On the 1st of September 2014, after that eventful realization in the flight, it seemed that I was no more RVM. I was the Atman in RVM. I no longer identified myself with the body because on the flight the day before, I realized that I was not this physical body. I was the Atman – the Spirit, the Soul. I realized this truth beyond any doubt!
The purpose of my life was no more to make a difference. That could continue to be the purpose of the RVM Foundation and the 300 people who worked in it because the foundation was doing great work. But on realizing the truth, I just couldn’t continue doing what I was doing. I realized that I was not RVM. I did nothing. God did everything!
A caterpillar becomes a pupae and then metamorphosizes into a butterfly. I just realized that Ravi V. Melwani had transformed to RVM. And now this was a metamorphosis. RVM became AiR (Atman in RVM) and was flying like a butterfly. I was absolutely clear: I am not RVM, but I am the “Atman in RVM”.
I understood that to continue living as the Soul or the Atman, I have to stop being RVM. I couldn’t be both: one was the body–mind–intellect and the other was the Soul – both couldn’t coexist. The caterpillar had to die for the butterfly to be born. RVM had to die for the Atman in RVM to be born. As long I was RVM, I could never be the Soul because RVM had an ego, an identity, a mind, thoughts, and cravings that would envelope the Atman in the illusion of this world.
So what did I do? On the 1st of September 2014, I announced, “I am not RVM”. I said that I would not sign anything anymore, no cheques or documents. I authorized two senior members to sign anything on my behalf and created a Power of Attorney for legal representations. Thus, I started my journey as the Atman. It was no simple task. After realizing that I was not the body, the mind, and the intellect, to still live in the environment of RVM was very challenging!
One thing was clear though – that while I was the Atman, I was still the Atman in RVM. The Atman had to exist in the same body. It could not exist or manifest itself without the human form. God has created in such a way that even realized souls must continue to live in the human form until death.
RVM was the CEO and the managing trustee of the RVM Foundation. We run a free charitable hospital, free charitable homes, the RVM School of Inspiration, the Shiva Temple, and the Kemp Fort Mall. Over 300 people are employed in our organization, and RVM heads the organization. It now meant delegation. I could not just abdicate, dump everything, and walk away. It would negatively impact the 700 destitute residents in our humanitarian institutions and the 300 families that depended on us. But the process had started.
By now, I had already started my life of renunciation. Once, I used to crave for a masala dosa, a south Indian delicacy, and many other foods. I had already given up these on starting the journey. But now, I decided to give up further. Since I was not the body–mind, I decided to give up all cravings and all desires of the body and mind, be it wealth, women, wine, or anything else for that matter. This was quite challenging and not as easy as it sounds because while I had realized the truth that I was the Soul, the Atman, I was still in the physical form. I was still under the control of my mind that was wandering and my senses that were craving, and there was a tug of war between the two. I planned to give up wearing colorful clothes, personally handling cash, and even wanted to stop using the mobile phone, though at this stage it seemed impossible. But my resolve to renounce was absolute. I knew that true happiness doesn’t come from all of these. It came from being in yoga – Union with God, surrendering to God’s will and being his instrument, doing his work. I did realize though that Liberation meant freedom in action, not freedom from action.
I started waking up before 5:00 am every morning, spending a few hours at dawn in silence, just communicating with God. Messages came, as if from nowhere, guiding my way forward. Since I had stopped doing all the RVM-related work, I was free to do the work of the Soul.
However, I still found it difficult to be the Soul. I used to come to RVM’s office every morning, sit on RVM’s chair, and everybody used to call me RVM. So though I knew that I was not RVM, everybody called me RVM, and this was a dichotomy. I decided to move from the RVM office into a new office that I envisaged as Nirvana, an office that could help me live a life of self- realization.
As I attempted to be the Soul, RVM coexisted. The world knew me as RVM. My family and my friends weren’t aware of the second transformation, the metamorphosis that was happening in me. Therefore, there was a constant tug of war between RVM and the Soul in RVM, each one pulling in opposite directions. I was clear. Till September 2014, I had never believed that my life would experience another change in name and identity. It was crazy for me to imagine a second transformation. But the metamorphosis had taken place. I was no more the Ravi V. Melwani caterpillar nor the RVM pupa; I was a butterfly in flight as the immortal Soul. How could I ever go back to being RVM?
Suddenly, my devotion for God, which was already so strong, evolved to deeper love and longing for the Divine Master. I felt like a thirsty wave that was seeking the ocean.
What am I without thee?
I am not, alone thou art.
I am nothing, you are everything.
These thoughts played in my mind as I started living as the Atman.
Several days passed, and I found that my intellect had come alive. Every time I was confronted with a situation, I had to make a choice to do it the RVM way or the way of the Atman, the Soul. Since I was the Atman, I stopped doing everything that RVM would do, though there were few things that I was forced to continue doing as I was pulled by the body and mind. My intellect seemed to be now under the command of my soul and not my ego, which was its previous master.
As the weeks went by in the life of the Soul, I had to control the mind. If it wandered, I gently brought it back. I had to control my senses by the simple realization that I am not the body. Most cravings had already dropped, but if any desires surfaced, they were transcended and sublimated by the Atman. I started living very differently because I knew that nothing matters. Everything is an illusion. Therefore, I lived with forbearance, reacting positively at all times, and with the acceptance of God’s will and endurance when anything unpleasant happened, knowing that this was just one episode in the drama of life and it would soon pass.
My faith reached a new peak as I started living in total surrender. I considered myself to be an inert flute; God played his beautiful music through me. I realized that I was doing nothing, and He was doing everything through this body.
My life was very focused and single-pointed. As I spent hours in silence and in meditation, I was able to live with peace and bliss I had never experienced before.
I wondered if my life would become mundane or boring without much action. But as I surrendered to God, he directed me to act. One such direction was to help people realize God. So I started writing my experiences of this realization so that I could share it with others. I was still busy writing bhajans or devotional songs, singing, meditating, and following God’s will.
The hours spent in silence were amazing! I could never do it before. I always felt that it was a waste of time. But now, it was such a blissful experience. It felt like I was romancing with God, enjoying the breeze and the swaying of the trees. I started experiencing the fourth state of consciousness, the true self, as I watched my body not as ‘me’, but rather as a vehicle I was using for this journey of realization.
I stopped searching for books to read because I felt that all these were no more a priority. However, books would land on my table as if sent by God, and I would read them. I still continued to watch videos on the Internet and hear talks, but it seemed that these came my way more as a refresher. It was no more my search for knowledge. That was over! I knew that I was on a path of liberation. My objective now was to realize God, nothing else. I would ponder for hours on the God inside my heart and the God outside and how absolutely amazing the Omnipresent Creator is.
As I kept living as the Atman, the biggest challenge was to stop the clutter that was thrown at me. I still lived in a body that had a mind and senses. This was very challenging. People would approach me for silly reasons and disturb me as if I was RVM. I had to make a formal announcement that I was not RVM and that the RVM Foundation would be managed by the RVM board of trustees and that nobody should disturb me.
I met my Guru several times and shared my journey with him as it unfolded. A few months earlier, he had warned me that the knowledge of realization is not realization. But now, even he could see the transformation in me. He still warned me that I would be attacked by the world, desires, cravings, and expectations. He said that a realized soul is not excused from the onslaught of these enemies and we must be ever aware of who we are. He was correct as I experienced the attacks by the body and mind on the Soul. The only way to live this life of realization is to live like a tortoise that has its limbs outside its shell but as soon as it sees the enemy approach, it would shrink inside its shell to protect itself. And so, like the tortoise, I had to use my intellect and withdraw whenever there were distractions and attractions that attacked me in my day-to-day life.
I even asked my Mentor whether it was time for me to renounce the world and go into the mountains. He smiled me and told that I was meant to live as Raja Janak. Janak was known to be a realized soul, but he was also a king. Although he lived in a palace, he knew that nothing belonged to him. He lived a life of renunciation and detachment. Even though it appeared that he was in a lake that was filthy and dirty, he lived as a beautiful lotus above the waters. He was like a boat on the river of life, never going below the surface. His boat always traveled on the water, heading towards the destination of Liberation. I too started living the Raja Janak way. God had blessed me with so many skills, and I believed that it was God’s will that I continue to do the good work that I had started. Going into the mountains was not the way; I could realize God here as much as I could in the mountains.
I introspected further. Why do monks renounce the world? Is it because they are unable to control the mind and senses while living in the world? So many give up everything and try to live in solitude. Some are fortunate to spend time in yoga, connecting with God, but some live a frustrated life, up in the mountains or in the forest.
I then went on to realize something very important.
We are all born with a personality. There are many things of this life we don’t choose, and seem predestined. We don’t choose our gender – male/female, the date of our birth, the place of our birth, or our birth. These are purely God’s will and result of our past karmas. We are born, and we grow up. Our physical body, mind, <