CHRIS VESTER

How did y'all meet and come together?

ILYA GOLDEN

At the time, we had friends who were dating, and my friend asked if I would go to the mall with her. When we got there, the guy she was dating showed up with five other friends and Derrick was one of them. He walked up to me and said, “Wow, I’m going to marry you.” I looked at him and thought, “No way,’ but six months later we were married.

DERRICK GOLDEN

My buddy was playing for the Cowboys, and I came out to watch him play. I had every intention to get into some trouble while I was there. When we got to the mall I was stunned because she had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. It was November and it was freezing, so she had on a hat, peacoat, and boots. To this day, her eyes are my favorite physical feature of hers. When I walked up to her, I was planning on doing the wrong things, but God had another plan.

After I told her I was going to marry her, I walked away, and the other guys tried to take their shot at her. While I was walking away, I was confused and felt the interaction was out of body. I couldn’t believe this was happening and I had just said that. I was taken by her immediately. Then I went back to Miami, and she came to see me in February. I moved to Texas in April, and we were married in September. We don’t recommend people do that, but we also don’t recommend playing around when you know. When you know, you just know, and, man, I knew. At the time she told me my coat was too small and she wasn’t going to marry me, but she did.

ILYA GOLDEN

He stood out because he was the tallest and his jacket was the smallest. He got me because he has a way with words. He can talk about anything and everything. He was so intelligent. He told me I was going to take him to the airport the next day. Who tells someone that when they first meet you? After that point we kept talking and we still have great conversations today.

SUZANNE VESTER

When you two met, what were each of you doing? What was going on in your lives?

DERRICK GOLDEN

I was finishing college and trying to find my way. I was a security guard at Palmetto High School in Miami, Florida and applying to get my teaching certificate. I was planning on going into teaching with my communications degree and teaching speech oratory. I wound up moving to Texas because it was rough in Miami. After leaving college, I was scraping to make it and decided that was not the life I wanted to live. After hurricane Andrew came through, I worked at a tent making company and I quit. Then, I came out to visit.

ILYA GOLDEN

When we met, I was working. I’ve worked consistently since I was 16 years old. I was living with my mom and figuring out who I was and what I was going to do.

DERRICK GOLDEN

I was 24 and she was 22 when we met, and we were in the transitional period of life. We decided to hook up with each other during the transition into matriculating to the type of adulthood where you’re on your own. That transition period can be difficult to maneuver through, especially for non- believers. There’s a level of grace and understanding that’s needed during that period. That’s why God puts wisdom or people in our lives that can help us mature through that period instead of being in the trauma of that period.

Maturing and experiencing trauma happen at the same time. That is why we tell couples after they have been together three or five years to look at their love language again. After they have children, they should look at their love language again. After changing jobs, they should also look at their love language. Things change within us. We think our change happens externally but it’s also our internal personal desires. Those things change as life changes. The transitionary period from being led by someone to leading your own way can be difficult.

SUZANNE VESTER

Derrick, you had a pivotal moment in 2014. Can you share what that looked like? Ilya, what was it like for you coming alongside him?

DERRICK GOLDEN

In 2012 we were in a middle school and the money was being siphoned away. The people were coming, but they were getting weary. We had spent three years there and nothing new was happening. There were no new buildings or facilities in our area. I was new and African American leading an 80% white audience. It was getting tougher, but I didn’t think I was meant to go to Plano, Frisco, or Dallas. I was supposed to stay right here, but it didn’t seem like it was working, and I became depressed.

I was preaching, teaching, counseling, and coaching, but I wasn’t happy. I began to question if this was what I was supposed to do. There was a YMCA across the street from the school. One day we were leaving the school and I thought that the YMCA looked like a church. I didn’t think anything of it. We didn’t know where we fit in the church world while we were searching for happiness and an identity. It’s a whole other world. One guy told me that I was naïve and to stay that way because it’s safe. He was telling me to stay green. We didn’t know what we were doing.

ILYA GOLDEN

That naivety has kept us humble, and people think of us as safe. It’s helped us be transparent. We are people who pursue having clean hands and a pure heart when it comes to leading and loving people.

DERRICK GOLDEN

I'm glad we didn't change. On my drive home from a conference, I was thinking about how amazing the experience was and how I wanted to do that, because at this point, our church had grown inward. There was an inward focus. Most people don’t realize that others can see what is going on inside of them, even if they aren’t saying it. I was presenting it and projecting it, so they turned inward. I couldn’t lead a church that way. I called IV Marsh and we went to a marriage conference, because if you’re going to coach marriages you need to get coaching for your own marriage.

After the conference he told me that he and his finance guy were going to come out here and look at what was going on. He called a week later and suggested we come out there. So, we spent a week with them, changed the name of the church, re-engaged, and reconnected in 2015 in the same building but with a new vision and a new church. In fact, several people came up to me and told me they knew the building was the same and the people were the same, but the church was totally different.

It didn’t become amazing because of us, it’s amazing because He is. I had another transitional moment that I call ministry maturity. You can start ministry any kind of way, but you’re going to mature into your position. How you mature will be dependent on how humble you are to receive correction, alignment, adjustments, or whatever is necessary for you to settle in God. If this is what He calls me to do, then I’m going to do it because I’m not here for me, I’m here to please Him in this assignment.

ILYA GOLDEN

He asked me to walk alongside him. I knew there was something going on, but I didn’t know how to speak to it. I only knew how to pray for him. When we met the Marshes and went to visit them, I sat on Pastor Bennett’s bathroom floor and asked, “How do I do this? How do I support him? How do I love him the way he needs to be loved? How do I help him in leading this?” I was experiencing trauma as a Pastor’s wife.

DERRICK GOLDEN

As my wife, you were re-experiencing something I previously had experienced.

ILYA GOLDEN

I experienced all these different emotions. I was insecure before I found my identity and learned how to assist him in leading. People wanted me to do women’s ministry and I didn’t know how to do that. There were so many things I was trying to walk through by myself emotionally. When we got back to Dallas with the new name and vision, I thought “This is cool.” I didn’t care what anyone thought about it. This is what God had given us, and we had a new name for the church and a new vision. We restored hope and loved people. That was what we should have been doing all along. That’s who we are. Ever since that moment, our motto for our marriage has been, “Whatever it takes.”

DERRICK GOLDEN

Our family motto is, “Goldens never quit.” We've been through so many things, and we never quit. We went through adulterous affairs. The pain of my immaturity in that transitional period lasted until I was about 28. The first three years of our marriage we were wild. In the first year we didn’t have adultery, but we did scream at each other. The fights continued for the first 12 years of our marriage until the Lord told me if I kept speaking to her that way, I was going to lose her. All of heaven knew I didn’t want to lose her, so I had to change. We went through all of that and then walked into ministry.

As soon as you go into ministry, you're trying to give it everything you have, and all the triggers go off in your chest, your head, and your heart. Boom, boom, boom, boom. I wanted our Pastor at the time to be my father in faith, but we both grew up without a father, so there was hurt there and distance between us. Finding my identity was going to be difficult. If you're pioneering a ministry, as opposed to planting one, the first three to five years are about developing your identity and DNA. We had a lot of people come to us who were broken and hurt at their other place of worship.

We were trying to heal them while we were still trying to develop identity and DNA. If you don't have a solid vision, you'll take on their vision. If you don't have solid standard operating procedures, you'll take on the procedure they didn't like and wanted to implement somewhere else. None of that happened. By resisting all that, it took a toll on us. God has given us the grace and the mercy of God through the triggers, the trauma, and the transition. Through that, he kept us in His grace and His grace gave us great comfort.

CHRIS VESTER

Being a Pastor’s wife is way different than being a wife. I loved when you identified the church as restoring hope and loving people.

SUZANNE VESTER

That's a big component missing in many people's lives. They don’t know where to find hope. They're searching all the worldly areas and their cups are empty. When you truly love on someone like Christ loves on people, their cup overflows, outpouring what you've been granted and gifted as extra. The word love is a verb. You must put boots on the ground for love. It’s a choice and you must decide to love.

ILYA GOLDEN

When you look at the Scripture and see how love is defined, it says that love is patient, it's kind, and it's all these different things, and all those things require something of you. People want to be seen, they want to be heard, and they want to know you care about them. Anyone who has experienced something hard or traumatic didn’t ask for that experience. They didn’t want it and usually don’t know how to get out of it.

If you take somebody who is willing to listen and you’re willing to see past their flaws and love on them, encourage them, and let them know that you understand them, they will be responsive to that. People want that. I experienced so much rejection growing up and re-experienced it later in life, and we don’t want people to feel that way. One of my husband’s strengths is being able to include everyone. His number is one on a strength binder’s test. He wanted to be an activator, but he’s an includer. People want to be included in the Body of Christ in God’s Kingdom. It’s all about inclusion, not exclusion.

DERRICK GOLDEN

There is an explanation in the book of Ephesians, especially in chapters one through four. Paul tells the mystery of why God sent Jesus. When He sent Christ, He sent Him to gather us together. When it says in Corinthians, “Now that you have been given the ministry of reconciliation, bring others together,” it is arguing the body of Christ needs hope. Many people are going out into the world to look for answers that we wanted from the church. It’s a desire they wanted from the church, but the answers weren’t there. The dispensations are different. The church must be aware now that we know more. It’s not a demon, it’s ADHD.

I don't understand the protocol. We know it’s not about what I wear but who I am on the inside. Since we now have this new information, we've got to respond better than we did before. The first thing we must do is infuse hope in the heart of a person, so they can believe. They must belong before they believe. The only way they're going to want to belong is if they know there's a source of hope where they can move into faith to believe and enjoy the full life that Christ came for. Life stands for “Living In Freedom Everyday.” By loving them to life, I'm going to restore hope. I'm going to give them all the love and the encouragement they need, but we’re going to hold their feet to the fire, not so their feet can burn, but so they can be purified. That requires us to walk alongside them.

Most people don't want to do what we do because it's dirty and long. Discipling is dirty and long. You're not going to get it done on Sunday morning. You’re going to do this every day. Most Pastors don’t want to do that. We aren’t better than anyone, we are just different than most. We want to make sure when we get to heaven, we get the will done.

SUZANNE VESTER

If you don’t meet people where they are, then you’re not serving them well. If you can show them your raw imperfections and make yourself transparent, you show them you are imperfect. You can show them how you’re missing the mark in every way, every day. That's okay, God doesn't expect perfection. He wants my obedience. He wants me to get into it. If I fall short in that, I need to fail and fall forward so my progression doesn't stop. We all sin, we all fail. That doesn't mean you're back in the ditch.

DERRICK GOLDEN

He wants our obedience. We say it's not perfection, but progression. Let's keep taking steps moving forward. Failing is not bad. Failing is fun because you understand the failure causes growth. James tells us that all this is going to build your character. If you're not failing, you're not getting stronger. You must fail to get stronger, so long as that failing is not detrimental. It becomes detrimental when you quit. The Scripture tells us, once we get a hang of this now unto Him, that will keep us from falling. You may fail, but you won't fall.

CHRIS VESTER

Tell me a little bit about the marriage counseling and coaching you do.

DERRICK GOLDEN

We're launching our company. Golden Works is something we've had for a very long time, but life came along, and we put it on the back burner. In my ministry, I never do anything for money, and I never take pictures of community outreach. My friend IV told me that it wasn’t about me, it was about telling people what the King did for them.

I never liked the kid with the fliers that asked for $15 a week. I had a stringent rule that wouldn’t be the case. Then we never charged people for coaching, counseling, or sending to help. We always had Golden Works and that was our intent before pastoring. We decided we were going to launch the company and it would provide products for Kingdom people so they can see differently. Golden means having a divine perspective. Ilya discovered that.

At the conference I taught a class for men about overcoming insecurity and the symptoms that come with it. Somebody knew insecurity well, so I said that’s a yearlong class that I’m going to try to teach in 45 minutes. A lot of guys asked me when I was launching my program and then on Sunday night, they were asking me to tell them about Golden Works. I was introducing what I was getting ready to do. The impact of the lesson pushed us, and we were moving a bit more briskly than intended. We were going to launch it on our 28^th anniversary, but now we’re trying to move as quickly as we can.

ILYA GOLDEN

Golden Works provides different classes such as how to overcome insecurity and marriage prep for people who want to get married. They don’t have to be engaged or in a relationship. It helps set people up for success. I love the marriage prep. God gave us something to share and help equip people in their marriage. We help them stay married and sharpen their roles as a husband or a wife. I always pump my husband up. I say everyone needs a Derrick Golden in their life because he has a way of helping people see the best in themselves.

CHRIS VESTER

If you want to get married eventually, you should become the husband or wife you want to be now. Then, when God puts that person in your space, you’re prepared for them.

DERRICK GOLDEN

God sends the help. Sometimes they help us become what we need to be. They help us. If you're going to get a wife, the first requirement is to see if she can pray. Let her say grace and see what kind of relationship she has with God because you’re going to need prayer and you need to know she has the grace to pray.

ILYA GOLDEN

You need her to come to the table, Father and Jesus, man.