Field Information
When preparing for a safari we must eventually get started. Procrastination is the enemy. Do not listen to its reasons: “It’s dangerous!” “It’s expensive?” “Everyone says it can’t be done!” Such fears and more buzz around the novice observer’s head before the first field trip. Apply procrastination to the perceived problems and decide to answer them tomorrow, while leaving for the field today.
Any God worthy of his divinity can see us, but why would he want to observe us? Besides, God already knows everything. Could God want to meet us? I am sure he does! Who would not want to meet us? Well, me at least. No, I am joking, God wants to meet you, too. As Dr Lee said, this means our quest has a guaranteed possibility of success. Guaranteed because God guarantees it.
What are you going to do when you meet God? How does one approach God? There is a correct etiquette to use. This is not surprising. Before meeting a king or queen, you need to learn how to speak to them, bow, speak only when spoken to, be on best behaviour, and wear your best clothes. When meeting God, things are different. God is dazzling. They do not call God “light” for nothing. Even the darkest welding goggles will not shield your eyes if God does not dim the brightness a few notches.
When meeting with God, the key word is humility. God is not impressed with the pretensions of his creatures. He can unmake them in an instant. Humility is not a matter-of-course human trait. It takes practice, and I advise the novice God observer to start practising straight away. If this takes onlookers by surprise, just explain you are practising for a get together with God.
What will you discuss with God? Consider this beforehand. Remember God commands a higher level of respect than the university Chancellor. God holds your existence in the palms of his metaphorical hands and a loose remark could be disastrous. My intended conversation has arisen from my study of my family’s history. I have noted the number of relatives who have gone before and in due course, a future generation will list mine as gone before. So, for my part when talking to God, I will broach the possibility of surviving the death ordeal, but you might talk sport or swap recipes. It is entirely up to you.
At an early stage in my research for this book, I had the good fortune of meeting Dr Christine Divebottom in one of the university cafeterias. In making polite conversation over a plate of pie and chips, I introduced myself and asked her what she taught. Dr Divebottom, a tall slender woman, who had seen taller days, said she taught Strategic Analysis. Still unclear, I asked her faculty. She informed me Strategic Analysis is a subject in the Faculty of Arts that applies critical reasoning to humanities planning. I discovered that her PhD thesis was on the human interface of crotchet patterns. Seeing the vacant look on my face, she added that she did not know the university had a Field Studies Dept. We both agreed there are many obscure fields of study these days. I asked her if she had any advice for a strategy to use in God observation.
“I suppose you could treat it in the same way as problem solving. There are four alternative approaches,” Dr Divebottom advised.
“Are there? What are the four?” I asked.
“Let me think. With bird watching where the goal is B, and the observer O.”
“B is the bird we are seeking?” I queried.
“That’s right. The four alternatives would be:”
“1. O missed seeing B.”
“2. O avoids seeing B.”
“3. O sees another bird thinking it is B.”
“4. O observes B.”
I recorded these points in my ever-present field notebook. “Let me check if I am following you.”
“Number 1 are those people who walk through the bush and don’t see or hear a single bird. Meanwhile, the avid birder is furiously making notes and taking photos.”
“That’s right Albert,” Divebottom approved.
“Number 2 reminds me of those timid people who have seen Alfred Hitchcock's ‘The Birds’ too many times and run away on seeing a B flock. Meanwhile, bird lovers delighted to be surrounded by birds, inspect them for tell-tale signs of identification.”
“That’s true of a few, Albert, but most in this category are not interested bird watching. Either way, they are declining your invitation,” added Divebottom.
“Aha,” I mumbled while scribbling Divebottom’s comment in my notebook. “As for Number 3, I was once bird watching in the bush, when I heard the calls of many birds from a group of trees nearby. When I drew closer, I found a single lyrebird that was mimicking every other bird that lived in the neighbourhood. Sometimes things are not as they sound.”
“Counterfeits,” Divebottom confirmed between bites of her sandwich.
“So number 4 is where, after painstaking research into the various species that frequent a locality and hours of searching and waiting, the observer is exhilarated to find the quarry.
Sweet success, accompanied by much bragging back at the clubhouse.”
“Something like swapping fishing stories,” added Divebottom.
“But how does this apply to God spotting?” I wondered out loud.
“You can follow the same procedure for finding God.”
“How do you know? Have you been God spotting yourself Christine?”
“Yes I have.”
This revelation threw me for a moment. Christine had gone ahead of me on my quest! She might know what she is talking about. I resolved to take more notes as she listed the alternatives.
“There are four possible approaches a prospective observer O can make towards God G. These are:”
“1. O missed seeing G.”
“2. O avoids seeing G.”
“3. O observes a counterfeit G.”
“4. O observes G.”
“So a strategy you could use is to rule out each of the alternatives until you find G.”
I thanked Christine for her suggestion and we departed for our offices. Since I had no other strategy, I decided to follow what I came to call the Divebottom Strategy.
The Divebottom Strategy may sound academic and cumbersome to the impatient observer wanting to go straight to alternative 4, but I decided to enjoy the full God Observation Tour. We will survey the blind alleys of God observation, the missed turn offs, long treks towards dead ends and useless detours along the way. This will place novice observers on a firm footing for the final phase of our quest and keep their decorum intact. Every explorer at the Observers’ Club laughs at his or her mistakes, but secretly wishes someone had warned them before they made them. I often see observers at the clubhouse nodding and sighing as they admit to making similar mistakes.
When we near the end of our search, we will face one last hurdle (every good mystery book has one of these). Then we are ready for the first sighting followed by drinks at the club. I urge the observer to enjoy the search itself.