THIS book is written with one goal in mind – to help you grow
closer to God and, hopefully, laugh along the way.
God is all around us and involved in every part of our lives. He
loves us beyond belief, has gone to great lengths to prove it and has a
great sense of humor too. He communicates with us constantly and we
can, with practice, learn to hear what He is saying.
It is my most sincere prayer that you will gain insight into God’s
personality, teachings and how much He loves you. Enjoy!
13
The Old Snake in the
Bed Trick
OK, OK…so I put a snake in a guy’s bed once. What’s the big
deal? It was a long time ago. Besides, it was really funny. At
least I thought so...and so did a few other guys.
Let me set the scene. It took place during a staff assignment at a
summer camp in the Hill Country of Texas. A few of us were a little
bored and began discussing what we could do with our time. Just then
a camper came running up to show off a snake he had killed. Since the
snake was not poisonous and safe to handle we held it up in admiration.
Plenty of praise was given to the camper for a job well done and he
beamed with pride. That’s when it happened – the lull in the conversa-
tion that was just long enough for us to start thinking about what we
could do with a perfectly good, dead snake.
I must admit that I was the one who devised the plan. I’m gifted
that way. The first thing we had to do was come up with a victim. A few
names were thrown out, but we quickly agreed on a fellow staffer who
was very popular and funny. He loved to play tricks on other people and
thus made himself the perfect target. His name was Jeff, and it was time
for him to receive some of what he had been dishing out.
We went to Jeff ’s room when no one was around and found some
dirty clothes on his bed. We removed a shirt, placed the snake on his
bed in the striking position, and even propped its mouth open with
a stick. At first glance, it really looked like the snake was striking…
BEAUTIFUL! We gently placed the shirt back on top of the snake and
slithered out of the room undetected.
Several hours later, Jeff snuck up behind me and punched me in the
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back as hard as he could. He was mad. We got him and he knew it. Even
though his anger level was almost off the charts, he still had respect for
a brilliant plan that went off flawlessly. That was probably the only thing
that kept us out of a fight.
As it turns out, Jeff was away doing laundry when we placed the
snake in his bed. When he returned to gather the rest of his dirty
clothes, he quickly snatched the shirt off the top of the snake. The
initial appearance of a snake ready to strike made him immediately start
the “sissy dance” and stumble backward into the wall. He literally could
not breathe. Yes! Success!!
That is truly one of the better memories of my teen years. It just
worked so well!
The real beauty of that episode is that we were able to scare the
wits out of Jeff without there being any real danger. Many times life
is that way with us. We are frightened by many things: poverty, disap-
proval, rejection, success, pain, death, accidents, failure, etc. Have you
ever noticed, though, that our biggest fears rarely, if ever occur, and if
they do, they are usually not as bad as we had anticipated?
If you have faith in God, then technically, there is not any reason to
be frightened. He is in control, good and trustworthy. Even if He allows
you to go through something very difficult, you can believe that, with
faith in Him, it will work out for the best. How cool is that? No matter
how bad it gets, or we think it will get, if we trust in Him, it will work
out for our wellbeing.
Please don’t think that I have learned to control all of my fears. I
assure you that is not the case. Fear, in general, is one of the things that
I have to constantly fight in myself. I do my best to overcome it, but
sometimes it still gets the best of me. That is when I realize I have let
my faith slip and have retaken control of my life from God. When I give
the control back to Him, the fears subside and I go on down the road.
So, whatever is scaring you, be it a dead snake or something else,
realize that “the bark is usually worse than the bite.” Give the control
back to God and relax. He is reliable, and you can trust Him to take care
of your life.
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Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.
17
Bicycle Embarrassment
IT was a great day at Texas A & M University. The weather could
not have been better– sunny and hot with a light wind, a perfect
day for cycling, except for the heavy traffic in and around campus.
My roommate, Mike Kennedy, and I were riding our bikes home
from class together. We were talking and laughing, having a great time
as we rode. Like most guys, we always had an undercurrent of competi-
tion between us, and it was this competitive force that was the impetus
behind the forthcoming debacle.
When we reached the intersection at Bizzell St. and George Bush
Drive, our journey was halted by a red light. We were in the front of
the line of traffic and would soon have the right of way going through
the intersection. “When it turns green, we race all the way home.” Mike
challenged. My reply was short, “You’re a dead man.”
As the seconds ticked by, we rotated our pedals to the optimum
starting position and gripped the handlebars tightly in preparation for
an explosive start. Tension built as time dwindled. I nervously glanced
around the intersection and noticed that all ten lanes were full. It excited
me to see that we had an audience because it would add to his humilia-
tion when I jumped out into the lead.
The light turned green and much to my horror, Mike shot past me.
In a matter of a few feet, I was looking at his backside as he pulled away.
I grit my teeth and dug deep, pushing my body to the limit. It was no
use. He was going to whip me.
Just then, the unthinkable happened. As Mike attacked with every
bit of weight and strength he could muster, his pedal came off. It just
fell off the crank arm. (Yeah, God.) He rocketed straight down onto
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the pavement like he had fallen from a building. Instantly, there was a
tangled pile of bike and Mike right in the middle of the intersection.
Explosive laughter burst forth, and I had to hit the brakes to keep
myself from crashing. The intensity of my laughter made it so that I
couldn’t remain standing. Like a drunken idiot, I pulled my bike to the
nearest corner and lay on the sidewalk, holding my stomach, howling.
I watched as Mike gathered himself up and made his way toward me.
Through tear-filled eyes, I looked around the intersection and saw that
every person in every car was beside themselves with laughter. Traffic
was not even moving on a green light because all of the drivers were
laughing too hard to proceed safely. To tell the truth, I am not sure
if they were laughing at Mike’s crash or at me for laughing so hard at
him...or possibly both. Either way, it just may be the hardest I have ever
laughed in my life. I still laugh about that incident whenever it comes
to mind.
Well, we all know what goes around comes around, so I knew that,
eventually, the time would come when I would end up on the receiving
end of some terribly embarrassing incident. As it turns out, it was later
that same year.
It was a sunny, frigid day with a light wind. The incredibly thick coat
I was wearing made it a pleasure to be riding my bike. Only two things
bothered me: my backpack, which was very confining over such a thick
coat and the fact that I had forgotten my gloves. My hands were aching
from the cold.
As I neared the end of my journey into the heart of the Texas A
& M University campus, I noticed what appeared to be a very attractive
blonde walking down the sidewalk. In a matter of seconds I would be
alongside her and have the chance to smile, wave and, who knows, if I
was lucky, strike up a conversation with her.
Just as I entered her field of view, she turned and looked at me. She
was gorgeous. I tried my best to act cool, smile and wave. Just as I did
my front tire fell into a large crack in the middle of the street. The jolt
knocked my foot off of the pedal, under my back tire, and I ran over my
own leg! The force of it pulled me off the bike and onto the pavement.
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I landed on my hands and knees and did that “little kid hand slap” on
the ground which sent stinging pain rifling up my arms and into every
square inch of my body. Before I could even stop skidding, everything
went black because my coat and backpack flipped up and over my head
like a cape gone awry.
For a split second I pondered my options….there weren’t any. I
wrestled with my backpack, which was full of heavy books, and finally
freed myself from it. Then, with great trepidation, I pushed the coat
off of my head and glanced over toward the girl. She was staring and
laughing! At that moment, I had a choice to make: get mad and storm
off in a huff looking like an idiot, or laugh at myself and walk off
looking like less of an idiot, but still an idiot. I chose to laugh and leave
the scene in total humiliation.
Later, when I told Mike and our friends about the incident, they fell
apart laughing. I had received my payback.
Vince Lombardi, arguably the best football coach in history said,
“The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising after
you fall.” That is so true. It is not the fall that is important, but the
getting up afterward. That is when you will really make an impression on
others. Sure, people may laugh at you when you fall, but they will learn
from you when you get up, laugh at yourself and move on with your life.
It seems that one of the biggest fears people have is that of looking
stupid in front of other people. We will go to great lengths to avoid
it. We act like we will be physically injured if it happens. Why? I don’t
know. I suppose part of it is just a human reaction to embarrassment,
but the other part is wrapped in the fear of rejection and insecurity.
A minister once told me, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what
other people think of you, if you knew how seldom they actually do.” I
contemplated that thought and realized that he was right. Most people
spend the vast majority of their time thinking about themselves, their
lives, and what they are going to do next. They spend very little time
thinking about you or me. What a relief!
Life lived in fear is no life at all, and it is not the way God meant
for us to live. Take a look at the life of Jesus. He never let fear rule Him
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or even make Him hesitate in the accomplishment of his mission. He
loved with wild abandon and made the most of life, which is living for
God and others, not in fear of God and others.
Jesus was laughed at, or maybe I should say mocked and ridiculed.
He knows what it feels like. Ironically, though, it was God who created
laughter. I believe that he had a great sense of humor and used it often.
I believe that He cracked up His disciples frequently and probably told
jokes to the people as He preached. Think about it. The Bible says that
Jesus is God, the same God who created the world and everything in it.1
Well, happiness, joy, and laughter are big parts of this world. Why would
God visit earth in the form of Jesus and leave out one of the best parts
of His creation, humor. It doesn’t make sense. I believe that Jesus was
able to laugh at Himself and with others, but always in a loving way and
never at another’s expense. He was humble, and a big part of humility is
being able to laugh at yourself.
In the two bicycle crashes mentioned earlier, Mike and I laughed
at each other and ourselves. We did not try to act cool or blame some-
thing or someone else. We made the best of embarrassing situations
and let them bring us closer together. True friends will laugh with you
instead of at you, especially if you are able to laugh at yourself. Laughter
deepens friendships and enriches life. Let yourself loose. Laugh…espe-
cially at yourself.
Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.
22
Getting a Facial
GUACAMOLE on my face! That’s what I was thinking. No,
I wasn’t thinking it, I knew it! Almost every magazine ad I’ve
ever seen for a spa has a close up of a lady who appears to be
enjoying some kind of green, guacamole type of spackle that is smeared
all over her face. That, in addition to many other manly reasons, is why I
have always declined when my wife has asked me to accompany her to
the spa for a facial.
Well, when we were enjoying a weekend together in San Antonio,
she finally wore me down. With MAJOR reservations and great deal
of resentment, I relented. She knows me and how I don’t like surprises
when it comes to situations where I’m uncomfortable, so she took me
to preview the place.
I felt like a child going to kindergarten for the first time: nervous,
apprehensive, timid. We were only able to see the lobby, but that was
enough to make my palms sweat. It looked nice, but I felt as out of
place as a hamster at a rattlesnake show.
The next morning I showed up, by myself, because my wife had an
earlier appointment. My hands were sweating again and I was trying to
act cool. No chance. I felt, acted, and looked like a moron. I even spilled
coffee on the front of my pants.
My time was up and a guy – A GUY!!!! – came to get me. The scene
I had played out in my mind was of a girl giving me the facial. The
thought of a man doing it never even entered my mind. I know, it may
be perfectly normal, but I received a professional massage from a man
once and it just didn’t seem right. Luckily, this fellow was only giving me
a tour of the facilities. Whew!
So, outfitted in a robe and some goofy-looking shower shoes, I
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headed for the steam room. I walked in and found it was already occu-
pied. Since I was awash in insecurity and not in the mood to make small
talk, I left and went to the hot tub.
It felt great, but sitting on the edge was a bowl full of sliced
cucumbers which brought back the certainty of treatments involving
guacamole on my face. I sat there stewing in my own misery, trying to
relax, wondering how in the heck I got there and what would happen
next.
When the steam room was finally vacated, I went in and gave it
a try. The heat was soothing, and I actually started to relax until the
mechanism that creates the steam activated. Out of the silence, came
a huge crash followed by loud hissing, which scared me to death. A
gigantic cloud of steam started rolling at me, and I knew it was going to
burn. There was no getting away. I held my breath and braced for the
worst. It was really hot, but I didn’t die. Whew! The hissing stopped and
I took it easy. Time passed and I started to relax again, until…another
minor explosion and steam cloud. It was time to leave. I couldn’t take
it anymore. So, I went to the “quiet room” to wait for the person who
would do my facial. I meditated on what I was doing there and if I
should write this story at all or just hold it in and let it destroy my life.
A girl (yes! a girl) came and got me for the facial. We went through
the whole process – lotions, creams, deep pore cleansing etc. – and it
was actually pretty relaxing. Afterward, I went to change back into my
regular clothes and escape, but I had lost the key to my locker! Agh!
All in all, it really was not that bad, and my wife was happy with me.
If I could master the art of relaxing on command, it might have even
been pleasant. Will I do it again? No! Can I believe I just wrote this
story? No! Please don’t hold it against me.
When I re-live the event (I would say reminisce, but that implies
fondness) I can see that my preconceived ideas and apprehension caused
many things to get blown out of proportion in my mind. The result was
that they sucked almost all of the enjoyment out of the experience.
In the same way, when many people think about becoming a
Christian or investigating God further, they get apprehensive and
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nervous. They think they will suddenly be thrust into a life full of rules
that will replace happiness with guilt.
That, however, is not the case. In fact, the opposite is true. When
a person becomes a Christian, freedom and joy abound. It is a very
liberating experience. Many people say that the moment they accepted
Jesus into their hearts and turned their lives completely over to Him,
they felt like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. And why
wouldn’t they feel like that? They have just had their sins forgiven, no
longer feel like they have to control everything, and are now having their
lives guided by God instead of being commanded by sin. It’s awesome.
If you are investigating God and Christianity at this point in your
life, please keep it up. Find a good peer group in a mainstream Christian
church and through them, as well as prayer, Bible study and the pastor,
God will reveal Himself to you. The Bible says “Seek and you shall
find.”2 That is God’s promise to us, and He always keeps his promises.
He will reveal Himself in ways that you haven’t even thought of yet.
Persevere; you’ll be glad you did. Oh, and hold on for the ride because
it gets exciting.
Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.
25
Kicking Waves
HAVE you ever watched a three-year-old at the beach get
smashed by a wave and have so much saltwater in his eyes
and nose that he just turns toward shore and cries? That
is what I witnessed one day when I was at the beach with my kids.
Matthew, my youngest, was doing his best to karate kick the waves as
they came at him. (Granted, the waves were only one and a half feet
high, but when your entire stature is only two and a half feet, those are
big waves.) Every time he kicked at one, he would get water in his eyes
and up his nose. It didn’t take long for him to figure out that the fun was
not worth the misery.
We returned to the shore to play in the sand, but after just a few
minutes he said, “I want to karate chop those waves.” I tried to talk him
out of it, but nooooo…. He headed back out, but this time, he turned
toward me and stuck out his hand. “Hold my hand, Dad,” he said. I
took his hand and he proceeded to kick the daylights out of every wave
that came at him. He was still getting water in his eyes and up his nose,
but with me holding his hand, he could endure. Everything was the
same, the waves, the wind, the stinging in his eyes and sinuses, with one
exception: I was holding his hand, and that made it all better. He felt
safe. He knew it would all be OK as long as Dad was holding his hand.
So, he kicked and kicked and taught those waves a lesson they won’t
soon forget.
Life is a lot like that for us. We get hit repeatedly with problems, and
there does not seem to be any end in sight. We have the same kind of
stinging in the eyes, but it is from tears, not saltwater. We have the same
level of fatigue, but it is from stress and overwork, not fighting waves.
We have either chosen to turn toward shore and cry or get tough and
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force our way through. Since we cannot get out of “the water” because
the water represents life itself, those are the only two options. Right?! I
say, “No!”
There is another option and that is whether or not to take the
hand of Dad. The world tells us not to. It tells us we should get tough,
fight, and do it on our own. Where does that get us, though? It gets us
nowhere. We are still floundering in the water, getting hammered by the
same waves. The only difference is that we end up even more exhausted
and frustrated than before.
God is our father, and He longs to take our hand. He will not pull
us from the water, but with Him at our side, we can get through it. Who
knows, we may even begin to enjoy it and “karate chop” the waves to
our heart’s content.
I think far too many people are just enduring life. They just try
to make it from one day to the next. Life is not made for that! It is
made for us to enjoy. No, we can’t be happy all of the time, but we
can be joyous. There is a huge difference between happiness and joy.
Happiness is based on outside events, while joy is based on the deep
inner knowledge and security that God is in control and will take care
of us – kind of like Matthew knowing that it would all be OK as long
as I held his hand.
God is there for you no matter what. Just take his hand, trust Him
and start enjoying instead of enduring.
Love a lot and laugh a lot. It’s the best thanks you can give Him.
28
Inventions & Bombs &
Prison, Oh My!
YES, it’s true. I invented a coffee maker that was so heinous I
almost ended up in prison in a foreign country.
It all started one morning when I woke to a very common
problem. I had forgotten to set the timer on the coffee maker, and my
coffee was not ready. You have to realize that I’m a coffee drinker – big
time! I’m not a Starbucks, Mocha Latte, foo-foo coffee snob, just a plain
ole Folgers guy. I’m not high maintenance; I do not even take anything
in it. The only thing I require is black coffee, and, on that particular
morning, there wasn’t any! It frustrated me badly, and I decided there
had to be a better way. Eventually, I wound up inventing a new type of
coffee maker. It may have been genius, but it was ugly, so ugly I called
the prototype Frankencoffee.
A company in Canada liked the idea and they flew me up to Montreal
to see about buying it. The trip was exciting and everything went really
well until the journey home. I tightly crated the machine in a wooden
box and secured it safely with what seemed like a million screws. Since
I did not want to haul my tools with me, I put them into the box before
closing it and borrowed a screwdriver from the hotel to seal it.
When I arrived at the airport I prepared Frankencoffee to be
x-rayed. I placed it at the mouth of the machine and watched it disap-
pear. Everything went smoothly during the trip up, so I should not have
had any problems on the way back, right?! Wrong! When the x-ray tech-
nician viewed the contents, he did not see a coffee maker. Instead, he
saw a tangle of wires, motors, tools, etc…in essence, a bomb.
With a sma