Building a Relationship
Through each or our daily interactions, we learn that what we say does not have as much of an effect on people we do not know or people who do not know us. Is it not true that a brother has the ability to anger us more than a stranger has the ability to do the same? Is it not true that those closer to us, in relation, have a greater ability to both infuriate and comfort us? It should be obvious to us that a greater impact is made through relationships. Considering this, discipleship should always be placed on the foundation of a good relationship because that is where it will have the greatest impact. This does not mean that we only disciple those people whom we already know or that already know us. It means we take responsibility and build new and thriving relationships. Yes, this means that sometimes we may have to get our hands dirty and actually serve. It also means that we may have to visit places that are despised by the Christian community, as long as we do not compromise the fellowship of our God.
I remember, as a started in ministry at South Lindsay Baptist Church in Oklahoma City, talking with the students during the regularly planned youth service. They did not know me at first and it seemed like everything I tried to teach meant nothing to them. In fact, while I was teaching almost every student in the room was talking or using their cell phone. As I got to know the students more and more; as I spent time living life along side them, I noticed that they began to pay much more attention as I taught and began to respect the rules that I had put in place. On occasion, as my wife and I (we were not married at the time) would be the only adults helping with the youth service, because of limited help, students actually began to keep their friends engaged in worship and in the teaching. I saw such a tremendous change in how those students engaged with the church service and applied the scripture that I taught because I took the time to build a relationship with them. This was only possible, however, by the working of the Holy Spirit.
After this he went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth. And he said to him, “Follow me.” And leaving everything, he rose and followed him. And Levi made him a great feast in his house, and there was a large company of tax collectors and others reclining at the table with them. And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”
Luke 5:27-32 ESV
After Levi, or Matthew1, began following Jesus, he prepared a feast for Christ and invited all of his own friends so that they could meet Jesus. Jesus and his disciples willingly sat down and ate with all of the friends Levi invited; which were probably not liked very much within the Jewish community because they were associated with a tax collector. They were all reclining at the table together eating and drinking. Jesus and his disciples were building relationships with Levi’s friends. We do not know what the conversation might have included. All we do know is that the religious community did not like what they saw. Jesus was at a party while the religious group tended rigorously and faithfully to the rules that they were to keep as God’s people.
Does this scenario sound even slightly familiar? I listened as a very mature brother in the faith gave his testimony one evening. “I have never had a drink of alcohol,” he said proudly insisting that he did not share his story to boast, “I have not been to a party since I became a Christian. I have never been to a bar. I don’t cuss. There are just places that Christians don’t need to be.” Sadly, this is the attitude of most serious Christians today. I am certain that if Jesus lived today and ministered around one of our churches, most congregations would be abhorred by His behavior. Why? Jesus would be here to build relationship with people not associated with the Christian subculture that human beings have instituted and glorified. In order to build relationships with people, so that discipleship actually does the work that God intended, we must remove ourselves from the Christian subculture that we have created and meet new people where they are. Now, I am not sure that visiting a bar and getting to know someone who is completely obliterated would successfully advance the kingdom of our God, especially when he or she wakes up the next morning with no memory of that encounter. Perhaps, though, in visiting places where Christians would normally refuse to even mention, we would meet someone and be able to build a relationship with them and lead them to our savior, Jesus Christ. We simply cannot return a lost world to Christ if we are not willing to step into that world, but even when we step into that world we should stand out from the world so as not to compromise the faith that we have been entrusted with.
Furthermore, we notice the attitude of the religious community of Jesus’ day, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”2 They looked at society outside of the Jewish subculture with angst and ignored every philosophy and action that did not find its roots in the Jewish subculture. When a member of the Jewish community was present within such atrocities, as Jesus was in this story, they treated those Jews as heathens.
How many times do we also, when dealing with other believers, have such an attitude with which we protest any music that does not have a Christian label; with which we protest any consumption of alcohol; with which we declare the urge to dance as an evil desire or with which we view all those who visit casinos as sinners. How can we be this way when the very Christ who saved us from death and who commands that we obey everything He taught3, explicitly and implicitly, went to a party with tax collectors, associated with and lifted up Samaritans4 and was classified as both a gluten and a drunkard5 by the Jewish subculture. I am so convinced that the Christian subculture is debilitating the body of Christ from serving God on this earth. Christian music is a prime example. It is separated, with a Christian label, from all other music. It is played almost entirely on Christian radio stations, and because of these things it is only able to reach a limited audience that is primarily Christian. We have grown content with only making disciples within the Christian nation when we are to make disciples of all nations. Considering this. Considering the fact that we need to be present in the sinful world, we must ask ourselves a question concerning the Christian life. Does being present within the world apart from God, as we should be, justify the sin in our lives?
Consider the example that Jesus set as He was partying in the midst of a sinful humanity and as He answered the accusation of the religious community, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”6 Even though Jesus was in the midst of a sinful humanity, and even though He was building a relationship with sinful humanity, Jesus Himself did not sin, even as He disregarded the Jewish subculture and affiliated with tax collectors and sinners. In the same way, we can step outside of our Christian subculture without compromising God’s conviction in our lives. For though we are in the world, we are to stand out from the world. If, after we give our lives to Christ, He leaves us in this world, should we not then live in this world as a member of God’s family instead of separating ourselves completely?
The common response to such a challenge is this, “What about my image or my witness? Won’t it be ruined if it even looks like I am seen around these types of things?” This is what I struggle with the most when dealing with this concept, mainly because my position in ministry depends on my maintaining a good witness. Here is the dilemma, though. Is it possible for us to have a good witness if we fail to witness to others about what God has done for us? If we stay within the Christian subculture, do we not render ourselves incapable of truly witnessing to someone who may not know? If so, then confining ourselves to the Christian subculture is what ruins our witness. Stepping into a world that does not know Christ and interacting with it actually enhances our witness because we actually do stand out and receive an opportunity witness in the name of Jesus Christ.
What if religious people then see us as glutens and drunkards? What if our religious image is ruined? I pray that we remember by whom we were created and in whose image. For, we are to portray the image of Christ to all of creation. Our image, essentially, amounts to nothing but dust. Plus, just as the Pharisees mocked Jesus, only those who are self-righteous will mock us when we choose to reach out to a lost and dying world: when we choose to step outside of the Christian subculture and build relationships that will shake the very foundation of this world.
Concerning the self-righteous, Christ’s words are clear, “I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”7 I only hope that the self-righteous within our churches, and outside of our churches, realize that everyone is a sinner and therefore called to repentance. When they realize this, they will no longer be holy on their own terms, but will look for holiness that only comes from God through Jesus Christ. Perhaps it is possible to even see more people inside the Christian subculture receive eternal life because we choose to step beyond that religious mask and live authentically. Yes, those actions would indeed attest to the irrationality of acting in a way to attain or maintain one’s own righteousness. It is, and has always been by God’s power and authority alone that we can be right in any respect.
We must commit to building relationships. It is not just the responsibility of the laity; it is the responsibility of all God’s people. We must step beyond the Christian subculture that has so trapped us in a way that renders each of us incapable of building relationships with sinners who do not have Christ. We must step beyond the Christian subculture that has so prevented us from carrying out the work of Jesus Christ on this earth in the fullest capacity. Building a rapport with sinful people gives us an unmatchable platform to share Christ love with sinners. How can we think to do any different? It is not that any Christian purposefully ignores the unchurched. It happens almost naturally. We must consciously work to build relationships with people outside of our Christian subculture.