Loneliness is the absence of communication and relationship – the inability to develop and maintain associations with others. Contemporary culture and the structures of society, the mass media reflecting prevailing ideologies, even children's games, lead to social alienation, political estrangement and personal isolation. The individual person begins, early on, to be possessed by an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy, to lose the meaning and purpose of life, to live without principles and discipline, to be constantly suspicious and in doubt. Alone and insecure, anxious and disorderly, modern man – and particularly the contemporary young person – attempts to build bridges, to raise flags, to shout slogans. But without a guide – or with bad guides –
he is readily disil usioned and becomes hard and aggressive, a plaything for political exploiters and power-hungry anarchists. The desire for freedom becomes the bitter death of his freedom.
The young, who earlier had declared that they would never compromise with anyone, are now themselves compromised. They take refuge in demonstrations and sit-ins, becoming rebel ious in an effort to relieve themselves of the weight of their loneliness, not realizing that they are thrusting themselves into an even more unbearable slavery.
It is particularly unfortunate that al this is happening where least expected – even with young people of good education, exceptional intel igence, energy and talent. Unsatisfied with material prosperity and disil usioned by the hypocrisy of their elders, these young people struggle for simpler life, for quality in life, for a better way of life – but unfortunately they do not manage to make the right beginning.
Modern art is a good example of the spiritual alienation that we see. Instead of shedding light and opening windows – toward others and toward heaven – it tends to shut us in an to plunge us, ever deeper, into obscurity and darkness.
It is not long before isolated man begins to talk to himself, to the irrational animals, to the shadows that surround him, and to the dead. By now he is seriously sick. Melancholy, phobias, suspicion and mistrust have made him a psychopath. A most appropriate observation characterizes our time as the century of the psychiatrist. According to World Health Organization statistics for 1985 there are more than 400 mil ion people in the world suffering from deep depression, with about 400,000 committing suicide each year. And these statistics refer only to the developed countries.
In his isolation man is plagued relentlessly by egotism and pride which are the natural parents of his loneliness.
HUMILITY – AN ANTIDOTE TO LONELINESS
If egotism and pride foster this kind of loneliness, then true humility – even though the term is misused and loses meaning among those who merely talk about it – produces the climate in which this loneliness is not permitted to thrive. Behold how the desert – that good mother, excel ent philosopher and theologian – speaks about holy humility, silence and peace.
The humble person, according to Abba Poimen, is comfortable and at peace wherever he may find himself.Abba Isaac tels us that he who makes himself smal in everything wil be exalted above al. And his discerning voice continues: “Hate honor and you wil be honored indeed. He who runs after honors causes honor itself to be banished from him. But if you merely disdain yourself hypocritical y in order to appear humble, God wil reveal you.”
In the Gerontikon, which contains a wide variety of spiritual writings from the Fathers, it is repeatedly made clear that “the humble-minded and lowly in heart is not the one who cheapens himself and talks about humility, but the one who endures joyful y the dishonors which come from his neighbor.” In another place the Gerontikon states that “the person honored more than he deserves is actual y harmed, while the person who is not honored at al by his fel ow human beings wil be honored in heaven by God.” Abba Poimen gives us this advice. “Every possible sorrow that comes to you can be overcome with silence.”
Abba Isaiah agrees with him: “Until your heart is at peace through prayer, make no effort to explain anything to your brother.”
In studying the writings of the holy fathers of the desert, one can easily observe a common mind, a common noble spirit, a humaneness, an understanding, a wisdom. These are dew drops of the Holy Spirit, which fal in the arid desert after long struggles, which make fragrant flowers grow among the communities of faithful committed total y to God, and which make fragrant the souls of those who truly thirst for God.
Abba Isaiah, that great mind, notes with particular grace and subtlety: “He who humbles himself before God is capable of enduring every insult. The humble person is not concerned about what others say about him.
The person who bears the harsh word of a rude and foolish man for the sake of God is worthy of acquiring peace.”
Abba Mark, on this important topic – our relationship with ourselves and with others, in which we find ourselves stumbling on a daily basis – goes on to note the following: “When you become aware of the thought in your mind dictating human glory, you should know for sure that this thought is preparing you for shame.
And if you discern someone praising you hypocritical y, expect also his accusation some time soon.” And with the daring precision of a surgeon of the soul, the holy Abba continues: “When you see someone crying over the many insults he has received, you should know that, because he was overcome by vainglory, he is now unknowingly reaping the crop of evils in his heart. He who loves pleasure is grieved by accusations and abuse.
On the other hand, he who loves God is grieved by praises and other superfluous remarks. The degree of our humility is measured by slander. Don't think that you have humility when you cannot forbear even the slightest accusation.”
Abba Zossima goes even further: “Remember the one who has ridiculed you, who has grieved you, who has wronged you, who has done evil to you, as your physician, your healer. Christ sent him to heal you; don't remember him with anger.”
Evagrios considered those who spoke badly of him as benefactors.
The divine wisdom of these physicians of the desert has tremendous significance to our topic. It has been said that these remarks are addressed by monks and for monks, but this is a superficial view. The epidemic of loneliness and depression that we are discussing results from proud minds lacking in humility, from failed interpersonal relationships, from unsatisfied egotistical aspirations, from self-aggrandizement, praise-seeking and self-love. This loneliness is strong enough to weaken a person and to make him sick. But love is stronger, capable of healing and regenerating the whole world.
Man has an irrepressible need to communicate, but communication must be properly developed.
Initial y, we must strike up a conversation – a sincere, honorable and courageous conversation – with our unknown self. We must rediscover in the very depths of our soul the hidden innocence of our childhood years.
Next we must learn to have unmasked face-to-face conversation with the only, true living friend – our heavenly Father and God. Only then wil we be able to effectively communicate with others, whoever they are – the worst, the best, the neighbors, the distant, our brothers and sisters in Christ. In this manner the webs of loneliness are removed, the inaccessible and sunless dungeons of the heart are il umined, the shel of our ego is broken. When we have rejected the loneliness of miserable, self-centered egotism we can begin to rejoice, to be free, to breathe, to live.
NATURAL LONELINESS: A SANCTUARY OF KNOWLEDGE – OF SELF AND OF GOD
There is another type of loneliness – natural loneliness – which is not pathological but creative, life-giving, ful of grace. It is exemplified by the natural separation of monastics from the world. It is a loneliness to which we al should devote much time. We must be able to withdraw ourselves from the noisy crowds which are so superficial, so distracting, and so counterproductive – in a withdrawal which is healthy, beautiful and good. It is important that we learn to shut off the constant communication with the many, which does not al ow us to be alone with our self – and as a consequence, we are not able to be with the One who is always waiting, the incarnate Logos of God. We must make the time and find the way for this other kind of sacred communication of natural loneliness. And we must pursue this knowledgeably, with an orderly, disciplined program.
Please keep in mind that we are not talking about those who seek to escape from the preoccupations with the world in order to find rest, to view beautiful sunsets, to gaze at star-studded skies. Such activities are not spiritual. Neither are we talking about those who seek to meditate using techniques of doubtful origins to achieve dubious results. Nor are we discussing those who devote fleeting moments to superficial daydreams and who presume to have repented when they fel sentimental emotions as they remember indiscretions of their past. And we certainly are not talking about the wel -meaning but naïve who think the spiritual life of sacred quietude consists of strolling at the seashore with a komboschoini (prayer beads) in hand. Furthermore, we are not referring to the spiritual tourists who visit holy places and converse boldly with holy persons, but who do not deny their ego nor sacrifice their wil . Activities such as these are only superficial attempts to escape from life, through shal ow daydreaming and capricious imagination.
What we are talking about is sacred quietude – achieved with ascetic effort – which liberates us from the loneliness of the world, even though we find ourselves in a noisy city or a disorderly household. We are talking about the persistence and the patience which help us probe the deepest roots of our existence and understand its limits, and which dispel the darkness that tires and discourages us.
We need to learn to pray. We nee vigils – constant vigilance in a posture of immobility and calmness.
When I am near God what do I have to fear? He has guided me to where I may be guided by Him.
Despairing of friends and acquaintances – sorely disappointed with the arts, the technologies, the ideologies –
disenchanted with social chatter and vacuous etiquette – I come to the privilege of ultimate despair. I become aware that, in my nakedness, God Himself is there to vest me with authentic hope. And in this miracle the blessed Panaghia and al the saints are present to lend their support.
In this natural loneliness – this divine loneliness – I find relief. The actor's masks which I had felt obliged to put on – or which had been put on me – have been discarded. It had been a dreadful state. Every night I needed to go to another gathering, to be part of another group, for I had to be included somewhere. I was constantly changing my mask. Now, however, by turning inward I begin to live, to become aware that I am a child of God, to unveil my unique and irreplaceable identity, my face, my person. I begin to observe the activities of the passions. I can see my strengths and my limitations. I am redeemed from errors, fantasies, excesses, and languid apathy.
A firm resolve helps guide our steps to this lonely sanctuary of knowledge – of self and of God. In this sanctuary the loneliness – the alone ness – which had been feared becomes a delight. For the person who is with God can never be alone since his is in dialogue with himself and with God. Here we find ourselves with less individualism, and greater love for others. We find tears for the pain and suffering of our brothers and sisters, and strength for greater efforts that wil help them. For the voice which arises from the depths of the lone person cuts through the clouds and reaches the Triune God, who always listens and always responds.
THE DIVINE LONELINESS OF MAN IN COMMUNION WITH GOD
The man in communion with God knows how to make his voice more fervent and to rejoice while standing in second place. He knows how to be a friend even with the stranger and to be satisfied with little.
Moreover, he knows how to become tired in his diligent efforts and how to wash with tears those who are grasping and prodigal. And he knows how to do these things without complaint or dissatisfaction, even if abandoned by relatives, friends, colleagues.
Far from the tumultuous crowds and the confusion of public arena, in the privacy of your room, choose freely and without coercion. It may appear that you are not offering anything to others and that you are being self-centered, particularly when others are saying that they need you, as they suffer from painful loneliness.
This loneliness which you have chosen for yourself is an arduous task, requiring great strength, heroism, persistence. It is a long and endless undertaking. And sometimes it can be preparation for a return to those whom you have left out of your life, although this should never be the purpose of your ascetic commitment.
Al the saints of our Church, the most fervent and active missionaries, even the Lord Himself in His earthly life, experienced the mystery of divine loneliness. Remember those great personalities, the prophets of the Old Testament – Moses, Elijah, Isaiah and John the Forerunner.
Returning to our century, we find it tragical y alone, in despair, pessimistic. In spite of efforts to the contrary, the world is in conflict with everyone and everything – countries, governments, races, col eagues, parents, friends, children, books, lessons, work. And being in conflict with itself it is also in conflict with God, to whom it never speaks, never says anything.
The most painful loneliness is to be next to your spouse and yet be unable to transmit your inner feelings, even as external messages are transmitted instantaneously from one hemisphere to another. It is painful loneliness for married couples to keep secrets from each other for years. It is painful when dialogue is non-existent between children and parents, between children and teachers, between children and clergy. There is no more cruel loneliness than for a family to sit for hours in front of the television without speaking a word among themselves. We live in a difficult time. Loneliness is at an al -time high. Man is lost. God is silent.
In this loneliness, in this desolation of the cities, I this apparent absence of God, man is cal ed to gather his thoughts, to come to his senses, to put aside his many worldly preoccupations and to retire to his place of prayer – speechless, naked, a child – so that God may speak to him, clothe him, and endow him with spiritual maturity. Then his loneliness wil become the divine loneliness of liberation and he wil achieve a sense of ful ness. Only such radical loneliness leads to a fundamental understanding and experience of God, destroying every hesitation, doubt and torment.
In this sacred loneliness man finds himself face-to-face with his existential poverty and the fear of death which it provokes. Yet, even here, there is the danger that he may choose procrastination as a solution and, for a time, set his panic-stricken self at ease. He may resume running back and forth endlessly, expanding social activities, and seeking a variety of entertainments – a program of extreme busyness. Other people, other things, work and extensive involvements may serve as a cover for his spiritual impoverishment – for a time. And he may continue wandering aimlessly, driven by circumstances, tormented, flirting with one thing and another, fighting, being torn – and final y annihilated.
A life of work without the liberation of communion with God is slavery. The struggle for excessive wealth is an incurable, tormenting disease. Fear of the future can stimulate greed, miserliness, hoarding. And God can be easily forgotten.
Here is what Abba Markos says, on how man can avoid the slavery of misguided work and instead become a free servant of God: “The one who casts off anxious cares for ephemeral things and is freed from their every need, wil place al his trust in God and in the eternal good things. The Lord did not forbid the necessary daily care for our physical wel -being; but He indicated that man should be concerned only for each day. To limit our needs and cares to what is absolutely necessary is quite possible through prayer and self-control, but to eliminate them altogether is impossible.”
In the discerning remarks of Abba Markos which continue, let me cal your attention to a subtle point which applies to many faithful. “The necessary services which we are obliged to carry out, we must of course accept and carry out, but we must let go of those other purposeless activities and prefer rather to spend our time in prayer, particularly when these activities would lead us into the greed and luxury of money and wealth. For the more one can limit, with the help of God, these worldly activities would lead us to gather his mind from such anxious wanderings. If again someone, out of weak faith or some other weakness, cannot do this, then, at least, let him understand wel the truth and let him try, as much as he can, to censure himself for this weakness and for stil remaining in this immature condition. For it is far better to have to give an account to God for omissions rather than for error and pride!”
A drama is played out in man wherein he continuously and intently seeks peace and knowledge external y. But when he comes to his senses he realizes that true hospitality exists in an unexpected place. For it is precisely within himself that he discovers and experiences the particularity of his personhood. It is here that the divine loneliness of liberation, based on the knowledge of his individual personality, is to be found. It is here, in mystical quietude, that he measures, decides, and takes on his responsibilities.
Achieving the mystical experience of what we are, what we should seek, and what we can do, involves troublesome effort which, nevertheless, is critical. It is within us that we rescue ourselves from the loneliness of ego and where we find the way to the light and joy of communion.
Much of the world is governed by sophistry, wisdom has been ostracized, and decency has been lost.
Lies and deception abound, revisionism has made history counterfeit, the Gospel is misinterpreted, schoolbooks are political tools mouthing the ideologies of those in power. There is a tendency to mimic false western ideologies, including sentimental pietism and painless social neochristianity. The life of the Church and its life-giving Sacred Traditions are ignored.
The only refuge is for each of us to set up our own sanctuary wherever we can. To a world which considers deception to be intel igence and honor to be weakness, we must dare say “Do not touch me!” We must choose to remain voluntarily and responsibly alone, even though such aloneness requires great courage in a society which aggressively seeks our applause and urges us into amalgamation. The weariness over vanities, bitterness, constant motion and joyless joys that has fil ed our lives helps us come to the realization that this is the best for of resistance to the general disorientation.
By restoring our inner world, we increase our resistance, and in time become invincible to, the organized attacks of evil. By placing our whole life at God's feet and seeking the authentic life he wants us to live we begin to have a foretaste of immortality, where we are never alone but in the company of Christ and His saints. Al loneliness is dispel ed by inner self-sufficiency.
And it may help you to know that there are many, out of sight, who are assisting you with their prayers.
These are the monastics, dedicated total y to God, who keep vigil. Even though you have not met them they pray for you, with arms raised and with knees and knuckles cal used by their prostrations.
THE SUPREME LONELINESS OF BELIEVERS TODAY
It has been said that each person carries his own loneliness. The mental y unbalanced individual has a dangerous loneliness. The sick person has an agonizing loneliness. One who has unjustly accumulated wealth has a bitter and ugly loneliness. But the believer carries a permanent, incurable and supreme loneliness, the loneliness of the way to salvation.
We have become accustomed to referring to the loneliness of late evening, of mourning, of living abroad. And each of us deals with our own individual circumstances as best we can. But, how long wil we continue to go around in circles, examining the subject external y yet never entering its reality? Standing, before the eternal enigma of existence, when wil we – the sons and daughters of God by grace and participation, created in His image and likeness, the children of light – when wil we dare to cast aside worldly ideas and discussions and, standing face to face before God, make the decision to fundamental y change our lives?
Our movements remain uncertain. We talk about God, yet God remains someone we do not real y know. We desire to be with God, we advance toward Him, yet at the last minute we find an escape route and evade Him.
We love ourselves excessively, beyond measure. We are unwil ing to bear God. We are afraid of Him, and we try to deceive Him – although in fact we only deceive ourselves – with excuses which appear to be convincing. We have come to love our deceptions to the point of no longer being ashamed of them. And yet God Himself never tiers of seeking us out discreetly, reminding us of His presence in our sufferings and in our joys, in our mistakes and in our victories.
It is necessary for believers to begin again the way of the Lord. Let us abandon the crowds and their excited shouting; let not their words entice and influence us. The way of the Lord is narrow, uphil , demanding.
Lonely, but it is also salutary, as He Himself has promised us. The believer must at last attach himself with love to what is essential to his personal existence, setting aside decisively and irrevocably the secondary and superfluous.
The message of the Book of Revelation is truly awesome. The lukewarm believers wil be spewed out of the mouth of God (Rev. 3.15-16) The term used is most expressive of God's dissatisfaction with those who are indecisive and ambiguous, neither hot nor cold.
To be in the company of God is both a joy to God and the greatest liberating blessedness to man. But reconciliation with God cannot be detached from reconciliation with ourselves and with our brothers and sisters. These always go together – the friend of God is a friend of himself and of others.
The relationships that result have no room or conceit or isolation. Love of God must never degenerated into pharisaism, nor love of neighbor into sterile duty. Openness in three direction – toward self, God and neighbor – is achieved symmetrical y, with balance, with knowledge, with freedom and with love.
The great fourth century teacher of the desert, Abba Isaiah, reminds us that “the pathological love of self and of others is an obstacle to our relationship with God.” Cicero used to say that “a great city is a great loneliness!” This loneliness produces boredom, lack of appetite, pessimistic bitterness, a constant looking to the future and doing nothing today, dissatisfaction, a desire to escape, cowardice. These conditions, collectively referred to by the ascetic literature as accidia, mercilessly plague many, including the careless monastic.
Here is how St. Maximos the Confessor, the great Byzantine theologian, speaks about accidia: “Al of the powers of the soul are enslaved by accidia, while almost al of the other passions are also and immediately aroused by it, because, of al the passions, accidia is the most burdensome.” St. John of the Ladder, who knows profoundly even the most subtle movements of the soul, described accidia to monks who inquired with characteristic harshness: “Accidia is the breakdown of the soul, the disorientation of the mind, negligence of ascetic practice, hatred of monasticism, love of worldliness, irreverence toward God, forgetfulness of prayer.”
Evagrios mentions that this unbearable condition of the soul devastates its victim, “who does not know what to do anymore, seeing the time not passing and wondering when the mealtime wil come which seems delayed.”
Antiochos, who lived in the seventh century, is even more vivid and precise in his definition of accidia:
“This condition brings you anxiety, dislike for the place where you are living, but also for your brothers and for every activity. There is even a dislike for Sacred Scripture, with constant yawning and sleepiness. Moreover, this condition keeps you in a state of hunger and nervousness, wondering when the next meal wil come. And when you decide to pick up a book to read a little, you immediately put it down. You begin to scratch yourself and to look out of the windows. Again you begin to read a little, and then you count the number of pages and look at the titles of the chapters. Final y, you give up on the book and go to sleep, and as soon as you have slept a little you find it necessary to get up again. And al of these things you are doing just to pass the time. .” St. John of Damascus says that this struggle is very heavy and very difficult for monks.
St. Theodore of Studion says that the passion of accidia can send you directly to the depths of Hades.
Dostoyevski, who had a patristic mind, offered a solution to this problem when he had the Starets Zossima tel us we mus make ourselves responsible for the sins of the whole world: “This understanding of our salvation through others helps us to realize that love is not exhausted only in doing good, but in making the agonies and the sufferings of others our very own. The monks pray daily for the salvation of the whole world.
Created in the image of God, we are al His, we are al brothers, His children. Loneliness is abolished in God.
We are al 'members of each other' according to St. Paul. Thus, our sins and our virtues have a bearing upon the others, since, as we have said, we are al members of one body. Accidia provides a reason for more fervent prayer, and the difficulties are an opportunity for spiritual maturity and progress.” Let me repeat. Separation from the world, maligned by some as desertion, is courageous and necessary, a resistance to the general leveling of al things. Man finds his authenticity, the beauty of his uniqueness, within the sacred silence of quietude, standing apart from the crowd. His suffering in solitude prepares him to return to the common and familiar, revitalized and ready for whole-hearted service.
Abba Alonios once said: “Unless a man can bring himself to say to his heart that he alone and God are present in this place, he wil never find peace and rest of soul.” St. John Chrysostom said: “Quietude in solitude is no smal teacher of virtue.” Elsewhere he also said: no matter where you are, you can set up you sanctuary. Just have pure intentions and neither the place, nor the time wil be an obstacle, even without kneeling down, striking your chest or raising your arms to heaven. As long as your mind is fervently concentrated you are total y composed for prayer. God is not trouble by any place. He only requires a clear and fervent mind and a soul desiring prudence.” St. Makarios of Egypt, in his spiritual homilies, becomes a little more affectionate: “Even if you find yourself poverty stricken of spiritual gifts, just have sorrow and pain in you heart for being outside of His kingdom, and as a wounded person shout to the Lord and ask Him to make you also worthy of the true life.” Further on, he ways: “God and the angels grieve over those who are not satisfied with heavenly nourishment.” Final y, St. Makarios makes this significant and remarkable observation: “Everything is quite simple and easy for those who desire to be transfigured spiritual y. They need only to struggle to be a friend of God and pleasing to Him, and they wil receive experience and understanding of heavenly gifts, an inexpressible blessedness, and a truly great divine wealth.”
Being inexperienced in these more profound spiritual conditions, I should simply work in the beloved desert to uproot my passions. But there is a need to speak of men I have seen and heard, who live on the peaceful mountain sides of the sacred Athonite peninsula, who experience the mysteries of God. They are charismatic monks consumed by heaven, bearing Christ in their hearts and loving God, devotees of quietude, of solitude, thunderous workers of silence, alone but without loneliness, who, in their solitude, remember the loneliness of the whole world. While some in the world suffer involuntarily sleeplessness and other spend their nights without love in strange places, the monks of Mt. Athos keep a voluntary vigil, praying for the health, mercy and salvation of the whole world.
An amazing book by a contemporary hermit, which circulated recently, describes the famous ascetic of Mt. Athos, Hatzi-Georgis, as a faithful friend of quietude in the caves of the desert, an honorable and noble fighter, a great faster who found his rest in vigils, in prayer and in solitude. The desert did not make him wild and harsh like itself. On the contrary it refined and beautified him his reverend biographer writes as follows:
“Hatzi-Georgis had much innocent love for al . He was always peaceful, tolerant and forgiving. He had a great heart and that is why he had room for everything and everyone, just as they were. In a sense he had been rendered incorporeal. Living the angelic life on earth he became an angel and flew to heaven, for he held on to nothing – neither spiritual passions nor material things. He had thrown everything away and, consequently, flew very high.” <