5 Finding my calling; Jesus came to me in a dream
Early in 2017, after recovering from my deep suicidal depression episodes of 2016, I started to feel awkward because I didn't have a calling at church. If you're a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints, you know it feels different when you don't have a calling because most church members are given some assignment to serve in their church/community.
I prayed about how I could serve and I started to think, “well maybe God wants me to take the initiative this time, use my creativity and come up with some way to serve him.” On my journey the next few months finding my calling I came across a few clues: my patriarchal blessing, an April 2017 talk from the prophet President Monson and a talk from my bishop Roberts about June 2017.
If you're not familiar, a patriarchal blessing is a personal prophetic guide older teens and above can receive. The blessing tells us our lineage per tribes of Israel, current spiritual gifts and blessings in store dependent upon faithfulness. One gift of mine it mentioned is that I'm able to explain gospel principles in understandable ways to encourage people along their path to become more like God.
My clue from President Monson was this simple, kind and gentle request that hit me with such force: “if you're not already reading the Book of Mormon daily, please do so.”
My clue from my bishop Roberts was his invitation for us to share with others the pure and simple principles of faith in Jesus Christ and repentance. I think I thought, “Well faith in Jesus Christ and repentance is all over the book of Mormon.”
As I put two and two together I decided my calling could be to read the Book of Mormon daily and share it either on the internet or in person. I felt like the brother of Jared taking my idea to the Lord and asking him to bless it. The story went that he brought white stones to the Lord to touch to light up. Then the heavens opened up to the brother of Jared and he saw Jesus Christ and his creation, all his earthly children. I am reminded of my other bishop in 2015 who said that kind of experience of the brother of Jared wasn't just for a few but for all who seek it.
So my dream for my calling unfolded, I watched as the Lord helped me use my creativity to find new ways to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. I read the Book of Mormon daily and shared its messages on social media and my blog, and as I developed more courage I'd share with others around me in person, too. The blessings were great!
For example, Lord blessed me to find one man one day, a stranger on my way to work, who accepted a book of Mormon from me and said his friend had actually been inviting him to read it. How amazing are the opportunities to serve and share with which God blesses us! The most precious gift I have been given to share is my testimony of Jesus Christ, his personal love, and how he changed me for good.
Now, back to where I was at the beginning of the book, except by this time in October 2017 I have finished looking back at my life and seeing God's hand many, many times.
Now I was driving and saw the beautiful sunrise on the way to the kids' school in layton (Crestview). My thoughts were drawn to God and his beautiful creation. And then I have this thought, “if you could meet anyone in the world, who would you want to meet?” I thought out of all the famous artists, philosophers, scientists, prophets, etc, who would I want to meet...well Jesus of course! He lived as a person too and I also know he's God the Son. Then the thought came "if you met Jesus in person, what would you ask Him? Ask that tonight because that's who you'll be meeting when you pray." The question I asked that night was, what can l do to turn my life over to thee Lord? I earlier asked how l can be comfortable in his presence if he came to visit. I also had recalled seeing Christ's hand reaching down to me while at my lowest ever point of depression at the Crisis recovery unit last year, and when fasting this week I had asked if l could see the rest of him.
That night I had a dream l saw Jesus. I was on a mission and the president gave us tokens/talents we could give to Jesus when He visits as a token of the visit. I was in our missionary apt when He came. He just walked in like it was a normal occurrence. He asked me to put my hat back on and He had one too.
I talked with him face to face comfortably like it was just a normal thing and asked Him, how is it so Lord (thinking of Enos from the book of Mormon), then I felt a burning in my heart from the Spirit (so l knew this vision was from God) , how can your love be with each one of us, can l know that now or do l need to wait for the next life? Then He just smiled. I know His spirit is the answer to my question and that's how he's able to be in all of us and us in him.
I hugged Him. I'm thankful this day for God sending me that experience with the Messiah, Jesus Christ, the God of Israel. What rapture filled my soul!
I had another such experience in spring 2018. It was a dream of God in pure, bright white robes standing by my family by our car smiling at us.