felt as if this gave her more value than her sister to be dating a guy with such looks who was probably older than her sister.
For most of her life, she had felt unattractive until one day this tall dark, and handsome guy paid her attention and it felt good. So, her 65
brain told her that she needed to be with someone like this for her to feel good, so she kept throwing herself at him till it became a habit and she was dependent on being with such a person for her to feel good about herself. All this would not have happened if not for the strong hold in her mind that “for her to be valued, she needs to look a certain way”. And since she couldn’t alter her looks, she compensated by chasing guys that looked a certain way.
There could have been another strong hold in her mind also which is the idea that “without a relationship, a person’s value is reduced” or to put it in other words, “a relationship increases a person’s value”. This might explain why she wasn’t wil ing to be single while she waited to meet another guy even if he had to be of a certain look. She could have felt that being in a relationship gave her some value at the very least.
Many people have this idea that “a relationship increases their value” as a strong hold. I had a friend once who almost ruined our friendship because of this idea.
One day while I was studying for my masters in the United Kingdom, I decided to call all my friends back in Nigeria. I had not spoken with them for a long time so I loaded my phone with a lot of air time. I called everyone on my list and saved the most important for last. At the time I felt he was the most important of my friends because we had been roommates in school for two years during my first degree.
After he picked up the call, I got what was the shock of my life. His first response was “why are you calling me” with an angry tone. He went on to say “don’t you have a girlfriend to call?” I was stunned because in a million years I wouldn’t have expected that. He went on to say some other things that I can’t write out here but he could have just shortened it and used the disrespectful term faggot. I was speechless and so I cut the phone. I was upset but then I 66
remembered something I read in the Bible which meant that anyone who acts outside of love is acting in fear.
1 John 4:18 - KJV
18. There is no fear in love; but perfect love
casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
So, I tried to understand what fear must have pushed him to act irrational y. Then I called him some minutes later. I wasn’t surprised that he picked up again knowing that he was just acting out the fear and anxiety that was plaguing his mind. I then asked him what was going on between him and his girlfriend at the time. He told me that they were breaking up and the handwriting was on the wall. She had refused to pick up his call for almost two months. I already figured out that that must have been what triggered his behavior earlier.
Like many people we all know, being in a relationship is a source of value and self-esteem for them. So, the reality of becoming single made him anxious and scared. He only acted out that way to me because I was the only one, he knew who had been single for as long as we had known each other, and yet I wasn’t bothered. He could simply have asked me how I managed not to be moved by it.
I just simply encouraged him that being single wasn’t the end of the world and there are some benefits to it.
Many people have become slaves to the idea that “without a relationship, they have little value” and this has become a strong hold that feeds them with fear and anxiety from time to time and also 67
reduces their self-evaluation and self-love. They will self-sabotage by jumping from one relationship to the other or staying in one that is not right for them.
When it comes to this friend, it could have come from the fact that he grew up with a single mum. Maybe he saw her struggle alone without any support and at times being disrespected because she was no longer with her spouse (this can happen a lot in Africa). It could also be that while growing up in high school, those who didn’t have a relationship were often mocked. And one day he got into a relationship and it gave him some sense of value and this stuck as a dependence. He now saw a relationship as a way to feel valued.
EXAMPLE 4
This is a story of a lady I never met but I had the privilege of having a series of conversations with someone she was in a relationship with. They were going through chaotic times which ultimately led to their breakup. One of the complaints he gave was that she was addicted to sex and he just couldn’t keep up anymore. They had other issues or situations that had caused some problems between them but this issue of her sex addiction was the elephant in the room.
For two people who were from strong Christian backgrounds, sex before marriage wasn’t supposed to be condoned in the first place not to talk about the frequency with which she wanted it.
According to him, when he confronted her about it, she said “this is who I am, I need sex to cope with life, that’s the way I cope”. She added that if she has a bad day at work, she needs to have sex, if she gets upset during the day, she needs to have sex, once anything happens to put her in a damp mood, she needs sex and she expected him to understand this by now. This is a classic statement 68
of dependency. But the part that got to me was the statement “this is who I am”.
They had been technically apart from each other for some months but were now in the middle of trying to get back together and so this issue of sex appetite was the biggest topic they had to address. And it seemed like she was being reluctant to fully resolve their issues until he agreed that she would need more sex than he gave.
They finally agreed that it could not work partly because the young man discovered that she was sneaking around with someone she claimed was just a friend and she had no feelings for. She claimed even though they were in the middle of resolving their issues, she still needed to have sex, and the other guy was nothing more than that; someone for sex. He also found out that another male friend of hers which he knew, bought her some sex toys. This was too much for him to handle.
Soon after, the lady’s mother sent for him so that she can find out from him what went wrong, and for the first time, the young man decided to open up to her mother about the various issues they have been having including the sex appetite issue. He also opened up to her mother about an abortion that she had done for another guy before they decided to date each other.
One would expect her mother to be surprised by all this but it was as if the woman was already expecting to hear something like this.
She thanked the young man for putting up with her daughter for the years they spent together, she then said to him “you deserve better”
and then said something that cracked the whole case for me. She said, “that is who she has been since she was little” (a promiscuous person).
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Her mother proceeded to tell the young man a story about when she was a little girl around the age of six or seven. She was caught by a neighbor with a young boy about the age of ten or eleven, doing some things that were immoral and tending towards sexual acts.
According to the mother, it became a big issue in the area where they lived to the point of becoming a shame to the family, and as a result of that, they decided to move away from the area.
I immediately began to picture adults who refused to take responsibility for allowing their kids to learn things they shouldn’t learn at that age. Even when kids of that age have been exposed to sexual information that they shouldn’t have been exposed to; it is the responsibility of the adults to counsel them in love on the reasons why such actions are not for kids. But the adults in that situation decided to put all the responsibility on the kids. And it seems like she must have taken the bulk of the blame. It also seemed like her mother had always held her responsible for the decision made by her parents to move out of an area that they loved.
I can imagine how her mother would have been reacting to every single thing the young girl does as a child and a young teenager. I can imagine her mother seeing her play with other kids in their new area and some boys are amongst them. Or her mother spots her talking to her classmates and some boys are amongst them or even talking to a guy in church. I can imagine every time she was told she was a bad girl who was just looking for the opportunity to sneak around with boys. I can imagine one day she started to allow this description to sink into her head until she finally began to see herself that way. I can imagine her slowly believing that that was who she was. I can imagine all the times she would have been reported to aunties and uncles, and all the times issues were escalated and she was made to feel as if she could not help herself but be promiscuous, and the statement “that is who she is” was thrown at her.
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Take note that the statement made by her mother that that is who she has been since she was little is very wrong; it seeks to override the knowledge God wants her to have about herself; that she is created in the image of God. It also goes against the teaching of Christ that she has the kingdom(nature/character/capacity) of God within her or to put it another way in her possession (at hand). The statement made by her mother had slowly grown into her mind and became a strong hold. This is why she could boldly say to this young man “this is who I am, I need sex to cope”. This has also prevented her from loving herself thereby disobeying the law of Christ.
I also learned that the marriage of her parents was not the same after they felt forced to move houses. It is possible that she could also have felt responsible for this deep down.
I can imagine how long she had to deal with all this until one day she tasted the sex and it felt good as a way to escape whatever she was dealing with what she was experiencing. So, every time she felt low, her brain recommended sex as a medication for it. But this was all made easy by the fact that she already felt “this is who she is”, someone who needed sex as a way to be herself. Her battle was not with sex in itself but with the strong hold in her mind that told her she wasn’t herself without it. Many people have tasted sex and did not get addicted to it but some like her have various strong holds in their minds that have made them dependent on sex for self-worth.
This seems to be a common theme these days, where most of the media and most of the entertainment industry seem to be informing people that if they are not having an insane amount of sex, then they are lagging or it means they are not valuable or desirable. This has become a strong hold in many lives to the point where they give themselves cheaply to almost any opportunity for sex or even become addicted to pornography and masturbation. Their battle isn’t 71
really with sex or pornography or masturbation, but with whatever strong hold is killing their self-worth in their mind and making them run to these habits of self-sabotage.
Take note that this is not the only strong hold that can make a person dependent on masturbation, several things can become a strong hold or strong holds in a person’s life and the person's brain has now seen pornography and masturbation as a countermeasure to the fear and anxiety that frequent their minds. I for one was a perfect example of a case of pornography and masturbation dependence.
For the best part of almost a decade, I used pornography and masturbation to cope with life. I even had a time when I felt I couldn’t just sleep without it. It was that bad until I began to look for a way out. This is how I got to stumble upon the knowledge that this book is built on.
I would need to tell you my own story so you can see how my problem wasn’t pornography or masturbation, but some other thoughts that frequented my head and became strong holds in my life.
EXAMPLE 5
My first experience with pornography was back when I was 16 years old, but it only lasted for less than two days before I got fed up. I didn’t get addicted to it simply because there was no strong hold in my life that made me run to it for relief. My brain simply had not convinced itself that we needed pornography to cope with anything.
Little did I know that when I turned 21 things could be different. I heard of people who were dealing with a pornography and masturbation addiction and I simply couldn’t wrap my head around 72
how that was possible because I had seen pornography at the age of 16 and didn’t find it addictive.
But things changed one day after I had finished my first degree. A gentleman saw me playing soccer and was impressed. He had been a family friend for years but had never seen me play soccer before.
He asked me what it would take for me to move to Europe and try out for some teams. I quickly got some contacts in Spain who promised to accommodate me and link me up with local soccer agents. Everything was set all I was to do next was to collect the money from the man as promised so I can pay for a Spanish visa and flight ticket. Then I did something which at the time anyone could have done without suspecting that things would go bad. I told my mother about the whole development.
A few days later my parents sent for me and said they would rather be the ones to handle the whole logistics. They even said that they would prefer that I go to the United Kingdom and train for a couple of weeks before going to Spain. Since I had three siblings living in the UK, they would reach out to them to help me find a private soccer academy where I can get into fitness before going to Spain for my tryouts. I carefully informed them that the United Kingdom had a work permit rule that would prevent me from being able to play professionally so it would be wiser to just go to Spain or a smaller European country. I was told not to worry that they would pay for my tickets to any other country once I was done with my training in the Uk.
Unfortunately, when I was done with the training, my parents acted as if we did not have an agreement about going to Spain. They had told my siblings in the UK that I had promised them that I would get a soccer club in the UK after my training but now I have failed. If I failed at anything, it was that I failed to see that my parents never 73
wanted me to go play soccer and were willing to spend that much money to hijack my plans and sabotage them. They had presented it to my sibling as if I had forced them to spend all that money; they never told them that someone else had offered to pay for my trip to Spain.
All I got from my father was silent treatment (he had also traveled to the UK in the middle of my six weeks of training). I was stranded for weeks in the UK as I watched my sports visa run down. One day, out of pure desperation I went against the advice of a football agent who instructed me not to play soccer outside of an organized professional setting to avoid needless injuries. I went to play football with some Nigerians, and as if the football agent knew what would happen, I fractured my ankle. At this point, I was too scared to tell any of my siblings in the UK about my injury because I knew that if word got to my parents, they would use the injury as a point to defend their actions.
I finally returned to Nigeria with a severely sprained ankle and a failed soccer dream. Many friends simply were not buying my story but opted to believe that I had failed my tryouts. They believed that I had blown my chances. No one ever believed that I never even set foot in Spain not to talk about trying out for a club. But this was about to be the least of my worries.
My parents had managed to sow a terrible seed in the minds of my siblings who were in Nigeria. I began to get some very hostile treatments from them because in their minds I had wasted their father’s money on some pipe dream. In their minds, I was this spoilt kid that needed to be taught some harsh lessons. To make matters worse, my parents no longer lived in the same state where our family house was (in Nigeria), so I was stuck with these siblings alone.
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I had to endure verbal insults and, on some occasions, starvation.
On one occasion I got a call from a sibling who lived in the UK and I thought it was going to be a pleasant phone call but no I was called an ungrateful child because according to this my sibling after I wasted my father’s money on a pipe dream, I was now refusing to relocate to a state where my father now resided (which was my father’s hidden wish all along; that I become his P.A.).
I had to put up with those who mocked me for failing soccer tryouts which I never even got the chance to attend and at the same time, I had to put up with domestic insults both from siblings at home and abroad.
For the first time in my life, I started having trouble sleeping. My mind was all over the place. I often wondered what I could do to get enough money to move out of that house at that time but unfortunately, I was broke and jobless. I opened up to an older friend about my struggle to sleep and he said to me “I would have recommended that you start having sex because it helps me calm down but since you are still a virgin and stuck in your parent’s house maybe masturbation would help”. I simply just laughed at him and told him I could never attempt such a thing.
One day the maltreatment became physical. One of my siblings who was actually older and had moved in with his friends, came back home just to physically rough me up. To this day I don’t know what exactly my sister had told him that made him do what he did, but all I know was he stormed upstairs and began the pounding and my sister cheered and jumped in with the occasional assist. I was too shocked to react.
What I can remember was saying to myself “what did I ever do to deserve such hate”. For most of my childhood, I had been treated 75
badly by these two but it was never like this. I was a 21-year-old graduate being roughed up by his siblings for God knows what. If I had done anything, I was certain that it wasn’t to these two. I was too heartbroken to react and even if I wanted to, I knew within myself I was too hurt to do so, I might kill someone. I was screamed at with unprintable words. I was told that I was going to end up a failure. I was told that I would end up like one of my uncles who wasn’t doing well financially. I was told that since all I know was to force my parents to spend money then I would be a failure. It was at this point I figured out that it was the whole soccer thing that got them triggered.
I remember this day vividly because it was the day, I began my dependence on pornography and masturbation. I was too emotional to be able to sleep. I was scared and upset. I was shaking and confused. I have had a taste of domestic abuse most of my life but never experienced it like that very day. It was that night that I remembered what my friend had told me because I was so desperate to sleep and escape the reality of what had just happened but sleep was hard to get. This was the day I tried using pornography and masturbation to drain my energy and fall asleep.
The days that followed were the same. My mind pondered on questions like “why do they hate me so much?” and “if the people that I call family can betray me who wouldn’t?”. I began to feel I was not lovable and as the days went by while I waited to find my first Job, I became increasingly scared that I might end up a failure and prove these siblings right. I began to feel like there was something wrong with me that is why my family wouldn’t accept me. And as these thoughts kept coming back and filling me with fear and anxiety, I increasingly went back for frequent doses of pornography and masturbation multiple times in a day just to trick my brain into releasing happy chemicals.
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As time went by, my parent joined in in the routine of unfriendly words simply because they wanted a certain life for me and I wasn’t having any of it. To make matters worse, three years after the incident with my siblings, my mother was kidnapped and ransom was requested. For whatever reason which I stil can’t pick out, I was the prime suspect. I was tricked into going to a location where I was surrounded by detectives and quizzed. At some point, the lead detective sent everyone out and began to apologize on behalf of my family. Truly those years were one anyone would want to forget.
Those were years that killed my self-love and esteem. It was hard to feel loved simply because those who I loved and expected to love me back had turned into tormentors.
This was how I got addicted to pornography and masturbation and for years I tried to stop but failed to realize that my battle wasn’t against pornography and masturbation but the voices of condemnation in my head. These voices had become strong holds in my head to the point that all I needed was for something to not go as planned for me to find a correlation between that random event and my expected eventual failure (fulfilling the horrible things that were said to me). It was as bad as me wallowing in sad thoughts at the end of every day when I remembered or felt that I was not yet financially secured or insulated from ending up a failure. These thoughts would send me running to pornography and masturbation.
Those events with my family also triggered a fear of failure which made me less brave to try the ideas in my head because I was too scared to fail and prove people right. And anytime these anxieties came up, my brain quickly recommended a dose of pornography and masturbation.
At some point, I realized that these strong holds had caused more than just a pornography and masturbation dependency. I discovered that I had a habit of making rushed business decisions that lacked 77
patience in the strategy. I was too eager to make it and prove a point to my family. I was too eager to get far away from them as well so I made some decisions hoping that I could get what I wanted overnight. I was no longer willing to climb a ladder to success but was hoping to just somehow jump to the top. I now had more than one self-sabotaging lifestyles as a result of the same strong holds that most likely developed from the same events/experiences. The summery of my strong holds was that my self-worth was now hinged on the opinions of my family and my financial status. This was the source of my anxiety and thus my addiction.
I should have realized that my fight was not really against pornography and masturbation because there was a period where I lived with a friend and the house was always filled with people so there was little room for privacy for pornography and masturbation.
The result was that I turned to alcohol as a means to cope with the fear and anxiety. This explains why many people who are addicted to one substance have a high chance of switching to another substance especially if they can’t afford their initial addiction anymore. It is not about the substance or action one is addicted to but the voices in their head. In my case these voices came from the feeling of disapproval by loved ones.
This feeling of disapproval, abandonment or disappointment by loved ones especially parents seem to be a very common source of strong holds in the lives of many people. Of cause, not everyone’s response to such events would be the same.
I know of a lady who became a very manipulative person and one who felt she had to have control over everyone around her. She would even go as far as lying and twisting facts about people to others; causing discord amongst them so she could manipulate them. At some point, I felt as though maybe my assessment might 78
be wrong about this person until one day I ran into some old friends of the person and they said the same thing. One of them used the words “very manipulative” to describe this lady.
For years she might have seemed to be getting away with it as she might have kept most of her controlling and manipulative habits to, her and her husband but it soon became an issue when her children began to grow up and get married especially her sons. This tendency and urge to still have control over them began to create problems, especially with their wives. She even tried to make sure she had control of who her sons wanted to marry, trying to make sure it was someone she could control with ease. To do this, she would always kick against them marrying girls from wealthy homes because she felt a girl from a wealthy home might be difficult to control and she could make her sons abandon her.
She couldn’t just let time pass without doing something to remind herself that she was in control of her environment. She could do things like showing up unannounced or at odd times to her sons’
houses. And when they were not yet married but had a girl they were interested in; she could deliberately request that her sons should help her run an errand during a time frame she was already aware that they had dedicated to their girlfriends. From time to time, she would do petty things to just confirm that she was in control of the men in her life. And if she felt she was not in control of a particular son; she would go above and beyond to discredit or ruin the image of the wife or girlfriend in the eyes of other members of the family.
To understand what was causing her behavior, you would need to go back to when she was little. According to her, her father would mistreat and abandon her and her mother. She said he was reluctant to send her to school saying that education was a waste for a female child. She said she and her mother would see her father flirt with 79
other women. Her experience could have made her feel disvalued to the point that she now feared that if she doesn’t do something (have total control), she could be abandoned again by a man (be it her husband or sons). Her strong hold was that she now felt her value was in how men treated her, whether they stayed or left. so, if she doesn’t do something to control especially the men in her life, she could lose that value.
For many years, she had watched other women take the attention of her father from her and her mother and so she was not going to let that happen with her husband and sons. When you hear that someone is addicted to having control, this was a typical case and it was beginning to ruin things for her.
One other lady I know reacted to this feeling of abandonment by her father by seeking approval from older men even if it meant throwing herself at them cheaply for sex. For some reason, her experience with her father had translated to her judging her value based on the acceptance she gets from an older male. I am not saying that ending up with a much older male is a sign of strong hold but when one’s esteem is determined by their ability to attract way older males and they are willing to give themselves out for cheap, then most likely a strong hold is at work.
A lady I know, much like the lady above, her father and mother did not exactly enjoy a blissful marriage. This meant that her father was most of the time distant from the house and did not have much time for her. In her case, she also developed the habit of needing to be in control of the man in her life. To make things worse, she claimed her mother had told her that to earn a man’s respect you have to prove that you don’t need him. This made her competitive (financially) with any guy who was interested in being in a relationship with her.
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So now she was older and had many issues on the relationship front.
Mostly self-sabotaging by trying to be controlling and competitive, all these because she was now scared of being abandoned or mistreated. Much of her self-value was now in how men treated or accepted her. She had become very driven in getting financial stability which is not a bad thing but can be a problem if part of the reasons is to be able to protect herself from any man who has decided to be with her. The thought of not being in control of her relationship, was a source of fear and anxiety because of the strong hold that “her value is in how a man treats her”.
On the other hand, a guy who experiences such things as a child can want to emulate his disrespectful father and then develop a strong hold in his mind that “his value or self-worth is attached to how conning he is with women”. Such a guy could end up a chronic womanizer.
Other guys have this mindset not because their father was distant or womanizing, but because they were probably jilted by a lady while growing up and it affected their esteem. Now they are stuck making up for it by womanizing and jilting women. Their self-worth is now hinged on whether or not women fall for them; this is their strong hold. So now they con women into falling for them.
The issue of strong holds and their effect on a person is not pretty straight forward. Some people will have a similar self-sabotaging habit but different strong holds causing it while some people will have the same strong hold in their mind but different resulting actions. Also true is that not everyone’s story is the same.
For example, I know a lady who had abandonment issues and as a result, she had a habit of keeping many boyfriends at a time. Her story wasn’t that her father was treating her or her mother badly, but 81
he died while she was little. One day she said to me “Koko why did he have to die and leave us alone” she also admitted that as a result of this she felt that any guy she cares about could end up leaving her. She once said, “why couldn’t he just fight to stay alive if he truly loved us”. By us, she was referring to her, her siblings, and her mother. To compound her issue, she had a lot of aunties who were old and yet to marry. All these were a source of fear and anxiety for her and a way to doubt her value. So, she resulted to keeping many boyfriends as possible. She had now hinged her self-worth on whether a man stays or leaves her; this was her strong hold.
The one thing that is common with all strong holds is that they go after our self-worth and self-valuation. They challenge God's original description of us which is that we are created in his image for dominion. They make us violate the commandment of Jesus which is to love ourselves and to see ourselves as carriers of the kingdom/nature of God.
But the thing about strong holds is that two people can have the same experience and only one might develop a strong hold from it.
An example will be two brothers who had the same abusive father but one turned out like the father while the other is doing fine.
This means that bad experiences do not certainly mean that a strong hold will develop. This also means there is another element in the equation that enables a strong hold to emerge out of our experiences. This means that we can be able to avoid strong holds irrespective of our circumstances, but we will need to know what triggers the emergence of a strong hold in our minds. This is what we shall discuss in our next chapter.
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