LECTURE 20
OF WHY MANY SUFFER SHOCK AND EMOTIONAL TORTURE UPON HEARING THE NEWS CONCERNING THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE AND OF WHY SOME EVEN DIE IN THE PROCESS.
Many upon hearing that they have a lost a loved one, suffer intense shock and pain wherewith some even collapse and die. Some also upon hearing such news are instigated to harm themselves whilst others too condescend to marring themselves in alcohol and sexual pleasures; all in their bid to overcome their woes.
Not long ago, I heard a story of a woman who out of shock went mad when the death of her only son was whispered into her ears. Oh Poor woman, mother of one!
There are many such incidents happening every day in nobler times as people lose their loved ones. Even Eli’s daughter in law, Phinehas’ wife, upon hearing the tidings that her husband and her father-in-law were dead and that the ark of God was taken away from Israel in their battle against the Philistines, forcefully went into labor (being a pregnant woman), travailed and then died.
Right from the dawn of creation, men have not been ingenious in handling the pain that springs up as a result of painful demises. I must admit that we are barely experts at that. So in most cases, we see physicians and health practitioners very reluctant in disclosing the death of a patient to a relative or a loved one. Their distress mostly emanate from the fact that they do not know how the news or pronouncement would be taken and of course there are many of such episodes in the scriptures
We see in The Scriptures that the servants of David also feared in telling him that his son (the one he bore with Beersheba) was dead. For they said among themselves, “Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spake unto him, and he would not hearken unto our voice: how will he then vex himself, if we tell him that the child is dead?”
But not in too many words, the Prophet from whom came this narrative then tells us again that “when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: and then asked his servants, Is the child dead?” Of which they tremblingly responded, “He is dead”, eagerly expecting to see some strange moodiness in the king. But contrary to their expectations and predictions, the king made himself glad by rising from the earth to anoint and wash himself and also to change his garment. He did also delight himself with a glorious banquet. His servants were just bereft of words and they did wonder at the dealing of the king.
But should we all join the palace guards and maidens in asking the king this question – “What is this thing that you have done, O King (in that you fasted and wept for the child whilst he was alive but now that he is dead, you do rise to eat bread)?”. His answer for us is but a simple one. “Now the child is dead,” he says, “and why should I fast? Can I bring him again? I shall go to him but he shall not return to me.”
The reason for David’s action perhaps was because he foresaw that tragedy coming; in that the prophet Nathan had already declared to him that the boy would die and not live. Yes! He did see it coming.
Oftentimes the blow we see coming are less injurious than the ones that come to us unawares. More so, the blow we take in bits are less harsh than those ones that are delivered at a go.
Having said this, I would like to quickly get into context by saying this - the shocks and griefs that often wrecks our lives following the sudden news concerning the demise of a loved one has to do with three things. The first is that, we always allow such pronouncement to come to us unawares or rather say from behind. The second is that we dispose of our sorrows till the last. And the third is that we do not cleave to our contacts with that consideration which God wills us to have. For the man who has his earthly contacts very close to his heart, is more likely to break forth into impatient murmurs and lamentations should death at any time take them away. But he who only cleave to them with that consideration which God wills us to have, and not with his whole heart, shall see them rent away without losing his sense of calmness.
Let me conclude on this lecture by saying this - for the purpose of moderating pains that proceeds from the death of a dear one, I will advise that we willfully lose our contacts by breaking any unholy attachments to them. This is a lesson we will learn anyway. It is either we learn it willfully or time drags us to it. And indeed God has an ingenious way of detaching us from creatures and contacts, and ultimately from ourselves. If we will not do this ourselves, He will do it for us (sooner or later). Yes it will teach us the hard way but it is only for our good. It is to do us a hundred times more good, than we would know how to desire for ourselves.
WHEN OUR HEADS ARE BOW'D WITH WOE
By Henry Hart Milman
When our heads are bow'd with woe,
When our bitter tears o'erflow;
When we mourn the lost, the dear,
Gracious Son of Mary, hear!
Thou our throbbing flesh hast worn,
Thou our mortal griefs hast borne,
Thou hast shed the human tear:
Gracious Son of Mary, hear!
When the sullen death-bell tolls
For our own departed souls;
When our final doom is near,
Gracious Son of Mary, hear!
Thou hast bow'd the dying head;
Thou the blood of life hast shed;
Thou hast fill'd a mortal bier:
Gracious Son of Mary, hear!
When the heart is sad within
With the thought of all its sin;
When the spirit shrinks with fear,
Gracious Son of Mary, hear!
Thou the shame, the grief hast known,
Though the sins were not Thine own;
Thou hast deign'd their load to bear--
Gracious Son of Mary, hear!